8 Year Old Son Is a Dramatic Control Freak!!! HELP

I would second the suggestion of a different therapist if the first one didn't help. Has he always been this way to some degree or is this something new? How is he if he is at another kid's house to play?

Then, at least until he gets some help, no friends over. The other kids can have THEIR friends over, but not him. If he asks why, tell him he can start having friends over again when he can start acting like a better friend himself, and that means sharing, and not getting upset when things don't go his way. But hopefully a new therapist will help him to learn these skills and better cope with his feelings when he feels he needs to be control all the time.

Try a play therapist, N.. I think that the therapist you had was not the right one. A play therapist can give you good advice, including what kind of specialists he should see.

Talk to your ped about this. Your son's case sounds really bad, and he needs the help. (So do you, bless your heart!)

Good luck,
Dawn

I would wonder about OCD and other brain-related issues . . . that sounds like more than a personality quirk. Sometimes kids with these issues have their family members really well trained (i.e., they know how to work around it to avoid melt-downs) but kids/people outside the family do not. It can be hard for the child to have normal social relationships.

Good luck - hope you get it figured out.

I'm not a health care provider of any type - this is just my mom opinion.

I think this is normal stuff with some kids. SOme are just more emotional and/or whiny than others. I have a friend whose kid cried about everything!

My 6yr old neice came to me the other day while I was working from home and burst into hysterical tears. She was upset because the kittens didnt like her and would not play with her. *blink* Yes I said kittens. LMAO It tok everything I had not to laugh at her.

Continue trying therapy, but -- if this is a recent change that's taken place over the past year or so -- also realize that eight is an age when MANY kids go through a phase when their emotions run very hot and strong -- feeling slighted or insulted over what seems to be nothing; bursting into tears for no reason that's apparent to an adult; being super-sensitive (which could include being sensitive about their possessions and not wanting to share). I promise you, my daugher went through a milder version of it(minus the sharing issues) and so did the kids of many of my friends with both boys and girls the same age. One mom did some research and found that around age eight, the early round of kids' hormones are kicking in and they have less control over their emotions and reactions for a long while, plus they are at an age when they are really starting to navigate relationships and figure out where they stand -- and that includes sibling and parent-child relationships. All this contributes to a tough year between about seven and nine. The fact that your son does great at school is actually a very good sign; it means he is able to corral his feelings when he most needs to do so -- in front of others, in a group situation -- and the fact he is frustrated and not making sense at home may mean his emotions are coming out there after being held in at school.

It's important NOT to take things personally when he comes to you yelling about something; it's not you, and it's probably not him being just plain naughty; he may be overwhelmed. But I bet if you ask him, "Tell me what's wrong, tell me what's going on, tell me why you feel so mad/sad/possessive," he probably will say "I don't know!" and stamp off. Again -- I've seen it with kids who were before this, and are after it, great, sensible kids.

I might talk to a therapist or counselor without him present. Ask if his behavior really warrants therapy, or if he just is plunged in a stage that you all must get through. Yes, you will need to discipline him at times because he will do things that cannot be accepted, but also don't overreact or give too much attention or emphasis to things if you can help it -- choose battles carefully because in some cases he may feel that he doesn't know, himself, what's going on in his own head and with his own emotions, and that is scaring him, so he acts worse out of anger at not understanding his wild feelings.

By the way: If you find yourself saying, "His twin sister doesn't act this way and she's the same age so it must be him, he must be having behavior issues and this isn't a phase," reconsider that. The difference in gender could play a part of it. And never compare one child's behavior to another's just because they're siblings -- even twins. Again, I'd really talk to a professional about it -- without him there.

Meanwhile, stop throwing other kids into the mix since that's a problem. Reduce the problem for now by not having other kids over as often, or limiting things to kids you know he knows well, and keep the play dates short. It might also help to have specific activities arranged rather than letting them free play as much with his toys -- take them to a movie and for pizza; take them to a park; to laser tag once in a while; etc. Something where they are focused together on an activity other than playing with toys.This reduces the chances of a fuss over the toys and increases the chance of a positive interaction because your son will be, well, outside his own head and emotions for a while.

You've already had some good, thoughtful responses, but I did think of one thing I hadn't seen here yet. Something to consider - is his problem always when the same kids come over? Is it centered around specific possessions? If so, these are factors you can do something about. You can limit contact with specific children for awhile while he works through whatever-it-is, or you can allow him to put away certain toys before guests arrive so that they are off limits during play dates.

Sometimes when people are having trouble in a situation they feel they can't control, they become very controlling in their own environment, because they feel like they have some personal power there. I am wondering if your son feels unhappy with some part of his life he can't control, and he hasn't figured out how to talk about it. In your place, I'd start asking my son some very direct questions about how school was last year. Was he being bullied? Are there other places (church, scouts, camp, etc.) where he might be being mistreated?

Please do this with your son. It will work. Instead of telling him all the reasons why he should share, when he comes to you crying etc., give him a hug and get down on his level and look in his eyes and sweetly say,

"Sharing with your friends isn't any fun, is it. (He will calm down and nod or something.) It's really sad when you have to share with your friends, isn't it. (Nods again.) It's too bad we have to share with our friends, but unfortunately, when friends are visiting, we have to share with them. Now go and play with your friends."

Say it EXACTLY the way I have written, and with your son's extreme emotions over this, you will have to do it three times, just as I have written. But the important thing is that you finish off the last sentence by telling him that unfortunately he has to share with his friends.

This is mirroring emotions -- I learned it when my kids were little from an educator who worked with disturbed teens. It WORKS. Do it exactly as I have written out, and do it every time your son does this.

Until you mirror his emotions, he will keep this behavior up. You will have to do it every time he freaks out for a while, but I bet if you keep doing this, he will start mellowing out on the sharing thing.

Mirroring can be hard to do, because you will feel like you are validating wrong emotions, but it is the best way to turn someone around.

Try this before you spend money on a therapist. I bet you ten bucks (cheaper than a therapist) this will work. Let me know and I will tell you my address so you can send me the money.

I think this is some sort of compulsive behavior and/or disorder, like OCD or anxiety, and I would suggest trying another therapist. You don't want him carrying this behavior into adulthood. You're right to want answers.

my son and my niece are both only children. they are pretty good at sharing but they loooove to tattle on each other and try to get the other one in trouble. i just tell them, unless someone is bleeding i don't want to hear it. if it gets REALLY bad, i tell them, if they can't play nice the playdate is over. would he be upset if the child/ren went home because of his behavior? that's what works for us. i just don't listen to it. if someone is truly hurt that is different, but the "he said/she said" "he took my toy" blah blah...i don't hear it. i have never had to end a playdate. might be worth a shot? sounds like it might be an attention thing.

If all else fails let the other kids have a playdate, but have the 8yr old not play with them. I don't think it is fair to punish the other siblings because one can't be nice. My friends' parents always seperated the kids. I played with my friend and the siblings had to play somewhere else. It worked for us.