4 Yr. Old Sleep Issues-waking in the Middle of the Night

Hi C.,

We could change names and each be in the same situation. My daughter, who just turned 5, started doing that about 5 months ago. It started with having a bad dream. Usually I would wake up and take her back to her bed, but sometimes I don't "feel" her and wake up hot and sweaty in the middle of the bed. She usually gets up around 2. I have to be at work at 6, so on the mornings that I feel her, I don't always take her back to her bed( I sure wish she would go to her daddy's side sometimes). What we started to do is offer a reward for staying in her own bed. She likes going to the dollar store to pick out the cheap toys, so if she stays in her bed all night for the whole week, she gets to go. She has really gotten into it. Even to the bed where she will tell us, okay, I've slept in my bed the whole night for 3 nights, 4 nights...etc. She had gotten up to 10 nights, and then she's back. So we start over. I must say that the last 3 nights have been child free. I think it will just take a little more time. Be patient, and if possible, take a nap during the day. That's what I do.
God bless.

A friend of mine's daughter used to come in every night (until she was 12), so they made a pallet on the floor. When she wanted to be near mom, she'd pull the pallet out from under the bed and go to sleep.

If you don't have issue with him coming in, tell him no bed, floor.

Lock your bedroom door. That sends a pretty clear message that no one should enter. Of course, tell him he needs to stay in his bed first.

Good luck with that. My daughter is lying right next to me in bed and she is 7. Old habits are hard to break FOR EVERYONE. I haven't had a full nights sleep since I was pregnant with her.

Stephanie

You should take him back to his own bed, depending on why he is in your room. Tuck him back in and if he gets up again, repeat. It may take a few nights of no sleep. As far as the not getting back to sleep, that sounds like you not him. Maybe you have some things going on that your mind will not let you rest. Be consistent with your son and try and figure out why you can't get back to sleep, because it is not due to your son coming into your room. Good luck

how about a child proof lock on his door so he can't just walk out of his rm......as long as u can hear him cry...if his crying doesn't stop soon, then u can go in, tend to him, tuck him back in. if he knows he can come into your rm, he'll do so everytime he awakens! good luck!

We got a little blow-up travel bed from One Step Ahead and put it on the floor of our room. If our daughter wakes up she has to sleep in this. It is still in our room, but not in our bed and that allows us all to sleep a little better.

Hi, C.. Oh, for that full night's rest! I think the only way you can resolve this is to put him back in his bed EVERY time he comes to your room IMMEDIATELY. If you let him come into your bed sometimes and sometimes make him go back but then sometimes let him stay for a while, he's going to keep doing it. My grandson used to do the same thing at my house because his other grandma would let him come into her bed with her and her husband. It took a couple of times, but now he knows when he spends the night at my house, he will sleep in his bed in his room the entire night. He doesn't even try to come into my bed anymore. It doesn't take long to put them back to bed, just get up, walk him back, put him in bed, kiss him and be done. No lights, no conversation, just back to bed.

I so feel your pain. My step daughter does the exact same thing. In the begining my husband would let her crawl into bed with us and I could never get a good night sleep from that point on. I finally told him that her had to take her back to her bed. My husband would take her back and would lay with her until she would fall asleep, which really meant until he fell asleep with her. I don't think him sleeping with her stops her from waking up in the middle of the night but it deffinately stops her from waking me up in the middle of the night. So I say make your husband take her back to bed and lay with her until she falls asleep. lol But in real honesty if you find a solution please let me know. I know how frusterating it can be. Good luck

My daughter does it too but only sometimes so it's not that bad. But what I've done is go sleep in her room (we kept a crib mattress so she gets on that, I get in her bed) or I go sleep in another room (if you can do that) from start to finish some nights so I know I get at least some good nights sleep. I'll tell her before I go to bed that I'm really tired and am going to sleep in the other room and she can't get me. She needs to go to daddy if there's something wrong. They're getting old enough to understand we need our sleep too. Otherwise, I like the idea of the mattress in your room so he can sneak in. I do think they need some outlet for safety/security versus you locking them out. Finally, I take lorezepram once in a while when I can't get back to sleep. Just 1/2 milligram as it calms my mind so I can fall back. Obviously you'd need to talk to your doctor and be very careful to use it sparingly if you went that route.

This may sound harsh, but when our daughter started doing this every night, it worked for us. I told her right before bedtime that tonight she was not going to get out of her bed, and was not going to come to mommy and daddy's room. And if she did, she would see that the door was locked, and that would remind her to get back into her own bed. I explained that mommy and daddy needed sleep so we could go to work, and she needed her sleep so she could go to preschool. And when I went to bed that night, I locked our door! I have no idea if she got up and wandered down the hallway because for once, I was fast asleep! =) Anyhow, she seemed to get the point and now she comes in in the mornings for snuggle time, not at night.

Hi, C.,
I practice attachment parenting, so I am always there for my kids. My 1 year old has been sleeping in our bed since birth and we all get a great night's sleep. My 4.5 year old slept in our bed since he was 2 and when he was 3.5, he graduated out to his own bed. I am presuming our 1 year old will do that, too, on his own and I already miss having our older son in the bed with us. It is such a fleeting time in our lives, even though in the midst of it, it feels burdensome. I would agree with the parents who suggested putting a small bed or mattress or even sleeping bag on your floor and allowing your son to come into your room, but staying on the floor or mattress, so he does not disturb your sleep. That way, he feels the security of having you near, without waking you up. I feel like it is harsh to force a kid to be away from their parents if they are feeling insecure in the middle of the night. We parents don't do that to them during the day, but most parents feel it is okay to do at night, because it is inconvenient for us. Kids need the security of knowing that their parents will be there for them when they need them. That way, they grow up into secure and independent adults. I wonder how many adults are insecure and have issues as adults because they were not given unconditional love during the night times when they may have needed it the most. Chances are, if you come to a compromise, where your son can come in, but not get into your bed, your son will easily grow out of this habit, when he no longer needs your security and he will be a much more independent child as he grows older. When our first son transitioned to his own room, he came into our room to sleep in the middle of the night every night. We always let him. He stayed the rest of the night. Over the course of a month and a half, he came in less and less until he stopped altogether. Now he never feels like coming into our room. He has no problems going back to sleep on his own in his own room if he wakes at night. I feel this is because he never felt insecure when he needed us. We were always there for him. Good luck!

C.,

My 4 year old would just love to come in our bed every night, and sometimes even asks about it. We gently tell him 'no' and he's stuck living with our house rules. You're the boss, it's your bed, and he's now old enough to start to understand that he can't share it with you. (If he's sick or not well, there could be an exception, but this remains exceptional, meaning not often). Just tell him he can't, and when he does come in, firmly put him straight back to bed and tell him it's night and that we sleep at night! OK, you can help him a bit, a short back rub, some reassurance that he can do it, but then when you return to your room he stays put. He'll resist the first few times, then you'll see he'll understand and follow your rules. As for nightmares, if he calls for you in the night it's alright to go to him and comfort him for a few minutes. He just has to stay in his bed. Our 4 year old has developed the habit of yelling out "Mama" in the night, waking up everyone. sometimes it's a nightmare, but then we figured it might just be a bad habit. I can usually tell the difference between a nightmare yell and a bad habit one! We explained to him that it was waking us all up and that we would appreciate if he stop doing this. Believe it or not, he did, from one night to the next. I'll hear the occassional 'wimper' of "mama" at about the same hour, but as there's not urgency in his call I don't get up and sure enough we're all back to sleep right away. Just set rules for your son that he'll have to live with, stick to your guns and soon you'll be sleeping like a baby again.

I have 2 boys one 5 and the other 7. My 5 year old very seldom comes to our room and rarely ever has done so however I hate to tell you but my 7 year old sill comes to our bed almost nightly. My best advise is to remember that someday he won't come to your bed anymore at all and try to enjoy it while you can. I have stopped trying to put my son back in his bed or I would never get any sleep, I just let him climb up and cuddle in then go back to sleep. Occasionally I get smooshed and then I just go climb into his bed. Good Luck!