A Follow up Nap Question

First of all, I know how incredibly frustrating this can be.

Secondly, can you get someone to come and give you some relief (partner, parent, babysitter) for just a little while. I found that getting away for a little while really made things so much better for me.

Third, try to take a minute and figure out how much of this is frustration over the nap thing and how much is it the non-napping plus the incredibly hard transition to being a mom. I didn't realize until after the fact that I probably had some post-partum depression because I had such a hard time adjusting after my first daughter was born. I just wanted to cry all the time. At the time, I thought it was because of the baby and those difficulties, but now that I have two I realized that a lot of it was me. Doesn't make the nap issue any easier, but if you are really starting to feel over the edge, it's worth talking to your doctor or therapist about.

Finally, I would stop letting her cry it out (unless you just need a little break to take a shower or eat or something). She's really still little and it's normal to need some help sleeping (and I am a believer in c-i-o when kids get a little older). I think that the best thing that kids can learn from the get-go is that sleep is a good thing. So at the beginning you want them to associate it with being loved and held and feeling good. Then when they get older and can learn how to do it themselves they don't fight it as much. When she falls asleep, try getting her down into her crib. If she wakes up, muster as much energy as you can and greet her with a smile (this is the hardest part). Try getting her to sleep again when she seems tired and well fed (maybe only an hour later if she only napped for 10 minutes). The more she learns that sleep is okay, the more she'll be willing to do it.

One other thing - maybe mention to her pediatrican that she's having such difficulty. If you are comfortable, suggest a breathing monitor so she can sleep on her belly. We let my second sleep on his tummy and our house has been a much more peaceful place. After all, you'd wake up quickly if you were really uncomfortable and couldn't move too.

I'm sorry I wrote so much, and I really do wish you the best of luck. This part of motherhood is not fun. Try surrounding yourself with cute pictures too so that you can remember the good times when you are holding a screaming baby.

I just heard the most wonderful radio program on the, well I listen on the computer, radio. I listen to Christian Radio and familylife.com is their web site if you would go on there and listen to the current broadcast you will find it wonderful also. Lots of good tips and support if necessary. Go back and listen to the first few just to get the ideas that will work even at the age of your child even though the beginning ones were on infants. Good luck! I hope you can let us know what works for her. Go there and to God for the support you need as a mom.

Hi G.,
I'm a mom of 6, soon to be 7, and so I've had my share of sleep issues. In my experience, your daughter is just reaching the age where sleep training can begin. So the fact that she hasn't established a schedule doesn't sound abnormal. The real issue is how much total sleep is she getting? I think she is still too young to cry it out, and maybe she is not crying because she is tired, especially if the sling, swing, and bouncy don't seem to put her to sleep. Most of my kids at this age would fall asleep wherever they were when they were tired, with the exception of when they were colicky, which fortunately was not often. Have you asked your pediatrician about colic? If she is crying excessively, I would suspect she is having that type of issue, especially as you mentioned that sometimes she falls asleep without any problem. There's a fabulous sleep book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, which we were introduced to with our fourth child, who had some allergy issues that totally messed up his sleep. We've used it over and over with our 5th and 6th, too. It walks you step by step through sleep training, breaking it down by ages, and was a real lifesaver for us. But I would also look into possible other reasons for the excessive crying -- it could be as simple as a protein allergy, which could be giving her intestinal issues that keep her awake and unhappy. Hang in there, and trust your gut. I know how hard it is to be sleep-deprived, and to not know how to figure out why they're crying. Try to observe her when she's crying for clues. Is she drawing her legs up, or totally straightening her body out stiffly? My son did this, and it turned out he had intestinal issues due to allergies. Is it right after eating? These clues can really be helpful. Good luck.

are you still breastfeeding? Does she sleep well at night? Are you drinking milk, coffee, soda? If so, I would cut those out if you are breastfeeding. Definitely don't start the car thing, friends of mine did this and they regret it because they started a habit that was hard to break. Instead I would hold her until she falls asleep and even longer until she is in a deep sleep. the biggest reason my baby would wake up and not sleep long is because he didn't get enough to eat. If I fed him enough, he usually slept a good hour or more. Have you tried feeding your baby a lot, perhaps a little formula? Maybe she isn't eating enough or has gas or heartburn? Have you tried gas-x?

I can tell you are really frustrated. I know it can be difficult being a mom. I also know that just when you think it can't get any worse, it gets better. It will...hang on a little longer.

My first was the same way at that age, but she was sleeping thru the night, so I didn't worry. I'd rather have the sleep at night than the break during the day. You didn't mention how she is at night? What's going on there? Sleep is all related...I think it's about 15 total hours at that age.

I agree about the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It's invaluable. Check it out of the library if you can.

A few things to maybe consider...
-let her go a little longer awake before the nap 3-4 hours, if she will
-follow the "eat, activity, sleep" repeat every 3-4 hours pattern
-try going to her when she cries..picking her up long enough to calm her and then putting her back down...if she cries again, pick her up again/calm/put down...all the while following your consistent nap routine which might include gently patting her back or saying goodnight/kiss as you put her down. We called this doing "up-downs" and I remember one time doing about 10, but the next time it was 4 and the next time it was 1. It's in the book Secrets of a Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Sounds sort of hokey, but she's a nanny and it worked for us
-is she eating enough? My daughter actually lost weight during infancy once which was a huge clue that she wasn't getting enough breastmilk. I had to pump more and supplement...once she was eating more, she was fussy less...and sleeping more

There are many more suggestions on this website. Go to the category "newborns and infants" on the left side and select "sleep" from that menu.