6Th Child?

Wow! I am still in awe that you manage to work with 5 kids! You must be a superwoman! As others have said, both parents really need to be on board to go forward on this...

Just like you told us -five is plenty! IF you are willing to reconsider in a few years, let him know, but five kids is a LARGE family. You're the one carrying the babies and giving birth, so if you don't want to have another baby -then don't. Sit down and have a real heart to heart with him, I mean -it's not like he wants kids and you don't and you have none.

Hi, Dancer:
Why does he want a 6th child?
Explore his reasons for the 6th.
Just want to know.
D.

With all due respect...you lost me at "number 6"!

Good luck!

Your body, your risk, your discomfort, your labor = your veto!

If the desire ran in the other direction, I would say his worries about providing = his veto.

Both parents need to be on board for such a significant decision. You've given your all 5 times over. You don't need to "explain" yourself, just say no (at least until you are sure you WANT to say yes). How would your husband explain to your 5 children that they are simply not enough for him?

There are so many things to consider here besides wants. Are you financially stable, able to provide attention to each child with both working. Will the kids be able to participate in activities equally, school fees for 5 plus school supplies, clothing, if one of you became ill could the other afford to carry the full financial load, if a job were lost and not available for 6 months or more do you have enough savings, are you at this time relying on anyone else like family and friends to keep kids going where they need to be or sitters, college, a vehicle that will fit everyone comfortably. When presenting your case, not to mention you are the carrier of the child these are some things to give serious thought to. I have 3 kids, medically I would be at risk for death to have more and I can't do that to my 3 kids just because I had an ideal number. As my youngest is 3 I am seeing how much the monitery output and time output will be for 3 can't imagine 5 or 6. It is a hard decision, take your time to make sure your heart is in it as it can be difficult when your sure, more so when your not.

Hi dancer mom-

I just want to say that my (now) ex and I thought we were 'rounding off' our family of 5 (6 and under at the time)...and it was TWINS!

If you are over 35, apparently the chance of twins rises (who knew!! NOT me)..

Just another consideration...

Best Luck!
michele/cat

All I can say is I am freaking jealous.

Be very thankful that your man wants another baby (not that you aren't, just saying - many don't).

JMO.

Wow. This is hard for me to relate to. We have 2 children and my husband and I both work so I feel like we don't have enough time with them and there are only 2 of them. In addition, I didn't want to have a 3rd partly bc of the impact on the environment. Is your husband environmentally concerned at all? Obviously large families use a lot more energy and there's the multiplication factor when they have children and their children have children etc. I just think - what if everyone had 6 children? Can you imagine the population explosion? We can afford more children so money isn't the issue but our "footprint" in this world is. Maybe if he wants more children you could become foster parents or adopt. A child would probably love becoming part of such a big family which I admit must be a lot of fun at times! I will say not all kids seem to like growing up in a big family though. We had family friends with 8 kids and the mom stayed home but he said there was never enough attention and he'd never do that to his kids... I'm sure some of his siblings felt differently though.

Get a baby alive doll for him. 5 is enough kids! That IS a big family!!! To give each kid quality time and attention and enough financial support, and one on one full attention from each parent, not to mention if they're in activities. My god! I have 3 and I feel this is a big and full family.

Even though you have been talking about having one for two years now.. alot can change in two years. Including you. I would tell him honestly that the more you think about it, the more you don't want another one.

We have 5 and we tossed around having #6 also. My husband is the one that was against it, I know he didn't want to tell me because he was afraid to hurt me. But after he said something about it, I thought about it and we agreed we have a pretty awesome family right now and didn't need another one.

Just be open with him... doesn't matter if there is one child or 10 children... you need to be open and honest when it comes to having more.

Pam I understand how it would be hard to relate to only having 2 kids... but really for some of us with large families its hard for me to relate to only wanting 2. I can't imagine my life with out my 5 kiddo's. Do I worry about the environment.. a little. Does it out weigh my love for wanting 7 kids not even close! I guess good thing we stopped at 5!

You say, "We have 5 kids ages 3-11 and we both work, we are always busy, despite saying for the past 2 years we would try for another eventually i really don't feel we need a number 6. We at least need to wait 2 or 3 years if we are going to have another." Your words.

How old are you? (rhetorical question) As you get older pregnancy (especially after at least 5) can get harder. What will you do with your job and family, if you can't work, or tend to them like you want/need to?? What about recovery time from the birth? There will also be a very large gap in between your baby and the youngest. How will that affect your family dynamic. Just a few points to bring up with him. The biggest point, you BOTH need to WANT a child. It can be either, or.

Wow! 6?? I really wanted 3, but my husband was satisfied with 2. At first, I was upset about it. Maybe even a smidge resentful, but as my two kids get older, are more independent and we keep getting a lighter load, I find I really like this stage of life we are in. I would just be honest with your husband. You have a say in the matter just as much as he does! Good luck!
A.

I feel that if its not a mutual decision, you shouldn't do it. That is a huge responsibility (as you obviously know) that requires so much love and effort. If you don't feel that you are ready, then you should wait until you feel that you are.

God bless you with having 5!!! I have 1 and get overwhelmed, lol...

Not sure if it's helpful or not... but the first thing that popped into my head:

"Hon... I'm sooooo glad you're so happy and excited about #6... because I've got good news... that means you're going to be happy for the next few years, until I might be able to face the idea :) :) :)"

I agree with some of the other Mama's that 5 kids already is a big family by today's standards. I would just be totally honest with him like you were with us & tell him that while you may change your mind in a few years, you definitely don't want another right now.

Have you talked to him but he won't budge? Unless he's home a ton and super helpful, it's much more your decision. Do you work bc you want to or he wants you to? From other posts, you seem very comfortable financially so do you work bc you don't really want to be home? Not criticizing if that's the case as I would have had trouble being home when my kids were really young but that's one reason I didn't have more than two. So a lot of factors that your husband should be considerate of. If he wants you to work, that's putting an incredible burden on you. How can you work full time and be there enough for your kids if you have six? I can barely do it with two. They always want more if my time and my husband understands it's mommy they want so I have more at stake in the earlier years or more of a load to carry so more of a say in how many kids. Finally, I know if I had more children I'd adore them and not be able to imagine not having them but I'm in the camp of trying to think globally about the environment. I don't think it's fair for me to say 'well, I really really want six kids so I'm the exception to worrying about the impact on the environment.". Five kids is already a huge family so is six an arbitrary number? Maybe some of these points would help persuade him.

This is a conversation that should have taken place before child number ONE and before you married this man.

Since that ship has sailed, level with your man and ask him who is more important in his life, you, his wife and supposed, life partner or another child that only HE wants?

Is he really so selfish to jeoparidse his current wife and five children to become a father for a 6th time. Who does he think he is...that NUT on "Sister Wives"?

Blessings....

My opinion is to have one sooner than later because there will so much of an age difference in the 3 year old and the next one. If you got pregnant today and had the baby next summer your youngest would be 4, almost in school full time. If you wait another year you'll have an underage little one for the next 5-6 years. I like the shorter time line myself...

I love large families and wish I had been able. Almost all of my friends at church have 5 or more, some have 8+. My BFF from Jr. High and High School was one of 12 so it was like having multiple siblings.

I had 1 brother 15 years older than me and one sister 11 1/2 years older so I know full well how odd it is to be like an only child while everyone else is off to school and stuff.

No advice here but I wanted to let you know that I think you rock! Kudos and blessings to all of you!

wow!! six?!!? I/we wanted four...

I would say to him what you just told us...I need time...I'm busy - we're busy - we are not enjoying our family because we are sooo busy.

Personally though - if going for six - I would do it now since the youngest is 3 then you don't have a large age gap. And it gives the family a nice, round number - so if you go out to eat - 8 is easy...however, transportation is another thing entirely!!!

Sit down and talk with him - can you afford another? Do you have enough room in the house? Do you have to purchase a new car (Suburban??) to haul all of you around? If you aren't up for six - you need to tell him that. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!

GOOD LUCK!!

Tell him what you told us. Are you in a relationship that you can't talk to your husband? If so then you are not in a husband/wife relationship anymore but a master/servant one.

Personally, I think if you need advice on how to talk to your husband about anything, number 6 should be put on hold.

I am not trying to offend, just saying that perhaps there is some piece of information missing that should be added.

Share your feelings with him. He'd appreciate your thoughts, I'm sure. =)