4 Year Old Grandson-asked Him If He Needed to Go Potty?

4 year olds can have interesting responses to questions. Do not spend time trying to read more into his response. It may not be what she said at all, just a young child’s interpretation. Simply take it as he did not want or need to use the potty

ETA: just read your SWH. There's your answer. She's protective. Maybe overly so. I have a cousin who makes your grandchild's mom look like a freewheeling parent. It's not an insult to you. It's how she thinks. You have two choices: Try to change her and make her angry/defensive, or just roll with it to enjoy time with him. I vote for the second.

Original: I'm not sure what he meant. Did he mean you don't know how to potty train (if he's not reliable yet)? Did he mean you don't know how to go to the potty at all? Did he mean that Grandma, like Mom, doesn't go to the potty the same way as boys do? Did he mean you don't know how to help him with his Pull-Up (if he wears one)?

Or did his mom tell him you don't know how to do it so he would take the initiative to do this by himself, even in someone else's home?

Or did it not happen at all the way he said it? Did he mean something entirely different? Did he misunderstand something his mom said, and the original subject was whether Grandma knew how to crochet or plaster the wall? Did he make it up entirely because he wants to do it himself or he wants privacy in the bathroom (as they are starting to learn)?

I don't know. You don't know.

So a great guiding principle for kids is that they say stuff that makes no sense. Attributing all kinds of motives to the parent (like deciding it's because you don't have your own children) is a huge stretch of the imagination. Try not to get hurt or offended by this stuff. One day, he will be a teenager and say all kinds of dumb stuff, and you'll wish for days like this!

Let it go.

I am sorry she underestimates you as I am sure you are more than capable of caring for the child even if you have not raised children of your own (I am sure you have been around them, babysat, etc) but in the end there is very little you can do about it since she is the mom and she gets to decide where he stays over and the like.

Don't compare your relationship with your grandson to the relationship he has with his other grandmothers. You are better off trying to figure out what you can bring into his life that makes your relationship unique.

I'm the go to grandma for all the grandkids. I baby sit, they stay overnight often, we go on adventures, I knit things for them. What's their relationship with their other grandmas? Don't really know and honestly don't care one little bit. They love their other grandmas and I'm sure they do things but I'm not competing with them.

So at this point I'd press the reset button and figure out how you can enhance your grandson's life. Is he a sporty kid? Get some balls and spend time kicking them around the yard. Or set up an obstacle course with him choosing items and what to do with them. Is he a creative kid? Collect boxes and 'build' things with them and let him decorate his creations. Does he like to cook? Bake something with him or help him make snacks.

The whole point of family is creating memories so when he has kids he will tell them about the adventures he had as a child. Hopefully you'll be involved in those adventures.

I would not put too much thought into what a 4 year old said. Having 4 kids one just turned 4 and baby just started walking .. I would not look for “things” where there is no need... if you are that bothered, just ask the mom.

If his mom doesn't think you can handle certain things because you don't have kids of your own, that's really on her. It's not really a reflection of how she sees you or how capable you really are so much as it is a reflection of her own insecurities. So many times we see questions about a mom (or dad) nervous to leave their kids with their own parent ... as if their own parent can't be trusted around kids!

Try not to take it personally. I know it's easy to think of what you aren't doing with your grandson, but you are getting some wonderful experiences with him. The more you are open to any time with him that you are offered and the more she sees you with him, the more she will recognize what a great person you are in his life.

I'm not sure what your question is.
Do you want people to comment on what a 4 yr old says or guess about where he picked up such a phrase?
A good answer would have been "Of course I know how to go to the bathroom - don't you know how?"

There use to be a show called Kids Say the Darndest Things with Art Linkletter (this was on in the 60s and years later Bill Cosby did a remake of it).
The host would talk with a child usually age 3 to 8 yrs old, ask a question and the kids would respond in a cute way.
They really do say the darndest things with complete innocence.
Perhaps your relative inexperience with young children did not prepare you for this - but now you know! - and there's no guessing why they say the things they do.
You just have a chuckle over it and move on.

Additional:
Aha - now I understand.
You want more time and possibly an overnight with your step grandchild and the mom is not on board with that.

Ya know - when/where I was growing up - overnights were not a thing.
The only time it happened was when there was an ice storm, power was out for days, mom had pneumonia and we evacuated to a family friends house a town over because they had gas heat - it was an emergency shelter situation.
I never went to a slumber party till I was 16 years old - on a farm - and they pitched a tent in the back yard.
Somehow people have an idea in their heads how great some event will play out.
Sometimes you have to let go of a fantasy.

It seems there are a lot of step relative questions lately mostly having to do with a daughter not accepting that a dad or grandfather has remarried and daughter not wanting to have anything to do with the woman who was not their biological relative.
It can be a conundrum - you often don't have a lot of control over who ends up as family members.
Try viewing things from the daughters point of view - how would you like someone making demands on you and your kid because they married into your family?
Bottom line - the kids mom and dad get to decide who their kids spend time with.

I don't know what to tell you.
If you can't forge a friendship with with the childs parents and you want to watch a child over night perhaps you could baby sit over night for someone who works 12 hour shifts.
Sitter City will help you find baby sitting jobs or even pet sitting jobs.
It might not be the experience you were thinking of but you will have an experience and get paid for it too without putting pressure on your family relationships.

or maybe he's just four and misheard, or misunderstood, or took it out of context.

don't get all emotionally tangled up in something so nebulous.

khairete
S.

Well, she's the mom so I would say she gets to decide these things. Not sure why you have a problem with that.

When my kiddos were 4, if I left them overnight with someone, it was to help me out. They would rather stay with mommy and daddy than stay with anyone else, so it's not for them that they go stay with others.

So if she's not putting your needs above the child's (or her own) .. I don't think that's so terrible. She's a mom.

Maybe she and hubby have concerns about yours or your hubby's driving or how well you'd strap him into a car seat? Hard to say. It's really not a big deal. It may just be easier for them to do the driving.

As for looking after bathroom time, it probably dates back to potty training, and it has stuck in his head since then since probably not that long ago. I know when I was training mine, only myself and a couple of people were entrusted to our method - because it was simpler to keep to our 'method' and everyone was on same page. I would guess (?) since none of us can tell you, that's what he is regurgitating.

If you have issues with your DIL (and it sounds like you do), I'd either move past them, or deal with them - counselor, talk to your DIL, etc. It doesn't do any good to make yourself out to sound like she's being unreasonable. She's just a mom putting her son's needs (and her own) first and that's ok. I wouldn't take it personally.

Pick up the phone and ask his mother if there is something different than normal that he does when going to the bathroom. Tell her the reason you are asking is because of what he said. Then let her tell you.

Sometimes children say strange things. Or maybe they haven’t taught him to stand up and pee yet. You won’t know until you ask.

Some people say and think dumb things...just let it roll off your back if his mom said something about you. Tell him, of course I know how to help him to the bathroom.