5 Year Old with Emotional Issues

I can't answer regarding the emotional needs and inappropriate language. I do know that poor fine motor skills can be a reason for real frustration. I would take him to an occupational therapist for an assessment. She should check for sensory integration problems as well. OT made such a difference for one of my children.

Given that he has trouble with language, is he seeing a speech and language pathologist? I hope he is... he should be. You need to have both receptive AND expressive language testing done. When a child can't get out of his mouth what he wants to say, it's a recipe for lots of anger.

My older child had a difficult personality. He is very, very smart and was very verbal very early. He also could get emotional and frustrated because he was such a perfectionist. We kept him on a strict sleep schedule because he would be a little monster if he didn't get to bed every night by 9:00. He was impulsive, but didn't have ADHD. I did try a course of different ADHD medications, and they were disasters (how I knew that he didn't have ADHD). Put together with a terrible 2nd grade teacher, he had a truly miserable year. It took a year to get over that (with a loving and wonderful 3rd grade teacher.)

I would consider play therapy for your son. The play therapist can make considered recommendations for him and possibly find a group for him to work with. The group builds trust and role plays a lot.

Don't work with people who sit with him for a half hour and then give you a diagnosis. That's not fair to you or your child. AND it's lazy and leading on the part of the assessor.

Lastly, a psychoeducational evaluation should be done at some point. The child psychologist you are most likely talking to should tell you when that is appropriate.

I wish you all the best. I am sorry that you didn't start sooner, but now is better then later. Pull out ALL the stops for as much early intervention as possible. You'll really need it so that the pre-teen years aren't total turmoil.

Good luck~

It's hard to give advice before you get a more concrete diagnosis, or at least a rough idea of what you are dealing with.
Autism/Aspergers, anxiety, ADD, OCD, sensory processing disorders, these things may have similarities but they are really very different and need to be treated based on the individual diagnosis & severity and particular needs of your child.
I understand your urgency for support and advice but you need to determine the problem BEFORE you can start to treat it.
I have a daughter who suffers from anxiety and has ADHD. Her anxiety has been effectively treated with therapy and her ADHD is manageable without medication at this point, but she has an IEP and receives special support services. Her treatment and support is very specific to HER, and it's based on professional psych and medical testing, as well as input from us (her parents) her therapist and her school counselors.
What I'm saying is, you are at the beginning of a journey. Once your son gets tested, and once you have some feedback from professionals you can start to seek specific strategies to deal with his unique needs.
If you are really in Lafayette you are lucky because the schools there are amazing and your son will get the support he needs.
I'm in Orinda, so if you want to PM me I can give your some local referrals, too, for a therapist and a pediatric developmental psychologist.

I would talk to your pediatrician and go from there. I am not sure if what you are describing are true "emotional issues" so much as more typical of kids who get frustrated easily and don't have the tools to deal with that correctly. Or a kid who is just more strong-willed than most. Some years ago I got the book "Setting Limits For Your Strong-Willed Child" (or something like that) by Robert McKenzie. It's helped me a lot with dealing with my daughter (now 6) who is a great kid and also very strong-willed. It emphasizes that there is nothing "wrong" with these kids, they are just more apt to push boundaries and to push longer and harder than most other kids. They have to be given very firm and consistent instructions and the consequences for not following through have to be very clear, and enforced every single time, for them to start to "get it" - in other words, they often have to learn the hard way but it won't ever hit home for them if they are not given clear messages and are allowed to let arguments and back talk drag out before a consequence is given.

A child that can't cope well with being told "no" at home is not necessarily going to be ok with it at school. My daughter does not like being told no either, but at least she's heard it enough times at home that she knows better than to test the teachers at school. You can discuss these issues with the school counselor as well, but I would check out that book too and see if it does not describe your son. Good luck to you.

It seems like some medical stuff is being confused with behavioral stuff from this post and I know it's not possible to explain in full detail in one post, but sometimes kids don't deal well with being told "no" if they are highly spirited and difficult children without enough discipline to curb the violent outbursts (my 5 year old would have been one of those-he HATES "no" and LOVES pushing the envelope).

As for fine motor skills-could be medical for sure. Basic drawings? My son can barely draw and gets very frustrated about it. He was also a late talker. He's also at that age where he HATEs to lose, feels VERY competitive, and gets very upset that he's not as skilled as other kids at some things. Sometimes his emotions are so blown out of proportion I can't believe it. He'll want to punch and stomp and get all violent...But again, aggression and tantrums have been very firmly disciplined in our home in all kids starting at age 1 1/2, so with a warning (or two or three) he'll curb himself because he knows outright freak-outs or aggression of any sort would be firmly disciplined.

Difficulty with language could be medical (depending on what you mean developmentally) but speaking inappropriately, pushing the envelope and getting physical are behavioral choices-unless he has a severe diagnosis where he medically cannot control his behavior...

So whomever you work with, be sure it's a well-rounded doctor or team of various people who get to the bottom of his entire upbringing and environment that led him to this place, not just a doctor who thinks everything is a medication-worthy issue that can be labelled. Some kids are very difficult and very different than siblings, but not necessarily in need of meds or diagnosis. My first was easy, my second (5yo son) is very spirited, and my third is SUPER difficult and VERY emotional -more than other two combined. But they're all fine, just different, and some need firmer and more consistent handling than others for wrong behaviors. My oldest has never been adversely effected by me having to deal more forcefully with younger two.

He's been developing emotional issues since birth?
I'm not sure that's possible.
Wait to see what the assessment says.
Some of these things seem pretty typical of his age level (every kid hates to hear 'no' but they learn to deal with it sooner or later) but I don't know if he's extreme or not.
See what they say and then explore the options for treatment.

start with a counselor.. some therapy for him.. and you spending time with the therapist. medications is something to look into after you have exhausted all other options.

anxiety can cause all of the things you mention. the school may have resources for him. but the counselor is the place to start.

I agree with what the other mothers have said--and I have a 5.5-year-old son who is very much like what you describe. His assessment, done when he was almost 4, was somewhat inconclusive in terms of autism spectrum, but it did show a definite fine-motor delay, mild sensory-processing disorder, and a possible nonverbal learning disability. Given that, we chose to attack the fine-motor issue and sensory problems aggressively and see where that got us. Answer? He's doing AWESOME! We still have some issues, but he's in a mainstream kindergarten with minimal extra supports, and he is thriving. I advise you to talk to Nan Arkwright in Walnut Creek. She's an OT who specializes in sensory and fine-motor issues, and our son has made HUGE progress with her. Google her--you'll find her contact info. She's excellent. Good luck!!

My son was some what like that.

1. Food was hurting him, once we fixed that things got better.
2. My son got OT therapy at school
3. we take him for Accupressure.

we have modified and remvoed foods with dyes, chocolate as well.

He needs to learn how to cope, and school can help give him that they can help teach him coping skills.

Good luck

I have a GD who is on the autism spectrum. She has spent extended times with us. I am also raising another GD, not her sister. When GD with issues comes over, yes, there are things she does/says that are not appropriate or nice. But I don't have to say anything to the other kids because they know, from being around her, that she has issues and that some of these behaviors are due to those issues. I have taught empathy in my home so it's not a problem.

So, perhaps teach your other children empathy. That should take care of it.