Focus Issues with My Oldest Son.

I don't want to frighten you, but maybe something happened or is happening that he doesn't want to share with you. Maybe a very low-key counselor or trusted adult friend would help.

Since the only thing that is different is the teacher, I would try a new teacher or even a new school. sometimes a teacher can create such anxiety in a child that he cannot focus. If this is the case, lets hope she hasn't ruined his focussing abilities. Move him quickly!

The first thing I would do is to set up a meeting with the school counselor and or principal, and possibly see if he can be moved to another class. I've learned over the years of raising four kids and having many friends that sometimes, believe it or not, it's the teacher. Some teachers just can't seem to mesh with certain kids and instantly they start the picking at them.

For example, I have a close friend who's son was in third grade last year, he always did great in his classes until that year and for some reason, the teacher kept calling and seeming to have issues with my friends son. It was an ongoing thing all year, and she was so worried about her son and that something was wrong. This year, in 4th grade, he's doing wonderful. My friend cried at his parent teacher conference because she had such wonderful things to say about him, and when the teacher asked why she was crying, she explained how horrible last year was and the mean things that teacher said and did. It's hard to really explain all this in such a short paragraph, but I'm telling you, there's definately teachers out there that just can't mesh with some kids.

My second oldest son who is now 14, when he was in 1st grade, I swear this teacher hated boys. She tried diagnosing my son with ADD, another boy in that same class with Autism, and another boy with something else, I can't remember what it was. My doctor got into a fight with her on the phone over this and just ended up hanging up on her. I swear, this woman just hated little boys, she couldn't deal with them. Not one of these three boys has had trouble since.

Teachers are humans just like all of us, so sometimes we tend to forget that they may not be perfect and maybe won't get along with all 25 kids in their classes every year. I really believe if it's not working out, to try another teacher, that can make a world of difference.

One more example, a girl I know, her son kept getting in trouble at his school (he's 3rd grade this year) constantly getting called down to the principal, etc. There was a lot of other reasons involved too, but to make a long story short, she moved him to another elementary school close by, and he's been doing great, never has any issues with anything or anyone. So see, my point is, sometimes there has to be change made for improvement to be met.

Hi. Please don't worry you and your son into something that isn't there. Being a mom and a teacher I have had some experience with this sort of thing. First you my be right about the teacher. every teacher has different ideas about how children should be in their class, what other teachers my not even pay attention to, may drive others crazy. Every teacher has a different teaching style. On another note it may be your son too, His personality at this age is just stating to come out: making friends is easier, pays more attention to the world around him, the teachers personality and his might just be clashing. ALL children, and I stress all, go through stages of learning. This will continue through his school years. The problem is that with the "No child Left Behind" program teachers are more apt to try to find a mental or behavioral problem with children they can't get through to easily. So that less than perfect grades are not blamed on them.

T. W,

A couple questions I would ask, are there any changes from last year to this year in cleaning products in home or in this classroom, changes in deodorizers or sanitizers. I ask because we had a similar situation with our son who is now 18 years old, graduating high school and heading to MSU in August. He had severe issues with ammonia and bleach based products, both which were used at home or classroom. His attention spam was shortened and his reading skills started failing. We started paying attention to the toxins he was exposed to and changed them one at a time, we only use Melaleuca products in our home now, but back then we started using vinegar and baking soda as alternatives because we didn't know about safer products. Formaldahyde is also part of the problem (Q15) found in many bath and body products, we stopped using those too and it made 100% change. I first question the teacher, but if you experience the same with him, tells me maybe another issue like ours. Our son is more sensative to products as he got older than as a toddler. Worth checking out

T.,

I sounds like your child is bored with school. I would look into some alternitive schools. Have you heard of Alpine Valley school (in Wheat Ridge)?

With my whole heart, C.

It sounds like you've gotten fabulous advice, and the teacher being the issue may be the Occam's razor here.

If by chance you should find there are some developmental issues, get the book The Mislabeled Child. It goes through all the developmental issues, what they look like, how they can be tested for, etc. It goes into detail on attention and visual issues, and there are way more than just impaired vision or ADHD type of issues. My son was labeled autistic-like in school and has been in special ed since he was 3. By reading this book I figured out he really had an auditory processing disorder, and that completely changes the approach to help him work through it.

And if your son does have challenges, know that you have the love and strength to get him through it. He is still your beautiful, wonderful child, and with your support he can overcome or manage with anything.

I agree with the last few posts - Perhaps it's an issue with the teacher! If she pegged him out early in the class as someone who is distracted, a trouble maker, or who doesn't pay attention well, she then probably just started treating him as such, even if it isn't true for your son. She may just be nit-picking every little detail with him, and having him sit up in the front of the class and constantly nagging and nit-picking him in front of the other students is absolutely HORRIBLE for his self esteem and confidence! I really liked the idea of having the vice principal or principal sit in on the class and observe for you - as long as he isn't biased on the teacher's side of things, it would be a great way to find out if any of this stuff is going on. If you or your husband were to go and observe, the teacher and your child would probably act differently just because you were there watching.

I just wanted to add my two cents here, because I had a teacher single me out in fourth grade, and it was horrible! She decided that I was a day dreamer and that I never paid attention, which was not true. She would constantly make comments about it in front of the entire class. Like, in the middle of a lecture I would be watching and paying attention, and she would look at me, stop, and say "K., Stop day dreaming and pay attention!!" When I was focused on the lesson! I would get SO mad and frustrated because it got to the point where even the other students would make comments about me day-dreaming. I was known as the "class artist" when I was younger and once during the "constructive criticism" (LOL oxymoron right there!) where the teacher would hold up the work of one student and ask all the other students to say what could be improved upon. Nobody had anything to say about my drawing, and then a classmate raised her hand and said "Maybe K. is so good at drawing because she is always daydreaming all day about what she is going to draw next!" I was absolutely horrified and mortified!! She was a teacher who picked favorites and constantly praised some kids and nit-picked others. My older sister was a "favorite" while in her class, and my two younger sisters all were on her black list as well.

All I can say, is that if it is a problem with the teacher, talk to your son about it and he will tell you. I don't think that there is much you can do about it if it is besides put him in another class with another teacher. I didn't have that option, and although my parents talked to the principal on my behalf, nothing ever came of it and fourth grade was one of my very worst years in school because of it.

It affected me academically as well... we were supposed to learn long division that year and I didn't get it at first (she started teaching it while I was having my typing time on the computer, taught all the basics while I was on the computer and then yelled at me when she realized I was on the computer even though she never told me it was time to get off when she started teaching something important - which is what she was supposed to do) After that, I never could quite "get" long division, and every time I would ask her a question because I didn't understand, she would snap "You should have been paying attention" or "you would know, if you were paying attention!" And she would never actually answer my question. So, I stopped asking questions because I didn't want to get yelled at. I didn't learn how to do long division until 5th grade, when another student finally explained it to me. For some reason I don't think I let my mom know that, and she was horrified when years later I told her about that after she could have done something. So, make sure you talk to your son!

There is no reason that should have happened and that is the only time in my whole schooling that I was ever behind the rest of the class, and it was because of the teacher, not because of my ability to learn. So, I strongly recommend making sure that the teacher is not the problem, before you start searching to find out whats wrong with your son. He may be getting emotionally dammaged at school and if the first thing you do is take the teacher's "side" and focus on finding out what's wrong with him, it could damage him further if it really is just an issue with the teacher. Good luck!

Hi T.,

Have you considered nutrition? Omega3 is great for the brain function, salmon, nuts, avacados, soy, flaxseed and olives are great examples. You can even find a childrens fish pill at vitamin cottage. Our bodies cannot produce omega 3 so it's important to get it into the diet.

Children can also be effected by food attitives which can create hyperactivity, loss of concentration, etc.
89% affected by Artificial Colors (Yellow #5, Tartrazine)
71% affected by Artificial Flavors  
71% affected by Preservatives (Benzoic acid)
50% affected by Antioxidants (synthetic)
59% affected by MSG (monosodium glutamate)
source: H.A.C.S.G. Database at Surrey University, UK
In my business I have seen improvement in children who add more fruits and veggies to their diet through the Children's Healthy Study with Juice Plus. One 12 year old in the program was suffering from concentration issues and he was bringing home c's & d's. Over time on Juice Plus he was experiencing better concentration, he was getting better grades, c's & b's and his self esteem improved! :) I love it! The children participate in the study for FREE with a sponsoring adult.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful and please contact me if you'd like to pick my brain! :)

L.
www.DenverJuicePlus.com

Oh you`ve got to be kidding me!!! Get him outta there! I helped out alot in school with mine and I did see a teacher doing this to 2 different little boys and it was awful! You`ll know for the future! There are ALOT of teachers that are wonderful and you get one every now and then that ruins a child!!! You CAN reccomend another teacher for future-and request NOT to have that teacher with your other Upcoming children! SHEASH! I`d send her a nice little note at the end of the year so she can`t "pick on" your son anymore!

T., have you considered homeschooling your son?
Sometimes the School Environment isn't the best for all kids.
Just a thought.
Good job mommin'!
A.

I know you've had a lot of responses- but as a retired special ed teacher - I've a few suggestions ( and the first is - it SURELY could be the teacher --- a bad fit between teacher/student can ruin a kids' world while that person is ''in charge''.
First suggestion--really important-- go in to his school at different times of the day and ask to quietly observe through a window so that you can''get a feel for the problems the teacher is reporting'' ( actually- you will be watching HER for her behaviour/attitude/ toward your boy as much as watching him for any behaviours)

Second Ask him'''' are you happy that you will have a different teacher next year? - Has Mrs ''x'' been fun? or hard? - or interesting? or mean??? ---

Third No teacher has any right whatsoever to suggest that a child has epilipsy--- teachers are NOT medically trained and are strictly forbidden to even hint that a kid might be ADHD --- - all we can do is say '''seems to have behaviours similar to children diagnosed with ---------''''

Fourth--- -- You're doing great - and so is your boy- believe in him- and believe in yourselves ---

I said so ( old Mom speaks again- yes I'm laughing at myself- but - truly- this kind of negativity from a teacher says volumes about the TEACHER - not the student

Blessings,
J.

Watch his diet carefully. Food additives, colorings, flavorings, sugar, refined carbohydrates can affect mood and behavior adversely. I raised an ADDHD boy--back then it was referred to as hyperactive. That was when it was just being learned about the effect of food additives. If we went off the diet he would bounce off the walls for 3 days! Some people are sensitive to things with which the average person has no problems.
Good Luck and God Bless

You have been given some great advice.

i would definetly second having him evaluated by the school district, especially if your insurance is difficult to work with. I would be looking to have him evaluated for epilepsy, eyes, ears, learning disability, you name it....That way you have a huge stepping stone of information to work with....Plus if he is evaluated by the school district you are one step closer to an IEP if he needs one for any particular problem (an individual education plan--maybe therapy for dyslexia, etc.)

Don't freak out, just get information....There is no way of knowing what if anything is going on at this point. Plus make sure he isn't stressing over the standardized tests. Oh and make sure he is getting enough rest!

Hang in there!

Wow this sounds like a mystery! Maybe he doesn't feel like your star child anymore since he has a new baby sibling, and he needs more attention from you. You said the teacher has had to be "riding him constantly." Perhaps this is part of the problem. Maybe he had a bad couple of days at the beginning of the year and the teacher got the wrong idea about him, and now her hounding him is just pushing him further away. Or maybe he needs more attention, and by not succeeding he's getting a special program, another program after school, extra attention from his teacher, and maybe that's what he wants.

Sometimes kids fight against pressure and they feel overwhelmed and discouraged. Maybe if you let up for a whole month, and let him know you love him and accept him no matter what his grades are, and spend time with him a couple things might happen. It seems that before he didn't have to try hard to succeed, so if he just relaxes he will do better naturally, and the other thing is if you spend "fun" time with him doing activities he enjoys like collecting rocks or playing outside or whatever he might open up and mention some things that are bothering him. Usually Dads and sons have good talks fixing the car, or playing basketball, that kind of thing. So the no pressure chat where the kid doesn't know it's a chat.

I'm personally all for switching classes. His teacher may not really teach to his style, or maybe their personalities just don't mesh as well as his previous teachers. He may just not like her. Since changing teachers is kind of traumatic I wouldn't do it except as a last resort, but I would consider that it could be this classroom even if the teacher's not doing anything "wrong." You might want to sit in on some subjects "helping out in the classroom." The teacher shouldn't mind if you're there, and you might pick up on some things that she doesn't since you're the mom.

One last thing I would investigate is if there is someone belittling or making fun of your son. He might not even realize what's going on but feel ashamed and not want to tell you because the bully makes him feel bad about himself. He might not really know what the word "bully" means but if he's being constantly bullied that could really affect everything around him at school.

Obviously I have no idea since I'm not in the situation and I've never met your son, but this are my thoughts. I hope you are able to come up with some solutions soon.
P..

I am so impressed with the quality and quantity of responses you received. I had a girl with A.D.D. combined with chemical depression and some learning differences (who has two college degrees now). I had a boy who was Talented and Gifted but hated school because they moved at a pace far too slow for him. Through my journey with this, I learned so much. the only thing I didn't see in my skimming through all the advice was that that testing people at the schools can seriously lack in their abilities AND and they have the abilities to skew the test results as they so choose. I had my girl tested by a professional and that opened up many doors. I learned not to ignore anything but to check it out. Talk to the teacher and question why she suspected epilepsy. Does he go into a stare and not respond when she asks him to? You may learn whether or not this teacher is competent through your meeting.

Dear T.,
advocating for your child can be draining, but you are the best person for the job! I agree with Susan B.'s post. third and fourth grade are when many learning and processing problems 'show' themselves. Twice exceptional children are bright enough to find coping mechanisms to get school work done in the earlier grades when much of the information is given to them in visual and auditory form. third and fourth grade learning is much more dependent on reading and discriminating skills.
The school staff should be able to meet with you to discuss what tools they have to help meet your son's academic needs. Part of the discussion can include what assessments the district provides and who does them, what the time frame is, etc.
As parents, you have the right to ask for a special ed assessment, not wait for a staff member to recommend it. A special ed assessment should include many assessments, given by a variety of staff at your school. These people have the advantage of being familiar with your son and he with them. Usually, there is no cost to you, but the assessment will only cover very specific areas and are focused on academic issues.
(as an example, Dyslexia is considered a medical diagnosis and most school districts do not assess for nor do they have programs in schools to help with this learning 'problem')
We have requested special ed assessment for our second grader, not because we believe she will qualify for special ed placement, but because we need help identifying where she is having problems with reading, some physical movements, sensory integration and dealing with emotional feelings at school.
She is a bright girl and finds ways to do her school work, but it is a struggle that does not need to happen. Our hope is that by doing these tests now, when third grade starts, all this info will help her teachers deliver the curriculum to her in a way her brain can interpret better.
Our daughter is very good a math and very theatrical, her teachers talk of her as having special talents and encourage us to find creative outlets for her, outside of school.
She has never really enjoyed school and that was our first clue that we needed to dig deeper on her behalf.

It has been a slow journey, but a very rewarding one.
One note, most school districts have already booked all the assessments they will do for this school year. (Our district allows six weeks to assess. This gives staff time to find slots to pull the student from class, and allows for them to find him on a good day.) Hopefully, your school will be responsive to your needs this year.
The information gained this year will help for fourth grade!
another thought, if outside assessment is recommended
We live near Boulder, CO ( did not look to see where you are from!) Colorado University runs assessments through the summer and local hospitals also have speech and language assessments, as well as OT/PT.

It was a long post, hope some of the info helps!
-A.

Whatever the results please request that any notes the present teacher writes in his file that would be passed on to the next teacher be removed and/or that you be allowed to read it.
Teachers read the files and can be prejudiced before even meeting your son./i was a foster parent and was given prior experience information that turned out to be ludicrous and harmful for the child. Gratefully I had enough sense to evaluate each child on his/her own merits after meeting him and living with him/her.

Hi,

I skimmed through all your responses and it looks like you've got a lot of great advice. Just in case no one mentioned this, I thought I'd add my two cents in. I recently took my daughter in for a visual exam. Her vision was 20/20, but they did some other tests and found that her depth perception was not good (4 out of 10), her eyes were not tracking well, and she was having trouble making her eyes work together. This seems to be the reason why she is having trouble with pre-reading things and writing.

I'd imagine that if he hasn't had problems before, this isn't an issue, but...If they didn't look into these things, you may want to rule them out..

Good Luck!

HI T.,
I KNOW YOU ALREADY HAVE ALOT OF REPLIES,BUT I MUST TELL YOU MY SITUATION, MY SON (SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF THIS TYPE STUFF GOING ON WITH ESPECIALLY BOYS)., WAS HAVING TROUBLE IN SCHOOL, IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE WAS AROUND 9 YRS OLD, TOO. HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD, AND PRESCRIBED ADDERALL, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE TEACHER TOO, I ACTUALLY WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT YEAR SINCE IT WAS CLOSE TO THE END OF THE YEAR TO HAVE HIM DIAGNOSED, I GAVE HIM THE MEDICINE A COUPLE MONTHS AND THEN FOUND OUT CANADA HAD PULLED IT OFF THE MARKET BECAUSE OF CAUSING HEART PROBLEMS IN CHILDREN AND I THINK IT ACTUALLY KILLED SOME.
ANYWAY, I LATER FOUND OUT HE HAD C.I.D. CONVERGENCY INSUFFICIENT DISORDER.YOU HAVE TO FIND A DOCTOR THAT SPECIALIZES IN THIS, BECAUSE A REGULAR EYE DOCTOR CANNOT, YOUR SON CAN HAVE 20/20 AND STILL HAVE THIS.
OUR DOCTOR WAS IN CHARLOTTE, NC~ DR.PHILIP BUGAISKI AT THE DEVELOPMENTAL VISION CENTER IN CHARLOTTE, NC, IF THIS IS NOT CLOSE TO YOU, YOU CAN CALL THEM AND THEY MAY BE ABLE TO TELL YOU OF SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU, THEIR # IS ###-###-#### HIS EMAIL IS ____@____.com dvc.net. THEY ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE YOU CAN FIND, LOOK UP THE DISORDER AND READ ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. THANKS, A. ###-###-####

I have the same problem with my teenage son. I have been told that he had ADHA (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) I am a strong advocate to not using drugs. So I researched the disorder or any other disorder that could keep him from focusing. I have found that a lot of foods that American's eat is processed foods. Food coloring and processed foods I have found cause kids to be overly hyper or not be able to keep on task. I have also found that keeping our kids on foods that are not processed as a job that is a constant as far as checking labels and such. Artificial sweeteners are not good, high fructose corn syrup should never be in our diet. Kids need more natural fruits and lots of veggies in thier diet. Doing this has helped my son. He is not perfect on attention but he is a lot better than he was. And you might need to be in close contact with his teacher. Eventually we put our son in a private school so he could get more individual focus.

A.

Honestly, I would get his vision checked. This is a classic symptom of having trouble seeing the board.

I read your update, and just wanted to add something. My son (now 8, in second grade) has always had challenges focusing, plus less small-motor skills than his peers, and has had difficulty in school because of that, but the teacher he was with made a TON of difference. Kindergarten, we moved him from a neighborhood school to where I taught and he did much better with a patient, understanding teacher. First grade was awful. The teacher (also my co-worker) would not listen to me when I told her what I knew worked with my son - because "it would disrupt the rest of the class." She did a lot of what you described (including suggesting a seizure disorder) with your son's teacher. Finally, after the 2nd time the principal sent him home for his behavior, my husband pulled him from the school (I had him do it because of co-worker issues ...) It was about this time in the year. I am so glad that we did. He was able to finish first grade with a positive attitude about school, coming home happy again because the teacher realized you can deal with individual needs of the student. I can't imagine what it would hvave been like to make him stay in that other class for the rest of the year. (This year, he got a great teacher and has really enjoyed school!)
Do all that you can to get your son moved to another teacher, even as late in the year as it is. Two months can make a big difference in his experience and future attitude toward school!

Hi T., I'm really late at reading these but I hope you are able to help the situation. My son was the same age when something similar happened. As your son, mine was always a very well behaved boy and made good grades with little effort. When he was further back in the classroom he would get aggravated and figity (sp)and couldn't explain to me what the problem was. At school when they checked his eyes and ears, (like the nurse routinely does in elementary), they sent me a notice saying he may need his ears checked. I took him to his pediatrician who then suggested after he checked them to see a specialist. As it turned out he needed tubes in his ears. After the day surgery, my son was back to good grades and everything else that comes with that. I would hate to think a teacher is singling out a child but I've heard it's been done before. I totally agree with whhat you said. Good Luck.

check out depression.. a similiar thing happened to my oldest daughter (8) this past year..

take care, M.

My son also had problems in 3rd grade. We had him tested. I tried to get him on a 504 Plan, etc. Turns out that 4th grade has been a dream! He just didn't like his teacher last year and this year, with a great teacher and more maturity, he hasn't qualified for any services (other than some Speech/articulation). A few sessions with a therapist might also help. That's what we did.

I see that you already took him to the doctor. And this may sound really stuipid, but try taking him to the optomitrist. A friend of mine had a similar problem with her daughter. Turned out she needed glasses. I wish you lots of luck

R.

Lots of very bright children have focus-type issues in standard classroom settings. This doesn't mean they can't focus -- it's more like they are bored, or prepared to learn different subject matter or at a different pace or energy level.

So this could be a teacher-m,anufactured problem, a child's energy/learning level problem, a physical problem, or a stress problem. (For example, if there's something major that's occurred within the marriage or extended family the people are repeatedly doing or talking about, he could be dwelling on that, thus the altered behavior.)

I would start by asking the teacher to have him sit in a normal classroom location so that he can start to "feel" normal again. Consider changing classrooms, having a complete physical, visiting a very experienced tutor or visiting a behavioral specialist. Home schooling might end up being your best bet, if this is not a stress-related issue.

T.,
I know this is late but I wanted to tell you our story.
I had a similar problem with my son when he was in 2nd grade. Near the end of the year (too late for us to switch out of the class) I realized that the teacher was the problem. Her style of teaching was just not the right fit for my son, who previously had done great and has done great since that year. But she almost ruined school for my son. Near the end of the year I talked with her and simply said that things had gotten so bad for my son in her care that I should have removed him from her class. She acted so suprised, it was ridiculous. In my opinion she was close to retirement and was following the curiculum and the curiculum only, she did nothing extra to help any kids along. Sort of just going thru the motions. My son was given more homework in that class than the next three years combined. It was all worksheets. I also found out later from other parents that knew her that she had a tendancy to be cliquey with some of the students in her class and completely leave others behind. In turn, after I told her that I should have switched classes I think she may have laid off of my son a bit for the rest of the year. But the damage was done and I feared for the next year. We got a wonderful teacher in 3rd grade and it really turned it back around again. Had a decent but very young teacher in 4th. She was very inexperienced and was learning right along with the kids. He now just finished 5th grade and liked his teacher so well that he actually has emailed her since school let out! My son just thrived this year with this teacher. My point is that the teacher can be all the difference. Try not to worry too much about your son, it sounds like his undo stress at school was this teacher looking down her nose at him all day! I hope things go better next year.

Thanks,
V.

One more thing that I don't think that anyone discussed. Many mentioned having his eyes tested (which your later post says that you have covered). Have you had his functional vision tested--this is a series of exercises and tests which check how your son uses his eyes or if, in spite of good eye structure, your son is having an issue with processing what he sees.

There are doctors called either developmental optometrists or developmental opthamologists. A Dr. Margolis out of Arlington Heights has a good reputation.

I know you have already gotten many responses, but I thought I would chime in too. Try to look at all the variables that affect your son's educational experience together, and then as separate issues. There are so many components that go into any child's experience that could make it possitive, negative, and/or challenging.
I am a 14 year veteran teacher and the mother of a 16 and 7 yr old. Early on, 2 teachers thought my son might be gifted, some grade school teachers said he had attention and focus problems, but he could always get his work done with little problem....so, is he a normal, but slightly squirrely Kid?? Then, in 6-7th grade, he kind of hit a wall. The school work was more serious, he had 5 or 6 teachers and their various styles and requirements to navigate. He pretty much exploded and his grades and confidence took a big hit. (when you talked about how the kid his teacher was describing did not even sound like your son, that really hit home for me.) I will say to you, some of it was teacher driven (bad fit with a couple) some of it was puberty, and some was that he got a firm diagnosis of ADD at that point. My advice is to leave no stone unturned. If you have an instinct as a mom, pursue that road until you get some kind of answer or remedy. We did testing for the ADD, Neurological testing for sleep disorders, because we were seeing some issues in that area that could affect his performance at school, took him to a psychologist for some sessions, had school specialists observe him and teachers. I have read books and attended many classes and workshops on ADD. We worked on coping strategies for my son to help him organize and perform better at school, and ultimatly, we put him on medication (not for everyone, I know)
The conclusion we have come to is that our son IS gifted! He has a racecar brain with brakes that need adjustment! His grades will never fully reflect who he is as an intellectual being, because the whole system is geared toward rewarding the majority in the middle, and the skill set that comes naturally for them, and not highly intelligent and creative people like my son.
Children are individuals and they don't all fit into the perfect round holes that school sets up for them. Nurture all the positive aspects and successes your son has in the future, because that confidence is golden. The number one element that is an indicator of future success and happiness, is the child who had at least one person who loved them unconditionally, and made them feel like a success in whatever they pursued. Every kid will have challenges. We are now working really hard to focus on the successes, and deal with mistakes and negative experiences (and there are many in my son's case) as a learning tool to try to discover ways for him to more succesfully navigate a world that is "organized" by people without ADD! and to find the place where he can shine by using the gifts that come along with having ADD. Whatever your son's issues may or may not turn out to be, it sounds like you love him a lot and are giving him 110%, so he is and will always be a lucky, happy , and successful kid! Think about what will matter in 25 or 30 years to him....Grades in school? or Love, Confidence, and Self-respect! It puts things in perspective:) God bless

I would ask the principal if you can sit in, without the teacher knowing. We kept getting constant complaints from our son's 7th grade teacher about how our son was disruptive. The problem ended up being the teacher. I sat in, my husband sat in and finally the principal sat in. The teacher was going so fast through the material and not stopping to answer questions and so my son was lost and couldn't keep up so he then found a way to entertain himself so that he could get her attention that he needed help. She still would not help him or recognize the need to stop. She said that if he needed help that he could ask after school which then lead to 4-6 hours of homework every night and a bored kid in class. We decided that it wasn't a good match and changed schools as there was not another option at that school. My son performed wonderfully and is right on task as an 8th grader this year. He's just not the kind of learner that can have information thrown at him, he likes to be involved in learning and his new school encourages that kind of education. We learned later that the teacher was asked to leave because the school was having a lot of children leave due to the same problem.

Just a quick little suggestion that you might not have thought of: maybe he got called a nerd and is now "dumbing down" in order to not stand out academically so much. For more information on how this actually happens to many children, read "Nerds: Who they are and why we need more of them" by David Anderegg. It's a quick read, but really highlights a lot of the underlying anti-intellectualism that sneaks through our society.

Along with some of the other things mentioned I too would be sure to have his eyes checked. This is also a good age when eye muscle skill problems can manifest. i would recommend an eval by an optometrist who also does vision therpay. If you are in Colo Springs area I can give you a recommendation.

T. - you got so many wonderful responses but I just wanted to add my 2 cents. My son is 16 years old and while his situation is different because it's sports related, it's rather similar. As a sophomore he was brought up to the varsity baseball team this spring. He is playing short stop, a position that was new to him starting last year, he was always an outfielder but the coach wanted him to play shortstop. Fortunately, he's fairly gifted athletically so the change wasn't too difficult. That is until he met one of the varsity coaches. This coach rode him constantly. Constantly correcting everything that he did. My son would come home so frustrated that he didn't know what to do next. And in the games, he was making mistakes (errors) and that was driving him even more crazy. While we've always made sure our children respected authority, we told him to ignore this coach. It actually got so bad that my husband went and watched one of the practices. The coach stood next to my son during the whole practice and told him everything he was doing wrong! We started working on his mental side of the game. Athletics are so mental. We had him doing positive affirmations and told him to tune out the coach. He ended the season on a positive note and his coaches for summer baseball are waaaay better.

As you can see, the situation is very similar. The teacher has destroyed your son's ability to believe in himself. He no longer sees himself as the kid who can do anything in school. He is missing the confidence that he had when teachers focused on the positive. I know one of the responses was to get him out of that classroom. Of course, school is out for summer now and you need to start working on next year. You need to build up his confidence again so that he is the success that God intended him to be.

All the best to you,

T.,
I didn't have time to read all the previous responses so maybe this has already be suggested, but could he be bored? Maybe he is not concentrating because he is not being challenged. I'm sure all the other moms have some great suggestions too, but that was my first thought. That and what is the difference between his other teachers and this one? I'm sure his teacher is fine, but maybe that teacher and your son just aren't a good match? Good luck. P.

T.,

All of the advice you have gotten is great. One thing more that I would suggest, though, is to go and observe the classroom where your son is before you pull him out of that teacher's class. Talk to the principal and psychologist and ask for a time when you can observe the classroom for a while. Also, you can ask the psychologist or school counselor to do an observation for you without your son knowing that he is the reason for the observation. You might get better results, too, if you have someone other than you, but who is for your son's best interest to go observe. As a teacher, I had that happen a couple of times at my request and at the request of a couple of parents so we could help the kids the best way we knew how. Just a suggestion to see what would help.

You got some great advice on things to look into; Psych, diet, environmentals, teacher.

But no one mentioned your 10 month old. Hmmm - born right before the start of 3rd grade? Possible he is having some adjustment there? Certainly would be covered with a counselor.

T.: i didn't read the other responses but I would check into food allergies. my son (now 7) went through some of the same kinds of things and we found out he has a dairy allergy. Our naturopath told us it's the most underdiagnosed problem with kids who have some sort of focus/attention problems. good luck. i know it has to be hard

I read your request after you posted your response but I wanted to add, a "thank you for posting this." My nine year old son has always been a curious soul and a pretty good student in our home school setting. But mid year school work and attentional issues are really causing us to struggle. He did have to switch prescriptions for eye glasses and now that's not an issue but focus sure is. He doesn't seem to do anything without me sitting next to him, and wanders off even if given a small task.
What I'm planning on doing is changing my style from a more textbook/workbook approach and finding some challenging activities for him to do that might keep his attention better. I think on some of the skill areas (like spelling/phonics and reading) I'm going to try creating a contest that he can do...competing against himself that has some small reward, to motivate him to finish these things quickly so he can move on to the juicy fun parts of learning. Anyway, I felt like my son may be having some of the same issues...maybe your guy is curious and bored with the style of work/teaching he is getting. Looking forward to seeing your ultimate resolution.

Hi T.,

I am glad that you have received useful information for your son's advancement. Just know that you are not alone and that your love for your son will lead you into the right path for his well being. I experienced the same thing when my son was in the third grade and it began to eat away at his self esteem. But thank God, I was able to take him out of that entire school system and place him into a more productive environment, where he was able to grow and flourish into the young man that he is today. I also got him involved in sports to help him use and channel the God given energy that boys have and this Fall he will be attending a Division 1 College to play football and has received many accolades over the years for his character, demeanor, and athleticism. Never let outside influences take over your thoughts and beliefs about your children (son). Surround him with people in your community who will share and say good things to him and about him. Yes, some Teachers do tend to label young male students and maybe it's because they don't understand how to work with them as they begin to develop or perhaps it's systemic (?). But, whatever the case may be, no one loves your son more than you and your husband and you have what it takes to raise him. Be sure to encourage and build your son's self esteem and do not allow any of his siblings to speak negatively about him because of what is going on at the school. Reassure him both in word and in deed that you Love him for who he is and not for what he does or doesn't do. It is not what others think about him that will effect his life, it is what you and your husband thinks about him that will have the most impact on his future.

Since our Heavenly Father thinks good thoughts about us, we are obligated to think the same way He does about our Children (see below)

Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

J.

I am a teacher and would offer the following advice: Hire a babysitter for your other two children and do a day of clinical observation, which means that you would get permission to sit in the back of the classroom and write down everything that is going on without taking an active role. Make a check mark every time your son is not on task, gets up, speaks out, looses his place, is spoken to by the teacher etc...., you want to do this over a rather long period of time (two hours min.)and you will see very clearly whether your son has a problem such as ADHD. If he has attention or focusing problems you will have a lot of check marks, if he does not, you will have none, or maybe one. Also, observe the other students. Do they have similar problems?, or is your son the only one. If he is, then additional educational testing may be warranted, if he is not behaving as she says, then you have a problem with the teacher. Remember, he will try very hard to please you and may have a wonderful first 20 min.or so, that's why it is important that you do this for several hours, because neither he nor the teacher will be able to "fake" it for too long. Both will eventually reverse to their usual patterns, and you will have a clear picture as to what is going on.

I just read your post - I'm a little behind in emails and I didn't have time to read the responses you got but one thing I wanted to point out is whether or not you should have him checked for Lymes Disease. I totally wouldn't think of it myself and I would think that it would be OBVIOUS if that was a possibility but a friend of mine recently sent me an article about the signs and symptoms that get missed and my first thought was - WOW - with so many kids being diagnosed with attention deficit disorders and stuff, could it be possible that this is the missing link...just something to consider if you haven't already. I hope it IS just his teacher!!!!

3rd grade is a huge transitional year - the kids go from being kind of "little" still to being such "big" kids. The academic rigor and expectations are increased quite a lot in that curriculum year, and sometimes kids who have previously "sailed" through, begin to have to work at the assignments and this is a new thing for them. Sometimes it shakes their confidence, and can alter their motivation for schoolwork and academic success.

You mentioned that your son was previously in GT classes or pulls, and I wonder if you could perhaps look into "twice exceptional" as a possibility. If your son truly does have a learning disability or challenge, he may also be GT in some academic areas at the same time. This can be very confusing for teachers, parents, and especially the child himself. What polar opposites in strength and challenge, but perhaps worth a look. You can probably find common observable behaviors or "symptoms" somewhere on the web or from your school's special education teacher.

Good luck - always advocate for your child, as you're doing. Know that as long as lines of communication are open between you and your child, between you and your son's teacher, and between teacher and your son, the partnership should be positive and move in the right direction. If your son is being "ridden" by his teacher, that relationship may be strained - ask about that.

Epilepsy? What is the teacher observing in your son that leads her to that suspicion? Why not suspect ADD (not ADHD)? I find that suggestion interesting... There are lots of lists of observable behaviors that you can find online or at your child's school to rule out or investigate ADD as another avenue, but it may not be that either.

Good luck - keep asking questions! Hopefully you'll find some answers soon.

I am not child expert, however I do watch kids after school ranging from ages 6 to 12. I see the boys especially I have watched for a few years kind of do this bizarre change around third grade and the 10 year mark. I think it is part of becoming a "pre teen". Their bodies are changing, their brains are changing and so on. Sounds like the teacher isn't helping and for her to say "epileptic?"..... seriously? A teacher should try to help figure out what the issue is and work hard to help your son, never belittle, accuse or treat him badly because of it. A bad or harsh teacher can really set a child back.

I wouldn't do anything drastic, but yes, make sure he doesn't have too much on his plate, like too many after school activities. Set up goals for him as visuals. Where he should be, charting how he does it and letting him see where he is at each day. A child just doesn't start going backwards without a very good reason. I would just rule out that the Dr's checked everything either.

It is too late in the school year to get him a new teacher, but I would say that would be my first starting point to see if it is something going on with him or the teacher. If it is the teacher, she may be intimidating him in class and he feels bad. Kids tend to not stand up for themselves in authority situations so he isn't giving you all the facts. Sit in his class and observe one day, or a few days to see what is happening. I realize that it can be different with you there, but maybe observing is your starting point too.

Let him know if he has anything going on, if he feels he is being treated unfairly he is welcome to discuss it with you without any backlash. If you are NOT comfortable with what the Dr told you, see another one. Kids can suffer from depression at this age, I don't think ADHD just all of a sudden happens but rule that out. A good teacher goes a long ways though. I have seen the boys I have watched for a few years be these sweet, easy going boys to really kind of tough, hard edged boys as they hit the age going to mid- high, I think peers, their bodies changing and new pressures for kids these days adds to this. They want to be these big kids however they are still young...I think 9 is a very hard age on where they are at internally.

Hugs, prayers and hang in there. Your son may just not know either what is going on..hence the multiple excuses.
Keep us posted.

Well, maybe noone will agree with this but speaking as an epileptic, that is entirely possible. Many children have seizures that aren't even recognized by adults. They include staring of into space, difficulty focusing, periods they don't remember. Different things can bring these types of seizures on including stress, major changes or maybe a real medical condition. I know that you said that you took him to the Dr. but what kind of Dr. and did they do an EEG? EEG's can pick up seizures that happened within a certain timeframe. If they didn't do that, I would insist on one and those are usually done and read by a neuroligist.
I know that when I was diagnosed with epilepsy, as an adult, 2 Dr.s told me that one of the types of seizures that I was having, I would have had as a child. I never had seizures as a child, but he said, I probably did and noone even noticed and that it was very common in young children, and people don't notice unless they know what they are looking for. It is worth checking out a little further if you haven't yet.
Otherwise, I don't know what the problem could be. He may be overwhelmed. I know when my kids have started 3rd grade, they have been overwhelmed by the work they are expected to do. And they have all been in the advanced placement class. My oldest son struggled so much in that class, that we had to put him in a regular class the following year.
It may also be his teacher. I would recommend voluntering in the classroom and observe how they interact. That would be the best way to know for sure if that is the issue. I have done it myself.
Whatever you do, your son needs you to be his advocate. Don't back down on anything when it comes to your children and their education.

while epilepsy is an odd choice of possible problem, it is not at all unusual for children in 3rd or 4th grade to start showing academic or other learning problems. the work is getting harder, the demands are getting bigger and many learning issues are first identified then.

I would request a staffing by the school and ask to evaluate your son for learning disabilities. What school district are you in? It is most likely that they will begin a process called Response to Intervention, or RtI, where they will do a baseline assessment to see where he is at academically, do 6 weeks of intervention in the areas they decide he needs help, such as reading or math and then reassess him to see if he has improved. If they decide that he does not need help in any academic areas, but all his problems are behavioral or emotional, you can request a special eduation evaluation in those areas. Then the school psychologist would evaluate him. He could qualify for support services to help him with problems focussing or getting organized or studying.

let me know if you have questions.

take care, S.

Sounds like the teacher to me. I just switched schools for my daughter for the same reason. She is doing awesome now. I didnt have any problems with her eiher until she went to the 3 class. At first I DID listen to what the teachers were saying about my daughter. (That she wasnt listening, following directions, making messes etc.) It started stressing me out because I was doing everything in my power to try to help her and change this and her behavior.

But after some evaluation of the teachers, environment and some talks and advice from friends and her past teachers, I came to realize my child wasnt the entire problem. The way they ran the classroom WAS. Anyways, we switched schools and she loves it and is WAY more happy. I am also WAY more happy. The new teachers encourage her and spend time with her. The cirriculum is better and they have better control of the children. The old school was just chaos. I'm so glad we changed...Maybe they can switch his to a different classroom/teacher?

Hi, T. -

This same thing (at the same age) happened with my son. He was, still is, an amazing kid - so, so easy (the never a problem child, early on everything, advanced). In third grade, his school performance changed dramatically. To sum it up, in fifth grade, we learned that he had (developed??) learning differences - that, at least, is when they surfaced. He is doing beautifully now in seventh grade - is learning past dysgraphia and an auditory processing disorder. He is making honor roll every semester (I'm not concerned with this exactly, but it is really important to him). In fact, what I've found, is that he simply learns in a different way - we all do, so what is a learning difference really? I was, though, a bit broken hearted for him.

Speaking as a teacher myself, I would watch to see if there is extra stress. I noticed that you have a new baby (congratulations!). Does he, perhaps, need some time alone with you? It helped with my son more than I would ever have guessed. Re. his classroom setting, there are so many options: Is he challenged enough? Is he worried about something? Has he lost friends? The teacher asking if he is epileptic seems strange (is strange), but I have had a student (only one) who seemed to be spacing out but was actually seizing. It seems like there would be hundreds of other possibilities before she would jump to that. How does he feel about her?

So, as a mom and teacher who has experienced this, I would say to look at all of the options, explore what you find honestly. OK, so I had a hard time when I found out (accepted, I should say) that my son had learning differences (just didn't want to have it be the reality, I'm ashamed to admit). Take some time alone with him - did you know that boys have an easier time talking when their hands are busy? They may look like they're not paying attention, but really are. Sit down and do his thing with him, just chat while he plays - really reassure him. Maybe get him out away from the other little ones so he really has just you and no distraction. He is, too, getting old enough to hear about similar experiences from when you were a kid (dispelling the whole parents are perfect myth that can keep them quiet at times).

I do relate, though! Do know that it is going to get better if you just do what you need to do as a good mama. And just in case you need to hear it, it sounds like you're doing everything you need to do to begin figuring it all out. You will find your answers. :)

Best -

We found out that our "day dreamer" was actually a gifted/ talented student who was ahead of her peers but still wanted to be a part of the class. If allowed she would "dumb down" to be more like everyone else. She was very bored but finally a great teacher who had already recognized both my other daughters with G/T but with different characteristics, asked to test the youngest.

The trick is to find something they are interested in and let them learn that on their own or with limited assistance while still being involved in classroom work. Then maybe letting them teach the class about it; or sometimes allowing them to help other students one on one. It helps them focus and feel like they are doing something good. Helping others also reinforces their own learning.

It is possible that this teacher is not capable of teaching this type of student. Some teachers feel threatened. We have been blessed with exceptional teachers who work the G/T program throughout our schools. My daughter is now 12 and in fact this very weekend she is traveling to a state tournament for Destination Imagination. There her skills are recognized and used as a part of her team's event.

We also found that music lessons help them focus and channel their energies. Music students then use those skills in math, science, reading, and other academic areas. It has worked GREAT for us!

Strange that the teacher would be asking about Epilepsy. Especially since she would have his previous teachers to talk to about any schooling issues with your child. The different possibilities that could be the issue, it may be hard to pinpoint a reason for a while. Did he have a really good friend who is not in his class this year? Has he been in to see an eye doctor or had a vision screening lately? It may be that he needs glasses. You wouldn't think that he's feeling overwhelmed by the amount of school work, he has been in accelerated programs, but that is a possibility. If I'm not mistaken, if he was Epileptic, he would have been born with it and have already been diagnosed, unless he's recently suffered a head injury, mild concussion or similar.
It's possible that it's the teacher. Sit down with him this weekend, and ask him what's going on. Tell him he can tell you the truth and he won't get in trouble (Stick with it, regardless what he tells you) but that you & dad need to know what's going on so you can help him. I hate to mention the scarier concerns, but with the world it is now-a-days, so you should explore every possibility, I mean EVERY, even the ones that you don't think are remotely possible..
You are right to be concerned, such a drastic change in behavior and school performance says that SOMETHING is going on. It could be as little as he getting picked on in school all the way up to drugs or molestation.
Good Luck helping your little guy. Be firm with yourself, if he tells you the truth, believe him, and don't punish him for telling the truth.

Sounds simple but have you had his eyes checked for glasses?

Sometime kids don't click with a teacher but it doesn't mean the teacher is a bad teacher. It means the teacher might nopt be right for your son.

Something is going on and maybe a school change would be the best. It is late in the year. It would have been nice for the teacher to say something sooner.
C. B