5 Year Old Boy Refuses to Wear Any Funny Outfits for Special Occasions

hmmm...I think you are fighting a battle that just isn't necessary mom.
Who cares if he gets dressed up in a fireman outfit, or sports clothes, or 3D glasses? There isn't a reason for health, sanity, or safety, right?
I chose to fight the battles that I deem worthy...couldn't care less about their haircuts (both have mohawks), or their clothes (one wears ONLY sports pants), or what kind of shoes they wear! It's just outside stuff....
I chose to wait until there are girl problems, drugs, grades..those are the things that I need to step in and have a voice about. To me, this is not something to fight about.
L.

Why can't he just not wear "funny" outfits for special ocassions. He's an individual and should be respected as such. If other people can't, that is their problem. Before it gets to the point of tears, give them the option and if they say No respect that. If anyone asks tell them they don't want to. There are a number of issues where they do need to act a specific way out of respect and politeness but I don't view this as one of them. As far as people "staring" at you, I think they would stare less if the point wasn't pushed to tears AND some people will be judgemental about ANYTHING so you're not going to completely avoid that. About the 3D glasses. I dislike having things on my face. For years I wore contacts and now it just isn't practical. I'm getting used to glasses it but I get the lightest frames possible. Some of us are just sensitive to these things.

maybe he's a little more grown up than you think and he just see's the silliness in dressing up. I wouldn't fight him about it. Men don't like dressing up and it sounds like you just have a little man here!

As long as he's wearing clothes, I really don't see the problem. I say, pick your battles. This seems like a silly one to choose!

Every mother that I know (with older children) has said to me "I wish I hadn't fought so hard about what they were wearing, it just doesn't matter". That's sage advice... who really cares if they aren't dressed a certain way??

Now if you think it is b/c of sensory issues, then I would talk to your doctor - just not interested, let it go.

My son gets that way sometimes. He hates stamps and stickers and always has. At Karate she gives out stamps as rewards and he used to cry until we figured out what the problem was. My son had articulation issues when he was younger so I wasn't understanding what part of Karate he didn't like. He started a speech program and they taught him how to express in advance his dislike and to say No Thank you and then we listened and it was no big deal. I say listen to your boys words they don't like that. No big deal unless you make it one. Let them express themselvs or not in there own way. Sometimes not being a joiner is a good thing. Just encourage the other son to make his own choice and not just go along with his brother.

Choose your battles. In the scheme of things, so no important.

I dont know why its a fight, just dont make him do it. Let him go.

Oh my! You just described ME!
Not just 31 yr. old me but 6 yr. old me.
I have ALWAYS hated dressing up. ALWAYS! Even sunglasses used to bother me!
I don't know if I can explain it any more than that I just feel uncomfortable and silly. And I don't know about you but those are not good feelings.
I hated Halloween. I used to make my own costumes that were pretty much not costumes because that was all I could handle.
One year I was "Goofy" and wore a shirt of my mom's, a vest of my dad's and a Goofy hat I got at Disney World. And even that caused me stress.

Sounds like this is just who your son is...He's not trying to be difficult, he's just uncomfortable.
Maybe you could get some cool dress up clothes for him to play w/ at home? Don't force him-just make them available.
Because apparently it's fun-my daughter LOVES it. :)

Hope this helps! Take care!

I can't help but wonder whether at least half the people staring at you aren't secretly wishing they didn't have to do the goofy dress up thing, and wondering how you or your sons got up the nerve to refuse?

So much of that costume business is manipulative, in that it does not respect individual preferences and tries to set a social "norm" that is anything but normal.

You may also have a boy who's a bit sensitive to texture or pressure. There's a very comprehensive set of checklists at this site to help identify kids who are hypersensitive, hyposensitive, or a combination, plus loads of information about how parents deal with children's sensory needs: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces.... It might be interesting to see if you "recognize" his preferences on these lists.

All I can think of is what my husband would say/do if he was told he was required to enjoy donning anything to go with someone else's theme! :)

Or for that matter, even though I love theme dressing, how I would feel if I didn't feel like doing it once, and anyone made an issue of it.

These are all optional activities for your boys. Please don't force them to enjoy something they don't. And take heart, there are many children who feel the same way.

my daughter is the same way and I don' think it's a big deal. Obviously it's a disappointment for YOU because you want the picture etc, but seriously it's not even remotely worth the fight. If they don't want to dress up just skip it! That's what we do and honestly it's no big deal. So I don't have pictures with santa, but it's not a problem for me.

Good luck!

I would chime in...don't push him to do it. Let him dress normal for him and either he will decide later he wants to join in or he doesn't.

You could have the opposite issue. My son would have dressed up everyday and did most days. The people at the grocery store always looked forward to whom I was bringing with me to grocery shop that week. Bob the Builder, superman, batman, spider man, silly hat man, a pirate, a skeleton...the list goes on and on. It embarrassed my husband to no end, he would be stripping the costume off my son in the parking lot while there were tears and screaming. I just let him be and we went alone most of the time out to run errands.

Now he is 6 and in school and wants to be dressed like everyone else while at school. He grew out of it, and I am a little sad. But on that note, maybe your son will grow into it.

HUGS!!

My five year old is similar. He refused to wear a costume for "character day" during I Love to Read month. He doesn't like to wear dress clothing for special occasions (weddings, etc.).

I think it is normal. They want to be comfortable, and wearing something different is not comfortable to them. I also think they are a little afraid of looking "different" even though everyone looks different on that day.

We have gotten to the point that he will wear a Halloween costume, but he is still tentative about it right up until the actual day of Halloween.

I wouldn't push him, just let them be and when they are ready, they'll participate.

J.

Just let it be...if he's happy with his normal clothes, why get him all upset?

By 5 years old my son was pretty much over the dress up phase. In fact, he didn't start wearing costumes again until he was 12 when he and a bunch of boys decided it would be fun to go trick or treating one last time before they were too "old for it". (13 be a magical cut off for trick or treat??) At 14, he doesn't do the wacky outfits for spirit week at school either.

So, let your little one be - pick your battles - and let this one go.

Do encourage his twin to feel free to express himself in ways different from his twin. This is a good situation to begin teaching them that although they are identical they will have different preferences and it is okay for one to dress up and one not to dress up.

My son is almost 7 and is the same way if it involves any kind of public place. I think its an embarassment/attention issue. Like they like to "lay low." I would say don't force him if he feels that strongly about it or he will probably grow up with memories of M. "forcing him to wear such and such." It may seem like no big deal to you but for him it obviously is.

Don't force him to wear any of these costumes. If he doesn't want to participate then just let him have the right to refuse. However, let him know that he may miss out on certain opportunities if he chooses not to participate in wearing the costume. My youngest didn't want to dress up for Halloween one year. He wore a Halloween shirt with jeans and had a great time.

You are stressing about this? It's time to take a step back and regroup.

Your boys are old enough to have an opinion on what they wear and what they do. As long as it is within reason, you need to roll with it and let them develop their own personalities. Forcing them to do what YOU want them to do all of the time will only make them miserable children, and it sounds like you are stressing them out.

I agree with the other posts- let it go. It's not worth it!

I was and really am like this too and I am 41 years old. I was also a successful educator and now stay at home mom. His life won't be less because of this part. Please let it go...if your son is anything like me, the more people push the more stubburn I became about the issue. I would make it a non issue; no one should be forced to wear 'costumes' or different clothes just because it is 'fun'. It isn't for your son.

I have an auction to go to next month for my children's school. A bunch of friends will be purchasing top hats since the theme is Dr. Suess. I will not be and my friends will think nothing of it, because they are real friends. I will not make a big deal of me not participating and if someone does ask I will just say that I didn't feel like buying a hat. Should be end of story.

My son (2nd grade) could be a member of that club. Personally, I, too, despise the stupid "spirit week" things like wearing hats, etc.
I never make a big deal out of it...if he wants to, fine, if not fine, I don't see it as a big deal.

My advice is to just not worry about it. Give them the option to wear something and if they don't want to then cheerfully say ok! And let it go! I'm sure by next year things will have changed. :)

Pick and choose your battles. I would let this go.

I agree with the other posters. If he doesn't want to dress up don't make him. Let it go. You are just creating unneeded stress for yourself and your children. Let him say "no thank you" if having a turn wearing the fire suit makes him uncomfortable. It doesn't mean he still can't have fun at these events. No one else will care if he is dressed up or not.

I guess I'm really not seeing what the big deal is. He's already and identical twin, maybe he just doesn't want to be like everyone else....if it doesn't bother him to not dress how "others" want then why is it bothering you?

Validate that his refusal to dress up, don a jacket, etc. is perfectly OK. My oldest son never went along with such things as pajama day, crazy hat day, silly socks day etc. I would let him know that the other kids were wearing pajamas to school and that he would be the only one dressed in regular clothes and would ask if he wants to participate, he would say "no thanks," I would say "OK" and that would be that.

You mention that they cry - is that because you fight them over this, or do they get upset when you get to wherever it is that you're going (school, etc.) and see that everyone else is different and then change their minds? If it's the former, then I think that just accepting the refusal will solve the stress and crying problem. If it's the latter, then bring along a change of clothes into whatever the theme is and if they see everyone is participating and they get upset because they feel left out, then give them the option to duck into the restroom and change.

There is nothing wrong with being a little rigid with clothing and accessories at this age, but understanding what bothers him might help you be more empathetic and help him understand why this bothers him and how to process those feelings. Perhaps he is comfortable when everyone is in his or her proper role - at school we wear school clothes, at night we wear pajamas, and never the twain shall meet, and seeing things out of the norm messes with his sense of routine and balance. Maybe it's a sensory issue. Maybe he's afraid of something. None of these mean that his choice to not participate is wrong, it just might help him to feel more comfortable with his own choice and accepting that the other kids have chosen differently.

I always hated my parents making me do silly things like if I made a funny animal sound or a silly face at home, they ALWAYS made me do it in front of company or if we went to someone's home, especially a relative, I always had to 'make my silly noise' or "make that silly face you did the other day..." & if I refused I got made to do it, I had to or 'else'. I think your son is more aware of things that you think he is & just knows for himself that certain things are just not something he wants to do & you should respect that. While my situation was a bit different, no clothes involved, I can definitly say I could relate to your son in having had the same type of feelings at that age. I would just make the offer to him & if he refuses, ask why & if he still refuses, just leave it & go on. Is it really that big a deal if he doesn't?? Think of that movie A Christmas Story when the mom made the younger brother grunt like a pig to eat his food or the older boy 'having' to put on that pink bunny suit. If you haven't seen the movie, watch it sometime & you'll see what I mean. As for school, if the teachers or principal bring it up 'why' they didn't dress for sports day or retro day, etc. just explain that your son(s) didn't want to participate & leave it at that. I think you're just getting stressed & frustrated over something that's really trivial & minor when ya really think about it. Good luck!!

i don't see the issue. you're putting pressure on him to "perform" and "look cute" and he just doesn't want to. my son doesn't like to dress up in costumes for fun (he will do it for halloween but not just for fun at any other time), or even wear clothes with lots of decorations (he hates the character theme clothes with pictures all over them) sometimes he doesn't even like stripes. so what? why turn it into a war every time? i definitely think like Robyn M says, some kids just like to lay low and be more of an observer. that's perfectly okay. you may want to make a point to teach your sons that, instead of putting pressure on them to "fit in".

I am just making an assumption, pardon me, but this sounds like this issue has become a battle for control in your house.
Everytime an opp. for dressing in other things come up y'all are prepared for battle, and a battle ensues.
I would ask the question once: Would you like to try on the fireman's jacket today?
And accept the answer. And then---boom---issue over.

And I encourage you to look at the bright side: you have a son does not feel peer pressure to do what all the other kids are doing!
How awesome! My 18 yr. old is like that, too. Hated dress up days, hated pep rallies where everyone was supposed to cheer and yell, will not wear the "in" clothes that other kids spend lots of money on....
He left a middle school party where there was talk of sexual experimentation to occur later on. He did not stay b/c everyone else was going to try things with girls later.
And now he is a college freshman, who has left parties where there is drinking, and smoking pot because he is confident in making up his own mind! Pretty cool character trait.

My daughter used to be scared of altered photographs, like airbrushed things and special effects, she used to scream in horror. Thats the reason i didnt make her look at them, it wasnt necessary to do so because, altered pictures-like funny outfits are not essential to development.

Sounds like you have some spirited leaders on your hand! lol! Have you tried just making these things a non-issue yet? Try to let it go (if you haven't yet)... maybe they will come around. After all, the examples you give aren't necessarily deal breakers... they are not hurting anyone, or themselves... embrace their uniqueness!

Let it go. My son wears a uniform to school and occasionally they have a 'dress down day' and he refuses. He is also 5 and in his mind the uniform is what he wears to school. He may or may not come around...doesn't really matter!

School dress-up days are supposed to be fun, and if it's not fun for you, there's no point in doing it. It's not required after all.
If he doesn't mind being different from others, more power to him! He's not influencing his brother to do anything terrible, so I wouldn't be worried about that.

What I'd probably do is ask them a few days in advance if they want to pick out clothes to wear on spirit day, If they say they don't want to do it, no harm done. Just drop it. My daughter used to not like dressing up at the Children's Museum, but she's more open to it now at 6. She also hates 3D glasses. They freak her out.

We go through this here as well with our identical twins. I don't force the one who doesn't care about the stuff to go along with the group. She HATES being like her sister and everyone else. I just let her be and all is well.

Is he a child or a decorating prop? Leave him be? Why the hell are you dressing him up anyway? And how is this even funny? Be good parents for his sake, not yours.

Don't push him about it, but try to lead by example. Do you wear (around the house) bunny ears for Easter or reindeer antlers for Christmas? Just have fun with it yourself and maybe they'll join in. My son LOVED dressing up like a fireman for Halloween (and he liked wizard costumes later on).
I don't see any reason for them to cry about it if you let it go and just have fun in different ways.

Don't make him wear clothes he doesn't want to wear.

I have to agree with others, this is really not something to argue about. If they don't want to dress up don't make them. These things at school are optional. My son doesn't always want to participate in these types of school events either. Pick your battles on stuff that is important and let this go. I also agree that these events are supposed to be fun, if they are not having fun or don't think it's fun to dress up, then what is the point?

Don't make him wear the special outfit. Some kids just don't like to.

Or have them take the picture of him wearing the fire jacket and crying. It will be a funny story/photo when he's older.

I am going to have to go with the general consensus here that creating a battle and a scene over special clothes seems like a lot of extra drama and stress for something that's not that important. I know it's hard because we want those special pictures and memories, but his refusal could end up being a special memory in and of itself. There's no reason to fight with them over it to the point that they're trying. Forcing them to do something like this at this age is only like to make other battles over more serious things harder.

I would simply explain to both your sons that whatever they want to do is fine - even if it's not the same thing as the other children or even each other. It's ok to be different and it's ok to be the same. Let them know you respect them enough to allow them to make some minor decisions like these on their own and I imagine a lot of the stress in your life will melt away.

I wouldn't push the son who doesn't want to do it. Instead, sit them down and let them know that they are individuals and like different things. If one doesn't want to participate, he will never be forced to. If the other does, that is his choice. They are 5 now and can make these decisions on their own. Try not to create a battle for control even though if you had it your way, they would both participate. Trying to talk him into it will only create more of a battle. Remind the son who does like to participate that he is his own person and can make his own decisions and not to feel like he should opt out just because his brother does. If they both choose not to, oh well. I've been dealing with this as well. My son used to love to participate in such things but a boy he looks up to in school does not. Now my son says he doesn't want any part of it. I hate for him to grow up and become "too cool" too fast!