6 And 1/2 Years Old Troubles

I'm sorry, maybe I'm just too skeptical, but I call troll.

I'm looking at your last 3 posts all in a row, so I'm answering on the "doesn't like her dad/doesn't like hugging", school problems, and the TV question.

First of all, kids go through phases. Sometimes they seem to "like" one parent more than the other. Sometimes the adjustment to school is a difficult one - some kids have trouble in larger groups.

I think 6 is really young to worry about bad grades! I'd drop that subject for now. If the teacher is talking about it with her, I'd get in there for a team meeting (teacher, aide if there is one, guidance counselor or principal, and parents). Not following directions is more of an issue, but you need to know if she is defiant, or if she just isn't focusing or processing the information she's receiving from the teacher. I'd ask the guidance counselor or school psychologist, whoever they have on staff, to observe in the classroom and see what's going on with the following of directions and the "other kids being mean." Maybe she's having social issues, maybe she's become a bit bossy. You won't know how to handle this until you have more information.

School is about so much more than "being smart" - it's about socializing, working in a group, absorbing so many sensory experiences, dealing with people who are like her and people who are not. Some kids transition easily, and others don't.

It's absolutely NOT a consequence of being a single child! Having siblings doesn't make a child more focused or more happy, or less focused or less happy. And all of us feel at a loss sometimes with our kids - it's a little too strong to say that you don't know how to raise her. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be hard on her. You have to get to the bottom of it, and that takes a little time.

There are all kinds of issues with kids who need help to focus - it can have to do with nutrition, or other things. That doesn't mean every kids needs an immediate diagnosis or a medication or the removal of some single ingredient from their diets (wheat, dyes, dairy, whatever). It's more complex and multi-faceted than that. I work a lot with teachers and kids who have these issues, and there are a number of techniques that work. But right now you don't have enough information.

What I can tell you is that you cannot look at one individual thing and tie everything to that. So, not wanting her father to go along with you might have to do with her father being too hard on her, or it might be a phase that will go away. Maybe her TV watching is a problem (your other post) but it's not the single cause of everything. Try to look at the big picture, get more input from the schools, and absolutely get off the specific grades - there are a lot of kids will all As who are a mess, so don't focus there, especially at age 6.

Let us know how things go.

I don't want to jump too far to conclusions but - you've posted that she doesn't like affection, she's bright but struggling in school, having trouble making friends, and she's not behaving for you or her teachers.

Sounds to me like it's time to talk to her pediatrician for a referral for an evaluation for something like ADD, ASD, etc. She may not have any of these things, but then at least you know, and either way, you can talk to a therapist about parenting strategies.

She is struggling, please get her some professional help.

Are you giving her lots of positive attention -- in other words, lots of praise and hugs and spending time with her doing fun things?

I agree with Diane B that you need to talk to the teacher for more information and ask that the school psychologist observe in the classroom. I hate to say it, but this (crying anytime she's corrected; complaining friends are being mean) may just be her way of manipulating you and getting herself out of trouble. I think you need more detailed information before you can come up with a strategy to deal with it. Parenting classes would really help.

Beatrice,

Are you a new immigrant to the United States? I get the feeling that English is NOT your first language.

What changes have happened in your daughter's life that would help you pinpoint WHEN she started acting out and not listening in school.

Talk with the teachers and the principal. Get the communication going. She's in the 1st grade, correct? She's getting "bad" grades - what do you consider "bad grades"? You are sending your child to private school, and from what I can understand from your posts, it's a parochial private school. She might be rebelling if she's NEVER been told NO before and it might be hard if you have praised her for doing a "good job" like it's a GREAT job and now? that "good job" she's doing is NOT enough for the school and they are expecting better from her.

Start talking to the teacher(s) and the principal/Head Master. You are paying for this education so you need to find out what's stopping her from doing her best.