9 Year Old Girl Will Not Listen.

When you ask/tell her to do something, immediately follow it up by saying "Thank you." It will throw her off and she will end up doing it.

I had the same problem with my son. I tried that and it is still working after two years.

Nanc

When you talk calmly to her she acts like she's scared of you? Then that's the time I would sit with her quietly and ask her what is wrong darlin? Reassure her that you love her that your man (name) loves her and she seems to be upset all the time. Try not to be accusing, just acknowledge her anger and sadness and see if she will open up to you. She could be just "going through a stage" or soemthing else, like something in school could be bothering her. You won't know unless you ask. And there are good and bad techniques of asking. Good luck to you and your daughter. P.S. How long has she known you are engaged to be married? Maybe she is afraid she will not be as important to you as she was before you were married? Just a thought. J.

Good Morning S., you are not alone for one. Every child goes through their phases, some earlier than others. I would suggest just sending her to her room, and when she calms down, talk to her about how she really feels. Chances are she is just using the "Everyone hates me" to guilt you into letting her out of doing things. I have been going through this with my son (12). After the talk, he admits he really doesnt feel that way, except when he is told to do things around the house and be responsible. I have babied him for too many years, so we are still going through this and its been almost 4-5 months. I use to be a stay at home mom, I did everything. My kids "jobs" were school and homework. Since I have gone to working outside the house, they are asked to pitch in. She will grow out of this, just try and be patient. Maybe if you ask her to fold some towels while you put other clothes away, or her empty the dish washer while you are making dinner. It helps you, she doesnt feel like your making her do everything, and you get some time together to talk about whatever she wants. Hopefully this will help a bit.

You need to look at the reasons she is being defiant, and if it's suddenly brought on or not. It sounds like a discipline problem. Did you ever try time-outs? Maybe take something away that she really likes, when she is acting like this.

my boy was about the same age. i was working full time and single with 3 other kids. no matter what i did he did just the opposite or did something that was outragous. he was the same way in school. would not listen and getting into trouble with the other kids. so i finally told myself you need to bring him to the doctores to get evaluated. so i did so. come to find out he had a severe form of adhd. his mind was over stimulated and thinking to fast all at the same time. he couldn't calm himself or his brain to relax. he was put on ritilan for twm months. i went through heck at this time. so they switched him to strattera. and boy what a difference i seen in a month. i was not going crazy anymore. i'm not saying thats what is wrong but it might be a good idea to have her checked for this.

Your not alone. I also have a nine year old who has become very defiant lately. It's a total turn around for her. I swear it's hormones kicking in. YIKES! You have to be patient, I found yelling at her got me no where. I didn't offer her a choice either. If I ask her to do something and she doesn't, I will physically get up make her do what is asked even if I have to follow her around to make sure it gets done and done the right way. Be patient, eventually she will get the idea that she has to do what is asked of her. It's slowly starting for me, but I've been ver persistent with her. If I give her a millimeter she takes 400 miles. I swear it's the age, I want my little girl back,the one that told us she loved us and gave us a kiss and a hug everyday before she leaves for school. I also found that girls her age are very impressionable. Hang in there it will get better.

Or my little girl ?? Mine is 8 and doing the same thing. Find a punishment that really irritates her and stick to it. I back up bed time 15 minutes for each offence, last night the little schmuck went to bed at 6:00 !!!
But this morning she said she was sorry and will work harder on listening.
Good luck!

Perhaps you could try the technique of offering her choices (where appropriate). For example, if you want her to pick up the mess in her room, you could say, "You have a choice: you can clean up your room or you can go to bed right now. Which one do you want to do?" Offering her a choice gives her a sense that she has more control.

Are you talking about my little girl??LOL She is 9 years old too, I think its the age, I run a dayacare out of my home and have come across this alot. I really think its the age, I would just tell her to listen to you. She has to respect you if she wants you and others to respect her back. Hang in there!!

M.

Girls seem to be growing up much earlier than we would like. Instead of the typical pre-teen stuff beginning at 12 or 13, we are seeing this behavior in girls much younger.

My daughter is 10, but I have noticed pre-teen behavior on varying levels grow since she was 8.

This was my approach.. acknowledge her desire to have more power over the choices she makes. Congratulate her on her ability to make such choices and encourage her share her opinions. Begin treating her like a small adult and offer her some responsibility that promotes independence when she is
actually being good! Offer much praise and love over even the smallest of her successes. Start your day off with a hug and end it with praise about something she did that day that pleased you. She can do the same for you. Give her the power to say what she liked about something you did.

Girls at 9 and 10 want to be grown up, they want to be treated like a grown up , but most still do not possess the emotional level to deal with it so they share their discontent with us
more than we would like using only the ways they know. Teach her how to handle situations with control by thinking before
she speaks out in anger.

Also, you may want to share with her a book about girls growing up... the changes that take place physically and emotionally so maybe she can relate to some of the feelings she
is having.

Bottom line... continue to reinforce the need for her to express herself respectfully. Explain to her that adults and
friends will not care about her opinion if it is perceived as
disrespectful. If she wants her feelings heard, she needs to learn to deliver them with kinder words.

Good luck!