5-6Yr Old's Behavior Issues (Kindergarten)

I agree with you. My kiddo hasn't hit kindergarden yet but heaven help the teacher who wants to constantly complain to me about his behavior

Well, so much has changed since I went to school...

Yes, way back then, Kindergarten was mostly socializing, and learning basic stuff.... we only went 1/2 day, and also took a nap!

Now..... it is all day, limited recess, and no naps.....

Maybe they are expecting too much developmentally these days...... it does make you wonder.

"My son's self worth and esteem is more important then worrying about a teacher who doesn't have the time or resources to help each child out. "

This is a very worrisome statement to me.
Kindergarten is meant to be a time for kids to learn how to be together, as well as some basics, because these ARE going to be the expectations going into First. I admired that my son's kindergarten teacher set the bar reasonably high at the beginning of the year. She knew that this was going to be the standard for conduct come first grade and she wasn't doing her students any favors by teaching them otherwise. Most grades have graduated levels of expected behavior. These are usually within limits.

Some parents will complain that rules and restraint will damage their child's self esteem. I will argue that offering expectations to work up to and mastering one's actions WILL build self-esteem. Choosing not to prepare them for first grade and letting them walk into more academic rigor with very juvenile social skills and lesser self-regulation will NOT build their self-esteem. Instead, they will be even more at a loss.

"Paying attention" isn't about just knowledge retention, it's about being able to listen to the teacher, follow directions, leave classmates alone when they need to be paying attention to the teacher, etc. It matters because how one child behaves can affect the whole group-- I do not believe that one child who is distracting the teacher HAS THE RIGHT to deprive my kid of their ability to learn. For me, that's what it boils down to. The teacher has a formidable job, and I believe in helping her every chance I get. She has 26-35 (yes, some kinder teachers do have that many) kids to tend to. MY job as a parent is to reinforce every expectation my son's teacher has of him. If I have some concern about a judgment call of hers, I would certainly talk to her about this privately, but I am not just focused on my kid or how he feels about himself. My focus is on how the CLASS, as a whole, are doing. Because if the class is doing well, my kid is very likely going to do well. If the class is having a problem, I want to make sure as heck that my kid is not part of that problem.

I admire Kindergarten teachers. They are very patient in being able to do what they do. I know this just as a preschool teacher who works with group of no more than 14. I cannot imagine the amount of patience, care and expertise that goes into managing a classroom of so many, many more kids-- some of whom want special considerations for their kid and how their kid 'feels' about everything. Bless those teachers! I don't think that the average person can do what they do-- so lets help them out, not make their lives harder.

I understand the frustrations of dealing with an ADHD kid. I have raised one. But I think as much to blame as anything else is a society that spends the first 5 years of a child life jumping to satisfy its every whim. Expecting nothing except that child complete happiness. "Oh you don't want chicken let give you cheese, oh you don't want to play quietly let me stand on my head to entertain you, oh you don't want to go to sleep of course I will stand and rock and chant till next Tuesday...." And on and on it goes. So that when they finally get somewhere like kindergarten that the world does not revolve around them they have no idea how to handle a firm no as an answer. Of course there will be problems. I think parents spend way to much time trying to be their children's friend instead of being a parent. It's ok to say no. It's ok to say behave. Ok off my soap box sorry that may or may not have been what your looking for lol

Well my own experience (subbing K-5 and working three years in first grade) has shown me that MOST 5 and 6 year olds are able to sit and pay attention for short periods of time. Our K classes had "work" time in about 15 minute intervals with breaks in between, and in first grade they were expected to sit still in slightly longer intervals, about 20 minutes, and the breaks were fewer and shorter.
Most kids did just fine with this.
Some kids were less mature and had a harder time.
And yes SOME kids, as it turned out, were later diagnosed with ADH/D and/or other things down the line.
I think you need to take a deep breath and think here.
Really, a whole system can't possibly address the needs of every single child. My youngest is ADHD, and she qualifies for extra help and support, but I don't expect the whole system to cater to all of her individual needs. She must learn how to function within the system, because her future employers will expect the same. They will not give one hoot about her learning differences, they will simply expect her to perform a good job.

I am a Mom of 2 kids. A boy AND girl.
I also work at a school.
So I see and know, both sides of the fence. Very well.
Both my kids, entered Kindergarten at 4, then turned 5.
And they were fine.

Schools, private or public, is full of varied kids of all types and backgrounds.
And, private schools, do not have, SPED departments or Aides. At least in the city I am in. Only public schools have SPED departments and SPED Aides/Teachers/IEP's etc.

Schools cannot customize everything per each child's traits.
And, then, when/if a parent, feels that a classroom/Teacher... is not addressing her child, then how is that supposed to be, fulfilled?
Meaning, every class, of any Teacher, will have varied kids and traits. Even the most seasoned Teachers, have challenging kids.
But, when/if a parent feels, that a Teacher should address her child, in a specific way, JUST like at home... then, well, that can't exactly be done. Because, home is not school. And school is not home. And some kids have a hard time, telling the difference. Especially young ones.
Hence they may have a hard time, behaving in school.
I had one parent tell me, how to teach my class, that I was subbing for.
Ahem.
In other words, she wanted me... to teach and manage the class, as SHE wanted, per HER child. Not in light... of the 22 other kids in CONJUNCTION with her kid in the room and the lesson that was being taught. Then, she had the gall, to tell the regular Teacher... how she thought things should be, because her son is... so sensitive/bright/active/needs certain routines..... etc. And she didn't feel, that I as the Substitute for one day... knew enough about HER son, to be in that classroom. Despite my experience. Even when, all the other parents/kids, were pleased, with how I did my job. I let, some parents be in the classroom, because they were hovering outside like helicopters.... peering in at, me the whole morning... and were causing a DISTRACTION for the kids, in the classroom.
Ahem.

The difficulty with schools and teaching is: that Teachers/schools have to constantly... conform to the individual requests on how each family/parent wants THEIR individual child... to be taught/handled/raised.... per their own individual... personality and routines at home. Some parents even say "well at home, we do such and such with Junior, can you do that too at school? That's what he's used to, so it needs to be the same at school...."
Ahem.

It is not an easy task... to customize and personalize, an entire day's school curriculum and routines and rules and behavioral standards... to each.individual.student.in.a.class.
But that is what many parents want/expect, nowadays.

School, is a life lesson in many things.
Not just in academics.
It is how children learn, how to be, in society.... beyond their home boundaries.
And one day, a kiddo, will be a college student and an employee at some office, in a structured environment with a Boss.
And they need to learn, how to navigate all of that. It will not be customized, for them.

Teachers, are teachers.
They are NOT the same, as SPED professionals or SPED teachers.
They have 2 entirely different college degrees and certifications and requirements.
Teachers are also, not, Social Workers or Counselors.
Each educational profession and specialty... has different requirements/degrees/and certifications.
But regular Teachers are now... "expected" to be... all of that: Teacher/parent/social worker/SPED professional and tutor.
It is, impossible.

Teachers are dedicated professionals... who do, many things. Which laypeople are not even aware of.
Teachers, even at the most basic level... can't even go and use the bathroom when they need to, because they cannot leave the kids unattended. Hence they get many bladder infections.
And many do not even... get to have lunch. Because, they are, with their classroom... managing them, even on their own lunch break.
Teachers are an employee. Like in any other organization or corporation. But, they do not get all the perks and rewards.
They teach, because MOST teachers, are very dedicated, and care, about their students.

Home schooling, is now very popular.

I know, many smart bright kids at the school I work at.
And yes, some of them... are just the worst in behavior.
But the Teachers cannot do anything and have their hands tied, because of fear of offending the parent.
But, the other kids of those kids who misbehave... they TELL me... how HARD it is, to be in a class... with that kind of classmate... and how it disrupts... their own learning, too. They get very frustrated... by other kids that routinely, misbehave.

Being smart or academically intelligent, is not the same as character traits. It is not, a value.
It is not, a behavior.
And emotional intelligence and maturity, is not the same as being academically bright.

I don't think there are enough resources in the educational system to customize. I imagine if the majority of a K class can't behave that it would become obvious something has to change. But likely the majority of kids can behave suitably. That's what I've seen over the years observing as a parent. There's always one or two kids who consistently have an issue but that's out of 20 or so so 18 are fine. It must be hard to be the parent of the child who isn't behaving and that's why we see posts but those kids are the minority or our classroom would be chaos. They're not. Strikes me as a situation that if a child doesn't qualify for special services, the parent is kind of out of luck. But it's reality. There's not enough money. So the parent has to work harder and make sure what they're doing at home is right and look into homeschooling or private. A friends daughter has always been an issue. This year they don't like the teacher bc she told the father the daughter is driving her crazy. Hard to hear yet this kid does drive people crazy. It's in their best interest to be told and figure out what to do. It's a big world. Their daughter has to learn to function. And as someone else said, it's not fair to cater to one misbehaving child and keep other kids from learning. My oldest wasn't even 5 when k started yet could focus etc. and was ready to learn. That shouldn't be interrupted by another child.

Your post is so FULL of excuses!

School is NOT daycare. School is to educate.

Its called the "education system" not the "build up self esteem" system.

Why is it when a child misbehaves its the teacher's/school's fault? Your son's behavior is a reflection of who he spent his first 6 years of his life with. That would be you. So its your fault, not the school's, that your son is misbehaving.

The world will never revolve around your son the way you want it to. The sooner you figure this out, the better chance your son will have beyond kindergarten.

No, as the parent of a child with ADHD, I'm more frustrated when teachers don't bother to share the problems going on at school. My son is very bright and has always thrived academically, despite having severe ADHD. He was that way before treatment. However, his behavior was off-the-charts bad before treatment.

I'm absolutely grateful for any teacher who takes time out of a very busy day to tell me how my child is doing. We've had years when I hear next to nothing from teachers until something big happens and we learn of all the smaller things that had been going on ... ugh.

Yes, the expectations in kindergarten are high. However, neurotypical kids tend to rise to the occasion and eventually get in line with normal corrective strategies. It's the kids who can't get on track behaviorally and have problems at home that need to be taken seriously. The earlier conditions like ADHD, OCD and ODD are identified and treated, the better the prospects for the child. School is often the place that sends out the warning signal of extreme behavior and parents need to take note.

there is a small grain of truth in what you are saying but a much bigger point, that others have made that say Yes kids can sit for an age appropriate time and listen. I"ve volunteered in my dd's class, they have lots of breaktimes and time to move, they are not chained to their desks and miserable.

interestingly enough what I have noticed is that the children that have been in full time DayCare, are not as stable, not as calm, not as mature as boys and girls that have been raised by a lovely mother, father, grandparent or relative.

I worked in preschool for 8 years and various day cares in various age rooms from infants to pre-k for about 5 yrs. It's the day cares that have 1 adult to 4 infants, or toddler rooms with 1 adult to 6 kids that treat children like cattle and allow them to run around and do what ever they want, in an unstructured environment supervised but not loved and nurtured that could be more to blame with what you are describing than the failure of our public kindergartens.

I know for some people daycare is a necessity, and there are some great providers out there. but I don't think it's fair to make the point you are trying to make while leaving out this component. and of course there will be exceptions to the rule. but I sure have been around the block and this is what I have experienced.

That's a lot of criticizing. And a lot of changes of schools for your son. That must have been hard on him. Maybe consistency would have helped. And maybe he was too young to start K. If he's 5.5 now, he was just about 5 when school started. Why didn't you wait a year? Lots of people do that, especially with boys, if it seems they aren't ready for so much academics. Our K was half day btw and from what I observed, 90-95% of the kids were well behaved. Maybe you should change him to private school. Whenever I start to get critical of public school, I say 'well, they're doing the best they can. If I don't like it, I can homeschool or pay for private." Or I can at least get on the PTA, maybe run for school board etc. Maybe pull him out and send him to private for the rest of the year and back to public when you think he's old enough to listen. Our schools are in a no win situation. We're not keeping up with other countries yet then people complain they're making it too hard. And the schools are on shoe string budgets. I have a friend whose son has also struggled with sitting still etc. She switched to a private school that is more in line with his personality. I'm sure there are private schools that would fit your son better.

Yes schools expect a lot from young students now. It doesn't stop after K, they expect so much more at each grade level. We can't change that.(unless homeschooled) What we can do to help our children is make sure they do not rush into kindergarten when they truly need another year to just mature and be ready to sit and listen for longer times. This can be much kinder on a child. We can support the school's goal, and expect that children sit nicely at restaurants, churches, trains, waiting rooms. We can be very consistent with discipline at home or out in public so children get used to the consistency they will encounter at school. You've posted about your child's behavior out in public and it sounds like he needs some support in learning self control (they all do) If your son was well behaved for one teacher because he respected her, then he should show respect to other teachers as well.

Lilly M expressed some of my thoughts already. My son was far from the "typical" unable-to-sit-still behaviors that seem to be the norm and expected in kindergarten. Still is (at 15).

He never spent a day in daycare and only 1 year in K4 (a place focused not on academics but on how to behave in a group setting, raising hands, standing in a line, using a restroom that wasn't at home, etc). He LOVED it. And never had any behavior issues there. Then came kindergarten, and again.. no behavior issues of any kind whatsoever.

This wasn't really mentioned in the post, but I will add that, he was also expected (from age 3 and earlier) to sit through church. Not "children's church". The actual full length service (for the entire congregation, not just adults). He was quiet, well mannered, stood when he should, sat when he should, whispered if he HAD to communicate, etc. He did NOT play with a bucket of toys, crawl around on the floor, talk, laugh, make faces at people behind us, run up and down the pews, etc.

He was taught what was expected of him in our home environment, mostly by me (well, husband helped, hee hee).

I know that this isn't possible for everyone. But I do wonder if this isn't a bigger factor than people are sometimes willing to consider, when discussing/debating issues with behavior and school settings.
In my opinion, having children spend a large percentage of their time in a group daycare setting is not the "ideal" for a child. It isn't always a choice people get to make. And it doesn't mean that I don't recognize that there are other variables and considerations to make (including mom's sanity and love of work outside the home), but I DO think that it is a piece of the puzzle that we (collective "we") don't want to look at. We want it to be ok no matter what we do. So we don't talk about the down sides. And it is possible that this is one of them.

Sorry I have a cold with a headache and didn't quite get to the end of your post but read most of it and for the most part, I agree with you. I read a great book a few years ago called "The Trouble with Boys" that broke down all of the ways that the design our traditional elementary education system is challenging for most boys and places them in a position where otherwise normal age- and gender-appropriate behavior gets labelled as problem behavior early on and that sets the stage for a lifetime of learning struggles. Elementary education is dominated by women, many who are not well trained at handling the kind of energy that many boys (and some girls) bring to a classroom. I did find that my kids' pre-school (daycare) teachers were better equipped to handle this energy, but they weren't mandated to make sure that the kids learned X, Y & Z like elementary school teachers are. They are disruptive, and distracting, and do make it hard for teachers to teach and other children to learn. However, maybe if we changed our expectations that all 5 year olds are ready for X and all 6 year olds are ready for Y we'd have the flexibility to let children learn at their own pace and not hold teachers accountable for those who just aren't there yet.

The author of this book points out that in the workplace or in sports or music or any other place besides school, we are not all expected to master the same tasks at the same pace. You have superstars and stragglers and everything in between. You have a 30 year old and a 45 year old doing the same job, or two 25 year olds at vastly different places in their careers.

So...why not re-structure the earliest of elementary education so that, say, grades K-2 are more fluid and then students progress to more structured grades such as 3 and up whenever they have mastered the skills and self-control to do so. Some students may need only 2 years to do this while others might need 4.

Of course implementing a plan like the above isn't terribly practical, but I like the line of thinking. Let's separate out the students whose learning issues are the result of being active and immature from those who have true disabilities that create an impediment to learning. Let's find ways to engage those very active but bright minds early on.

All I know is that I don't envy teachers in this age group - the disparity in levels of self-control, independence, learning readiness, etc. are just staggering and I honestly don't know how they manage to keep their little herds of monkeys moving forward, but they do.

Two of my three sons are challenging students - one has learning disabilities and ADHD and while not disruptive, had been disengaged and on his own planet for most of the 10 years he's been in school. He takes no ownership of his work, can't keep assignments straight, hands in homework and projects late, half-done, or not at all and doesn't avail himself of the many resources available to him. He's maddening. My 9 year old is bright but disruptive, has no filter between his brain and his mouth and also may have ADHD. He's been driving his teachers nuts since Kindergarten. Not only is he mildly obnoxious and constantly on a discipline plan at school and home, he has a fan club of classmates who think he's hilarious. And yet masters the required material with ease. Thankfully, my youngest son is a teacher's and parents' dream. Not the smartest kid in the room, but is conscientious, puts forth his best effort, attends well, does his homework and classwork independently, and is a kind classmate and thoughtful friend. I'm grateful that teachers put up with my first two and happy to share my youngest with them as he's like getting a gift.

At the end of the day, I have faith that the teachers and administration in my school district are doing their best to manage the needs and varying readiness levels of all students against the very real, pressing need to make sure that *all* of the students are learning what they need to learn and are mastering required material when they need to master it. Because I go to PTA meetings, we hear from the principal once a month and he updates us on things like the school council minutes, school improvement plans, curriculum development work, etc.

If you have a chance to attend PTA, school council or school department meetings (many post the minutes on websites or broadcast meetings on local TV) it might make you feel more knowledgeable and empowered about what kinds of challenges your school and district recognize and what they're doing about it.

The individual attention and nurture can only happen with homeschool.

I have something really supportive to say, and then I want to gently, respectfully challenge you a little bit.

First, you're right. You're absolutely, completely, utterly right. Children learn with all five senses. They learn in motion, they learn socially. And it's really, really hard for them to shut down all that natural curiosity -- their inborn, innate, learning process -- and "learn" in a way that's stifling and artificial to them. So yes, I do feel your frustration. And I'm frustrated on your behalf.

BUT -- and here's the "but" -- all that bad, stifling stuff: it has a good side too. When children are learning to sit still and listen, they're not just learning to be mindless robots. They're learning to get with the program; they're learning that the world does not revolve around them. They're learning impulse control and overall self-control.

So, there's a good and a bad to it. But if you focus on the bad aspect of public, group education, without recognizing all the good stuff, then honestly, you're setting your son up on a collision course with life. Even if you go through the motions -- "Yes, yes, listen to the teacher" -- if your heart's not in it, your son will pick that up in a nanosecond. And then, he'll lose twice over. He won't be given the space for natural, free-form, kinesthetic learning -- because schools' just not set up that way -- but he won't get enough of a push in the direction of getting with the program, focusing all his energy in a more group-friendly way. To lay out the future gently, that means a whole lot of time in the principal's office.

So, you've got some options:

Look for a progressive / Montessori-style private school.
Homeschool.
Or, change your own attitude. Let go of that "I had crappy teachers" attitude and recognize how insanely hard teachers work, how unsupported they are, how they do this from the goodness of their hearts.

Part, I don't know -- part B of the "change your own attitude" option is that you could get your son tested. I don't mean ADHD testing, I mean giftedness testing. If he scores high enough, you could push for g/t placement for him. He might get do better in a more challenging environment. But, g/t classes honestly aren't any more supportive of kids who test limits than any other classroom. So if you want to have him in a public school, then you're going to have to work with him on developing patience and self-control. You can't fight the whole, entire big-picture framework and expect to win.

Sorry :(

Wow! I could have written this myself.

In second grade the school started in on us about having him tested. But as an African American mother I resisted because I knew in my heart he did have ADD/ADHD and I didnt want him stuck with that title. His very strict emotion less teacher started that. When we changed classes he excelled, but they still pushed for it. It wasnt until I had a conference with his new teacher, a long term sub, that I got my confirmation. I told her I didnt want to hear anything about having him tested. She said she saw that in his file and was baffled. She taught kids with ADD for many years and never recognized any traits in my son. The problem, he got bored. So the drawing and paper lane making started. But only after his work was done. So she starting giving him extra free reading time so that he dirnt interrupt the other kids. He loved it.

Today? Hes in 7th grade, has 5 As and 1 B and plays in a travel basketball league!

We have to advocates for our children. We know them best. Nothing wrong with having ADD/ADHD diagnosed, but make sure everything else is looked at first! I thank God I followed my gut!

I don't think kindergarten should be full day. Where I live it is half day, but a few schools in our division have been experimenting with full day kindergarten. I hope it doesn't catch on. Our kindergartens are still very much play based as well.

I'm with you. I feel like schools now are pushed so hard to meet "standards" that they focus on that, instead of focusing on following the child's natural learning process.

I know kids in middle and high school who have a hard time sitting still... How can we expect kids who are still little balls of energy to sit still and simply absorb what they are told? While a good teacher is able to redirect and engage the children, teaching just isn't a profession that attracts the teachers with the skills and heart to do so. I myself looked into majoring in Early Childhood Education, until I researched the job and discovered that teaching children has become just too restricted and regulated for the pay. Of course the general lack of access to teachers who still care, combined with the stress of meeting standardized expectations, is just a recipe for crappy school experiences.

My son had a HORRIBLE teacher in 2nd grade and he acted out in every possible way that year. For 3rd and 4th grade he was lucky enough to have a teacher who looked at him from a different perspective and he thrived. This teacher taught me so much about my son!

My son is probably somewhere on the ADHD spectrum, though he's never been diagnosed as such. This teacher also had a grown son who was somewhere on the ADHD spectrum, so she had had a lifetime of working with kids like my son, and also a lifetime of educating herself on the issues. She recommended a book to me called "ADD - A Different Perspective", and I found it helpful.

The theory is that people are either descendents of hunters or they're descendents of gatherers. Gatherers would find it naturally easy to sit in a classroom setting, working with what's in front of them, and listening quietly to instruction. Hunters would constantly be on alert for danger or opportunity, so they would be easily distracted and would constantly be scanning the classroom and the windows and doors for any and all activity, ready to respond to any stimulus. By nature, a hunter is spurred to action by danger and opportunity, not by cajoling.

This made so much sense to me! When I think of the places where my son excels and the situations that challenge him, it all fits this theory. Even today, in high school, my son seems to like to let his grades slip almost to the point of failing. When he's truly in danger of failing, he springs into action and saves his grades at the last minute. For a long time this exhausted me, and believe me, I tried to convince him to act differently. I haven't stopped hoping I'll get him to take care of his grades on an ongoing basis, but I have come to see that he's dealing with it in the way that works for him.

My son used to think he wanted to get an MBA and work in an office, but I'm pretty sure he'd find that exhausting. I'm not sure what he'll choose as a career, but I'm guessing it will be something with more action involve in it!

Both of my children go to private school and kindergarten was a challenge more for my son (he is in 3rd) than my daughter who is in 5th now. The teacher was the same for both of them and she is the most AMAZING person ever. She had full classes and it was all day. I know that most of the kiddos could not sit still but the teacher and the aide handled it. I also know that there was at least 2 parents daily that helped with centers ( we have to do volunteer hours at the school ) I don't know if I have a firm answer on this but I do know that I am pretty blessed at our school, our parents (working and not working) are so active in the school. I know that Gary is now in 3rd grade and doing so much better. All the teachers told me that maturity comes with time and sitting still comes with time.(in first grade if the kiddos were wiggley they would let them stand next to their desk and work, it helped )
I do know that one of the toughest jobs in the world is being a teacher. I can only imagine how hard it must be dealing with kids and dealing with parents.
I guess i am rambling too, many blessings to you

I advise never send a 5 YO to kindergarten. Only age 6 AND make sure he is reading to enter. It's way less stress for both of you.

This is b/c kindy is the new first grade.

Your child is fine. The schools are off. If you can afford it, Montessori for elementary is ideal.

I have a daughter in Kindergarten, and I do see that some teachers/places ask children (especially boys) to handle a lot more "sitting still" than they are capable - I saw this more in my daughter's preschool than I do in her kindergarten however. A decent kindergarten teacher expects the first part of the year to involve teaching the kids to handle a classroom environment - that is part of the kindergarten curriculum. They expect kids to have to learn to adjust, and should be working with parents to figure non-medicated solutions.

However, it is important for you as the parent to work with the teacher to help your kid adjust to sitting and listening and participating correctly. Yes, he might go into kindergarten having problems in those areas, but he needs to enter first grade ready to do what is required.

I don't agree with the trend of keeping kids back until they are six. That just resets the expectations, and doesn't give the kids their due. Most are ready to learn what kindergarten is teaching, even now that the curriculum (in some places) is harder, and ready to step up if required.

I agree that at the end of my daughter's "long day" she's far more wiped than she ever was in preschool, but even in preschool all the kids, as young as three, learned to sit quietly and wait for LONG periods of time Longer than I would have ever believed possible, and they did just fine.

My advise - make sure your son has lot of time to work off his energy outside the classroom. Avoid TV time right after school and run him ragged. Work on sticker charts for good behavior, and talk to him about the issues and strategies to keep still.

It sounds, honestly, like he might be bored and acting out because of that. Perhaps the teacher can give him more challenging work or extra work to keep him busy if the problem is that everyone is working on something, he finishes early and then is disruptive.

You seem to think he's doing everything right, but you are getting reports of "his behavior." I suggest you figure out the SPECIFIC issues and tackle each one, rather than focusing on him as the problem/not problem. If he calls out in circle instead of raising his hand, if he can't sit still while everyone is doing a project, etc. Each type of issue might have a different cause and solution.

I know you care about his self esteem, but part of self esteem is feeling like you can tackle hard problems, and this is a hard problem. My summary suggestion - work with the teacher and your son to figure out ways he can behave - you agree he needs to learn to behave appropriately - he's a bright kid and between the three of you, you can figure out a solution.