ok so my daughter has always had issues with fighting since kinder. But recently her father was murdered and they haven't caught the ppl who did it. Is this why its gotten so bad and how do i help her release the anger and hurt in a healthy way?
She really needs grief counseling because she has a lot to process. I also suspect that with her history of fighting, she has a lot of anger and things where a good counselor can help her with anger management so she's not one of those kids with a record before she's 15.
I am sorry for your and your daughter's loss.
Please contact the Attorney General’s Office of Victim Services.
1275 West Washington Street
Phoenix, AZ 85007-2926
###-###-#### or ###-###-####
Your daughter is a victim of crime and eligible for free counseling and possibly other services to help her cope with this trauma in her life.
http://www.azag.gov/victims_rights/ruavictim.html
Welcome to mamapedia!!
this is a tough first question for you to post.
I'm sorry for your loss. it's got to be tough losing a loved one in a heinous way.
Your daughter needs to be put in therapy to deal with her anger issues. You cannot help her through this alone. Especially if she's been fighting since Kindergarten.
I would also enroll her in a Martial Art program to allow her to get her frustrations out and learn self-control.
I can't imagine that this is not playing a role in your daughter acting out. I don't know if you have one, but you might check with your local district attorney's office to see if your state has a victims of violent crimes agency that will pay for things like counseling. She should definitely see someone. My nephew was murdered two years ago just before Thanksgiving. They have never caught the perpetrators. It was really hard for me to deal with so I can imagine what your daughter is going through and what is going through her head. Basically right now, nothing matters to her, including herself and her future. Please get her some professional help!
I'm so sorry for the loss. Please get her a professional to talk with. These things are not something that children can process on their own. Make sure you are always open to listening to what she has to say, but I wouldn't push her to talk.
Again, I am so sorry. Good luck.
OMG that is awful! Poor girl, and poor you too! I don't mean to lame out of answering this question but I think that if I was in your shoes, I would seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with counseling. A child behavioral specialist can help give you the tools you need to cope with this experience. I don't know what your economic or insurance situation is, or what programs are available in your state, but most states offer these services to people who qualify with no insurance or Medicaid. I wish you luck!
I'm very sorry to hear about this. Does she know any details about the circumstances regarding her father's death? What was her relationship with him like?
I really think the best option would be professional therapy/counseling of some sort. If she's always had issues with anger and fighting and now this has happened, she's going to have an even harder time dealing with her emotions and processing what happened. She's going to need some serious help and working with a counselor should help provide you with some tools on how to help her cope and start trying to heal. She (and you) won't be able to deal with this on your own - and you shouldn't have to.
Good luck to both of you, I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.
Counseling might be a start.
Sounds like an awful situation. Good luck :-)
Yes, of course it could be why.
She needs counseling immediately. This is not something a 9 year old (Or any age, for that matter) knows how to deal with. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss and your daughter's loss. :(
I have an 8.5 year old and there's NO way he would be able to process all of the feelings that your daughter is going through by himself.
She will work the grief steps...on her own schedule.
I do agree that she would really benefit from some professional counseling. Maybe a pastor, a guidance counselor or a therapist would be a good place to start and go from there. Grief is a process. A process that unleashed MANY emotions and right now, she's most likely angry over the injustice. So, sure it would make sense for her to be angry, fight, etc.
What's important is that she mourns her father.
In Pittsburgh, our Children's Hospital has something called The Caring Place just for kids who have lost a loved O.. Do you have anything like that in your area? You could call your pediatrician's office and ask them if it exists where you are.
Wow, what a blow this must be for both of you. Acting out in all sorts of ways is extremely common after children suffer a major loss or trauma. Do follow through on GrammaRocks' suggestion.
And I hope you'll also read the amazing little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The authors coach parents in becoming attentive, respectful listeners, and in empowering children to become problems-solvers themselves. I'm pretty sure you'll pick up some wonderful new techniques that will improve your bonding with your daughter, and help her look at her behavior in new ways.
Have you been in contact with any victim services in your city? I think your child will qualify for all sorts of assistance. Support groups for children, therapy.. all sorts of things.
Being 9 is that verge of being a tween. Her body is changing. Friends are very important to them and yet, they can be fickle..
And then to have this extraordinarily strange and horrible event, I do not think there is a "normal" reaction that can be expected.
Having professional guidance will help all of you. Taking it day be day, keeping open communications, giving her the most truthful answers possible. Listening to her concerns, her anger, her fear, her helplessness. It will take time for her to figure out what she needs.
That is why a professional can help.
I also support the counseling thing, for EVERYONE - you, her; hugs to you both in this awful time.
Sometimes those of us on here catch a bit of flack for suggesting counseling often, but when a parent dies, particularly a violent death, it really is a necessity. Parental loss rocjs a child's world to the core and to the point that professional help is needed. If you don't personally have the insurance or resources to see someone you find, contact a social worker and they will find her a counselor or go through her school. She's simply acting out a multitude of deep, sad and scary emotions.
I am so sorry for your loss and your daughter's loss. The only thing I can suggest is intensive counseling for your daughter and yourself as well to get through this time. Also, art is a wonderful way to release anger/sadness etc. and she can just start by getting a big posterboard with paints and letting her paint--whatever she wants- don't ask her about it or tell her what to paint-let her paint whatever she feels in her heart. If she wants to talk, she will. Journaling helps a great deal as well as just letting her know you will always love her and support her---let her know if she needs to talk, you are there 100% and will listen without judgement. Then, follow through with your promises. Best wishes!
M
