9 Month-old Keeps Waking up in Middle of Night and Will Only Sleep in Arms!

There's no magic recipe for sleeping kids. Each one sleeps different and needs different things. There are however way to help them through those things. If he's not nursing in the night (both my daughters cut out eating in the night on their own about 6 months old) he's probably still used to that physical contact with you. I know both my girls are like that. The thing is, we as parents inadvertantly create habits for our kids.

I'm not much of a parenting book believer, because I don't believe that it's a science but rather an adventure that we're all destined to find our own methods and tricks. But I've read my fair share and gleaned small bits of advice.

The best I can suggest is that you need to sleep train him a little. I am not at all suggesting to cry it out! I do not believe in that method, if you do that's ok, but for me I just feel that it might cause my daugthers to not believe i"m there for them. And whether they are 1 month or 70 years old I want them to trust that in a pinch I'll be there.

Anyways, when he wakes up and you decide that he isn't going back to sleep himself, go in, pick him up. As soon as he's settled put him back down, if he cries (not just stirs) pick him up, as soon as he's settled put him down. Keep doing this until he stays down, I usually put one hand on my daughter (who's 13 months) shoulder and the other hand I pat her bum. If you sing, keep singing etc. He'll eventually realize you're there but your not going to give in and hold him all night. It'll take a while, maybe a week or a little more but eventually he'll figure it out. You may have to go in once, or stand at the bed edge and sing/shush him but he'll figure it out. (read the baby Whisperer, she was a HUGE help in our sleep patterns in our house. My oldest was getting up even at 2.5 years old, she has gentle but effective methods.)

Whatever method you and your partner chose (because he needs to follow through the same!) stick with it. Not just a day or a week, but give it at least 3 weeks try. If you keep changing you'll just send mixed messages. Just know as he grows up his sleep patterns will change and you'll continually be adjusting, teething, bad dreams, holidays, and potty training will all effect his sleep and yours. And bad habits creep in no matter how hard you try (I'm doing the following proceedure with my youngest again because she was teething when I was very ill and I got into the bad habit of letting her sleep in my bed in the middle of the night so that I didn't have to get up...it's changing back again) but they can be broken and sleep can be had.

Sorry this is so long, sleep is just an issue close to my heart. And whatever happens always, always remember these are the moments you can keep him safe, hold him and love him. He won't need you to rock him to sleep at 16 and one day when he's grown and gone you'll long for the moments he was in your arms, because it's only then as a momma we truly know they are safe!

Good luck, I hope one or more of us have something to say that makes this easier for you! Let us know how it goes!

All kids are different, and no matter what anyone tells you, what worked for their kiddo may not work for yours. There's no magical age that a child "should" sleep through the night, and even if they were before, a growth spurt or a new tooth trying to come in or a million other things can cause that to change. I'm probably in the minority here, but even though I've worked outside the home full time since my son was born, I've always comforted him at night, and couldn't do the cry it out thing. When you think about it, 9 months old isn't very old, and he's still to little to tell you what's really wrong. My only two practical suggestions are to try flannel sheets - my son hated cold sheets when he was little, and if this has only been going on for a couple of days, you might get him checked for an ear infection. Good luck & I hope you both get some sleep soon!

I just went through this with my 9 month old.....It sounds mean but you have to let him cry...It usually takes 3 nights....I did it with both of my boys. The first night he may cry a few hours and every night it gets less. I would check him on the monitor to make sure he was safe. He would get up for a bottle..I gave him a bottle of water instead of formula to make sure he wasn't thirsty. We are now on week 2 and doing progress.....getting up around 4 or 5 am instead of 1 or 2 am.

I REALLY feel for you on this one. I am going through something similar and it's killing me - hence why I'm up at 2:17 in the morning reading your post and able to respond. My daughter and I created a BAD habit for my son - one of us was always holding him and he always fell asleep in our arms. I was so elated to finally have another baby after so many, many years, that I just never wanted to put him down, and she was so thrilled to be a big sister again, that she never wanted to let him go, either. Anyway, after a few months I discovered this was a problem and started putting him in his bed with his pacifier (which he always used to soothe himself to sleep with) right before he would fall asleep in my arms, although not while he was sleepy, like the books suggest.

Fast forward to last week, when we got rid of the pacifier. Life has been a nightmare without it. During the day he is completely fine without it, but he absolutely does not know how to go to sleep without it, and I'm at my wits end. I don't have any hard core advice, although I have been using the method one mother mentioned from the Parenting magazine, about sitting next to the crib, patting him on the back and assuring him you are there without actually picking him up, and eventually moving further and further away from the crib but.... he's far from thrilled with it. He cries and cries and it breaks my heart (and I'm sure my neighbors are more than sick of hearing him cry all night) and one night I caved in after 1/2 an hour and picked him up - all my hard work down the drain. Anyway, whatever method you choose, and another mom mentioned one that I might try that sounds good (picking the baby up and laying him down over and over again until he lays down on his own, or something like that) my only REAL piece of advice that I can give you is to save yourself from heartache and take the pacifier away now, or get rid of it at bedtime. They become so reliant on those and it's so hard to get over that hurdle. Sorry to ramble, but that is the best thing I can tell, besides don't give in and hold him to sleep, so to speak, EVERY time. I think it's ok (but what do I know? lol) if he falls asleep in your arms once in a while, just not all the time. Think about toddler years and him getting out of his toddler bed to climb in bed with you guys so he can be held. Yikes!!! (that's what I keep reminding myself of). Good luck to you on this, I wish you the best!

9 months old is a growth-spurt time.
Could be he is just hungry.
Or is he teething?

There is no correct number of times a baby "should" or should not be waking at night. My kids as babies, woke at night too. Normal.
If he is waking a lot... many times my kids were just hungry and growing immeasurably, and/or hitting milestones. Which, these things does tweak a baby's sleep.

And per developmental changes, separation anxiety can be a cause as well. This being a developmental based thing.

All the best,
Susan

I guess it depends on how you feel about cry it out but personally I would just let him cry. He has learned you will come and he's working it at this point and the longer you wait to let him learn the harder it will be. We did it at around 5 months and it took about a week for him to get it but from 6 months on I can count the number of times I've had to get up with him on one hand (mostly if he is sick). I like the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I did sort of a graduated method of cry it out where I went in and patted him, gave him the binkie, etc but didn't pick him up but that doesn't work for every kid, it might make it worse for yours and it might be better to just not go in there at all, or wait at least 20 min? I'm no expert but I don't necessarily think a 9 month old should be waking up that many times at night. Good luck!

you may want to try keeping him up longer. I have a 7mon. old daughter and she sleeps through the night i put her to bed around 10pm i know that sounds late but with all the naps during the day 10pm is a great time for her to go to sleep for the night. and she wakes up at 7am when i wake her up to get dressed for the day. I also play with her as much as i can so that she is really tired. As far as only wanting to be held this is just a stage some babies go through you may just have to wait it out. i hope this helps.

I read a great thing in Parenting magazine about sometimes the child just needs to know that you are there for them. Its a week process where you start the first time sitting next to the crib while the baby cries but do not actually pick him up, do this until he gets himself back to sleep. Try this for a few days. On the fourth day sit about half way through the room and once again let him get back to sleep on his own. If this proves to be working then on the 6th next u should place yourself by the door until he stops, same for the 7th and hopefully after that he should be okay. This worked for my daughter who is almost one. She used to fuss until my husband would pick her up and hold her to his chest so she would go back to sleep even though she originally fell asleep in her crib.

He has trained you well! I am a daycare provider for the last 20 years and mother of three for the last 30 years. He should be sleeping through the night at 9 month old. He can not put himself to sleep, he is dependent on you to do it for him. The times that he does put himself to sleep is because he is so tired, he goes to sleep with out you. You will need to let him cry it out and it will take about three nights if you are consistent and don't go in there and pick him up. It will be really hard, one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but, If you let him learn how to comfort himself, he will stop waking you up at night. It is normal for babies to wake at least three or four times a night, however, they should be able to comfort themselves and go back to sleep and usually, you never know they woke up. Good luck with this!