11Yr Old Daughter Won't Study

Not enough info here about what else has been done re extra help from the teacher, learning issues, discipline to date. Can you please elaborate so we can be more helpful?

An F is a real-life consequence for not putting forth the work and effort required for a higher grade.

Please read "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Cline and Fay.

Without more info...

She needs to learn how to study. If she can't grip the how to's of studying and time management now, she'll suffer throughout high school and college.

Have you tried a one on one tutor?

If course she should have consequences for failing. Failing should be no option.

I'd get her into some sort of tutoring. She also needs to see how the consequences of not caring, not studying will effect her long term. Ex... No stable steady job, no money, all hard work and no fun.

Does she have learning disabilities? Dyslexic? Need glasses, need hearing help?

Talk to her teachers, guidance counselor and find out what they observe. Maybe she does not pay attention in class?

Get started now to help her so she does not ruin her gpa for college.

I also find it hard to believe that you are just now finding this out, especially if you have been working with her. COMMUNICATE with her teachers and help her.

Since you are trying to study with her, is she lazy, defiant, or just not able to comprehend the material she is responsible for learning?? Why do you feel responsible? Have you had her tested for learning disabilities? If she does not have learning disabilities, an F should result in some type of remedial response from both school and home. We need more information to give you more direction.

Why is she failing? Does she understand the material? Can she see the board? There is more to this than "she just won't study". Also, was the teacher engaged with you? Personally, you should have known before now that there was a problem. What was last year like? Is this a new habit for her.

If she just didn't do the work and didn't care, there should be consequences. Regardless, you and the teacher should be working together on this. Get the school involved as well. Engage.

no work=no fun. you are not rewarded if you don't do what you are supposed too. Good luck.

my response will vary a great deal depending on the circumstances. does she not understand the material? is she being defiant? has she been screened for learning disabilities? are there major disruptions in her life? does she have health issues?
you're not necessarily responsible for your child getting an F (kids do have to own their own junk) but as a parent you're certainly responsible for knowing your child, her learning style, her challenges, and how to help her.
khairete
S.

I was never taught how to study.
Have you taught her the steps?
My parents would sit next to me doing their bills or reading the newspaper, but I never knew exactly what I was supposed to doing during this "study time".

Of course they called out words for spelling tests. They would ask if I had completed my homework or read the chapters assigned. But that was it.

Do you know the steps to studying efficiently?

What has the teacher suggested or observed?
Is the subject matter something she needs a tutor for?

I would focus on teaching her "how" to study at home. My 11 yr old didn't really have a clue what to do this year. I also had to teach her how to organize her binders and how to manage all of her classes. Sometimes I feel like she's in college rather than middle school. 6th grade wasn't like this for me at all. However, she does have some focus and motivation issues, so we really have to check her work, insist that she uses a timer when she's working, make sure she puts her completed work in the right spot, etc. I know some parent's would let their kids sink or swim, but when a child needs extra help or has special needs, you have to teach them how to manage long-term rather than let them fail each time. You can turn this around with some extra management at home or tutoring. A lot of it comes down to developing habits and study skills.

There may be a lot of issues there... however, do you have in place some kind of consequence for getting an F?

Does she really know what "studying" means?

She needs to learn now that she will have to put in the effort to get grades in school.

If you have tried studying for her, and she still got the F, you shouldn't feel responsible. You aren't in the class taking the test for her.

Talk to her teacher and ask her the best way to help her..... and no, that doesn't mean doing the work for her! She needs to learn NOW to be responsible for her classwork.

Don't know all the particulars as to why she is failing. But have you thought about glasses? Sometimes it gets glossed over and that it a reason why they don't/wont' study -- they can't see the words.

I know when my glass prescription doesn't feel right, I don't want to do things. Reading is hard without being able to see what is printed.

There has to be more to this. Perhaps someone in the class has made fun of her or something. Perhaps she is not grasping the subject matter. Perhaps the girls in the class have decided to make her their personal punching bag/bully. There is something definitely off for her to get an F and now you are just learning about it.

My daughter had an issue with a teacher one year. She was not the only one in the classroom to have a problem. When she brought home her report card she had an F on it. The fact that the principal did not know about it and was not advised did not help the teacher. Said teacher was called out of class one day when I visited with the principal and the teacher had to "explain" why the F to the principal and I. Needless to say, that teacher did not teach the falling year at the school. (I did not have any say in that decision.) This was a cushy assignment DDODs (Department of Defense School System) that many teachers seek.

Do let us know what happens. Good luck to you. I also had my daughter repeat second grade. She did not quite understand what was being taught and I explained to her that it was not her fault to be held back but she needed more time to learn the material. So she did learn the material and learned a lesson about not asking for help and paying attention. Mom came to the "rescue" but in a different way.

the other S.

How is her reading comprehension? Is she understanding what she reads? If this is possibly an issue, enroll her in a after school reading program. It is much easier to shut down and as a kid, you can't really explain how you read something and don't know what you read.

I have seen many parents of older children enroll their children in Kumon (my daughter attends) because their grades have dropped. I talked with one young man here and there who was in 6th grade. He looked pretty upset to be there. I told him it really helps and then he will feel better about doing his work. I asked later if he felt it was helping and he said yes and he was glad he was doing it, but it is not fun.

Do a small test, ask her to read her study paper or book and see if she can explain it to you.

I would find out if there is anything else going on - is this a new change of habit? If so, did it start in middle school? New friends? Middle school is a whole different ballgame than elementary school. Which class?

I would then sit down with her teachers and find out what is going on in class and get the tools I need to monitor her grades and homework. If she won't study with you, perhaps an outside resource like Sylvain is in order to work through whatever she can't handle. I had to be tutored through algebra in HS, though I was getting As in everything else. Some subjects are just harder for some people. History you can memorize facts and dates, and if you're an auditory learner, reading out loud can be an easy way to remember them. But math? Math didn't fit the way I learned best.

Unless you are doing things like allowing her to stay out late, why are you responsible for her lack of studying? Yes, it's a problem, but you are not going "No, Sally, let's do x instead", right?

I would also make it clear to her that she will 1. be spending her summer in summer school for any classes failed, and 2. be losing privileges until this is changed. She may get an F for last semester, but it doesn't have to be her grade for the year.

She didn't do the work. You tried to help her and yet she has still failed.

Sometimes in life you succeed and sometimes you fail. I believe you learn more from your failures than your successes. She may have to do summer school to make up that failed class or she may need to repeat the grade because of that class either way actions in inactions have consequences.

I think perhaps tutoring may help her if she is struggling with learning this particular classes material. Sometimes the teacher teaching the material isn't a good fit for the student learning the material but that is no excuse for giving up and failing.

It is time to build up her confidence as she deals with the consequences of her actions. I had a son that failed a class at around your daughters age. My other son failed a math class in highschool. It's not the end of the world and it's not your fault as a parent. Both of my kids had to deal wit hthe consequences of their actions and did eventually pass the class. The both know what it is like to fail, try again and succeed and that is a good lesson for life.

Get her into tutoring with the understanding it may take a time to find a good fit but it will be well worth it. Find out from the school how she can make up this class if there will be the possibility of summer school and move forward.

Are you just now learning that she is struggling? My daughter is 11 and when I found out she missed an assignment early in the year because she was confused we immediately opened communication with the teacher and our daughter. She hasn't had issues since then.

You need to help her - at 11 she is still learning a lot. And I do believe it is the parents responsibility to help facilitate their success.

I am sure it isn't just her lack of studying that is the problem - she must not be doing anything at all to get an F. So you, the teacher, and your daughter need to sit down and figure this out. Both you and the teacher have responsibilities to her, and she needs to understand her role in this as well.

I have great difficulty helping my DS with his homework. We have completely different approaches and for some reason it's very anxiety provoking for me, which ends up triggering him. Luckily, he's pretty independent and doesn't need much help in any subject other than math. This is where marrying a man with a degree in physics really pays off...DH and DS math homework sessions. My hubby is MUCH MORE PATIENT and so this works well. enough about me.

my suggestion to you is to ask her why. discuss it with her and try to find other resources, starting with the teacher and including perhaps a guidance counselor and/or administrator if needed. most teachers want their students to succeed so i would imagine the teacher would not only want but almost expect you to reach out on a failing grade.

you are not responsible but you are an important element. study after study have shown that the one variable that makes the most difference in the academic success of a child is parental involvment. that doesn't mean you do it for them it means you support them while they do it for themselves and that support can take on many many many forms.

i hope you don't feel admonished...i know how you feel and wish you the very best in your efforts. keep it up, her education is priceless. :-) S.

I'm pretty sure this is her way of controlling the situation. She seems very bright, and I would bet this isn't about not wanting to study.

I'd ask her what changed since 1st semester that has her decisions not to put effort into her grades.

I bet her answer won't be that she just doesn't want to study.