OK I don't know what to do about this. During the summer my ex slept on my daughter's floor to save money b/c he put a window air conditioner in there to save money and didn't want to put o the central air, and they both like it freezing, so he set up camp on her floor, and he's always hated beds b/c of his back. So now shes used to it, so hes continued sleeping on the floor?! So now shes equating my house to sleeping alone and saying she wants her daddy b/c hes nicer and shes scared and having nightmares at her house with M.. So she keeps getting up over and over in the middle of the night crying until I give in at 4am and she climbs into bed with M..
I've asked him since her home with him has always been her home, since hes at our house, to break the pattern there so she doesnt associate sleeping alone to my place and having someone with her to his place. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and should J. let her sleep with M. if shes scared, or I should crash on the floor...yea I'm not doing that one. Shes 5! and we've been in the new house for a month and this only started happening that she keeps getting up and crying in the last week, since she was sick and kept coughing to wake herself up, before I'd stay and comfort her and read stories until she got sleepy and left, and I guess she never realized I was leaving, b/c now that she was sick and getting up and realizing she was alone, shes dreading bed time and crying. I havent had to deal with this from her ever before, and I'm not sure what to do? If I keep putting her back in bed all through the night and then at 4am I get SOOO tired and give up since I have to be up at 6am for work
I do agree that if shes cared b/ of newness or the house I would let her come with M. or comfort her, but I can tell you for sure its not that and its J. she likes someone beside her at night, so now shes using well Daddy lets M., and its making bedtime horrible. I have tried telling her i'm litterally two steps away, i leave the hallway light on and my door open, but she still wants M. to ley right beside her
ALSO we've been seperated 2 years but prior to last month we timeshared the house so whoever got her got the house, or I slept with her at my parents.
I've slept most nights with my daughter since she was born, and her dad has slept with her most of the others. She eventually decided that she was old enough not to sleep with her dad at his house and only sometimes sleeps with M. now.
She's only five, five is little, and she's going through an adjustment. I would let her sleep with you. It won't last forever. They do grow up fast.
if you want my honest opinion- let her in your bed- there has apparently been a great transition in her life if the new place is only a month old. She is five her world is a little topsy turvey the "newness" will wear off and eventually dad will sleep in his room and she will sleep in hers. But if it makes it easier for you and her for a little while to sleep with you and feel safe and you get some rest seems like a win win.
We've had this issue with my oldest and we haven't even moved or divorced etc. 5 is still young. It may not seem like it now but when she's 10, which is still very young in the grand scheme of things, 5 will be more obviously young. I'd let her in my bed if it doesn't bother you or put a mattress on the floor in your room so she can sleep there. Or a sleeping bag... I also work and feel that since I'm not home with my kids all day, they have a right to a more attention at night. Fostering a sense of security in kids in hugely important. So if this will help her, I'd do it.
We had a similar issue, my stepdaughter slept in her daddy's bed since they got divorced. He lived with his mom and sister in a tiny house so he had ONE room for him and her and there was one bed. When he moved out with M. he wanted all of us to sleep together in one bed--NOT going to happen since she was already 6 years old! Plus she slept alone at her mom's house.
What you can do is allow her to sleep with you for a little while since it's a new house and she's transitioning. Give it a few weeks so you can get some rest. Then let her know she's a "big girl" and she needs to go to sleep in her own room. If she gets scared, she's welcome to come and sleep on your floor. If she sleeps on your floor she gets a blanket and a pillow. Don't make it too comfy. At first my SD thought this was so neat! Sleeping on the floor! But then it got uncomfortable after a night or two and she wanted a mattress. We said "no, mattress, but you do have a nice bed in your own room!" Eventually she chose, on her own, to sleep in her own bed.
Good luck! And remember, you can't control what goes on at Dad's. You made a request and he won't do it. It sucks, but that's how it works :(
Well : my 7 y/o went the whole summer at her dad's , and when she came back it was the same situation, we tried every hour to send her to bed until my husband has to go and sleep with her, ( I'm breastfeeding) ..well is been 3 months and sometimes she still wake up and scream for daddy, I know is J. hungry for attention, keep sending her to bed or J. take her in yours, the best that fit you , in my case I will let her in the floor in my bedroom. ( she doesn't like the floor) and that works for M., she returns to her bed.
My 6 year old has only J. started to get scared of being alone or in a dim/dark area of the house, etc - - and she's bedshared with M. for her first 5 years and only recently moved to a toddler bed at the end of our Queen bed because baby brother was born. She tells M. how much she misses sleeping next time and doesn't feel as safe.
Kids now a days have to deal with so much more violence, fear, intensive school (that doesn't always teach them what they need but somehow they give tons of homework), less time with family... is allowing her to bed-share or have a mattress in your room REALLY that hard for you? Do you like sleeping alone- without a partner/spouse/etc? If you had to choose between sleeping 100% alone or to have another person sleep with you - I bet you'd choose to have someone sleep with you. You are an ADULT... why would you force adult actions on a young child?
My vote is - allow her to bedshare or co-sleep. This need of hers will not last forever.
My 5 year old goes through periods like this and recently with all the Halloween stuff even more. He will tell us he's scared and his options are to either sleep in his bed, or sleep on our floor, not in bed with us. Most of the time he will start in his bed and if he wakes up with nightmares, J. comes and sleeps on the floor. At first we let him sleep in our bed, but that becomes a bad habit fast, so then we went to the floor which is much more uncomfortable, but at least another option.
Even if you can't get her dad on board with ditching this habit, she's definitely capable at 5 of knowing at your house, this doesn't fly even if it does with daddy. So, J. work on consistency at your house for now - do NOT give in even if it means some sleepless nights because then you are only making the problem worse. Let her scream, let her cry, but stay in your room or outside of her room. Every time she comes out, place her back in bed. EVENTUALLY she will learn she has to be in her bed and you're going to be in yours. Good luck, I don't envy you!
If she wakes up let her in your bed. It sounds like she is having a hard time adjusting to the new home. Like you said before she didn't know you where not there. And now she does. There are so manythings that scare kids and make them insucure you. Does she have a night light? I would get her a cool one that she really likes and let her know you are in the next room. My son had issues with that. He's 9 and does not like to sleep alone. He's shared a room with his brother pretty much his entire life and when his brother is not there he usually does not sleep in his room.
Good luck and God Bless!!!
