I was into "attachment parenting" when my kids were babies, and I was very lax about allowing babies in our bed. My youngest is now four and still climbing into our bed at night. She kicks us and fidgets most of the night, and I get up 3-4 times per night to place her back in her bed.
I have a 13 year old and an 11 year old who sleep downstairs, and our 4 year old has a room downstairs as well. But she hasn't made it through the night downstairs, so there is also a bed in our bedroom upstairs that she sleeps in sometimes. She is very close to her two older sisters, so I thought if she did sleep dowstairs she'd feel comfortable that they were in bedrooms close to her.
Its probably a lost cause until she's 8 or 9 and feels like separating more. She's really not a good sleeper either; she doesn't seem to require a lot of sleep, because she doesn't get that much but still is a happy, calm child during the day.
if you have any tips let me know :)
My daughter is 4, has never slept in my room and wakes up and comes in every night several times a night. This just started in the last few months
I wonder if it is an age thing
Don't worry that it was caused by attachment parenting. My 4.5 year old co-slept for only a couple months, transferred nicely to a crib until 29 mos. and the trouble began with the big girl bed. She now has a small bed in our room which did the trick for a while but lately she STILL crawls into our bed and I find myself getting up to put her back in her little bed, as opposed to back in her room. Anyway, no tips but you are not alone. We are waiting for her to grow out of it too.
Hello Rachael, I am the mother of 5 and didn't mind if the children slept withus but it finally was time for our privacy. We had some funny experiances that I will share so you can see there are lots of ways it can be done.
1. when flipping rooms around andI went off to do an errand next door, I came back to find that my 7 and 5 year olds had moved thier bedroom things into the mater bedroom and had put the baby's crib in there so everyone was in the same room. They were all much happier and loved to talk and tell each other stories at night after the lights were out.
2 Whe the 5 year old decided he was going to teach the 2 year old to get out of the crib safely since he was doing it on his own. We discovered that each night that he wasn't in bed with us he was curled up with his big brother.
3. We had a party with all the trimmings and explained that everyone had grown up enough to stay in thier beds. We had a pile of quilts in a cornor and they would make nests like big bird near the bed but stayed out of the bed .
4. I have to share the day that our teen age daughter came home with some of her friends and ofcourse there was drama from a boy involved... they knocked o the door andthey ALL came into the bedroom got a quilt and sat on the bed to talk about it with my husband and to get his sage advice. Since we had learned years ago to wear pj's it wasn't a problem and we had known these girls since about age 3. That is when we decided that we hadn't a problem with communication as much as a problem of privacy!
Just a few thoughts to share to make you laugh and to see that you can do it and yes you have let the child have control but you have the ability to take it back and still have a great relationship.
As for the sleeping part--- we have one that never would rest well at night I am a day sleepr myself so I understood. We learned to turn off the TV an hour before bedtime, We played music , read one chapter of a book each day -- even my teens liked this and got through Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Louis L'Moure' westerns, and all the great childrens stories esp Huck Finn, then we kept music on and a fan for light noise and she started doing better and our son with ADD made a drastic change as well and was better focused.
Hope any of this will help.
My child is 6 and is just starting to separate and think about going back to his own bed...we've tried periodically, but he always ended up back in my bed. Interestingly, when he is at his father's house, he sleeps in his own bed...but has mentioned how sad and lonely he is about it. I personally don't think cosleeping is a problem. They natrually begin to separate and move to their own beds. Even my son's pediatrician said it should be fine as long as everyone is gettin ga good night sleep. It sounds like that may not be happening for you though. If cosleeping is really interferring with you all having a good night's sleep, then talk to your pediatrician for some resources if you don't find viable answers here.
Let her choose which of her beds she would like to sleep in. when she wants to sleep in your bed tell her she can for a few minutes (5- 15)only then she will have to return to her own bed. If she throws a fit about the limited time in your bed she will have to sleep downstairs and not be allowed in your room for a couple days. She is old enough to have these new rules explained to her and to learn to work with them. Allowing her to join you for a little bit sets up a win- win situation. You still love her and enjoy cuddling, but you need your bed back to get a good night's sleep so you aren't a cranky momma.
We have a great new organic ice cream shop in town and we made ip a sticker chart for our 4-yo. It had great success at first and wore off a little partly b/c if our lack of consistency. We got overconfident b/c he was sleeping all night every night for a few weeks. Now we are back to about 50% which is still better than it was. It's nice to have sn incentive to discuss so when we really want him to stay in his bed if he gas a big day snd needs good rest we explain it with the adult reasons of taking care of his body or letting us get good rest and we also remind him that he will get to work toward his ice cream cone. I do let him know that for the most part it is his choice if he really feels like he needs to be near us. But I also let him know when he is impeding my rest.
My girls needed me to read and "be present" for them to stay in their beds.
If you are in a bad cycle, then start with them very tired, read a book and sit awhile. ( even 10 minutes. you and rest, think or even sew or write a letter) Start new patterns, early bath, new Pj's reward good behavior...
It will happen...
Maybe you could do a reward chart giving her a start/sticker for every night that she stays in her own bed the whole night then at the end of the week, she gets a small reward of some kind. Make a big deal out of every night that she stays in her bed....lavish her w/praise & tell her what a big girl she is & how proud you are of her. And for every time that she comes in your room, take her straight back to her bedroom. Don't let her in your bed for 'just a few minutes' & when she does come in, tell her she has to sleep in her own bedroom. If you really want her in her own space, then the key is to be consistent & follow the same routine about it every night. Don't give in at all, even if she's sick. Best of luck!
We didn't do attachment parenting, but after we moved to a new home, our 5 year old wouldn't stay in her room, she ended up with us every night and it was like sleeping with a tornado. After she turned 6, we began taking her back to her room every night 2-3 times, it was exhausting. Finally, one day she asked to go to our local yogurt shop, and the idea struck me, I told her if she stayed in her own room ALL night she'd get a star, once she got to 7 stars we would go to the yogurt shop and she could get toppings. It took about 10 nights, really, because she came in a couple nights and I'd remind her about her star, but she did it and we got to go get her reward. Now, she comes in probably 2 nights a week and we just take her back, but it is so improved and we're all sleeping better. I don't know if it will help as yours is 4, but I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.
Take care!
You may have to get firm with her. At some point it is important for the health of a marriage to get the marriage bed back, and with her being over four that time is over due. You may have to put up a gate on the stars or lock your door for a while.
Close your door, and lock it if necessary. She may cry, pound on the door, and sleep by it for awhile. You taught her to sleep with you, so it will take some time to unteach her. She's old enough to just say, this is how it's going to be from now on. Just don't give in once you lay down the new rules.
We have a small pad under out bed. If our daughter wakes up in the night and doesn't want to be alone, we pull out the pad, toss on a blanket and she sleeps there. It has worked extremely well for us to get her out of our bed without a big deal. Good luck.
In reading your question, I'm wondering what you're concerned about with her being in your bed.
If you think she is "old enough" to sleep in her own room, and that it is inappropriate for her to be in your bedroom, then some of the suggestions here about being firm, implementing a reward system, or changing patterns will work. Stick to your guns, and be prepared for several nights of little sleep.
If you are bothered by her kicking and fidgeting, and getting up during the night to put her back in her own bed, that's a different issue.
Our son slept in his own bed from infancy; our daughter consistently came in to our bed. She clearly needed that extra "attention", so we hated to tell her not to come in, but at the point that she was sleeping across the bed while my husband and I clung to the edge of the bed, something had to be done. We put an old bedspread down on the floor for her, and told her she was welcome to come in to our bedroom during the night, but that we all needed to sleep, and that the bedspread was her bed. She was perfectly happy with this. She was probably four or five when we put the bedspread down, and she continued to come in to our room for another two years or so. Your daughter may not be coming in for as much longer as you think!
We all slept much better, and she had the reassurance that we loved her enough to work out a solution that worked for all of us. (and I'm not implying that people who worked out other solutions don't love their children. Each child and each situation is different. This worked well for us, and may work well for the poster)
