6 Yr Old Son Wants to Take Karate but When We Get to the Class He Is Scared

Updated on April 20, 2011
B.D. asks from Augusta, GA
13 answers

My 6 yr old son wants to take karate..he has a bully problem and wants to learn to defend himself against the bully. He knows fighting is wrong but he wants to learn karate so he can atleast defend his self when the bully starts pushing hitting and kicking him. This bully is kicking him in his privates and the school is useless they dont do anything to the kid. Anyway, when we get to the karate class he doesnt want to participate he says hes scared and he doesnt know how to do what they do..i told him know one knows how to do it at first you have to learn..we are going back again for a beginners class..any ideas on how to make him feel comfortable with it and get him to participate in the class because i know he really wants to and it would be good for him..i have behavior problems with him at home and i feel it would be a positive influence on him..no negative comments please

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Believe me, karate/taekwondo instructors know all about this.
No white belt starts class knowing what to do.
That's what they are there for - to learn and to practice.
If the bully is kicking him, you might want him to wear a cup under his clothes to school to protect him.
Try to keep working with the school/principal, supervisor and school board where the bullying is happening - threaten legal action and/or go to the media if you have to - that usually gets their attention. Document everything. No kid should have to be in a hostile environment at school. They should have some policies in place for the situation and they should be following them.

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G.R.

answers from Dallas on

talk with the karate instructor about all of this my kid's karate teacher always give the kid a first private class and talk with the kids about what the class is about to give the kids confidence ... talk with the karate instructor and i am sure he will be happy to help you.
my kid had now 1 year going to karate class he was very shy kid and now he is more confident he talk with people and he know karate is self defense not to fight with kids for no reason he is having good grades and love going in tournaments

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

I was about his age when I started karate, and was a black belt by the age of 10. You could bring him to class and let him watch the first time, so he can see the kids don't just fight, but that they learn how to do movements like kicks, punches and defensive blocks. I agree with maybe trying a private lesson first.

Also, teach him to run away from the bully and stay away from him and go straight to the teacher. Honestly, the bigger issue here is the school not doing anything. I would be calling the principal and throwing a huge fit over this.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.E.

answers from Denver on

I am sorry your son is going through such hard times. I can't help much with the karate and it looks like you have some good suggestions. I do have a bit of a thought about the bulling. While it is good that your son wants and should defend himself, ( my daughter knows she can protect herself with out getting in trouble with me) he needs to make sure that he try's to walk away and tell an teacher before it escalates to being kicked. If he does defend himself be prepared that he will get into trouble too. If the teacher is not doing anything to end this problem, go to the principal. If he/she will not do anything go higher, you need to also help fight this battle for your son. If you have classmate numbers feel free to call the parents, just be prepared that bully kids have bully parents as well sometimes. I feel so bad for him, its amazing how awful some kids can be, and how young they seem to start now days. Good luck to you and your son.

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A.C.

answers from Columbus on

I would suggest asking for a separate appointment with the instructor, and talk to him on the phone and tell him about your son and the problem your son is facing. Then, tell the instructor that you think it would really help your son if he could meet with and talk to the the instructor privately, to get to know him/her.

If that doesn't help, inquire with the instructor about private lessons. Then, as your son becomes more comfortable about it and more confident, start enrolling him in group classes.

I would also suggest, if you've approached the school already, to do so again. Getting kicked/hit in the privates is no laughing matter, and if done hard enough is potentially life threatening, not to mention that it is utterly humiliating and painful. Keep after the school, document everything, and if it keeps happening, start going up the food chain to the superintendent, etc.

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to your little boy.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have been training in karate for a total of 8 years, my daughter started when she was 5 and is now 9 and still training, and I was a kids' karate instructor for two years. I completely believe that karate is good for all children, whether timid or aggressive, all can and do learn valuable lessons.

I agree with the advice you've gotten to: let your son watch a beginner class with no expectations to join in, talk with the instructor about giving at least one private class to your son, then if this has gone OK, I would bring your son to the next class and leave - wait close by but outside - out of your son's sight.

It's tricky as a parent to know when to back off and when to push your child just enough to get them past their fears. You know your son best, but I know that as a mom I sometimes hesitate when pushing a little is the best.

When our daughter was learning to ride a bike, I failed to teach her because I let her quit even though she was physically capable at age 7 of riding the bike. She felt bad because her friends were all riding. Her father and I talked about it and he took the next lesson and he told her "we're not going home until you ride this thing". She did it and she was thrilled to be able to finally ride a 2-wheeler!

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Suggestions:

Let your son go and observe until he is ready to join in.

Give him a few private lessons (maybe even in your home).

Ask the instructor if there is a good video for children.

Blessings.....

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Does the school offer private lessons? Our kids' school gives each and every student at least one private lesson before they are allowed to participate in the regular group classes. It is part of the "check it out to see if you want to do this" introduction, before you sign any sort of contract to pay for classes. I think they sometimes offer it as part of the "introductory package" that also will sometimes include a uniform.

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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

I just went through this with my 4 1/2 year old son. He would absolutely not join the class and even if we got him to do it for a little while, he would always end up by me crying he didn't want to. He had no problem doing a private lesson with the sensei. Here is what they did. They had us come about 15 minutes early. Sensei acted as though it was just his private lesson. They did it right in the same room where class was going to be held. So while he was getting his private lesson, the students started coming in to start the next class. Then they would ask 1 or 2 students to come over and say hey, have you met so and so and have them shake hands. And can you stand next to him and do a couple kicks together. And then they would say how cool you just met some kids that will be in your class. They did this about 4 times and each time asked a couple more kids and said, hey can you believe it, you just did karate with 8 kids. Also, the instructor is very good with kids and makes it fun for them. At that age, I think they still need to keep it fun. They never gave my son a hard time about not wanting to participate or about being afraid. If he wanted to go by me, they would let them. But, really I think that being in the same room and working up to more kids (there were also adults in his class), and just meeting them individually helped him. This was 3 months ago and just this past weekend my son stood up in front of 80 people with no problem at their belt presentation. I have to say that all of this was the instructors idea and they were pretty good at knowing how to handle the situation, so you will have to see if you feel comfortable that your instructor can handle it. We actually did not join karate because of his fear of groups (just happened when he started) but more to develop the "I can" attitude and also to get him more focused. I am starting to see improvements in those areas already as well. I think if you can get past this part without pushing him too far, it is a great thing to try. Good luck!

G.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Perhaps a one-on-one class or two with the instructor and yourself.

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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

it might take a few times for him to get used to it. Little boys need a little bit of a "warm up" period I have found. Take him a few more times reinforce on the way the way how great it will be and what fun he will have. ANY little advance is to be celebrated and congratulated- not always treats but with a " wow I am so proud of you", "I knew you could do it that is just so great". If he really really hates it then dont force him but try to be excited and positive and he will catch on.

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L.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

Talk to the Sensei (teacher). If it is a good school and sensei they will take the time to do a little one on one with your son to make hime feel more comfortable. Can you take it with him? or if not watch the whole class with him and help him practice at home before the next class.

C.C.

answers from Visalia on

Your son is prolly combining the two together, karate hurts, bully hurts, both physical. instead of ur boy learning to fight because of bully, ur son will learn he COULD walk away from bully knowing he can kick his arse!. cause karate is just not the fighting but more of the discipline of the mind.

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