9 Yr Old Daughter Afraid of Sleepovers

After reading the other response, it reminded me that my daughter had an 'incident' at a sleepover where the girl wanted to take 'sexy' pictures of each other. My daughter went along for a while, but it made her uncomfortable, so she enventually snuck into the closet to call me from her cell phone. Which leads me to that point, I gave her a phone so she could always call me without having to ask to borrow a phone. We had moved also, and I didn't know the parents as well as I used to, so I felt more comfortable with her having the phone. I tell everyone to give their child a phone for sleepovers - it's quite reassuring to the child. J.

Don't worry about it. My daughter is 9 and she has several friends who don't do sleepovers, and I had one in bed with us as recent as last summer. They have many more years to do sleepovers, don't push it. They have to grow up so fast in so many ways, let her be a little girl in this one area. I know it's hard when other kids are going and going, but just enjoy her for now. She'll be out and about all too soon... J.

That is a typical response from a husband... I would take her to a counsler, obviously something happened to changer her so drastically... maybe the girls were mean... but if you see any type of drastic change in your child like that you should get to the bottom of it. a few counseling sessions might be worth it.

A.

T.,

I have this same problem with my 10 year old and it's very hard for my husband and I to get away or for her to sleepover at friends houses or for her to go to camp. I feel your pain. However, my doctor said that this is very normal and that he hears at least 1 mother a day that has this same question. My doctor told me that she will out grow this and she is VERY normal. Some kids just don't like to be out of their environment at night and that is okay. The more you make of it the worse your child will feel.
When we have birthdays we have what you call a pretend sleepover. All the girls bring their pj's and we eat popcorn and watch a movie and then I take them home at 10:00 p.m. Most of all the moms have caught onto this and love it. Their child will then get a good nights sleep and all is well. Now most of the parties she is invited to are for pretend sleepovers. Hang in there, your doing great.

I wouldn't force her to go. If she doesn't want to go places over night, I wouldn't force it at all. If she wants to stay home, there's nothign wrong with that. Maybe she can go to the party up until a certain time of the night and you can come and pick her up so she doesn't have to sleep over.

It does sound like something happened to make her really scared about the whole thing. Who knows what it could be! I definitely would respect her anxiety about it and not try to force her through it. It'll probably help her anxiety get better if she isn't forced into staying the night other places.

Good luck!

I;m probably not the right person to respond, but I think sleepovers are a bad idea. Most children are molested by people they know. So regardless of how much you trust anyone, those people you know are the ones most likely to hurt your child.
I think she's smart to not want to sleep in a place away from her parents.
I also can't imagine forcing a child to do something that scares them. Just because she's younger than you, that doesnt mean that her fears are less real than yours. You forcing her to do something that scares her is only going to make her trust you less.
My goodness, she's only in 4th grade. Let her be a kid. She doesnt need to be as mature as an adult. Let her be happy to be at home where she feels safe. I don't understand why that's a bad thing.

Hi T.,
My sister had that when she was that age. We discovered that it was seperation anxiety. The dr. told my mother not to force the issue. Moving is very difficult on children who like things to stay the same. Some kids do better with routine and when that changes they get nervous. My son gets very nervous when his schedule changes. She will out grow it, my sister eventually did and then my mom couldn't keep her home.

My daughter did the same thing and is 11 and as of now has only slept over at one friend's house where she feels very secure.
Found out it was due to storms. We had been through a severe one once and the damage seen on tv had done her in. She literally has panic attacks if she 'attempts' to try a sleepover. We have discovered she can not committ to a sleepover until she sees what the weather is on that day, and even then she may not make it thru the night. She also won't have anyone sleep over if it's suppose to rain.
All this to say - it could be anything that is a trigger for insecurity.... watch and observe her when she exhibits the same feelings (what is the circumstance when this happens)
Children need to feel safe and it is our privaledge to provide that. If she never wants to do one, consider it an honor that she wants to be with you. :)
S.

I have an 8 year old son who hasn't been to any sleepovers yet. I know also boys don't tend to do them as often as girls at this age.

My son would not feel comfortable doing this yet so it isn't something we make a big deal about. Maybe just the moves threw her off a little bit. I wouldn't make a big deal about it & tell her when she is ready she can go to another sleepover when asked. Sometimes w/ my kids the less I act like I care about it the less they make a big deal out of it. Or maybe ya'll can just ask people to your house for a few sleepovers & that might help her some. I bet it is just a phase she will grow out of. And, just because she said nothing happened at one doesn't mean it didn't. I don't mean someone touching her but maybe another girl being not nice. I remember some of our sleepovers & they were brutal, girls can be stinkers sometimes. Sorry I couldn't give you any first hand advice. Good luck with!

I was the same way growing up. No, something bad did not happen. It was a fear that was irrational, but very very real.
I felt the safest at home. My Mom did get very frustrated because of it, but did come up with a solution. If I was invited to a party she would contact the mother and ask if it would be ok if I came and that she would pick me up around 10. Most everyone was ok with it. This showed me that my parents would be there when I needed them. Remember, no one is to big to have a fear. She's 9 and trust me they grow up way to fast.

Mother of 5