Rules for Sleeping with Mom and Dad

Might be better for you to take her back to her bed and crawl in with her... once she's back to sleep hop out and go home :)
I always thru my kids in the middle of us when the wandered in, but if they got too restless or whatever I'd carry them back to their bed, they usually dont wake up.

I didn't see where you said how old she is.

I just walked ours back to their rooms and retucked them in bed. If they had had a bad dream or were upset somehow, I might stay with them a few minutes, (stand beside their bed or in the doorway of their room, very rarely I might lie down with them). It is always the hardest the first time or two you do this. Because it seems easier to just allow them into your bed and go back to sleep. I did that. But I was always awakened a short time later as you describe (either kicked or some part of my anatomy was asleep from not being able to move freely - my daughter was a cuddler) and got less sleep than if I had gotten out of bed earlier and walked them back to their rooms. So I started walking them back to their rooms almost as quickly as I became aware of their presence. Within a night or two, with a rare single night here or there later on... it became a non-issue. They just stopped getting up. But you can't carry them back. Have them walk themselves. At first I thought it would wake them up too much to make them walk, and then we'd have problems getting them to go back to sleep... but it doesn't. It actually seems to make them drop right off to sleep faster and STAY there. :)

I'm with you, though.. no matter what you do... I wouldn't lock her out. I always want my kids to be able to get to me if they need to. If they are sick or whatever...

When our kids moved into toddler beds, we had to deal with the issue of them coming into our room in the middle of the night and took an informal poll among our friends: Should we or shouldn't we let them sleep with us? The answers were split about 50-50, but the one that got us was "In 20 years, you'll miss the sound of those little feet running down the hall." We also had another friend tell us that her husband used to sleep on the floor outside his parents' bedroom door when he was little because he was scared, but wasn't allowed to sleep with his parents, which sounds really sad! So our "rule" is that you have to go to sleep in your own bed, but if you wake up during the night, you can come get in bed with Mommy and Daddy (and yes, we have an "active" sleeper and a cuddler, too). As the kids got a little bigger, the queen bed got really crowded, so we finally bought a king-sized bed. Our kids are 6 and 4 now and often make it all night in their own beds, though we still end up with at least one of them in bed before the night is over once or twice a week (usually the 4-year-old). Both of us sleep much better when they stay in their own beds, but this is a short period of their childhood and we want them to know that they can come to us when they need to. You didn't say how old your daughter is, but chances are as time goes on, she will come to your room less -- that's the way it's worked with both of ours anyway.

We have a rule with our kids (3 1/2 son and 21 months daugter). They can sleep with us if it's not dark outside.
Darkness means that it's night and they have to stay in their bed. When they are sick or having nightmares, I would stay a little with them in their bed (very uncomfortable to lie down in a toddler bed!), but they cannot come in our bed.
In the morning, they can come. Our son often open the curtains to show us that "Look! it's not night anymore, it's morning", even if it's very very early and the sun has technically not yet risen :-) So, we cuddle a little altogether in the morning but everyone sleeps in their own bed at night.

I would suggest purchasing an extra mattress to keep on the floor. We have musical beds at our house too. My DD will come in randomly because she shares a room with her 2 year old brother who sometimes wakes up so much at night that she gets sick of it! We have a mattress on our floor that she crawls right into and we all sleep fine. The extra money on the mattress is worth a good nights sleep.

We put a palate on the floor next to the bed so that when our oldest comes in, he can just lay down and sleep there---sleeping bag, comfy blankets and pillows etc. He is a kicker too and we had to just teach him it is totally fine to come in a sleep with us, but he needs to be quiet and get in his bed next to us on the floor. It works really well for him-maybe it will work for you?

M

im a co sleeper, i think this practice is the best. my daughters sleep with me every night. My husband is usually on an oil rig somewhere, but even if he is in town one of our daughters still sleeps between us. yeah i have to get creative when it comes to personal time but that is beside my point. IF my daughter needs me im there for her, i used to go with my daughter(my oldest) into her room if she needed me to, between 3 and 4 was when i started to make her sleep by herself. In other cultures it is very common to do this, I plan on trying to get my youngest in her own bed soon. Im happy with my decision and so is my husband. I recommend maybe a bigger bed for you, or for your daughter, making co sleeping easier. of course you will not have to appease her every night, you are the judge of the importance of it.

a also need to know her age, anything under 5 applies to what im talking about

I will let my daughter make a 'nest' next to my side of the bed (she is 4.5). (This is a blanket and pillow.) If necessary, I will hold her hand to help her go back to sleep. This seems to work for us - as being in bed with us would result in none of us getting sleep. (She is also an active sleeper.)
Probably the first few times I helped collect the nest items, but now she will go and get them so I can stay in bed. :)
This is not a nightly event, more like every few weeks. It seems to work for all of us. She feels loved, and like we are available. We are able to get her back to sleep quickly, so all of us are rested in the morning. (I also figure that her bed is more comfortable, so there is not the incentive of being in a warm cozy bed - the floor is not that comfy!)
With both of mine, we have a rule that to wake up in the morning the sun must be awake first. It is not always listened to - but even they will quote it to us before the sun is awake. :)
Good luck. Your sleep is important too! :) I know I am a much better parent when rested. :)

Either lay down with her in her bed until she falls asleep, or put a bed on the floor in your room for her (nothing more than a sleeping bag).
Some children simply take longer to learn to fall asleep again on their own after waking in the middle of the night. Studies show that ALL OF US wake in the middle of the night, but only some of us learn to put ourselves back to sleep alone.

She will only be this age for a short time. I am still dealing with an almost 9yo who crawls into bed with us or her brothers a few times a week. She's scared and confused when she waked up, so we are working with her to find things she can do to help her fall back to sleep in her own bed.

I know *I* don't like sleeping alone, never have. It was nothing my parents did or didn't do, it's just the way I am. I'm not surprised it has rubbed off on my daughter, as irritating as it is for her to come into my bed at night. She is slowly learning to sleep alone, but it will take time and I am confident she will stop by the time she is 18 :D

Please listen to me... The longer you let her in your bed, the more insecure she will be as an adult.
I had the same problem. Will work out when you really decide to lock her out as I did. He will sleep on the floor near my bedroom door. But, finally he broke this out.
If you want you daughter to be independent when she grows up, please help her now by not letting her to sleep with you.

You don't say how old she is. This might make a dif in my answer, but I'll try to answer generically. Night terrors is a tolally separate matter so I'll ignore that for now. I assume she isn't still nursing, 'cause when they are, that pretty much keeps them in a more sleep-compatable position. Try a crib mattress on the floor right beside your bed, one you can shove under your bed & out of the way during the day, and drag out at night. SInce you have younger ones, she's probably old enough to understand a good talking to. Ask what her reasons are for needing this routine. Perhaps she would be content to sleep in her own bed if she snuggled with you at nap time. perhaps she could sleep w one of the other kids, or with a pet ( I know, a stuffed animal or doll won't do, it has to be soft & warm & alive!) Or just explain how she is hurting you in her sleep & you know it's not her fault, but it just can't go on. Kids understand more than you think! Perhaps getting in your bed to read a book, then hopping down into her own bed would work. In the end, you are the parent, it's not a popularity contest. You will have to make some unpopular decisions for her own good. Don't let her rule you!

K is like that too, she sleeps like her mom and J sleeps just like me, he never moves once he is asleep. I think it is just going to have to be a decision you make to get up and take her back to her bed and lay down next to her until she is back asleep. That's what worked with K, she was needing the contact. Once she was back asleep in her bed she would sleep until morning. Sleep cycles last a couple of hours so she should be good until morning if this is after 3 or 4am.

We had movie night a few weeks ago and I put a King size Tommy Hilfiger quilt on the living room floor on top of a King size 4" mattress pad, big throw pillows, lots of snuggly blankets, it was very fun and extremely comfy. K fell asleep during the movie and I just laid down on the love seat and went to sleep so she wouldn't be alone if she woke up. She rolled all night long. She was under the piano, then over in front of the recliner, the back on the quilt, then under the sewing table, just everywhere. It was interesting to watch her sleep. No wonder we wakeup with bruises when she crawls in bed with us.

Our only rule is that he goes to sleep in his own bed, but when he wakes up he can come get in ours. He will be four next week, and is in our bed every night. He maybe sleeps throught the night, 1 night every couple of months. But that gives me and the hubby a few hours alone in our bed at night, and then we wake up snuggling with our son in the middle. He is only little once, and I will def. miss those late mornings of snuggling.....

First, you've got to give her a "heads up" that this bed-sharing will come to an end (say, a few days advance warning), and why: "Even though you don't mean it, you come into bed and kick daddy or me in the face while we're asleep, and that has got to stop." I don't know how old your daughter is, but surely even a two-year-old can understand that. Then lay out what your alternative plan will be, which is that when she gets into bed with you, you will pick her up and take her back in her room, and put her back in her own bed where she will stay. You may or may not want to tell her that you'll stay by her until she goes to sleep. And you also need to tell her that screaming in the middle of the night will not be allowed. It may be a rough go for the next week, but stick to your plans and be consistent, and she'll eventually accept it. You said that your daughter wakes up your other babies -- are they in the room with you, or are they in a separate room? You may want to put them in their own space for a while with the fans running so that they can't hear your daughter when she starts to cry (because I'm sure she will the first few days, since she's so used to both getting in bed with you and screaming to get her way to stay).

I have nothing against co-sleeping and did it when my babies were both little; but getting kicked in the face or groin in the middle of the night just *does* *not* *work*.

NOPE. No rules.
You need to figure out what will work for you.
Clearly this situation isn't working well for you.
You didn't say how old she is but I'm guessing 3-4-5?
I think you shouldn't let her into your bed any more.
She needs to stay in her own bed.
I know it will be disruptive, at least for a few days,
but I think, if/when she comes to your bed,
one of you (alternate, take turns) pick her up
and bring her back to her own bed
and maybe sit with her for a few minutes until she is back asleep.
Sing or croon or (kinda) rock or whatever.
But she should sleep in her own bed.
If she comes again, do it again.
Just keep bringing her back to her own bed
until she knows that's where she belongs.
You're already at risk for waking your other children.
You might as well attempt to solve the situation.

Not sure how old your daugher is, but obviously old enough to be in a big bed, so old enough to understand simple rules.

I'd explain to her in advance that she sleeps in her room and tell her she cannot sleep in your room, except on special occassions.

When my son would wander to our room, I would walk him back, tuck him in, kiss/rub and go back to bed. yes, it was annoying at first, but he got he hang of it.

Depending on your daughter's age, you could put a baby gate at her door. If she is not completely awake, she may wander back to her bed on her own. I have even known people who have installed a screen door on their kids room so they could keep the door open, but keep them confined. This may not be appropriate for your daughter if she is old enough that wandering the house at night is not really a safety concern.

my daughter is almost four and goes to bed at 8p. what i tell her is that if she wakes up at night she is allowed to come into my room (she rarely comes in or wakes) i also tell her that she is to come straight to my room when she wakes (since my mil wakes her up with her noise in the morning getting ready for work at 5am). my daughter does like to move around in bed (up side down) i move her i have gotten kicked once and only once and i tell her if she cant sleep right in mamas bed then she has to go back in her room.

my daughter is 7 and is still in our bed everynight. we have gotten better about calmly taking her back to her room and turning her tv on with a movie she likes. she normally goes back to sleep now im not sauying shes doesnt come back in our bed an hour later some night but we have seen a big change. try setting up her room the way SHE wants it let her pick out sheets ect. our 7 year old also loves to have the dog in her bed and it really does help keep her there

I agree with victoria. It seems to work when you walk with them to their room and rub her back or head to comfort her so she'll sleep in her own bed. I'm kind of curious when you say that you are kicked and seem to not control your anger... I hope your not lashing out at her.. that will definitely wake her up and cause problems. Not saying you do lash at her obviously. Would she fall asleep to a movie in her room? a night light?

Take her back to her bed and tuck her in. Rinse and repeat. The first few times may be a little difficult and you may be met with some resistance, but once she learns that when she gets up in the middle of the night to come into your bed, you are going to take her back. Be consistent with the ONE message you wish to send.

Our son does this quite often and he still keeps coming back occasionally. We've walked him back to bed enough that he doesn't even fight the trip back to bed and we don't have any awake time, let alone meltdowns.

How old is she before I answer????