7 Month Old Won't Go to Sleep Unless in Our Bed - Help!

I'm a parenting writer working on a sleep book, and a mom.
We went through the very same thing, we co-slept until about 7 -8 months. What I've found is that just about every expert agrees that the most important thing for parents is to be committed to consistency. The uncertainty of crying it out one night then picking up and rocking the next, or putting her down asleep one night and awake another, or putting her in bed sometimes but not other times, is what creates the endless crying.

One ped. I interviewed said: "give me a weekend-- start on Friday and she'll be sleeping by Monday" and that's a sensible plan-- it gives you a chunk of time to be committed to the new routine, plus you don't want to have to worry about having to go to work on the days after the two toughest nights!

So Friday night, do your soothing routine (feed, wash, song, etc) and put her down when you see her eyelids start to get heavy but while she's still awake. It's going to be a loud night, but keep in mind you're not hurting her, you're helping her learn a valuable life skill, even if she's disagreeing with you and doesn't care to learn it! Then wait at least 15 minutes to a 1/2 hour before you go in, and when you go in, DO NOT pick her up-- then or for at least a full six hours (which is how long she should be able to go between feedings if she's average-sized) unless she's got a seriously dirty diaper (if that's the case, change it quickly and get out, no cuddling, all business). Avoid eye contact, which is stimulating. Just show yourself briefly to let her know you're there. If it sounds like the crying is winding down, don't go in at all, because she'll just get riled up again. Keep it up and by Sunday night she really will be settling much faster. The big thing is not to feel guilty-- you are not hurting her, endangering her, damaging her sense of trust or any of that. She doesn't like sleeping alone (my 6-year-old still doesn't), but it won't hurt her.

Also, not to ramble on forever here, babies seem to do well with early bedtimes. If they get over-tired it makes it tougher. Most moms I've interviewed say a bedtime of 7-7:30, with a feeding at about 1, works best.
Good luck....!

I should say first of all that I've never been a fan of cry-it-out so I'm a little prejudiced. I think that you have to trust your instincts here. If her crying goes on and on and tears at you, then maybe it's not the right thing. There were times when I let my son cry at night as a 10 month-old, but it didn't last longer than 5 minutes. (I probably wouldn't have been able to take it if he had cried longer!) If your daughter sleeping with you is interfering with your sleep at night, then maybe you could try putting her crib in your room next to your bed so that you could still reach in and pat her to soothe her. That way she doesn't feel alone but you have some space. After a while, you could increase the space between her crib and your bed and then eventually move her back to her own room.

When I got my first daughter to sleep in her crib on her own, she was a couple of moths older than yours...but maybe helpful. I would lay her down, tuck her in and whatnot...then leave. When she would start crying, hysterically, I would wait 5 minutes and go in to lay her back down and walk back out. Something I had read once prior said it was important not to talk? Just step in to lay her back down so she knows you are still around, but not to give in! Then I would wait 10 minutes, and go in and do the same thing. Then 15. After about an hour or so...she would fall asleep. It took maybe 3 nights for it to work with her. But as a mother, it is a HORRIBLE 3 nights! You just have to stay strong and keep it up. I would sit on the top of the stairs with my watch, so I could go jump up and go in when my 5, 10 or 15 minutes were up! But then a couple of months after her learning that, we moved, and messed it all up. I definitely think change in a little one's life is first obvious in their sleep patterns. We never got back to that point until she was about 4 years old. Can you lay down with your baby in your bed until she falls asleep..then once in a deep sleep move her to her crip? What I did for my girls, although they were a bit older...I would take a twin or full matress, and put it in their room on the floor (no box spring, so it is very low to the floor)in a corner, and use one of those safety railings, and lay down with them until they fell asleep. Then once asleep...sneak off into my own bed (or downstairs for some mom time). It has worked really well for us, I still do that with my youngest. Good luck! Maybe your baby is still teething some and just wants to be with her mommy? Her phase will pass...and you will stay strong!
K.

I know that a lot of people are on the fence about the whole cry-it-out method of sleep training, but I did it with my son when he was 8 months old (he's now 3). I took about 5 days for him to be sleep trained. The first night he cried for an hour and then each night it became less and less until he figured out that he was safe and still okay when we left the room. Yes, the crying was very difficult, but whatever you decide to do, you need to be consistent. If you try cry-it-out again, going in after 30 minutes and picking her up because she won't stop crying is just going to keep making it more difficult for her to learn how to self-soothe. She's at a stage right now that she knows that she can manipulate you with her crying. Good luck!

S.

S.,
I'm not sure when I started to let my daughter cry it out, but it was around 9-12 months (she's now 20 months) and I now wish I would have started earlier. You need your sleep! Especially if you are working. Most people say that you should leave the room when you are using the cry it out method (and come back in every 5 minutes gradually increasing the time), but I stayed in the room which worked better for us(I tried leaving). I would periodically say in a soothing voice, "go night-night" or "calm down", but I did not pick her up and tried not to touch her. The first night she cried for 45 minutes and it went down from there for a few days until she would be fine when we laid her down. To this day she puts herself to sleep. Suffering those couple of nights was the best thing I did for me and her! Also, if she gets sick or is teething and she gets used to the attention, I have to go through the crying it out again, but usually she gets the hang of it after 2 nights. Good luck!

I wish I could help you, but I have the same problem. My daughter is 3 and wont sleep in her own bed. We've decorated the bedroom the way she wanted, helped her pick colours she liked, even went to Build A Bear to make a "special" bedtime bear for her to sleep with. I'm ready to just leave it be and hope that she will move into her own room, but my husband wants us to start pushing her into it now.
Can anyone help us?

My oldest daughter is a great sleeper so it wasn't until my youngest daughter was born that I had to experience this. I ended up putting her in her pack-n-play in our room where she slept until she was 15 months old. She wouldn't sleep in her crib at all but slept all night long in our room. Then, when I was ready, I transitioned her by talking to her and explaining to her that she had to sleep in her own bed during the bedtime routine. I know it sounds funny, but my mom suggested it and it worked, the first night I tried it. I truly think that we forget that our babies can understand us if we allow them to, from a very young age. I know 7 months is too young, but this is when it starts! So, finally at 15 months old she slept in her room. Also, I was given advice from a mom one time about co-sleeping that was, whatever works for the family is what's best. When it stops working, it's time for a change. It sounds like you are ready for a change so make a plan (that works for you and your husband) and then execute it. Good luck!!!

My child had sleep trouble when he was teething too so I feel for you. I would first make sure she's comfortable with some sort of teething relief - either a natural product, orajel or tylenol. Then you are right, she needs to learn how to fall asleep by herself (start with right at bed time or nap time with a special routine). Unfortunately this takes time. I think when they are crying worse with the "cry it out" method then it's not going to work. Babies cry to tell you that they need something - whether it's comfort, company, or reassurance. I had a lot of success after reading "The Baby Whisperer". It's a lot less traumatic and gives them the comforting they need while teaching them independence. It's going to take you a good three days and you have to be consistent but if you want her to sleep in her own bed you could give it a try. You could also try moving her crib into your room so she's closer to you but still in her bed while trying to teach her to sleep alone. Whatever you decide to do, remember that she's a baby and this season of her life will pass by before you know it. So do what feels best to you as a mom, not what you think other people will approve of.
Good luck!