7Th Grade Son Still More than Failing Update

H., I can relate. I've have walked down this road with my own son who is now 16 soon to be 17. Everything that you mentioned including his responses is mirrors my situation with my son. My son's IQ was tested and we found out he is gifted. Being gifted and having ADD is a double whammy. Case in point as to why he saw school as "pointless" etc. BUT now that we know, the school system that we're in has taken a different approach and finally my son although he doesn't feel that much different about school in general because he is finally able to be successful in school and without the medication. My son loves to read and loves to learn however because of his situation had or has difficulty learning in a conventional setting. I don't believe my son was trying to be difficult instead was trying to tell me things are different for him and wasn't able to articulate it in a way that he felt people would understand. So although he has his daily challenges at least I have a better understanding of what is going on and the school is being flexible in helping him be successful. Hope this helps. I'm also a single mom of 3 children, 16, 10 and 4 and we have a wonderful 1 yr old goldendoodle.

I had a friend take her kid to Riley & they've been able to diagnose him very well -- tremendous change! I wish you well -- my brother had ADHD & was very difficult to deal with as a child. Still is and he's 27! :)

I've been there...my son is now 17, and I'm sorry to say it hasn't gotten much better. (The same battle in my house since 3rd grade!!)

However, try using incentives for 'good' grades and behaviors rather than taking things away when he doesn't make the grades you want. I know that I took everything away for years and it never worked...at my wits end and this is something that has been recommended to me...

Good luck to you!

I don't know anything about ADD in particular, but in regards to your son's comment about being taught things he will never use again, I have a suggestion. Perhaps he will not in real life sit down and be doing word problems or figuring out algebraic formulas, etc.; however, learning to solve these types of problems helps us to develop analytical thinking skills which we apply to all sorts of life situations, both personal and career related. If you'd never had any of those Math courses in highschool, it probably would have been more difficult for you to master the skills you need and use every day as a network administrator. I work at a community college and one of the things we here from employers all the time is that they need our graduates to be able to think critically and analytically to solve problems. They may not need the graduates to have a specific math skill set, but mastering those math skills does also teach one to think critically. And writing papers analyzing literature etc, does as well -not to mention improves one's writing skills which we do all use to communicate in a professional manner - think of all the e-mails most people respond to at work! If they are not clearly written, then things get misinterpreted and tasks don't get completed correctly. Maybe explaining to him how school helps him develop those types of skills that he will use later in life, just in a different way will help?

Good luck.

One of my stepsons was diagnosed w/ADD when he was very young and my husband has it also. As far as the medication goes, there are TONS of different meds out there for ADD. It took a long time to find the right combination of meds for my husband and as far as I remember right, my stepsons went through a few also. My husband's ex took my stepson to a psychologist and also to our local Children's Hospital where they worked w/him once a week. The psychologist was great b/c he explained to my stepson what ADD was, how it affected his brain and how he can work w/it to live a life as normal as possible. He taught him to completely tackle ADD differently and from a point of view that my stepson was able to grasp. My husband's ex really supported his ADD and their household was (and is) very, very structured. Nothing ever changed. They made the household an atmosphere where he could thrive (he has 3 other siblings). She also changed his diet completely and fed him healthy and organic foods. Just to give you hope: He is graduating this year w/an 4 plus GPA avg and has set his hopes on studying physics and engineering at MIT. I believe that the understanding and self-awareness that he gained by going to this psychologist helped him tremendously and probably contributed most to him being able to live the life he has. I don't remember what they did at the Children's Hosp, I think it was some type of a support group.
Being so early in his teens, your son is trying to tackle a world that he has a hard time grasping on top of dealing with tons of hormones that are racing through his body. That is really, really hard for him. He is trying to find his way but it's hard for him to figure out where to begin. Do you remember when you grew up and went through your teenage years? It's hard enough going through that when you don't have ADD but with ADD it's even harder. I would suggest that you find a good psychologist that can start working with him. Also, since he is a teenage boy, he (in my opinion) needs to have some type of physical exercise, preferrably twice or three times a week. His body needs the dopamine (did I spell it right?) that is released after physical exercise. My stepson was in soccer which seemed to help him and he enjoyed it. If he seems to be in front of the TV or computer a lot, I would put a time limit on it b/c that seems to magnify ADD (at least in my experience). Maybe 2 or 3 hours a day, whatever you think is reasonable. I don't know that grounding helps him grasp what's going on. Try to come up w/ways to give him tools in succeeding more in his day to day life. When we would have my stepson over the weekends or in summer, I just tried to follow his mom's example and be as structured as I could. When I needed his help w/something I always made one request at a time.
Trying to reason w/your son at this point will be hard and I'm just thinking that you are fighting a battle that you don't need to. I think that he may need you to dig into his life and share stuff with him or experience stuff w/him. With my stepson, he loved it when we played games w/him or when we had "dates" w/him. For example, I took him out for breakfast every (or almost every) Saturday morning. Or he loved it when we just paid special attention to him - he always seemed to blossom in those times.
I do believe that nutrition has a lot to do w/our state of mind so to speak and I have heard this guy speak twice now on nutrition and ADD. He and his wife have worked for years w/kids that have ADD and basically put them on an all natural/organic diet. The kids do not get any sugars, enriched foods, etc. For the life of me, I cannot remember his name but I do think I still have some paperwork somewhere. If I find his name and contact address, I'll send you a private email. He and his wife have had a 70% or 80% success rate in getting kids w/ADD off their medications and functioning as what is 'normal' for them and be successfull.
I don't know if you believe in God, but you can always ask Him for wisdom on h/t proceed and what to do for and with your son. Also, pray for your son for healing.
It's tough and frustrating to go through it but always hope for the best and keep your eyes on that. Your son is young and he may outgrow the ADD. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hi H.! I have a stepson in this very same situation...he is a sophomore in high school and refuses to do his homework. He has ADD and I will tell you the medications don't work. However, what doctors and most people won't tell you is that there ARE natural ways to combat this problem. In any health food store you can find something called Pycnogenol. This will help if taken properly. Kids suffer from ADD so much today because they have been exposed to so many more toxins than any other generation (not to mention the junk injected into food these days) this is why you see girls gaining weight in the way men usually do and all of the other issues that kids are dealing with. These toxins go to the most active part of a child's body...and in most cases this is going to be the brain. They block the ability for neurotransmitters to connect and thus causes the inability to focus and concentrate. Pycnogenol will help rid the body of these toxins and help with the ability for the brain to function properly. I also recommend that you feed him tuna fish and/or Salmon two to three times per week and buy something called flaxseed oil...this can only be mixed in foods that are cold but I have my son mix it in with two containers of yogurt or I mix it in his tuna fish. You can't tell it is there. It has no taste when mixed in other things. You could even make him smoothies and mix it in. There are a tremendous amount of studies that link ADD and ADHD with a definciency in Omega 3 fatty acids and these are some of the best sources. I have even started buying bread with extra flax and making his sandwiches with it (Brownberry makes one that tastes great) He has not complained and likes it all which is saying alot for a kids who has alot of issues and attitude!!! We have been doing this for about two months and I have seen improvement. It is much cheaper than medication, natural AND seems to be working.
As far as punishment, don't let them fool you. He may act like he doesn't care but don't give in...they do!!! It is a game that these kids play now and they will lose if you stay consistent and don't give in. Trust me!

Almost every kid says school is stupid, and they'll never use what they are learning. It's an effective argument because there is some truth in it. But learning HOW to learn is as important as WHAT you learn. He obviously hasn't learned that yet.
The way he argues, it sounds like your son is really smart. It's possible that he isn't being challenged, so has quit trying out of boredom. Are there ANY subjects that interest him? What about art and music, any interest there? Success in any one area will help him realize the value of trying.
You have taken away privileges, but you don't say if you have offered rewards. Find out something he really wants, and promise it to him if he reaches a certain level of achievement.
Keep trying! You don't want him to give up, so you can't either.

Hi, H.! I was in sort of the same boat that you are in. Although, my son is 10 and in 5th grade, he had the same blah attitude about school for quite a long time. My son was also diagnosed as ADD, so we tried Vyvanse. The great thing about this medication is that the first three months are FREE!! They doctor will give you a little "credit card" type of thing, and you scan it instead of using cash. We have seen tremendous change in our son. It is a long acting med (about 10 hours), so he only takes it in the morning. It is also fact acting, so it kicks in immediately. Sort of like taking Tylenol... it works right away, but a while later, it wears off. It's great, because he doesn't have to go the nurse at school to get more during the school day.

Your son has a good point, a lot of this information that he's being taught will never be used again, but unfortunately, he needs to learn it so he doesn't fail and have to re-learn it again next year! That's what I told my son and it kind of kicked him into gear, because he didn't want to start 5th grade over again. I also explained to him that there are things that I don't want to do, like laundry, but we all need clean underwear at some point! Dad doesn't want to go to work, but we need the money for food and a place to live. Small details!! Anyway, I hope things get better for your son, and also for you, because as his mother, you just want him to do his best. When he does well, praise him up and down! Remind him how good it feels to get good grades, and hopefully, he will realize that school isn't all that horrible. We even posted my son's "A's" on the fridge, just to remind him that HE CAN DO IT!!! Best of luck to you and your son!

H.,
Sounds like maybe your son would benefit from a counselor. Depression can be so pervasive. I would want to know if he might be in with a crowd that might be "drinking". The statistics on adolescent drinking are astonishing. Anyway , I hate when doctors assume all "behavioral problems" are ADD and prescribe meds. I would make sure his diet is rich in whole foods, I have a whole food supplement that people have had wonderful results with their ADD because it is consistent nutrtion. Call me if you want more info. My listing is under BodyWise. I am a mom of three and of course you want what is best for them.

What I recall, is you are not learning the info because you will use it later. You are teaching your brain how to think and learn. When he gets to college, he willnot be able to understand some of the difficult concepts if he hasn't learned to think that way. That is why you don't know 7th grade math, you have moved beyond it in your thinking. Another thing to point out is he doesn't want to live with you the rest of his life. He has to have at least a HS diploma to get any kind of a decent job, and then it will only pay minimum. To get a HS diploma, he has to graduate. In order to grad he has to learn this stuff now. Until he sees the value of his ed, he won't work at school. Good luck finding what will motivate him and teaching him that value.
R.

I have/had a son with this exact issue. We discussed how school is his job. All jobs ask you to do things that you believe are pointless, you do them to further your career. School is a step toward the rest of your life, you set your goals and achieve them. Then, here is the really hard part, I made him own his mistakes. If he flunks, he does summer school, not me. With an intelligent child, as his reasoning says he is, they quickly shape up when they realize the clean-up crew has quit. My son is a HS Junior and second in his class right now. Good Luck!

I am sorry that you too fell this way about school. I have actually seen a Math Teacher I had in school and told her how happy I was to be educated by her. I use Math everyday. I am a Seamstress. You may say no you don't you sit at a sewing machine and sew. Well I do that too but there is more to being a seamstress than just sewing. I use math to calculate how much fabric is needed to make drapery and other items for people's homes. I had to learn math to read the ruler I use to measue their windows and beds for bedding. I also needed to learn math so once a design is desided upon I know what to charge. Art was something I needed to learn colors and drawing. I draw to scale the design so the customer can see what the design will look like on their windows. I needed to learn what colors go together. History was helpful as I needed to understand how and why fabrics came to be used in the home and also how they are made. That is helpfull in determining how they will perform. I had to learn reading so when working with a designer I can understand what it is their clients are wanting me to make. English and grammer became important so I could speak without sounding like a stupid uneducated person. Science is very important. As sometimes fabrics have stain on them or get marred during construction I need to understand the chemistry behind what chemical cleaners to use on which fabrics. Also I need to understand heat. When you press silk a chemical heat change occurs and makes the strands of silk very weak and can cause the fabric to break. Also government classes help me to understand people so we don't have any disagreements and if we do then I know how to handle them to resolution.
So you see all the courses I took in school are very valuble to me.
They teach many different courses not just things that would be used daily by everyone but to spir interst in different things. If you never had science classes maybe you would never question the workings of nature. Without math classes you would never know you were receiving correct pay or not. If you never learned to write how would history be recorded correctly. Yes you could do that orally but have you ever played the telephone game. The story changes to the point of being completely different. Just be patient. Take him to as many different places that offer different interests. Maybe he hasn't hit his mark yet. My youngest son did not do well in class but is a very intellegent young man and very tallented. He is larning to do tattooing. He's written songs and has been praized for his work by professionals before. He nearly did not graduate. Like your son did not understand why he needed to learn what he did. Of course back then he didn't know what he wanted to do.
Maybe if he spoke to someone who could help him open up and deside what he may want to do when he reaches adulthood. You could then brak down what skills he will need and show him what is needed to be learned.
It could honestly even be an issue with a teacher. My son was not doing well in this one math class. The teacher didn't like him but I think most of the problem was honestly more her than him. She was strung out on drugs. When I asked her being great in math myself (I received awards on math tests from the state level), was there anything I could do to help him. She stated no. I thought 2 plus 2 was 4 but she said that math terms had different names and it would be like me speaking another language and we would not be able to understand one another. She said she cannot even help her children with their math. I think she just had some real issues. He was failed by one math teacher who swore he cheated because Greg did not ever show his work on paper. He does only mental math. In his head. If he tries to do it on paper he messes up. The teacher could not do it in his head so he swore Greg cheated. Greg had him give him an oral test and Greg got every answer correct before the tacher could even begin to write it out. They just never understood him. I wish Greg would have had someone to talk to that would have understood him back then. It might have helped him have a better out look on life.

I stress to my 7th grade son that even though he thinks he'll never use the math he's learning, he really will. As adults we don't think about what we've learned over the years, but what about figuring budgets, gas milage, taxes, and even helping our children with their daunting math homework. Reality is, we really do use it; we just don't think about it. And even if it really is something he's NEVER going to use, he won't get anywhere until with his education unless he learns it.

I work for the unemployment office and with the reality of the economy in mind; without an education our children will go nowhere. I work with so many men and women everyday that haven't needed a formal education to gain employment, until NOW. And it's not going to get any better.

I feel your pain. My 7th grader has struggled on the edge of failing math every semester this year. He too is ADD, and meds didn't help. I can only know that I'm pushing him to be the best that he can. I also tell him that I felt the same way about school while I was in college. It's just a stepping stone to get through the rest of life.

Yes I know how you feel. My 10th grader has been like this for several years and it seems to get worse. I am seriously thinking about counseling. I think may be you should check that route too. Another thing to consider is to find a male mentor. Does he have an uncle or other male figure who can spend time with him. This is the age that boys need father figures. What you are going through is an epidemic in this country with our boys. Leonard Sax wrote the book Boys Adrift that talks about this. But I also believe the women's movement has hurt our boys too. We have gotten "more power" but we forgot that one day we would have boys one day and that we want them to be successful too. Sometimes us moms totally mismanage these boys and they become apathetic. Boys are also physical beings. They need physical activity to manage all that energy/ I hope this has been helpful. Good luck to you.

Please listen to this and I hope it encourages to you.

http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_programarchive.aspx?id=31086

Choose nurturing boys. Good luck to you.

Hi H.,

I really feel for you with the schooling. I have an 11 year old who HATES school and certain subjects. It seems like its a daily battle just to get her to do whats assigned. I've kinda come to the conclusion that the battle is a normal one....I had the same thoughts as a child, and if my mother didnt keep pushing it at me, I wouldnt have become as successful and responsible as I am.

My question regarding the ADD is this....have you actually had a battery of blood tests ran on him? The reason Im asking is because one of my really good friends has a 4 year old who was diagnosed severe ADHD by her Pediatrician. They were having a difficult time with him tolerating meds and took him to see a specalist. He did the battery of tests and found out that this little boy has a severe food allergy that has thrown his entire system off and is the underlying cause for all of his sleep and behavior issues. He does not have ADHD. It just really worried me that doctors seem to just slap a label and meds on these poor kids without trying to find the underlying issues.
Sorry if this is TMI, or you take it as a lecture...just wanting to be informative and helpful. Best of luck!

I would not combat your son's thought about school being a waste of time, because, as you said yourself, he is right! Go online and read John Taylor Gatto's article, "Against School". Also read John Holt's book, How Children Fail. Based only on what you wrote, and not knowing if your son could be depressed for other reasons, it is highly possible that school is sucking your son's soul and his natural enthusiasm for learning. He is bored, and he isn't being challenged. What does he love? Consider homeschooling. Even single parents have been able to successfully do it. I believe that in Ohio, the school system will provide you with a computer, and your son can graduate using an online curriculum. No, the world doesn't always work the way we would like it, but I think you do your son a disservice with the attitude that you can't take on the school board, can't change the system. That is exactly the attitude that public schools serve to breed in us. To make us unquestioningly accept the status quo. Your son has a great mind that needs to be nurtured. Be his champion.

WOW! Been here!

My then third grade ADD son came home one day and told me "what is the point, I can't get it right anyway so why bother".

He was always in trouble at school.

I went to school having taken a new approach. I had them test him for everything; basic reading skills, learning disabilities, etc. Found out he couldn't read. AT ALL! He turned out not to be ADD but BORD! I was so shocked i had my "straight As" sixth grader tested as well. She could read at beginning kindergarden level. Children have amazing adaptive skills.

Have you looked at this as a possibility?

I think some couseling might help, it sounds like he may have some issues. My daughter went through couseling and it was the best thing we could have ever done. You may think about it, and most insurance companies pay for couseling. He may fight it at first but if you make him go it could give him a outlet.

There is no reasoning with a child, especially a teen that wants to get out of work. HE may not need the math, but many people do, many use it throughout their careers.
The more education he has, the more likely he will make a good salary.
You are working fulltime, therefore he has a lot of free time on his hands. His not complying with your requests is his way of rebeling and some of it may be due to frustration at not being able to grasp the lessons easily. TV should be limited to weekends as much as possible. Whether he wants to do it or not, he needs to respect and mind what you say. My youngest son would argue with me every time I talked to him, but I would say "you can argue all you want, say what you want, have the last word, but you are not going to do anything else until this is done".

Get his Dad involved in the plan. Set up homework/study time, housework time, and relaxation time- which he can use to phone friends, visit, read, etc, but limit TV, video games. When his report card comes, pay him for A's or B's, have him spend extra study time on the grades C and below.
Also, get any other adults involved that are in your sons life, like grandparent, aunt, uncle etc; have them talk to him, show them his grades, get advice from them- they know you and your son and may be able to give better suggestions.

I did not see anyone post info in regards to athletics or activities. Does your son do any? I know being ADD when I was constantly doing sports and other activities that kept my interest, I got higher grades. It kept my mind going and made it easier to learn. Hope this helps!

I don't know if it will help at all, but I have just completed a Human Growth and Development class, and learned that the reason many things are taught in schools when they are taught is becuase the brain is developing rapidly, and things like math and science help us learn HOW to use our brains and think. Yeah, it seems pointless to do the work, especially when it isn't that interesting, but there is a reason they are teaching these things when they are. Might not make much of a difference to your son, but with my oldest, it really helps if I can explain to him WHY things are being done the way they are. Good luck with your son.
~J.

I have a very similar situation with my 7th grader. He is a very computer literate kid and loves playing NASCAR games online in a league. He has a tough time at school with being teased and is just an average student and like your son, just doesn't see the point in learning all they have to learn. I think all that affects his desire to study and do well in school. I have never had him tested for ADD but always thought of that. I talk to him almost every night about how good he feels when he does get a good grade to try to get him to want to try harder. We have good days and bad days. I know this isn't really advice but I thought it would help to know you are not alone. If you get any good advice would you please pass it along to me? Thank you!

L. P.

Hi H.,

If the ADHD medication he is taking is not working, he is on the wrong ones. If your prescriber is not responsive, then find someone else. Psychiatrists tend to be the best at this in my experience. Find one that will see you as often as needed until his medication is right. Medication should never be taken alone. Therapy, including educational strategies, cognitive behavioral therapy, and often speech, OT and play therapy are necesary for your son to make progres.

We all need help when we have a child with a neurobiological difference. Look into some therapy for yourself to cope and do some reading about the disorder and how to parent a child with it. My favorite is Dr. Russel Barkely, anything he has written about ADHD will be very good reading for you. Dr. Mel Lavine is also a wonderful source.

Some things about ADHD are no different than dealing with any other child. You are in control, not him. Learn how to take that control back and quit negotiating the most important stuff. His education is not negotialble, if you give him that power, you will regret it. You hold the most relevant power there is, money, so start taking things away and make him earn them back. Check out Russel Barkely's "token econemey" and stick to it religiously, and soon, it will not matter what your son thinks about what he is required to do, he will know why he is doing it, because he won't earn anything he likes unless he does.

Good luck, it is a tough road. Check with your school district and see if they have a parent mentor to help you get him the best educational services too.

M.

It's starting to sound like a phase. I remember thinking that a few times while going through school that it was just a huge waste of time.

I did NOT want to have to take science classes because I "knew" that I wouldn't ever do anything with it. To my surprise, I ended up with a secretarial job at a chemist lab and was able to remember a lot of the periodic table, which was very helpful in that position.

Point is, you never know when you're going to need that information. I use all sorts of mathmatical equations in Excel. (Math isn't my strong point either.)

I'm sure some of it is frustration that he isn't doing too well either. It's harder for some than for others. Let him know you aren't expecting "all a's", but he needs to make an effort to pass and when he graduates, you can talk about whether or not to continue with college.

Not sure what else to suggest...Just a few thoughts....good luck!

HI! I have a 5th grade daughter who was diagnosed with ADD in 3rd grade and it has helped her to concentrate and stay focused in class. On days when she forgets to take it, she definitely notices the differences. She is a straight A student. We tried several medications before we found the right one. Our pediatrician also gave us coupons to use at first when we were trying to find the right medication. Definitely ask if they have these available. It should help with the cost. Also, we had an IEP for my daughter in 3rd & 4th grade-if his doctor has given the diagnosis of ADD, your son is entitled to one and you would request a meeting with the school psychologist to set an IEP up. Hope this helps! Debbie

Have you ever thought about homeschooling. This maybe the best option for you. Reasons why as follows:

It is in the home that the child learns the basic principle of accountability for actions: first to those around him, and ultimately to God.

There are parents duties that are Gods laws we can't hide from our children as follows:

1. That they might hope in God ,and not forget the works of God, but keep his 10 commandments(EXODUS 20:1-11).
PSALMS 78:4-7

2. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
DEUTERONOMY 11:19

3. And thou shalt shew thy son in that day, saying, This is done because of that which the Lord did unto me when I came forth out of Egypt.
EXODUS 13:8

4. Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diigently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons;
Specially the day that thou stoodest before the Lord thy God in Horeb, when the Lord said unto me, Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.
DEUTERONOMY 4:9-10

5. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
PROVERBS 22:6

6. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
PROVERBS 29:17

FOR IT IS THE FATHER THAT SETS THE LAW IN THE HOME AND THE MOTHER TEACHES. H. TODAY IF YOU HEAR GODS VOICE HARDING NOT YOUR HEART. ITS NOT TO LATE FOR NONE OF YOUR CHILDREN. IF THERES A WILL THERES A WAY. I PRAY GOD GIVE YOU STRENGTH, LOVE AND PATIENCE. USE THEM TO YOUR GLORY.

GOD BLESS
LOVE YOUR SISTER
IN CHRIST JESUS

Can you afford to send him to a private school? You could look for one in your area that is very very small, where the teacher gives lots of one on one attention. It's easy to develop an attitude about school when you're one of 30 in every class. I would say instead of letting him fail in all his classes, the better choice also could be to let him get his GED. I know he won't be looked at the same by future employers and definitely colleges, but atleast he wouldn't show that he got D's and F's and failed a year or two in high school. It's a tough one. You could also do some research on the internet and let him see what kinds of effects he would see from receiving a GED or failing out of high school, which kinds of colleges wouldn't take him, which jobs he would qualify for in the beginning....

You need to ask him what he would like to do in life. They do have schools that teach to a specific trade. This might help to inspire him for his life. School is not just about being book smart it is also about learning how to problem solve and work things out just like you would in real life. That is why you have math you learn to problem solve. ALso need to meet with the school and see what your options are for him.

I have an 8th grade failing boy as well. He has been diagnosed with ADD and a bunch of other learning disabilities, but he pretty much says the same thing. "Homework is stupid. If I can pass the tests why do I have to do stupid homework?" He actually is learning the material and would be doing well if not for "busywork" that he refuses to do.

I am in the process of fighting with the school to get accomodations so he can succeed.

I would suggest that you ask to have him evaluated for specific learning disabilities. If they can identify a learning disability, they will give him an Individual Education Plan, and then they can tailor his school to fit him, rather than trying to fit him into the standard curriculum.

You should not have to teach him at home. That is the job of the school. I did that for several years and then this year they did not send home the textbooks or much information so he was on his own and promptly started getting F's.

Good luck,
L.

I'm sorry I didn't have time to read all the requests to see if this is a repeat- hope there's some good stuf fin all that you've received here!

Maybe he would be interested in shadowing someone for a day to see their job- a job he thinks he might like to have. Be sure to talk to this person first and let them know what's going on so they can highlight all the "got this from school" skills they use daily at work.

Or, you could turn home into the real world- The Cosby Show had an episode where they did this for Theo. Your son can earn "money" for chores, homework, etc and use that money to "buy" dinner, TV time, whatever (like earning a salary and paying bills) to help him see how the world works once you're grown up- that you hvae to do things you don't want to sometimes in order to do the things you do want to do and that school will help hime get not only the skills he needs but a better funcitoning brain (it's a muscle and the "un-needed" content is good exercise).

Or, how about an honest conversation about how you can help him make school more tolerable since not going isn't an option. He may be able to start a club at school and have a teacher sponsor it- that might make being there more interesting. I did see a post or two about changing schools and I'm not sure that's a good option- seems like that might show him you can just leave a situation if you don't like it when coping skills are what's important in life when you're hit a curve ball.

Gotta get a screaming toddler out of a high chair...

Here's some points (advice). I will try to keep them simple since there are so many points.

1. Make sure he understands that right now school is his job. You don't always get meaningful jobs, the people aren't always great, but you have to do it to live successfully.

2. Find someone who might be a mentor to him -- a teacher, a coach, a friend's parent, a relative. Someone besides mom and dad -- they never want to believe you are right.

3. If the meds don't work -- try a different one or look for a homeopathic remedy. But you don't want him to be on ADD meds forever so he needs to learn to cope also.

4. They are finding more connections to allergies and ADD. Limit all dairy and then all wheat products for 2 weeks and see the difference. Sometimes your body manifest the food intolerance in strange ways (like ADD).

5. Find him an interest. Anything he can feel is important.

6. Use rewards and consequences but keep the consequences to days at a time. If he feels he is forever grounded or will never ever get a reward then he will never try. He has given up!

Good Luck!

My twins were diagnosed with the same. I have dealt with this dilemna for many years. Your son is smart and not interested in completing social tasks set by our society. Life is moving too slow for him, but he seems to be active. Medicine is a control and must be used with counseling by professionals who talk with a young man and not at one. My twins again had a great counselor who broke things down into there terms while conveying messages of why it was wrong or had to be done, although trivial. He needs an outlet and to do the right things. Is he interested in anything like a vocational study or sosmething that he can focus on once he finishes all his requirements? I put my twins in martial arts and vocational training (auto, computers). There interest to be there in those classes stopped alot of the other drama I was experiencing. But every mind is different and he has hit puberty...

What I would start with is questioning the school. Have your son involved in picking a school that does things in a different way. How much is technology involved in school? many times the teachers will not use technology given to them. I would say that you need to take off work one day to accompany him to school, see it from his point of view. If they are so boring and pointless, the school is not what he needs. You didn't mention if you were in the cleveland area, if so there are schools that will educate students with real world needs, not just the same old from when you were growing up.

All kids think homework is stupid and pointless, it's not just your son! I work in the school system and ALL the kids think it's pointless. If I had a nickel for every time a kid whined "Why I have to learn this...I'll NEVER use it!" I just tell them that it is my job and the schools job to arm them with a great foundation of knowledge so they can succeed at whatever career they choose. Most of the time they roll their eyes and say "Whatever! I'll never use it." You just can't convince a teenager that you know better! I would suggest talking to his guidance counselor or principal. Maybe arrange some conferences with his teachers. If he's not on and IEP you may want to ask the counselor about getting him on one. Make sure he knows that if he fails, he will have to repeat the 7th grade, or at least the classes that he is failing. I'm betting he won't want to be held back while all his friends continue on. In the meantime, if your school system has a Vocational School he can attend the last two years of school,you may want to get some information. If he knows that he has to keep his grades up to eventually get into a program that he will enjoy, it may be some motivation. Good luck! :)

On Twitter, there is a group for ADD kids. These ladies are awesome and have been through alot themselves. I would suggest you go sign up with them.

You hang in there. Everything will work out. Take care.

I have read the other responses and there are many great ideas. I was diagnosed with ADD in mid-life and it explained many things. I was the quiet, dreamy one, lost in books and imagination. My son (not ADD) was BORED in high school, because he could not figure out how it was going to get him to anywhere he wanted to go. Since his grades were good, that was not the problem. But he was burned out early on. I was afraid he would drop out during his senior year! BUT, he had a "Home Ec" (whatever they call it now) demo his sophomore year, asked to take it as an elective as a junior (SURE!!). Then senior year he was in Work/Study. Finished at 11 AM (tell THAT to your son for motivation!), worked the lunch shift at a sandwich shop, and the dinner shift at a restaurant as a cook. Graduated from HS, took culinary classes at community college, moved to Chicago & graduated from Culinary school, is now a chef downtown there. (You would recognize the address.) He found that working with his imagination in culinary (requires math skills, world culture knowlege, language skills, science, English to read & follow directions, EVERYTHING!) was very fulfilling. Met wife at a job, now have baby....., anyway! WHAT does interest your son? Get a way for him to explore that field now, like shadowing someone suggested. What will it take for hm to get there?

Counseling is VITAL! Someone who understands how you THINK, and can relate to you! He needs that support.

VERY INTELLIGENT, probably bored in school. I relate! Schools are much more aligned with "girls" style (sitting still and listening) than with "boys" style (active learning). Find a way to reach him in his style. Climbing walls need math (how much rope?) and science (angle of incline) to ascend. Etc.

You can "remove" things from a toddler and hope to "force" them to make new choices. A very intelligent kid will see through that instantly, and be even more frustrated. Rewards are better. Also, quick response is great - a day can be a long time, more than a day is "forever" = 2 days / 10 years. There is NOW, and NOT NOW. Those are the 2 time frames. Something almost boiling on the stove is NOW. A roast is NOT NOW because it is not boiling. Have him help in the kitchen, because you NEED the help. We all need that help! It gives instant rewards, and you can communicate more easily there than just being the parent. You do NOT have to get your child into culinary for a career. If he intends to EVER eat in his life, he needs to know how to cook. Start with that. Build on that success, it will encourage him to find other outlets of success. School will stop being the ONLY thing in his life, so less focus on success/failure there if something ELSE is happening outside that gives him esteem.

Your parenting skills are not wrong or bad. They are just not right in this situation. Toddler punishments don't work for teens who can drive. You need a different set of rules then.. This needs a new set of rules. Your parenting is god because you have not given up, yo want to FIX THIS with him. He needs you to be on his side in this. Keep advocating for him.

Good luck!!

My Grandson has ADHD. He goes to Conneaut schools. He is in a program called Bridges to Learning. It is specifically for children diagnosed the same as him. It is offered by the schools.It gives the structure that he needs. And, he likes it. They are graded each day and he has to take his report home to his Mom. She has to grade him at home also and send it back the next day. Maybe you could check your school system to see if they offer it. He will be going 3 hours a day Monday through Friday in the summer. The bus will pick him up from home and bring him back home.

Most importantly you must listen to him on his level and not talk down to him. It is frustrating, I understand. He just needs lots of structure.

Finding a mentor as someone else mentioned is also a good idea. Talking to someone besides your parents is always good. My Grandson and I are very close as they lived with us for the first 4 months of his life.He knows that he can talk to me about anything and I will always listen. He is in 4th grade.

Hope this helps.

Have you concidered alternative schooling methods? Like the home computer program etc.? He obviously needs a new route. Possilbly a possitive re-enforcement instead of grounding. Good luck.