5 Year Old Starting to Act Out

I don't have any experience in this department but I was thinking maybe there would be a way she could take her to visit the school (if she hasn't already). Maybe there is a fear of the unknown. Once she sees what it will be like it will calm her down.

Her daughter may well be worried with the new changes of going to school and Mommy getting a job. The mother should definitely talk to her child and see what exactly is bothering her. Often children's worries are not those that we might expect. The best way to do that is to be open and honest with her. Her mother should tell her what she enjoys about life the way it currently is and what she is excited AND worried about for the up-coming year.

However, whatever the daughter's concerns are, they are not excuses to be used for inappropriate behavior. Her daughter will be reminded of this with consistent discipline from her parents. Some parents feel guilty when they know their children are undergoing big changes--and they allow that to cloud their judgment about how to handle negative behavior.

We need to realize that we are doing our children a disservice when we protect them from things that may make them uncomfortable. We as human beings are constantly faced with challenges, and our children need to experience these things as well, with us to serve as guides. (Nothing is more traumatic for a child than when he finally grows up enough to be on his own only to realize that he has no idea how to deal with problems when they arise.)

Many kids go through a stage where they say that a certain act of discipline has no effect on them--or otherwise they "don't care". They will say this, but that does not make it true. A parent knows their child. They know what their child enjoys and values--and what might inflame negative behaviors (like being hungry or tired). Knowing those things (as manipulative as it sounds) help parents effectively discipline their children and fend off problems before they arise.

I have found discipline like earlier bedtimes for grumpy behavior to be effective. Also there is my mother's tried and true method. When a child is acting up for attention, distract her with positive attention--Actions like a spontaneous tickle fight or lifting a child's legs so she walks on her hands can have amazing effects. They diffuse a negative situation, raise the both child and parent moods, and reinforce the bond of love.

Bottom line: Kids don't want to act like idiots (pardon my bluntness). Sometimes they just need help not to.

I totally agree with Mitzi? I think that is the name, I'm sorry if I mispelled it.

I would just like to add a few things. My advice, which I have seen this time and time again.... Consistency. No matter where you are, what you are doing, there has to be consistency in consequences for poor behavior. IMO there is no bad behavior, just poor choices. If you as a parent are not consistent, then there are no consequences really.

There is nothing wrong with feeling a bit guilty, but using that as an excuse for not disciplining poor choices, is only going to cause the opposite reaction. The child will take advantage of every situation.

My mother once told me that children, while in their room are making virtual t-shirts with all of our buttons on them. They know exactly which ones to push and when. My children are 30, 23 and 19. They still push the right buttons, when they need to. But on the other hand, they know what they can get away with me, and what they can't. They still get disciplined, when they are out of line, it is just age appropriate now. :)

This is a tough position to be in. I do sympathize with her. Invite her here, and if she is still having problems, perhaps we can help her further.

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starting school can be a highly anxious time for any age even college. i think once she starts school some of this energy may go away however if it doesnt you should talk to her doctor there may be something underlying that needs to be addressed medically. good luck

At first I thought you must be a neighbor of mine... I have a 5 year old who starts school in the fall and I'll have to go back to work too. Toss in that her father and I want to separate and she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes two weeks ago and you have a typically sweet girl morphing into a "Drama Queen" with a serious case of mood swings.

Kids are smart, but too often they pick up on tension in the home and changes in the air... I believe that if you are firm about limits and boundaries, put a positive spin on things like starting school and don't put up with rude behavior or acting out, things will settle down once school starts.

All kids go thru phases and changes in routine are especially hard for them. Starting school is scary, not being with mom all day a little frightening and the tug between wanting to be a baby and a big kid is tough. Try and be patient, reassure the child about the future and know that this too will pass.

I would tell your friend to keep up doing what she is doing by correcting her behavor, my daughter was doing the same thing before starting school but when she started school everything changed she still acted out a little at home more son when her brother was born but she was a perfect angel in school I think it is just a short term thing.

Sounds like your neighbor is using a punishment system (taking things away) and it's not working. I would go in the opposite direction and focus on positive reinforcement (what she gets for being good on a frequent basis)-- usually if one way isn't working well, the other will.

Mel