6 1/2 Yr Old Son Having Behavior Issues in School

Wow my 6 year old had the same problems, very very smart byt had some behavioral problems, I was told that he was acting out because I was pregnant and he was looking for attention and also that he would grow out of it by second grade. He is now in 2nd grade and is doing a lot better this year. He is also a great big brother.

I would try to go on mom/son and dad/son dates so that he can get some one on one time. Maybe his behavior issues are an attempt to get more attention, good or bad. If he's able to get more time with you I think the rest will resolve itself.

I'm so sorry that you're family is experiencing this but, it sounds like your 3 and 6 year old need some way to vent their emotions and it's coming out in the form of 'bad behavior'.

Before my son, I was a teacher for five years and I'll just share what I saw from the other side. Kids who experience a tough time adjusting to new babies, usually appear to try to find attention at school at inappropriate times during the day. I had one little boy, who was very talkative and anxious about activities. He had been awesome the first part of the year, and just an amazing helper and super friendly and polite. When we sat down, and talked about what was bothering him, he told me his 'mommy and daddy didn't like him anymore'. It broke my heart to hear him say that, cause I knew his parents and they were super active at school ALL the time. As first graders, there is so much happening in the social process, and then their world changes again and they aren't the focus anymore.

My first step, was to talk to Mom and Dad without him and ask them if they noticed any changes at home. We talked about the new baby, and how it might be effecting their son. I asked them if they wanted intervention from the school counselor, or other school services...I always tried to make it about options for the family. His grades were failing, and he wasn't reading outloud anymore.They chose to work with the school counselor on a game plan to get their son back on track, and it was awesome. Within a month he was back to himself. He really just needed help knowing when he could tell and who he could talk to about feelings. He would tell me about how his Dad helped him wiht homework, and his Mom would take him to the library for special time...he was truly an amazing kiddo.

I know how hard preemies can be, let alone two!! My son was eight weeks, and needed special care for the first 7 months of his life...it was tough, and I couldn't imagine maintaining my sanity without the help I had or doing it with toddler/school age kids.

If you can, create a family activity time where you can do something just with your older boys. Get a sitter/relative to watch your litte one's (if you can, not sure what kind of care they need...my son's was meds and monitor, so grandma was my babysitter) while you guys go to the park or dinner, and have some good conversations about how they feel now that the twins are home and how they feel about being big brothers. Try to involve them, again if you can, in the care of the twins and make them apart of their new little brothers' lives so that they feel like big boys.

Again, just suggestions! But, you can always talk to the school counselor or someone else for help with ideas or programs you can do with your whole family.

best of luck with your family!!

Hi Janette:
It looks like you recieved some excellent responses.I especially liked Deannas. she sounds like an excellent teacher,and shes got a good head on her shoulders.While i'm sure there are some proven cases of ADHD out there,It would appear, we've been experiencing a major epidemic,the last 10 years.Wouldn't it? I find it extremely disturbing to see the vast number of misdiagnoised children living on MEDS today.Its an easy solution for some ,that have given up on dealing with a NORMAL,ACTIVE, child. Some of these parents may very well be convinced they are helping their children,however its more realistic, they feel the benifits of a meek, medicated adolesent,outweigh their OWN NEED to be medicated. I have nothing else to add,with the exception of The rules regarding (bathroom breaks)Look, I understand, that there has to be certain rules put in place,but suggesting, that young children either hold it, or suffer the humiliation of peeing their pants in front of their peers,absolutely ridiculous! If my son was denied the right to use the bathroom,except recess or breaks,I'd be marching down to the school board.Pronto. My son went through a time, when he was in elementary. He came home with a note from his teacher,explaining why he was recieving detention after school. "Your son..... is recieving detention,for disobeying the rules in Mrs. Jones 3rd grade class."There will be NO raising hands for help during class" " If you need extra help,you may stay after school for instruction" I was furious!! My son said he didn't understand something,and wanted to ask, so he could do the work page he was given to complete in class. As parents,and tax payers, we have every right to question certain rules.Even deanna will agree to that. lol. I wish you and your darlin sons the best.

Some children do have ADHD, but most do not. Most just have different styles. Unfortunately, the standard, average classroom only teaches to certain styles and does not accommodate all (like those who need to process information verbally.) Boys typically need to MOVE (they are more spatial) and who wants a mover in class?

Check out the book DISCOVER YOUR CHILD's LEARNING STYLE
http://www.learningsuccessinstitute.com/

I really can't stand the way typical "great" public schools handle discipline (rewards & punishments) because it doesn't address anything and just makes the kid feel worse. How does that help?!? All it does is make the teacher think she has control of the classroom and it comes at a great cost.
http://www.alfiekohn.com/articles_subject.htm

Even if you switch, unless you have a really seasoned teacher that doesn't use rewards & punishments (rare) you will have the same issues. But ask other parents (maybe there is one maverick in your school in 1st grade better suited for him.) Can you speak with the principal? I doubt very much your son is the ONLY one in first grade dealing with this. (And you should deal with this quick, as your child may not be the only one having "issues" with this teacher and perhaps you'll be the first one - and only one allowed - to switch if that's the best thing to do here.)

And I really don't think it's your son's problem, I think it's the way the schools/classrooms are set up that don't allow every child to succeed.

My son is in 3rd grade and has horrible handwriting. Only now the teacher (more strict) is taking points off for lousy handwriting. Doing it at first grade is pretty cruel and over the top IMO. The child needs to feel successful. He IS trying. She should not sabotage it by reprimanding something small when all he needs is SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.

Back to my son... there is a local tutor "learning coach" that I met at the Learning Styles Workshop I took in Ventura (through that website) last month. She coaches children with a program called HANDWRITING WITHOUT TEARS.
http://www.hwtears.com/

I met a mom who moved here from Pennsylvania and she said her school uses that writing program and her daughter has BEAUTIFUL handwriting. I'm steaming because I have to pay $70/hr for this tutoring (and I'm happy to do it because I think it will help him be successful.) I have friends who also paid $50-60 last year (2nd grade) to help their boys with their handwriting.

Yet our school district uses lame worksheets - that don't really teach anything (except to bore them to death), THEN in 1st grade (your case) they penalize HIM for doing it wrong. Shouldn't it be the other way around???? Isn't your District (like mine) more at fault for not teaching it right the first time around???

Is the problem really that your son is ADHD (as some here have suggested?) My son and the boys (and girls) with lousy penmanship are not ADHD.

The new additions to your family may also be an issue. My best advice there is for you to pay special, individual attention to him (and any other siblings) so he still feels love and encouragement from you.

My daughter is now 10. In kindergarten, the teacher discovered that if she was put at a communal desk or table no one got any work done. My daughter chattered and disrupted and did no work. When she was separated from the group, she was quiet and did her work. When asked if she minded the separate desk, she said, "No! I can actually think!"

The same thing happened in first grade. Only after a few weeks, the principal decided that it was "excessively punative" and "isolating," and insisted that she be put back at a table of six kids. Soon there were citations coming home for kicking, biting, screaming, throwing things... we were told that she had to learn to "live in the real world" and "get along with others." How many adults have to work at a desk with 5 other people? And are they accused of "not getting along" if they want their own desk? Some people simply need their space in order to concentrate. Your son may be one of those.

See if he works better alone. If he does, see if the teacher can accommodate that without making him feel "bad." Good luck!

No doubt your 2 eldest children are having a hard time adjusting to the twins AND their "disruption" in their family, because of it. As you know, children act-out, when they are having problems. As is the case for your children.

If anything, and if you cannot handle this on your own, it might be a real service to them, if you can get them counseling. Sometimes we Parents cannot do 'everything' to help our children and we need outside help.

For your kids, the problem is obviously adjusting to the new babies. Children experience "stress" as well... and they are obviously stressed out by all this. It is really imperative, that they get help with this. And right away. No dawdling about it. Your kids are in great need right now.

Kids also need LOTS of one on one time with their Parent(s). AND being able to talk story, to vent, to express their feelings... in a safe and "non-judgmental" way, so that they feel open about it. You do NOT want your kids feeling "pent-up"....and "helpless" and apathetic about all this.

Perhaps, explain your situation to the Teachers...openly. Then it will paint a bigger picture for them in understanding your children... and how they need help.

It can sometimes take time, for a child to stabilize and to feel "happy" about everything that changed for them in their life... they need "balance" again, and to feel it in their home.

To look on the other side of the fence: In my daughter's 1st grade class....there is a boy who CONSTANTLY makes trouble to the others... and disrupts the whole class. The Teacher is constantly having to monitor him and correct him. For the kids on the other end of the stick, this boy REALLY upsets them, makes them unhappy, makes them stressed out and irritated. For the Parents who hear this from their child...it is NOT a positive thing to hear...and it is equally upsetting. For me, when my daughter comes home and complains about this boy...almost everyday... it is VERY upsetting. VERY. I have even talked to his Mom about it... and all she does is make excuses for him. For example: One time my girl told her son to "Stop" making trouble AND before I could even utter anything out of my mouth, this Mom talked over me and made excuses for her son to MY daughter saying-"No, he's just a very active and imaginative boy, and he's very physical... so he's just having fun, you have to understand that...he's just funny that's all..." And my daughter's eyes looked up at mine and she looked so sad and her eyes turned red... So I stepped in and said "BUT, it's not funny for the other kids... there is a time and a place for that...." And I told my daughter in FRONT of that Mom "It's GOOD sweetie that you spoke up... you are right. It's Important to speak up and say what is on your mind if something is bothering you or tell the Teacher...Good girl..." BUT, that is not good enough... I don't care about excuses from that Mom... I just want the boy to STOP making trouble to my daughter. Why should my child have to "suffer" because of this boy and have HER learning experience suffer???? My daughter gets very stressed about it and this boy is just a ball of trouble. It is very disturbing.

THUS, I say... there are many sides to this- your child's home life, the trouble it brings to other students in class, the burden is brings to the ENTIRE class & to the Teacher... AND, then, what is going to be done about it? There are MANY MANY people being affected by this. SO... something has to be done.

AND, what if the other Parent's start to complain about it??? What then? What about your Son and how it will affect him? How will it be handled???? You must think about this, and nip it in the bud... both at home, and for the sake of his being a "student" in school.... these are "responsibilities" of any situation like this. Obviously, your Son is already stressing out the other kids... they "fear" he will make them lose "good behavior points"....and honestly, I can understand their worry about this. I"m sure you can too. So you see, it's affecting EVERYONE.

Yes, I TOTALLY empathize with the hardship this puts on your eldest children... and their school. BUT, you have to tend to their needs as much as you can, to make sure the are happy again. Thus, I say, perhaps counseling for them might be a good thing.

If what you are trying is not helping your children (ie: you and your husband giving them as much love and support as your can), then you MUST try other things. And, there are lots of suggestions here.

You also mention that you work part-time from home... so plus with your twins... is that impacting your 3 & 6 year old too? Do they get much face to face time with you? My daughter is expressive and just last night she was quite fussy, I asked her "why" and she point blank told me "Because you didn't spend time with me after dinner like you said you would..." And she was right... I had "forgotten" amidst all the other things I had to tend to before getting my 2 kids ready for bed. My daughter had been "waiting and waiting" (her words), and she finally got fed up with my not remembering. Shame on me, and I apologized to her and told her "I'm very sorry, your'e right. Mommy forgot, will you forgive me?" And then, we were back on track and she was happy again. I dropped whatever I was doing, and spent time with her. Kids need to SEE this and even to hear US "apologize" to them too.

I empathize with you and really feel for you. But just as a Parent who's daughter is affected by a student like this... I just wanted to elaborate on "how" it affects a whole bunch of people... and thus, your Son is getting affected by it all as well. No child, can handle this much stress and turmoil from ALL sides. You have to care for his emotional health and well being. He probably feels really marginalized, and "lonely" and "isolated" and alienated by all this... both at home AND at school. This is too much for a young child to bear.... he can't carry the whole world on his shoulders. Your 6 & 3 year old need more help. It's not just a "school" problem, it's their home-life that has to change so they are happier. School problems are just a symptom and result of it.

All the best,
Susan

This is the time to call upon your "villag" and have your support system really step in here - get help with the cooking, cleaning, shopping, baby holding, story reading. Can you hire a sitter/house cleaner, stop working nights so you can sleep and then divide your time among the 6 people in your family - you first, then your husband and then your children, with the eldest receiving the lions share at this time?
As he relaxes and feels happier and more secure, the 3 year old will follow his lead - with the two of them happier and more relaxed they will be less likely to have animosity toward the new babies. One on one time is CRUCIAL, for ALL relationships. Can you regularly volunteer in his classroom? Then he can see that his education/school experiences are important to you - actions speak louder than words. This is a boy who has been bumped from his place as first and only not once but three times. Some extra TLC is a good idea right now.
The first year of school is always a challenge and first year teachers - honey, I was a first year teacher and it was awful for everyone involved! Do NOT let your boy be labeled - that will stick with hime his entire time at this school and will cause even more problems down the line. Think about home schooling him for a month or two - the school can come up with a plan to help you if you decide that this is something you want to do - keep in mind that schools get their money based on student attendance and they encourage all students to be in class all the time - even when ill! If you think it will help, just pull him out and then send him back when you think he can deal better. Don't worry about his missing out academically - when teaching one on one you really can cover so much more material than a teacher with 20 to 30 students in the classroom - trust me! Think about it, do a little research.
Good Luck!

Hi Janette - OF COURSE your son is having a hard time - your entire family has gone thru a huge crisis! I hope the school counselor will help this teacher develop some more compassion. A little positive special attention from the teacher can go a long way. He may need a behavior plan to help with his classroom behavior right now, but it should NOT be color-coded because then everyone (other kids) can tell if he had a "red slip day". It needs to also be divided into at least 3 parts of the day - because kids this young need more frequent reinforcement. Be sure the counselor knows what you've been thru with your babies, etc and work with her to help the teacher get a clue. I don't have much faith in someone who gives 1st graders a zero for forgetting their name on their paper and pusnishes kids for going pee :-( but maybe she's trainable. I'm sure your son feels all your love and support and that will see him through. Good luck and many blessings. J.

You do not want a first year teacher for your son at this time. He needs an experienced 1st grade teacher to handle his particular problems.............i would insist on another class for him and then talk with the new teacher to see what can be done to help him.

i have always had the same kind of issues with my 7 year old. the teachers work together to get him work packets for the next grade up. so when he was in first grade, he did quite a bit of 2nd grade work. in the next year or two, he will be skipping up a grade. these kids are smart on most subjects, but the few that are not their best at must be focused on at home and school to get them to the next level. i go to stores like lakeshore learning teaching supplies store to get work books. hopefully you can work through it all, it can be tough. good luck!

This sounds like my son when he was in first grade. He was diagnosed with ADHD. Whether you choose to medicate or not, go to your doctor and have him tested so you can take appropriate steps to work with him. And, go to the school and meet with the principal and see if there is a teacher more experienced that you can move him to. Some teachers are just incapable of dealing with the challenges, trust me my son has had them. IF he does have ADHD, you can meet with the school and force them to make an action plan to deal with the problem. For several years, my son would leave the class and go to the learning lab to do important classwork and take tests. He liked it - it was calmer, less students and he could focus - and he wasn't bugging other kids. Some teachers are great about addressing problems, others are not. My son is in jr hi and on honor roll now. So, it eventually works itself out. You might also try to give him 30 minutes undivided attention each night - maybe at bedtime to hear about his day and read to him. If he's overwhelmed at home, it might help to get you all to himself for a bit. good luck

Your son and my son could be best buds. Christopher was EXACTLY the same.

Having your son separated is probably a good thing for both him and the class, so I would be happy with that. My guy had such a hard time in groups (he's very social) that he would beg his teacher to be separated and work on his own. (The years where teachers refused this request were h*** o* everybody.) Perhaps, as your son matures, he can join a group (perhaps a more understanding, accepting one, if such a group exists in this class) for one group session a day (or week or every other day, whatever) so he gets the practice.

While the two to three red slips a week are discouraging, don't lose hope (my guy had 2-3 a day!). One thing that really worked for my son was to have an incentive program for good behavior, both at school and at home. If Christopher behaved well at school, the teacher gave him an extra responsibility as "class helper" as a reward. At home, he earned a small, special something (ranging from extra one-on-one mom/dad time to a new book to playdates, etc...it was quite a shceme). If he behaved poorly at school, he lost priveleges with the teacher and he lost priveleges at home.

In the end, we discovered a few things. One, we learned our son was about 6 months behind on the maturity scale. Two, we learned he really, really needed a solid, protein based diet to give him enough brain fuel to focus all day. This required substanial changes in the family routine, but we did it, with amazing results. Three, we learned that our son needed recess to run around and burn extra energy, another key reason for his unfocused behavior. Consequently, taking recess away as a punishment stopped. It was counterproductive. Last but not least, we had our son allergy tested and discovered he was eating a lot of stuff to which he was allergic, the biggie being cow's milk. The dietary changes made, again, had a huge impact.

Finding the right teachers is essential. I learned the hard way not to be afraid to speak up and demand a different placement if the current one wasn't working out. On the other hand, I made sure I had exhausted every tool at my disposal before demanding change (and, happily, I only had to do that once). Be aware of your son's issues and don't make excuses for them. If you can, try to drop in and visit your son's class at different times of the day to get a really good feel for the class, the teacher and your own son in this setting. I had to do this my son's second grade year and I learned A LOT by doing this (like my son's teacher was a great teacher, but her style did not work for my son AT ALL).

Last but not least, keep a close eye on whether or not he's at grade level. As long as he's keeping up academically, try not to sweat the behavior stuff too much. If he starts to fall behind academically, run, don't walk, to the counselor to discuss remediation, testing, what have you.

Hang in there. You've got a lot going on. Time solved many of these issues with my guy; maybe it will with yours.

Good luck.

Hi Janette, it is normal for siblings behavior to change when new babies come home, You didn't mention a husband and daddy, but am going to asume there is one in the picture, what we used to do from the times our kids were small to now is have family nights, this can be fun nights, or nights to get all feelings and anxiety's on the table, when kids ton't verbalize, what is bothering them, it usually comes out in their behavior, not because they are bad kids, they just don't know any other way. so try that, if your 6 year old is geting 2 to 3 red slips a week, tell him, if you can go for a week and only get one red, you will get a surprise, it doesn't have to be something expensive, just something that shows toy acknowlege his improvement, and then tell him if you can go all week with no red slips thenh we an do this or we can do that, what ever is in your budget, and also since your babies are time consumming due to health issues maybe one day a week daddy can stay with the babies, and you devote that day to your other two kids, this may not fix the problem 100% but I believe it will make a difference, and I'm sure you will get a lot of good advice from other moms as well, try not to feel bad about your boys, use that energy to just love up on them, and spend some quality time with them, I will be praying for your babies to get better, and also pray for your family for blessings upon your family. J. L.

Janette,

Please dont be one of these mom's that goes overboard before common mom-sense. We all have a natural ability to sense the right thing to do, but sometimes over-diagnose problems of our children, reading too much into the situation, because we dont want to settle for our child being "disruptive", or "instagational", etc. Yes, there are reasons for it, but you will work through it just fine with consistancy and love, and DISCIPLINE. Simple, normal-for child-problem, simple, normal solution.
Discipline, love, discipline, love love love. Consistant consequence for his actions immediately. Take things away that he likes right when he misbehaves and put him in his room. While at shcool, let the teacher be consistant(hopefully she is)with her way, and when you find out(check each day with shcool), do your way accordingly and consistantly. There is no way he wont "get it".
So many people jump to counceling and that's when we somewhat lose the authorative position, phycologically, with the child.

Wendy

To SH: I'm afraid you are projecting what you feel about the trouble-making child and parent in your child's school onto Janette unfairly. I don't think Janette sounds like the kind of mom to ignore an obvious problem or make excuses for her child; otherwise she wouldn't be asking for help in this manner.

I totally disagree with kids not being allowed to use the restroom during class times, but I wonder if it's simply because they don't have aides in the classroom? At 6 1/2 they might not feel comfortable letting the kids go to the bathroom by themselves and the teacher can't leave a classroom full of kids alone. What can be done about this? Maybe more parents need to volunteer to work in the classrooms. I don't have an answer really. It's very unhealthy though for kids to have to "hold it." Make sure your son understands that he does need to use the bathroom during breaks so at least he's gone. Gosh that just makes me sad.

Otherwise, I'd have to agree that this child needs some more attention. Janette, I know it probably feels next to impossible to provide this given your current situation, and my heart really goes out to you. Whatever help you can get would be beneficial to your whole family. If you have friends or family nearby who can come and give you a break once in awhile by helping with the twins so you can spend some time with the other two kids, that would probably make a huge difference. The other thing I'd suggest is just to keep a very open communication with your son's teacher. Make sure she knows what's going on at home, but also ask her if she has any specific suggestions for your son. That can make her feel like you and she are on the same team and she may be more willing to work with you. It might also get her thinking about creative solutions. Since she's so new to teaching she has her own challenges to face. Try to get her on your side and she may be that much more willing to have patience with your son when he needs it. Good luck to you, I'm sure it will all work out with lots of love.

your son would probably benefit from a more veteran teacher, but unless you can convince the principal to move him, that really isn't an option.

look, his teacher did refer him to a counselor, that's awesome! it shows she knows what she's doing. work with your son at home:

1. role play how he could change his behavior at school. talk to his teacher so you know when he begins to act out. now use those situations and recreate them, get your three yr old and some stuff animals, and set up a make believe school. as you recreate them, talk to him ahead of time and have him act out a better behavior then the ones he has demonstrated at school.

2. set up a contract at home, a reward poster for both your son and daughter for the things they do well (brush teeth, pick up toys, use their manners at dinner, etc). use that grid paper from a teacher supply store and put up pictures and words of what the tasks are, then your son and daughter can both "read" it. i'm a teacher at sticker for when they do can be a pain, so use a pen and make a star yourself when they do this.

3. then offer a reward one the accomplish a certain number of positive choices. it can be as simple as help u make a cake or go to the park or get to pick out some cool snack at the store.

4. i'd talk to the teacher to see if he can go onto a "behavior contract" either done by 1/2 hour or by subject area. she fills it out with a hand drawn happy face or frown and discusses with him when he didn't get a happy face. the reason: your son may not realize what he's doing that is causing him to get red instead or blue. then, you could set a goal with your son and teacher, that if he gets so many happy faces, set an attainable goal and work up to the full day, then he gets.... something he wants, such as a sticker to wear home to you on his shirt!!!

5. ask the teacher how hew can earn back sitting with a group, what is her plan to help him get back with a table group. offer that if his behavior contract goes well, he begins to do his best 75% of the day, then he could move back???

also, from experience as a teacher, don't let the behavior contract slip at school. it can be a valuable tool for the teacher and your son if used correctly. :) good lcuk!!!

Your son is obviously suffering from a lack of attention and is seeking it at school in inappropriate ways. With a 3 year old and preemie twins at home also, I understand that you can not be all things to all people. I have four boys myself and it isn't easy in the best of circumstances, which you do not have right now. But your 6 year old is in crisis. Whatever attention you, your husband or other family members can give him would be very helpful. If no relatives are available, perhaps a Big Brother type of program. Anything to give him the attention he needs and deserves.
My son has a boy in his class who is not in a desk group. His desk is away from the others because he is often disruptive. It is better for everyone. The teacher must consider the well-being of all students in a class, and a disruptive child is quite upsetting to the others. Teachers do tend to put the good of the many ahead of the good of the disruptive child. It is understandable. Don't be too overprotective, although it is our first impulse as moms. The teacher needs to know that your son has a difficult situation at home, that you would prefer him not to receive red slips for asking to go to the bathroom, and that he is a good boy at home. Perhaps a bit of understanding on her part will make a difference. Or perhaps a switch in classroom can be made - a teacher with a bit more experience may be better able to handle the situation. It would be such a shame if your son was labeled a "troublemaker" in first grade, and the label followed him through school. The crying at school is a huge concern, also. Poor little guy. Good luck with this situation. Do everything you can to resolve it. Your twins are not the only ones who need extra attention.

Dear Janette,

Out of empathy, all I can say is I feel for you--your situation sounds very difficult. I know first-hand what the bed rest thing is like, and how it can change everything and everyone in the family. It sounds even more complicated now that the babies have arrived--thank heavens for small miracles! I hope that all the care-giving, fatigue and worry don't diminish the joy you might feel at bringing those babies into the world, despite the tremendous obstacles. I wish you strength, courage, peace and patience.

It's great that your son will see a school counsellor. My only suggestion would be: can you meet with this counsellor first (or by the second session) to explain the changes that have occurred in your household and give him/her a sense of the special stresses that your son has been under? Or even write it down (like you did for this post) and give it to the counsellor to review and keep in the file. Does his teacher know about these things as well--if not, it may help her to be aware of the full picture.

Kindest regards,
S

This may sound extreme, but is it possible for you to change the teacher of your son? A close friend of mine has a son who seemed "normal" in preschool, but in Kindergarten kept having issues and was eventually diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia. My friend and her son were battling with his teacher daily, and the teacher had an attitude toward the boy. My poor friend thought she was in for 12 years of this kind of struggle with him. His kindergarten teacher was in her second year of teaching. His first grade teacher (this year) has been teaching for over 20 years and has 3 or 4 "challenging" kids in her classroom. She can handle it and this year, the boy is having a MUCH better year. His conference went well and his energetic behavior is somehow channeled by this experienced teacher into constructive learning. If your son's teacher has an attitude and does not know how to handle your son, I would have a heart to heart with the principal and the counselor and see if there is another alternative for your son. He has had a hard time and he needs gentle direction, not harsh punishment. And YOU need some help, too. First grade is a big learning year, it would be a shame if he came out of it feeling like he was the "bad kid".

Hi Janette,

There is nothing wrong with your child. He is normal and it's normal to act up in class when you don't understand something. It's that simple. If you don't understand what's going on, then you will act up in frustration. If he knew what he didn't understand, it would be a lot easier to fix. I work with kids like your son and I've been able to help all of them. Send me a message if you are interested. I understand it's frustrating for him and you but it's very easy to fix. He doesn't need meds or punishment.
Thanks,

M.

Janette,
Did your son also have trouble with behavior in kindergarten before the twins birth? That answer could shed some light on whether he is reacting to getting less attention at home now that you are even busier. The other issue to consider is if he is just not ready for the longer school day in first grade. Many parents I know who have had active little boys, decided to switch them to another school where they could either repeat kindergarten or go to a private school where class size may be smaller. I also like the suggestion of home schooling for a while. He would get more time with you and the bathroom is right there! Also, try to get daddy to spend some regular special time with him, to have fun and gently teach him about proper behavior. Boys really try to emulate their fathers and kids learn best by example!
Best of luck to you and your wonderful family.
Janet

I'd like to share with you two of my testimonials of families that I am currently working with:

Angela, Mom of Jacob, 7.
"My son was heading down a very BAD road in school. He was RARELY focused, always "fidgety," becoming increasingly defiant and a behavior problem, and he HATED THE ALPHABET!!! By the bizillionth time his teacher reported a bad day with him, I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! That was a Friday. I decided to give him an Isagenix Protein shake every day for a week and see what happened. By Monday morning, he'd already had three morning shakes. Off to school he went. THAT DAY, his teacher reported an EXCELLENT day with him! Tuesday = AWESOME DAY. Wednesday = amazed look on her face = GREAT DAY!!! By the end of the week, he had had the best week in school he'd ever had! We are into our second week of shakes, and school has become an awesome experience for him rather than a drudgery. Thank you B.!"

Kim, Mom of Amber, 6, Garret, 10, & Shelby, 15

“After struggling in school for two years with not being able to focus and regulate his behaviour, my son, Garret, after 8 weeks on the Isagenix nutritional shakes, is a new boy. Normally, he would have at least one incident a day and sometimes multiple! His school said I should put him on a popular “doctor recommended medicinal program” to help maintain his focus. I chose Isagenix instead. He is able to focus and moderate his own energy so he can get the most out of his studies and relationships at school. We have noticed the change at home also. Our WHOLE FAMILY now has an Isagenix shake in the morning as our step toward our optimal health!”

If you want to know more, please contact me.

B. H. B.A.:B.Ed.
Family Nutrition Coach

As a teacher and a mother of an ADHD son, it sounds like there are A LOT of factors here that point directly to ADHD. My advice is to have him evaluated by your pediatrician and a psychiatrist; the combination of medication and therapy help tremendously and will give your son the tools he needs to be successful in school and in interpersonal relationships, which he will need in order to save his self-esteem. Also, use the resources provided by your school and school district. Request an IEP (individual education plan)through the school. Talk to other parents with similar issues. Read the American Academy of Pediatrics Guide to ADHD. Do internet research. There is lots of help out there, but you have to ask for it; the problems won't go away on their own. Good luck!

I don't have the experience or answers to your situation, but you have my support. Your poor family has conquered many challenges-hooray! It sounds like you have lots of love and maybe some more support from others who affect your lives would help. I'm disappointed that the school is isolating and not communicating your child's needs. Reach out to them!I don't think isolation is the answer and to keep tabs on school maybe that rewards system can be applied to home. Blue slip from school means an hour of 1 on 1 time with mom or dad alone, or he picks dinner or 30 min of nighttime reading with both parents. Even have a walk and talk about what he's feeling! It may be a simple solution of talking on a regular basis! Communication is key in an relationship! You can start by saying mommy and daddy want to ask for your help since your the oldest...or we would like some suggestions from you since your the big brother....how do you feel about...Making him a valuable player at home and not excluding him?
Hope that helps or helps trigger other ideas!
All the best!
A.

I'm sorry but I haven't had time to read all your responses, so please excuse me if this is repetitive. I'm an elementary school teacher so here are a few thoughts from the teacher's perspective.

After reading your post, a few things popped out at me. First, your son doesn't seem to care about the "consequences" for inappropriate behavior. I think you definitely need to talk with him to find out why. It may very well have to do with the arrival and circumstances of your twins. Some children become so desperate for attention that they will seek it out any way they can. He may be looking for attention at home. I often recommend to parents that they set aside some time on a regular basis that is one-on-one with their child. It could be 10 minutes each day reading a book or playing a game. It could be one hour on the weekends doing something. Often it doesn't matter what it is, just so that it is one-on-one with the child getting your undivided attention. I know it's not easy, but start out with a short, small time that your child can count on and go from there.

I'm also a fan of positive reinforcement. I've seen it work wonders. Coordinate it with the teacher, so she makes sure to send home info about BOTH good and bad behavior. Set up a simple reward system. Most kids respond well.

Last observation, if your son is really bright...he may be bored with the work and need some enrichment. Discuss this with the teacher. Your son may be finishing early or find the work too easy, and have nothing to do when he is finished. Idle hands and all that...talk with the teacher and see what she says. If she isn't able to provide it, then go to the teacher supply store or bookstore and find something that will interest or challenge him. When he's finished with his classwork and has nothing else to do, then he can pull this out and work on it (of course, give the teacher a head's up. Hopefully, she'll appreciate your proactive participation in trying to resolve the matter.)

Finally, you didn't mention what happens at home when the bad reports come home. If there aren't appropriate rewards and consequences at home for the student's behavior then this sends a message to the child that if it doesn't matter to mom then it doesn't matter to me. I'm sure that this isn't the case with you and your child, however the way you treat this at home does make a big impact with children.

Best wishes and, on behalf of all teachers, thanks for being a concerned and involved parent. You'd be surprised at how many parents are not involved with their child's education and life at school.