Growing Family Needs Help

My kids are close together in age. Especially the last two. They're 15 months apart. It is a lot better than I thought iit would be. My older DD loves the baby so much and has become a little mama to her. I am home all weekend by myself with out a car so I know how hard it can be. I am also still breastfeeding my baby. I keep sandwiches and cups ready in the fridge and we eat quick healthy meals on the weekend and I just plan on making I through the day with only a few tears here and there from some one. Then I don't get disappointed that the dishes and laundry don't get done till Monday. There's a great play group that I take the youngest 2 to on Mondays at Columbia St. Mary's. A lactation consultant runs the groups and there's plenty of toys and friends. Feel free to contact me about it.

I know this is going to be hard, but try to spend as much time with Sebashtian after the baby is born. You can run him over to McDonals playland or even just take him for a walk around the block just you and him. It will be hard on Sebashtian, but he will be ok. Make sure dad spends time with him as well. My sister and I are 19 months apart. I do not remember a time with out her in my life so I don't feel I missed out by having a younger sibling at such a young age. The bigger problem will be when they are teenagers. (Imagine both of them fighting for the phone or having to get 2 cars with in 1 1/2 years of each other). Also if some one like a grandparent will take him for the day or the week end or whatever. My now 4 year old daughter spends the day with Granny sometimes. It gives us all a break plus Granny can enjoy her grand daughter all by herself. I made sure my mother in law only came to pick her up after the baby was born (before I would drive her), this way my oldest can really feel like a big girl. Trust your instict, you will know if you need more time with him. Well you've heard me go on and on. I hope this helps
Good luck and cogradulations on your new baby.

Congratulations! My children are 18 months apart (girl and boy) and they are the best of friends! I was in the same boat as you, my husband worked 2 full time jobs and then my son ended up being lactose intollerant and having reflux (lots of crying between him and me). But through it all my daughter was a trooper! I was very honest with her about what to expect (even had her watch a birth story because I thought that would help her understand that the baby does come out and come home!). I moved her to a toddler bed about four months before my son was born and took the crib down so it didn't seem we were replacing her. I didn't push the pacifier issue (I don't know if you use one) but rather weaned them both at the same time. As for breastfeeding, get him a snack to have while you're nursing, or a book that he can hold and you can read. My daughter didn't seem bothered by me breastfeeding him at all. She was the first one to come to the hospital and see him (not that she remembers, but we do). We got her a baby doll to give her when she came to see him. Just involve him as much as possible and make sure you comment on what a good big brother he is to other people when you know he's listening (so he overhears it and it isn't directed at him). You'll have a lot of older people comment through your pregnancy and the first couple of years that "you must have your hands full" to which I love to say "I sure do! Full of hugs and kisses!". As worried as you are, kids adjust and you will find that they become the best of friends. Good luck and congratulations again!

My sons are 18 months apart. When my second was born, I kept a few special presents on hand to give to him when he really deserved them or was feeling left out - things that we told him came with being a big brother. Build him up as much as possible & make sure to spend time with just him on special projects or books, etc. Keeping him in daycare a few days a week will help him feel normalcy & keep him in his regular routine, but if you can have him home a couple of days too, he will enjoy spending extra time with you & the baby.
Good luck!

My boys are 15 months apart and my older son is great with his new brother. I am breastfeeding and for the most part Logan, the olderst, understands that I can't play with him while I'm feeding his brother. It was really rough in the beginning but everything has fallen into place. Just be patient and explain things frequently. I was very fortunate to have my husband home for a week after Evan was born, too, which helped tremendously. Good luck, I know you'll do great!

S.
My boys are 15 months apart and what I did was take my son to daycare for a few hours a week. It gave me a little break and let him play with other kids. When I was feeding my son I would read a story to my other one. I didnt breast feed but It worked really well, also like the other mom suggested make sure you spend some special time with Sebashtian so that he doesn't feel like he is fighting for attention. Good Luck.

Maybe you can have certain toys that he is only allowed to play with while you feed the baby because they are "big boy" toys only.

I had twins 13 months after my second son was born and I can totally relate to your feeling alittle overwhelmed right now. You got a lot of good advice. I had a mother's helper, a 12 yr old and it worked out great for us, I would recommend looking around your neighbourhood to see if there is anyone that age. Ours was actually a boy and he was such an awesome help.
I also had an older lady from church come in once a week in the afternoons so maybe there is a way for you to find an older retired "grandma" type who has grandkids who live far away and is just aching to adopt yours:)
As for breastfeeding, I could not tandem feed (both twins at the same time, you don;t have to worry about that) b.c my then 14 mo old would tear the house apart. so I would breast feed one at a time and that would leave my other hand free to grab him out of harms way.If you don;t have a baby sling look into one, I have a Miya wrap sling and I used it a lot, you can learn to breastfeed in them too, and you;ll have 2 hands free!
There are tons on the market so you might have to do a bit of research to find one the suits you but I think it is the handiest baby item particularly for moms with kids close together And try to find a room you can totally 100% baby proof. Put up and gate and hole yourself in. Either his bedroom or your family room, etc. SOmewhere where he can't get into much and you can sit and feed the baby. BABY PROOF, BABY PROOF, BABY PROOF. Seriously, even if you have to get rid of furniture or decorations that might cause a risk for a few years, it is worth it. If you have to get up to grab something out of his hand even one less time per week it is worth it to just get it out of there for now. There are millions of gizzmos out there you can get to baby proof pretty much everything and I seriously would recommend spending some money on that, not just for his safety but more so for your sanity. Look at garage sales if you want to get that kind of stuff cheaper, or go on mamasource asking if someone is getting rid of all their babyproofing stuff now their kids are older.
Good luck K. H

S. ,
My son is grown up now. BUT, My sister-in-law went through
that. She got her older son (who was about 19 months old when the second was born). She breast feed also. Well what she did
was get her older son involved in taking care of the younger son. She gave him some little responsibilities, even with feeding, except for nursing of course. She did have a bottle
where he could feed the baby some also. My best advice is....
don't stop him from helping wherever he can with the new baby, he will resent the baby for along time. Jealousy can be a problem then, not to mention that he could be abusive to the baby behind your back. I have seen when older toddlers get so
jealous of a new baby that they will go up and just slap them or pich them because they are jealous of them and the time you spend with them. So include him as much as possible, explain that you need their help (even if you don't), then he will
take pride in his little brother/sister and protect them.
Well that's just what I have observed. Take care and good luck.

make him feel important and include him by bringing a chair for him to stand on and watch you change the babies diapers and so fourth. make him feel like he is your helper and it wont be an issue. the baby wont be hanging on you all day nursing. this is not fun i went through it myself but if you include them and dont feel guilty. you will be fine. you are worring for nothing. when the baby sleeps then tell him it is play time and you dont have to play with him the whole day. make a schedule and do 20 minutes a couple times a day.

My children are 16months apart and I breastfed both. My three month old nurses while my 19 month old plays. Some times it is hard but most of the time it is fine. Before I had the baby I got my son a baby doll. I let him put the doll in the swing car seat and bassinet. I showed him how to use gentle touches with the doll. So he is a boy and he didn't want to play with the doll but it was a good teaching guide. The other thing I did was set up a play corner by my nursing chair. He has a desk there where I set out a snack or a sippy cup of water so he has something too. Good luck to you.
A.

S.,
I see you got alot of advice already and I didn't read allof it, so my apologies if I repeat something here. I see that some people suggested daycare and other warned against it as a jealousy issue. You might want to look into getting a "mothers helper" This is a girl who is too young to babysit right now, maybe around 10-11 but will want experience so she can start babysitting in a few years. She can come from maybe 230 or 3 until maybe 5? Just enough time to help you get on your feet. You'll still be around obviously, but she can help with one while you have quility time with the other. She gets practice and a small allowance which is lower than a baysitter or daycare, but usually still seems high to a ten year old. Even if it's only two or three times a week, when your older son is not in daycare you get a break and can catch up on whatever youneed to or just spend some real quality time with each child alone. God luck!

I had a simmilar experance. My son was only 17 mo when his twin sisters were born. I had to spend a lot of time on them and entertain him too. I tried to make it a family event (feeding the twins) I would read to my son or ask him to hold a bottle for the one twin that would not breast feed. He seemed to like to be included and eventually was board and played by himself while I feed the girls. He seemed to like the break and it was a quite time - about the only time my house was quiet. Enjoy the chaois, it won't last long :)

My boys are the same span in age Alex is 22 months and Shane is 5 months now. My boyfriend was working form 4 till usually 2 or 2:30 in the morning. It was a hard adjustment for all of us, but Alex was young enough that he didn't understand the concept of jealousy yet. So it was basically learning how to get them on the same schedual. When you get them both to nap at the same time you have to nap alson or you won't have the energy to last the day. It will seem really overwhelming at first but I would suggest you keep him in daycare so you will have more time for the baby and yourself. The one thing I still have issues with is getting enough time for everyone. If you need to talk anytime you can write. my address is ____@____.com

My girls were 20 months apart and I had no problem at all. My daughter was always busy playing and I would just sit on the floor and nurse so I could still have a hand to play and be able to reach.
Don't worry, your son will be fine. I would reconsider sending him to daycare while you stay home though because you might have some major jealousy issues if he knows you are home with the baby. It will be fine, you'll see when you get there.
Congrats,
J.