4 Yr Old Jealous of New Baby (9 Wks)

Hi Anna,

I would have to agree with the other mommies on this - make it a point to make a fuss over your 4 yera old right now. She is feeling somewhat 'replaced' and of course see's baby sister as the 'problem'.

We have a 4 yr old dd, a 17 month old dd and a 2 month old dd - we were very nervous about the older two being jealous of the baby...

We have made it a point to make a big deal out of being the 'big sister' even to our 17 month old daughter. For the 4yr old we let her do things with mommy and daddy that her baby sisters don't get to do - like play games with us during nap, do 'school work' together, go on "one on one" shopping trips with us, etc. She loves to have her nails painted so if she has done a really good job with her baby sisters that week then we will spend time painting her nails - telling her she is such a BIG GIRL and such a great BIG SISTER. I think its so important that each child knows that their 'place' in the family is important - whether they are first born or 4th born!

For our 17 month old, who was attached to my hip 24/7 before the baby came - we have even made her feel like the 'big sister' when it comes to our littlest one. She likes to do things like throw diapers in the trash can, bring us a binky for the baby or even give the baby hugs and kisses. With all this fuss over the big sisters - we haven't really had too bad of a time with jealousy - although a sure fire sign of us 'slacking' in this department with them is when they start acting out...

So then we just step it up a notch with them again! lol

Hope this helps.

Oh - and there are some good books on being a big sister out there that she would probably enjoy 'reading' with you at night. :0)

God bless!
Kelly

Your 4 yr old is not the baby of the family anymore. The baby gets a lot of the attention and big sister feels like she's been demoted. Have you made a big fuss about what a wonderful big sister she is? How much she helps you take care of the baby? If people ask you about the baby while you are all out as a family, have big sister tell how she helps with the baby. People treat older siblings like they are almost invisible when a baby is around. Tell her about all the cute things SHE did as a baby and together look through her own baby pictures. Try to give her some one on one time everyday. But don't leave her alone with the baby if you can. She'll get use to her sister eventually and they might even be best friends. Right now she has to adjust to how her family has changed and it's not easy.

A friend of mine had the asme issue, i feel for you, worrying about your new baby this should be a happy time for you...
Maybe you could encourage your eldest to help with the new baby, make her feel involved and that shes very important to you, and you need her help now...Also make time for just your eldest, she has had your undivided attention for 4yrs now, if that all comes to a stop she will feel left out, no matter how hard to try. Take a couple of hours a week and just be with her, go to the park, do some drawing, what ever she enjoys, make her see that she is just as important.
This should help with the jealousy issues, so hopefully she wont feel the need to hurt the baby...
Hope this helps.x

last year when i hd my twins i had the same problem with a 5 year old he was so jelous i can not leave him with the baby until the baby were almost 2 months the things that help him to understand he is not the only one kid here is i let him helpme with the babies just little things like pass me the towel chose the outfit for the babies,help me sing to the babies and that way he starts to understand just guve her time and let her help you also you need to still doing this with her alone without babies,we do like triops to the store just the 2 of us ,watch tv.

hope this help you