5 Yo Boy and the Female Body

If you do not have a legal document giving you custody/guardianship, I strongly advise you to do this RAW. Along with the document comes the legal right to control who he sees and when he sees them. If you cannot afford an attorney call Legal Aid. Getting legal custody would have been easier when the parent(s) were not involved. However, the long period of absences will be taken into consideration. The court will order a home study and back ground history if the mother wants to have custody of the boy.

Another option is to talk with a Juvenile Court Intake Counselor. This situation is not good for your boy. They may have some helpful suggestions to help you gain full custody.

Whether or not he sees your body or his mothers has no bearing on where he lives. If you want more privacy then explain that to him and tell him not to come into the bathroom. When he does come in, remember it's a habit and will take time to break, ask him to leave. Do not make seeing a woman's body a big deal.

He is a normal boy. Please do not be concerned about his preoccupation with boobs. My grandchildren, a girl and a boy, age 9 and 6, are still interested in my breasts. They like to cuddle up on them and pat them and say, "squisy." Breasts are our first source of nutrition and comfort. I do teach them that touching them is not appropriate in public and I'm working on getting them to stop at home too. But....I'm not worried or concerned. This is just part of growing up. Your 5 yo has the added interest started by his mother's pregnancy and body changes.

I strongly urge you to get security for him in his life. You need to have legal custody and legal boundaries for his parents involvement. I would be more concerned about the disruptions his parents' on again, off again way that they show up in his life.

I know that his interests in girls and boobs is caused by his mother's pregnancy and his uncertainty about what is going on. His mother gave birth to him. This new baby will suckle at his mother's breasts. Did he? He may want to now. A pregnancy and baby bring up all sorts of issues from the past. For him most of those issues happened before he had a language with which to describe them. So he's going to act them out rather than talk about them.

I suggest that you talk with a child psychologist and perhaps also get your boy involved in some child therapy. He has too much going on in his life for a boy his age.

Do not allow his interest in the female body take you away from paying attention to the primary and most important issue of a secure living arrangement. You should be concerned about the body issues IF you think that the mother, her boyfriend, and/or the children are doing sexual things with him. If that is a possibility do not leave him alone with any of them and make note of anything that seems unhealthy to you.

L.,
Your grandson, I believe, sounds like a lovely and sensitive boy. My heart breaks for the situation with his mother and father, but he is ever so lucky to have you in his life -- and your care for him is quite obvious and wonderful.

In regards to the interest in the female body, I have a 5-year-old daughter and I must say that I think it is the age. They are curious little beings and my daughter is inquisitive about the female body (when will I grow breasts, will I have hair down there, too?) and the male body, as well (dad, may I see you go to the bathroom?) I think this is all normal. I don't have any advice per se, but we are pretty nonchalant with my daughter when she asks these types of questions. We mostly keep answers short and sweet and steer the conversation to other areas. In regards to the interest in breasts, maybe it would be helpful to tell them their purpose, feeding babies. Really, kids at this age are noticing differences in bodies and it's nothing sexual, dirty or unusual.

Don't worry, just be matter-of-fact with a perfunctory answer.

HI L., Just wanted to say that I think the preoccupation with body parts goes with this age. They are just noticing the difference and find it fascinating. You are on the right track as far teaching him what is inappropriate and introducing modesty. I would not be too alarmed.

First, bless you for being committed to this child. You want to be the best mom you can for him and I think that includes getting some help for you to handle not only his behaviors but also the family situation. I used to work with abused children. Curiosity about body parts is normal, continuing to obsess about them when repeatedly corrected is not. Now I am not saying that he definitely has been abused as far as someone making physical sexual contact with him but the behaviors you describe are a red flag that he has possibly seen something that is inappropriate. Even though I am sure you are very vigilant it can only take a minute of him being in another room. Many children's hospitals have trained therapists to assess situations like these and can refer you to family counseling. Look into it at your local children's hospital . If you are the caring committed person that you certainly seem to be, no one is going to take him from you. And until then, I agree with setting firm limits on it. Don't freak out and tell him he is nasty, just tell him that booty shaking or whatever is for in privacy only and escort him to his room.

i think this child has a broken heart and no matter how we try to love them, a child who has been so badly hurt by his mother is bound to have some issues. my own heart is breaking for him. but that's not your question. i think mostly this boob fascination is normal, he may be taking it to extremes and acting out with it when he knows you want him to stop. but he just sounds like such a great kid, maybe it would be helpful for him to talk to the school counsellor. and i would also do as someone suggested - make sure you have legal custody. i'm sorry if this is a sore subject, but mom is doing more harm than good. she is messing with his head. good luck...