5 Year Old Sometimes Walks Off

The center for missing and exploited children have a wonderful "stranger danger video out. The video is called The safe side -stranger safety. http://www.thesafeside.com

I was pregnant with twins and had a broken foot and my then-three year old would take off for more interesting destinations. This terrified me because I was moving so slowly there was no way I could catch up with him. I bought a child's harness and I only ever had to use that darn thing ONE TIME! He knew I had it, but I don't think he really understood what it meant. When he started wandering off one day while we were in a crowded area, I placed that harness on him. I had steeled myself to receive some snide comments from passerbys, but the only comment I got was from my VERY unhappy son - who looked at me and announced: "I NOT a puppy, Mama!"

He absolutely hated that harness and just knowing that I had it with me was enough to keep him from wandering away ever again. We literally only had to use it that one day. He'll be five in a few months and STILL stays close by. (Our rule is that I have to be able to see him and he has to be able to see me at all times.)

I used to think it cruel to put children on a leash until I had a daughter who wondered off all the time. It works, although I haven't seen it for quite some time (she's 16 now). Another thing that was kinda cool was that one day she got a helium balloon. We tied it on her and I was able to keep track of her, but that was at a church function. Anyway, I don't know if there's any magical thing you can say. I assume you tell her, and have her repeat the directions back to you, to stay close to you. Just keep on. I know the leash idea is not fun and probably embarrassing, but it's more important to be safe. And who knows, maybe she'll stay close so she doesn't have to wear that silly thing. If she's not safe, then she can't enjoy the freedom and trust that comes from being obedient.

M.,
My two boys and my sister's three children did this also. What we did was install a push lock at the top of our front door. We would simply push it up so our boys couldn't open the door and walk out. We also installed pin locks at the top of out sliding glass doors too. My sister did the same. When we were out and about we had one of those harness and leash things on our boys. I know it sounds cruel and looks wrong, but what is better, your child looking rediculous or your child dead from running out in front of a moving car. Our boys are now 7 & 5 and they still try to wander off. We talk about stranger danger often and talk about stop, look and listen when it comes to roads, streets and parking lots.
It can be difficult especially with a curious child, but eventually things get better. Lots of Luck.

M.,

My son is now 4 1/2 and still sometimes does this. From the time he could walk, and even now, we've told him "if you want to walk and not ride in the cart, you HAVE to stay next to mom and dad. If you wander off, or we have to look for you, you ride in the cart". He hates not having his freedom, so that works well for us. He gets the choice when we enter the store of walking or riding. If he chooses walking we tell him to stay with us. The first time he walks away he gets a warning to stay with us. The second time he's told if he does it again he has to ride in the cart. The third time he gets to ride in the cart.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I had a nephew that was a wanderer, we were constantly telling him the dangers and what could happen to him, all to no avail. What finally seemed to work for him (when he was around 7). Is that every year we would take all the kids to the fair, well that year my sister in law couldn't go because one of her other kids was sick so she called me up and asked if I would take him with me and I said NO. She then put him on the phone and I told him that i could not take him with me because i could not trust him to stay with me and not wander off. He was very disappointed, but we noticed directly after that that he stopped wandering off and quit for good (pretty much) shortly there after. I don't know if you can create a similar scenario, but it might help.

Since your daughter strays on her own......With the thought of someone taking your child is getting more and more scary everyday with all of the Pedofiles in the news. I would be concerned too. I used to walk off from my parents when we would go to any store. I think I was a little older though. Back then it wasn't such a worry as it is now. What a problem this could turn into a real situation. I like the idea about the pocket then you know where she is at all times. I don't know how exactly to talk to a five year old about "stranger danger" and why it's very important to stay with in eye sight of mommy and daddy. You could do the harness and try to discipline her that way. I know it's sounds like you have a dog, but let her know if she is good and doesn't try to walk away and stay with mommy and daddy it will come off. I hope you are able to get through this one. It's a hard one. Good luck.

Hello M.:

I have a similarly curious child. I have tried and tried to get her to understand that wondering off or hiding in a public place is very unsafe. I was just talking to a friend that is a child psychologist that says this is very common for young children as they do not have the capacity to understand danger. She told me to sit down with my daughter before we leave the house and explain that we are going to hold hands every minute of our trip in the store(unless she sits in the cart). The rule is for both of us. If one of us needs to let go, then that person has to get permission from the other(this is where a new immediate rule is temporarily set). If she ask to let go, I ask why. She says I want to look at this book right over there. I say ok and stop what I am doing to let her, with a time frame. I ask her if I can let go and the rule is that she has to hold onto my purse the whole time. If one of us breaks the rule then we have to leave the store(of course you will not break the rule, as she will be happy to remind you :). If she does not break the rule she gets a token or a coin as a reward that she can save towards something. My friend says this will become second nature for the child to always be thinking of where her parent/guardian is at all times rather than what could happen to her.

On that note, I also tell my daughter that if ever she does get lost, that she needs to find a Mommy with children, which is always the most safe person to ask for help. I have a laminated card with my name and # on it that she keeps in her pocket, just in case.

Hope this helps some. It is working for me so far. It is a little cumbersome but worth the effort. Good Luck.

i use to make my daughter hold on to my back pocket everywhere we went. that way i could feel her. worked perfect.

I have a 5 year old as well. He loves to have his freedom. He's most definetly fearless. He likes to test me. Wandering off in the grocery store, mall, book store, you name it. So, because he's a boy, and can understand sports, I use the strike one, two and then three. The first time, I tell him "Strike One", Then the second "Strike Two" and then "Strike Three". Strike three is when we drop everything and we leave. I will not put up with the behavior. He usually shapes up by strike two. Because he knows, Strike three we are outta there. Hope it helps. Good luck.