CIO Method Backfiring? Looking for a NON-CIO Method for Naps

My daughter is an awesome napper. She just grabs her blankie and bottle and goes to bed on her own. That's now - when she was 4 months, she never wanted to nap on her own. She slept on my chest while I read, typed, or napped myself. I know a lot of people don't like this method, but I feel that children will let you know when they are ready to sleep away from you. As she got older, she transitioned to her crib no problem...

Please listen to your mama instinct! You can't stand to listen to your baby cry for a reason. Seriously, if we left our elderly parents in a dark room to cry, we'd be charged with elder abuse. I don't understand why people don't consider this might not be the optimal way to make positive sleep associations for our tiny little babies.

The Pantly book others have recommended has a lot of good advice. Totally non-CIO. She is probably overtired, thus the nightly "tantrums." 4 mos there is a lot going on developmentally too, which doesn't help matters.

My DD did not like being swaddled at all. It made it all much worse. I was able to put her down asleep onto a wedge-one of those designed for reflux. It has little arms so they are all wedged in there.

Have you tried different types of white noise? I think I tried everything. Also I always made a point of having noise in the house all the time (TV or whatever) so she would get used to sleeping with noise.

Have you tried slings? My DD has even fallen asleep while I was cooking and raking leaves with her in a sling. Also, when they spend a lot of time in the sling supposedly it helps them sleep better at night. And bonus, you can go about your business while she is happily in a sling. I don't remember when my daughter got on a good nap "schedule" but it was not anywhere near 4 months and she never really took to sleeping alone in the basinette for any length of time until she was much older. But gradually naps did lengthen.

My 8 month won't nap in her crib during the day. I hold her for naps, or nap with her if my older child is napping. It is hard doing this, but the only way I can get her to have any amount of sleep during the day. She has recently started taking 15-20 min. nappers in the crib during the day. Also, my older child was this way as well. Just let her nap in your arms, or wherever she will nap. I never liked the CIO method for naptimes, either. We did it with my son as a bedtime thing, then when he woke up at night I'd help him get back to sleep. He eventually slept through the night and is now excellent at going to bed. He puts himself down for naps sometimes now. It will get easier. Right now, just worry about getting her enough sleep. You will find that if you just hold her, you can relax as well. Sometimes another thing I do is time my outings for when I think she will need a nap. She's fed, and a little sleep, so she falls asleep in her seat at the store; she gets her nap and I get my errands done. Sometimes she's still sleeping when I get home--like right now. :) God bless.

I tried the CIO method too, just once, and it backfired for us too. I have our 8 month old son co sleep with us and everyone is happy. I breastfeed him to sleep at night and he usually wakes one or two times during the night, but it is only for 5 minutes or less. I am not necessarily recommending co sleeping to you, because you have to do what you believe works for your family. I just do not want to make him cry when all he wants is to be with me!! I have found that soft lullaby music calms him right down, after a nice warm bath. Maybe if you start (if you haven't already) a routine for your little one, she will get acclimated to it.

HI -it's been 20 odd years but oh the memories, I had a non-napping,non-sleeping atany time baby girl.
What worked: we put her in her babyswing or carrier ,in the midst of all the action- and she eventually went to sleep-the problem was that she did not like being isolated or away from "the action" and felt more secure in our midst. I hate to discourage you but my "baby girl" is 20+ & never did & still won't go to sleep wwhen she's supposed too !

Hi G.-
4 months was a tricky nap time for me too! The best thing that worked for me was really watching my baby's cues. When he started to yawn or rub his eyes or fuss a little, I would rock him/read a story and put him down.... pretty soon, he settled into his own nap pattern. I also used a binky initially (although I'm not a huge fan of them- it was gone at 8months) to help sooth him.
I also put him in the swing sometimes to nap during that time... I would take whatever I could get!
I didn't like the CIO either, but I did the mild version eventually- laying the baby down then rechecking 3min x2 and soothing, then 5 min x2 then every 10 minutes. It worked pretty quickly.
Good luck! :)

you HAVE to get the book:

the NO Cry Sleep Solution.

it is a great book, I used it with my son, and was able to get him to stop nursing at night and sleep all night long, even though he was sleeping in my bed.

it is a wonderful book and it has made it so that my son never cried himself to sleep. and he is almost 3.

I also spend the time with him or my husband does, getting him to sleep at naptime and at bedtime. and it is extra time spent but I think of it this way, one day he'll outgrow it and that time together will be gone forever.

I also have a 3 month old daughter and she seems a lot like yours she'll only sleep with me or on me, and again, I'm okay with that, I've adjusted, cause this stage won't last forever.

but do get the book, its excellent!

Good luck!

D.

I think 4 months is a bit early to be looking for a consistent nap schedule. I would focus on getting a routine down, and I think when your little one is ready she will nap more.

Dr. Weissbluth (author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) doesn't advocate CIO until 5 months of age, so perhaps your little one is still too young for the CIO method. My daughter didn't start to nap until she was 5 months and we used this book as well. Also, did you child have colic? If so, then he sometimes advocates waiting even longer to try CIO. I'm afraid a little patience may be in order. I went through the same exact thing, so I know how hard it is to wait, but eventually you child will nap when she is ready.

Hi G.,
I went through the same thing with my daughter who is now 3 and 1/2. I did read the same book and used a lot of it. I would leave the house for 15 mins or turn on the vacuum as I had decided on 15 min intervals of crying and then checking on her and soothing her while leaving her in her designated sleeping place. I just stuck with it and eventually she started napping but it was hard for a long time. She probably started being a regular napper around 2 and still takes naps some days but is less regular about because of being at school a lot. She does rest everyday for an hour or more and I think her willingness to do that is a direct result of not giving up. I also kept a sleep journal for a while. On the other side of the coin, she was and is a champ at night time. Trade offs.

Good luck!

M.

Hi G.,
My son (almost 6 mo old) NEVER took a nap until he was around 3 months old. And I mean never, not even as a 1 week-old newborn. As a result, he was incredibly sleep deprived since he also slept terribly at night (up every 40 minutes-1 hour). When I couldn't stand it anymore I bought a number of sleep training books. I, too, read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and found that the advice inside offered no help for me or Jack. When I tried to let him CIO, he wailed and screamed for 3+ hours when I finally went in and "rescued" him. Never again! The methods that worked best for us were found in the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. We took her advice and tweaked it a bit until we found the right combo for our style. What helped the best: rocking him until he was almost totally out and then putting him down. At this point he would awaken and start crying. Then, we'd pick him up and do it all over again, sometimes up to 5 times, but ideally not going back to the rocking chair but standing beside the crib instead. Eventually, he would fall asleep and stay asleep. (sometimes, against Pantley's methods, we'd let him cry for 5-10 min. at a time before reinserting the binky, giving him a pat on the head, and doing it all over again.) Once this worked consistently, we'd start putting him down when he was just starting to fall asleep, etc., and eventually not pick him up at all but offer his binky, pet his head, shush him, and step back. It wasn't long until he was taking three 1-2.5 hr naps every day and became a much happier little person. (I used to apologize to him for bringing him into the world because he seemed SO miserable on a daily basis.) He now sleeps much better at night as well, only getting up once a night, and he'll just play on his own in his crib until we go in to get him. Also, during the day, he'll signal that he's ready to nap by getting fussy, and he'll fuss until we put him in his crib with his binky and his blankie, and he will look very relieved and fall right to sleep; something I NEVER thought would happen. Keep in mind, Jack is an extremely fussy, persistent, strong-willed little person and Pantley's methods still worked with him. He's not any easy-going, "happy" baby which is why CIO and other methods simply didn't work for him. Anyways good luck to you. I feel your pain and frustration.

My child sleeps horrible always has he is 15 mo now i let him cry it out wiht ferber for 2 weeks at nap time at the end of 2 weeks he went right down but slept for 20 minutes that was it and that lasted only a week and it was back to protesting, it was the end of summer he was 9 mo i started going for walks at nap time he would fall asleep and i would carry the carseat part of the stroller into his room he would sleep for 2 1/2 hrs no fuss nothing. When it got cold i tryed the crib again at 11mo old he would cry forty mins slept for 15-20 so i cleaned the stoller up and put it in his room. I push him back and forth for 15- 20 mins and he is asleep and usually sleeps for 1-3 hrs depending on how tiered he is. Jak was much older than your baby it never effected him sleeping in his crib at bed time, he aslo never napped at 3-8 mo just napped while nursing. I dont know if stroler naps would effect sleeping in the crib at night but it has worked for us

I have read just about every sleep book there is, trying almost every method and we are still having issues. That said, Id recommend The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by I think Elizabeth Pantley. Those two have a lot of good advice and things to try. I also agree she maybe going through a growth spurt and would suggest trying to feed her more before trying to nap. If she is in a crib you might want to try a crib wedge or a rolled up towel under the head of the mattress, some babies like to be on an incline. One other thing, at that age our daughter hated to be swaddled, you might want to try not swaddling her but using crib bumpers instead. We even tried the ambybaby which I think is a fantastic product but that didnt work for us either :). Im not a supporter of CIO but I think some babies "respond" well to sleep training with CIO and some just dont. I recently took my daughter to the pediatrician because she still at 2.5 is not the best sleeper and she echoed that sentiment. She also said for some children CIo can be detrimental, as it has clearly been on our case. Good luck, and I hope its just a phase!

Maybe she is hungry? How many ounces is she drinking at a feeding and how often? I am taking care of a 4 month old and he is not a big napper but he is constantly hungry. The better he eats the better he naps..... Good Luck!

Check out Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp...worked very well for us! 4 mo is still very young, she may need to rock (like in a swing or a pacifier?). If you can get the video it has all the tips in 20 min., much easier than the book.
good luck.

You don't say if you've visited your pediatrician. I would begin there to rule out any medical issues then go from there.

Hi G.!
I agree that a sling works marvels! Your baby is close to you and moves with you and is naturally rocked with your movement. It's a comfortable feeling for babies that they remember from when they were in utero. When they fall asleep, it's easy to put them down to bed from the sling. And, if they're not immediately tired, the sling makes them happy at least.
I never did the CIO method. With my six kids I would nurse on demand and my babies just fell asleep at the breast when they were tired. When I first followed a schedule, my oldest, as a baby, had colic (I think because she was hungry and my schedule was too rigid). Once I switched to on-demand feeding she was fine. Because the nursing would make me sleepy with the prolactin that was released, I would do afternoon feedings lying on the bed and fall asleep next to the baby. If you're not nursing, I think lying down with your baby would help relax her, especially if she just had a feeding. A bath beforehand may help too. Dr. Sears has a good book on sleep that may help too, called, The Sleep Book.
I also agree with a previous responder that the baby really just wants to be with you. A sling will allow you do that and let you do some chores too. I heard the phrase somewhere that "In the first year, a baby's wants are a baby's needs". I highly agree. It seems demanding on you, but it's really a special time that will go rather quickly and your baby will soon be an independent toddler! In fact, the more their needs are met now, the more they become independent later. When my 2 1/2 year old is busy being "independent" all day, I'm thrilled when she actually wants to sit on my lap at night! Enjoy your little girl and this wonderful time! Hope this helps!

Maybe you're just trying too hard and the kid senses your frustration. Have you tried just laying down with her and relaxing? Mothers and babies are supposed to spend a lot of time together. It's the trust the baby has in the mother that allows the baby to relax and sleep and relax and grow. The baby will become independant soon enough. Why rush it with schedules that fit you and not the baby.

HI!
I agree with the others who read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Excellent book and really helped with my first son who never slept more than 20 minutes at a time!! I have since used the same methods with my 2 younger sons and it has been successful. Good luck and hope your little one will be sleeping better soon too!!!

G., my husband and I started with the Sleep Lady's techniques. they are good because they help you pick up on the signals and help set a schedule for when your baby should be eating, playing and sleeping. We did that method from about 5 mo. until 10 mo., and eventually switched to a 5 min. in 5 min. out system for naps. It was a lot less painful for us if she would cry. You basically go in and put her down for a nap and sit by the bed for 5 min. Get up and say good night and leave the room. The 5 min. out rule is that your baby should cry for a straight 5 min. before you go back in. This means that if she stops crying for 30 seconds and starts again, then the 5 min. starts over. We switched to this method because our daughter would get upset when we left the room. At first we would have to go in 3 times before she would fall asleep. After a week or so, it was only one 5 min. of crying and she would fall asleep when we went back in the first time. Now, when I leave the room she doesn't cry at all, and if she does, it is a little yelp and then she is off to sleep on her own. I have recommended this method to friends and it has worked for them. Give it a try!

I am having the same problem. I've read the same book. I do not agree with CIO or Ferber. I don't know if it will work b/c I can't let my 4.5 month old son cry for longer than 2 minutes. If he was just fussing it wouldn't bother me as much but he cries uncontrolably. I have had some success with trying to put him down before he gets overtired but this has only worked for his morning nap. I am not with all the time either b/c I work full time so part of me feels like he is confused or overstimulated at daycare. I rock him to sleep at night and works fine. I don't mind it. I just can't do it during the day b/c I am not there. Sometimes for naps this does not always work. All I can say right now is good luck!

At about 4 months we tried the CIO method to no avail. It upset our daughter more, and after an hour of screaming, which one night led to vomiting, I decided that, at least for us, that wasn't going to work. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution, followed it, and by 6 months she napped twice per day and slept at least 6 hours a night uninterrupted, nearly every day. I LOVED that book, and it made me feel like I could trust my instincts more than I was comfortable doing before. Best of luck!

My son was on a consistent napping schedule until about 4 months of age. At that time he started waking up about 45 minutes into his naps and it was obvious that he wasn't getting enough sleep. If you have some sort of regular routine with her, I encourage you to "stay the course" as she will get back into the routine in a couple of weeks (at most). You might also try feeding her if/when she wakes early from a nap as this might be a growth spurt period for her.

I am a firm believer that routines work wonders with little ones. When they know what to expect, they are much happier which makes you happier! If you don't have her on a regular routine, I recommend getting her on one. I use the On Becoming Babywise (a good resource) routine of always feeding them right when they wake up instead of feeding them to get them to sleep. My son's routine is sleep-feed-wake time-sleep, etc... I have done the CIO methods when necessary, but it certainly doesn't always work when something else is wrong (like needing those extra feedings during growth spurts)!

Regardless of your routine, I again just encourage you to keep it up and don't change too many things about your routine all at once. In due time your little one will either reveal what the root of the problem is or she will get back on track. I like to equate parenting to a dance. As parents, we start by leading, providing them with their known needs, but there are times when we sit back a bit and allow them to take the lead when they face big physical, intellectual, and emotional changes in these first few years. In other words, things will get back to "normal", but there will be more times during their development that will throw a wrench into your regular routine. Good luck!

Is she still hungry? A full baby is usually a happy baby. Have you tried to sling her and when she asleep, then gently take the sling off with baby and use it like a blanket. I have done this lots of times.

I agree with trying the No Cry Sleep Solution. It's very helpful.

Hi G.- I know your frustration. My daugther is just 9 mo old, and it has really only been in the last 3 mo. or so that she has developed a consistent nap schedule...Before she fell into a nap schedule in her crib my methods for getting her to sleep were all very non textbook- I often nursed her to sleep (naps and at night), which helps to calm her down. When she was younger, like your daughters age I often laid down with her on my bed until she fell asleep and then snuck out of the room- she seemed to like my bed for naps better than anywhere else (maybe the smell?). I was always nervous that I was setting up bad habits, but she's always transitioned on her own when she was ready- we also had a swing that swung from side to side that she LOVED to nap in! She now pretty consistently takes two naps a day, one morning and one afternoon, in her crib with a few minutes of nursing, her lullaby music and her paci- she goes down without a fuss most of the time. Good luck!

I know that you were looking for an NON-CIO method and this is 'kind-of' but it kind of ties into CIO. It's Jodi MIndell's method in her book Sleeping Through the Night. While you do let her cry, you go in after 5 minutes, just a brief visit, let her know all it ok, don't pick her up, then leave. Go in again after another 5 minutes, then wait 10 minutes the next two times, then 15, and so on. We began this method at bedtime, but you can also do it at nap time. The first night it took 45 minutes for our son to fall asleep, the second night it took an hour, bur by the third night it took 20 minutes. The key with this is consistency, once you start it you HAVE to stick with it, otherwise it will only be harder the next time that you try. Also, I don't advise swaddling, my son relied on it to fall asleep, but soon he was strong enough to break free and it was hard to teach him to fall asleep without it, so i recommend teaching your baby now while she's still young to fall asleep without it. Good luck!

G., I too tried the CIO method and failed miserably! After trying CIO, my son then had a phobia of his crib, it was terrible! My life saver has been "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg. It speaks to scenarios exactly like yours and has amazing (and easy) techniques that avoid CIO and really work. I discovered this book when my son was 8 months old, my only regret is that I didn't hear about it sooner. It has worked like a charm for me and so I'm making it my mission now to spread the word.... You don't have to do "CIO", why would you when there is a MUCH better way. The toughest part is finding time to read the book, but believe me, it's totally worth it! I have even bought it for a couple shower gifts. It has made my life so much easier not only for bedtime but for daytime as well. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

have you tried elevating her? She may have reflux or just sleep better when she is sitting up a little. Her car seat might work well. it is safe for her to sleep in because you can buckle her up.

Hi G.
Some babies are not great nappers. My daughter only dozed for about 30 min or 40 max at a time. Usually after eating. So don't worry she then became a great napper who slept for almost 2 hrs when she was 2 years old.
Try to pay attention to her cues. Really try to set a schedule, are you putting her down the same time every day?when she seems tired put her in her crib or let her sleep where she is, my daughter fell asleep in her bouncy seat a lot.
good luck you are doing a great job
Anne Marie D

Hi,

I tried CIO and absolutely HATED it. So I started reading the no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Best book I ever read and really helped with all kinds of tips including not having my baby get into the habit at falling asleep on the breast.

Good Luck.

E. P.

Hi G.,

I have an 8 month old daughter and she is not a great sleeper either. I found that timing is everything with her, as soon as I notice her rubbing her eyes and see two yawns I put her in her crib to nap this normally happens at around 3 hours. Sometimes she cries for about 5-10 minutes, but it's not a blood curdling cry, more like a whine to see if I'll come get her. Hope this helps!

Hi G.,
I'm having a hard time getting my 4-month-old to nap too. The only thing that really works is to watch for signs of tiredness (lying still, or yawning) and then soothe him to sleep by holding him while I gently do step aerobics! I position a receiving blanket around his face so that he can't look around the room, and I try to let his head gently jiggle a little as I step up and down with a stepstool. Sometimes it only takes a minute, sometimes it takes 10, and sometimes I have to nurse him to sleep even after all that.
I talked with my pediatrician about it a few days ago, and she said that the first step is to work on getting him to fall asleep by himself when we put him down for the night. During the day babies can fight sleep, but if they're already used to sleeping at night, it's a good time to learn to self-soothe. Our son was already used to going down around 7 pm, so that night after his usual bedtime feeding, we put him down drowsy but awake. He did cry, but only for 15 min. And the next night he didn't cry at all - he just went to sleep! He still needs a lot of help falling asleep during the day, but this was encouraging.
Good luck!