Help - 3 Month Old Won't Nap

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Good Luck!
V

That's a hard one. I had the same problem and used the pick up-put down method. I would lay my 5 month old son in his crib to nap or sleep and if he cried I would lay my hand on his back and do a soothing hum to let him know I'm there to comfort him and if he would not stop crying then I would pick him up and put him back down the second he stopped crying. I had to do it 20 times once but it works. This requires a lot of work but it lets them know you are there to comfort but they have to be the ones to fall asleep, you can't do that for them. Good Luck!

You have to get the book Dr ferber wrote google "Ferber method" adn book and you'll know the book I am talking about. It's like $15 or something but honestly with my daughter it saved my life. I had the hardest time with her and now she's the best sleeper in the world. It's easier on both of you then letting him cry it out and it also explains why he's having problems. It was a totally eye opener for me I know it will help you too.

My first thought is to nurse him on your bed with you guys side to side so that he can fall asleep from that and not have to be put down, which wakes him up.

Sounds like he wants more of you. I am not much into the schedule thing, with my son, we just went with the flow. Can you take a few days off and just really be with him, focus on him, be skin to skin and just see what his personality is trying to let you know about him and what he needs.

Also, you may want to try the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD.

Both of you are in resistense and it is manifesting this way. Relax, Follow him and learn.

Sounds like my first and fourth-born. I have four. If #2 or #3, my good sleepers, had come first, I would have thought that was the norm. But it is not. What you need is a change of attitude. Your son is doing what babies do. They were meant to be held. They were meant to be on their own schedule, not ours. They were not meant to sleep in cribs for hours at a time. Babies were meant to be an inseparable unit with their mothers. Your son is not stubborn, fussy or needy. He is a perfectly normal baby. Start seeing it as you being stubborn, fussy and needy. You are trying to fit him into your preconceived notion of how he should act. You want him to fit into your schedule so you can get things done. Understandable from a modern adult point of view, but unreasonable considering your son's physiological and emotional needs. Look... he will be a teenager before you know what hit you. Give him the time and consideration he needs and deserves. You can never get it back again. You will never regret the work you did not get done due to giving your son the care he deserves. But you will regret not holding him more, not understanding his needs, and not allowing him to be the baby he is. Stop comparing him to your daughter and appreciate him for the individual he is. Get a sling. Wear him. Figure it out. Adapt to your babies needs.

Your child may need that "fourth trimester". Some don't adjust to life outside the womb at first and need to be held all the time. A friend of mine just went through this. You could try a vibrating chair or carrying him in a wrap to keep you hands free. You may have to just wait it out, there is nothing as important as the attention you give your newborn babies. MY friend (and everyone else around) helped by carrying, soothing, jiggling and carrying her son around. He grew out of it at about 5 months. Good luck, when you get a really good one you get a tough one the next time it seems. You could also try a chiropractor, they can do great things!!

M.,

Your son is responding in this manner because he has NEEDS. He's a baby, and I hate to say it, but he is TOO young to be taught to sleep on his own or have a good healthy sleep habits.

Infants typically need feedings every 2 to 3 hours at this age/stage and this usually doesn't change until they are successfully on solids for two months. That is why sleep learning is recommended at 8-9 months old and not earlier.

Here is a link to an article that takes a look at the CIO Method and resreach of what it really does to a baby's brain and emotional development. I have friends how have done this method, and when age appropriate and done with the guidance of a sleep consultant it can be successful. But, it's not about letting your child cry to fall asleep...it's about learning to self soothe and this is not done by crying.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1

Self soothing can be done in many ways...but, at this age your son needs food and comfort from you. My son prefered to be held, he slept great when I wore him in a sling and did my housework and sometimes I would just snuggle with him and read a book or watch a show. Downtime with infants is super essential.

No two kids are alike, and that is important to remember. You don isn't doing this to you, he is simply trying to relay his needs best he can and that means crying.

Over time, I was able to lay my son down on my bed for his naps, but that took time and transition. He has never used his crib, and it was an issue/battle I was not going to have with my baby. I simply had to respond to what he needed, and make adjustments as appropriate and necessary. Once he is sound asleep lay him on your bed, surround him with pillows and make it safe and comfy for him. He may just need your scent to feel secure and losses that in the crib. Cuddle with him and move away...over time, he will not need your there for naps and it will get better. But, for now just be patient and loving and help him by guiding him through this phase in his life.

I fed on demand for the first year of my son's life and threw out expectations...it's just counterproductive.

Best wishes,
Deanna

My daughter was EXACTLY like this. Except, she had such bad reflux that she would make herself hysterical in the crib and then vomit everywhere. Nice. Before my twins were about 1 my life was a real pain b/c she wouldn't take longer daytime naps--15-30 minutes max. She loved to be held while napping and def. slept longer if someone would do that for her. At about a year I forced both babies to take one nap around 12 ish. If I got her to sleep by holding her and then put her down most days she would sleep for an hour or an hour and a half. Once or twice even over two hours (!)

This is the big lesson I learned--when I accepted that this was just her and I couldn't change her we all did a lot better. But this took almost a year. Naptime was not a time for me to get chores down or talk on the phone. It was a time when I could read a book while holding her, or take a nap myself. I got into this habit and stuck with it until they gave up naps around 3.5. I know it sucks in a way but every child is different. My two were night and day with regard to napping and they are twins. Go figure. Good luck though. I hope it gets easier.

Dear M.:

It's really normal that your son's sleeping pattern is nothing like his sister's. Every baby is different. My son was the same as yours. He was a cat-napper and woke up, cried, fed, and slept in one-hour increments! I don't think he did this because he was stubborn; he did it because that's the way he functioned. With patience, lots of attention, and time to mature, all that changed eventually.

I recommend getting a good baby sling and wearing him. You can get your work done and he'll be sleeping much longer. When he wakes up, he'll be right by your chest and he can nurse. By not allowing him to cry, you'll train him that you're always there for him and he'll learn to relax and trust you.

It's really not a good idea to let a three-month-old cry it out...if he seems to respond to that it's probably out of despair. Your beautiful baby will do much better with the comfort only you can give.

Best wishes,

M.

Hello, My friend and I had our babies just days apart. Mine was a super easy sleeper and hers sounds exactly like what you just described! It had to be SO frustrating for her to watch my baby (we were together constantly) just naturally fall into sleep patterns without a fuss while hers screamed and fussed and exhausted everyone around him! The lesson we BOTH learned is that each baby is different. There really wasn't anything I was doing or that she WASN'T doing that made the difference, it just was what it was! I agree with what people said about the 4th trimester as well as swaddling baby. If he likes it that can be such a big help. (Mine loved it, hers did not. However hers loved being "worn" in the sling but mine hated it. You have to find what works for your baby)Also one thing she learned with hers over the years is that she absolutely had to have a solid routine for naps and night time. Same time going down, same order of things (bath, story, etc....whatever you do....just keep it the same)this really helped her son. If she got off track with it he reacted BIG time! Btw her son is 8 and a good sleeper now, but still needs solid routines. Hope that helps...good luck!

My son did the same thing. I started to put him down for naps on the floor. Of course, I cleared everything around him so that no matter where he rolled or turned there was nothing to harm him. I laid next to him to snuggle while he fell asleep and then could get up without moving him after about 10 min.
He grew out of it and while he still prefers to snuggle, some kids are just like that, he's just fine.

My daughter was exactly the same way, she is spirited and needed that "4th Trimester". She slept in the sling while I would do things around the house. I would put the music on and go about my day. Overall, what has helped her nap the longest is start her to sleep in the sling, I like the Ergo the best because it is easy to transition from sling to bed w/out waking baby. Then, after putting her down, I use a video monitor that is great, I can even hear her breathing on it. As soon as she starts stirring, I go into the bedroom and give her some taps on her tummy for a few minutes and thats all she needs. If I do not go in, she will wake up crying. But if she does, I rock her and when she starts that deep breathing, I put her down again. It has taken a while but now she can nap on her own for about 2 hours. I really like the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It gives great tips. Most babies need someone to help them get to sleep, and it seems like you baby has associated your presence as his sleep association so when he wakes up and you are not there, he cannot go back to sleep on his own, he needs you! I have read that introducing a lovey helps. Best of luck and you can check out the book from your local library if you are interested.
E.

Hi M.,
I have the same issue with my 3 1/2 month old. She is a cat napper and will sleep 20-30 minutes throughout the day but sleeps through the night. Yesterday she slept for a whopping 10 minutes on her first nap of the day and I thought...what if I go back to swaddling her during the day? Normally I will just wrap her in a blanket and put her down when she goes to sleep but I still swaddle her at night. SHE SLEPT FOR 2 HOURS!!!
I just put her down at 10am this morning and she is still sleeping 45 minutes later. I don't know if it will last but the swaddling seems to help. Yes, I feel like an idiot for not continuing it from the beginning but I am chalking that up to being tired as well.
Good luck!

Hi M.! I can very much relate- I have a 3 mo old son and it felt like you were writing about him! Also, my 2 yr old son was much "easier" when it came to sleeping/napping. So I am right there with you trying to figure this one out! I read everyone else's responses and I didn't see anyone mention "Babywise". It worked like a charm with my older son and although naps are taking longer to establish, I'm still trying to use its methods this time around. It gives solid, rational reasons why letting you baby cry for limited periods is NOT cruel. I do let my baby sleep in the bjorn carrier sometimes becuase it is easier, but although I have my hands free, it is still difficult to bend down to do things- pick up, unload dishwasher, laundry... I think it is perfectly reasonable to try & teach a baby to nap in his crib so that the whole family can function better! So, I am just going day by day and trying to find the balance between letting him cry & just snuggling him & letting everything else go! It also sounds like mabye in the next month or two (at 4-6 months), there may be some light at the end of this tunnel? I also believe in the power of prayer and am praying for my baby boy to establish a healthy nap schedule! Well, best wishes to you & your family!
S.

I started using the moby body wrap when all else failed. My daughter is the same way. I did end up cosleeping with her at nights. When I started that, she slept a good 9 to 11 hrs!! For day naps, I had to use the moby body wrap. My daughter stayed glued on me as I did house work ( it was a good work out too). This continued around 7 months and then I transition her to the crib at night. She now sleeps in the crib for at least 9 hrs. However the day naps are still
an issue for me. I learned to either nap with her or schedule long drive errands during her nap. It worked out well but I do hope to teach her better napping skills. She is one yrs old now Good luck

Hi M.,

Boy, I feel for you. One or two of my kids ( I have 3) also did not sleep very well during the day sometime. I remember reading the baby books- and seeing that babies "sleep the majority of the day". Hah- not so in our household! I do think that babies go through stages, and it's really hard sometimes to tell when they're starting one schedule and getting off another. I well remember those 2-30 minute naps. They're very tiring on the mom- just when you think, "Ok- I can rest a little- or I can do this chore"- the baby is up again.

If he absolutely continues to not sleep very much, just for your sanity- I would put him in his baby swing and crank it up several times. You need to be able to walk away from him sometimes and attend to yourself as well as your toddler daughter. Even if he doesn't sleep, it will help him have some quiet time so he doesn't get so worked up and overtired.

If it was me, and if he continued to be overtired/frenetic,etc for a month more or so, I would talk to your pediatrician- just for support and get ideas.

I just thought of this. My oldest was a preemie. I nursed him semi successfully, but decided to wean him when I went back to work because we would miss about 2-3 feedings. I also had never had much success pumping when he was in the NICU- it just kept milk from drying up) ( He was about 6 months then). He got crankier, would take longer to eat- close to an hour ..then want to eat again in 1/2 hour. He wanted to be held all the time, and would moan when placed on the floor, etc. I was going crazy- and told my doc "I don't care what you say...there's something the matter with him" (That pediatrician wasn't the best listener). It turns out my son had lactose intolerance and was reacting to getting less nutrition from nursing. Poor baby, he was quieter when I held him because of the physical/emotional comforting. Once I had him on stinky soy formula, everything resolved.

Maybe there is a gastrointestinal difficulty that your son is going through- and wants you for comfort. That's just an idea.

I have a 3 month old daughter who does the same things! She only acts like that when her sleep habbits get messed up. The holidays were the worst. Poor thing. I ususally feed her and I end up wakling around the house with her for hours bouncing and walking. She also use to sleep all night long and over the past 2 weeks she started waking up hungry at about 3 am. Im in the same boat as you I just walk the house at night its bad. My other kids were very easy babies and this on give me a run for my money

I have done daycare for many years and get babies who moms say never nap more then 20 minutes or can not get in a routine. I strongly believe we teach children behaviors by what we accept and tolerate to make it easier for us and think we are making it easier on our children but really are not in the long run. I always wrap the babies up and for the ones that are used to being held all the time the block that secures the babies from not rolling over makes then feel like they are being held. First akways make sure baby is feed, dry and has had play and love time before you put them down. Most of my babies will sleep from 1 1/2-3 hours a couple times a day and I always make sure that they are sleeping good at night if they are taking too long of a naps during the day. The only problem with the swing is they may get used to it and want it at night and sleep to much during the day and you are not setting a sleep pattern in their beds that help you and them in the future. Best of luck to you and your baby

A baby swing saved us. My daughter was such a stubborn sleeper in her early months and fussed so much, that a neighbor actually brought her own baby swing to us to try. It was a Godsend.

Hi Melisa
I have a 4 old months boy. I had the same problem when he was 3 months, so I bought the swing and put him in there while he was getting relaxed and listening to the music and rocked there he could sleep more during the day time. It worked for my son.

Try swaddling. You might want to pick up the video "Happiest Baby on the Block" It worked wonders for us. I do not believe in the cry it out method. I think it is our instinct to go to them for a reason. This video is amazing and explains why swaddling is a good thing. He needs to feel comforted like he was back in the womb. All babies are so different you cant expect he will be like you dd. Good luck to you mama.

Hi M.,

I'm not the mom of a boy, but my (now) 11-month old had a very tough time with naps until she was about 5 months old. We actually rocked her to sleep until then, but she was taking SO long to fall asleep that it was just exhausting...so we let her cry it out. We put her on a napping schedule, would leave her in there crying for sometimes up to an hour and a half. It took only 2 nights of crying for nighttime, but naps were harder. It was a full week of us doing nothing but try to get her on a napping routine, and she did eventually figure it out. Now, she rarely cries, naps 2x a day for about 1.5 hours and is in bed at night by 7:30.

I read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. To offer you some comfort, he claims that babies sleep patterns don't really start to even out until about 4 months, and we definitely found that to be true. The book is excellent, and has sections for children through adolescence. Check it out at your library, but if you like it, it is definitely worth keeping on your shelf as a reference tool. I refer to it often.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by your little boy. I think some babies are definitely more needy. I almost forgot...one thing we did when we were trying to lengthen her naps - when we heard her stir, we would go in immediately and give her paci back to her, or pat her to try and catch her before she woke up all the way. It didn't really work consistently until about 4 months, but that is something that worked for us, and something I read somewhere as advice.

I hope that's helpful!

R., mom of 11 month old active girl; part time music teacher.

Have you tried a swing or one of those vibrating bouncers to put him to sleep in? Not for the whole night, but for a nap it's ok. Also, my nephew won't nap unless my sister runs the vacuum while he's falling asleep. Kind of annoying, and she's working on doing less and less, but it may help him fall asleep untill you get him into a routine. Good Luck!

Sounds like you're at the prime time to work out sleep issues--your baby is old enough to work on a schedule. There's a good book by Marc Weissbluth on sleep--can't remember the title.

Eileen O'Sullivan is a wonderful sleep consultant. She's someone I've worked with and know personally. She's very knowledgeable about what good sleep patterns and habits are like in children of all ages. I highly recommend her. Her number is ###-###-####. If you call her, tell her D. sent you.

Best of luck.
D. Stambler
www.betweenparents.org

hi M.
I have heard many great success stories from mothers who have used the Guardian Sleeper. The very nature of the product allows you to put your baby down on his back in the recommended 'Back to Sleep' position. The soft harness which swaddles baby around this chest makes him feel like he is being held and many mothers have experience considerable increased sleep duration. The ability to self soothe is so important, this tool will help you through.
Visit www.guardiansleeper.com the site has great information.
Good luck
Austin's mom

my 3 month old is EXACTLY the same! The only thing I find that works is warming her bed with a heating pad for about an hour before bed time. Its weird but it works! Good Luck!

Hello M.,
My daughter was that way and I held her 24/7 for the first 6 months. At 6 months she started sleeping in her crib at night and I held her for naps until she was nine months. I do not recommend this. I think the longer you wait to get them to sleep on their own, the harder it is. I worked with a psychologist named Noelle Cochran out of San Francisco. Here is her web address www.symbiosf.com. Check out the website, she is so worth the money.
Best to you and your family,
S. G.

Hi M.,

I wanted to let you know what happenned with my son....he had terrible sleep patterns, often sleeping just 20 minutes at a time and usually wanting to sleep on me.

It turned out his nervous system was really out of whack. According to the chiropractor who treated him, this is a very common outcome of the birth process.

If you google "chiropractic and infants" you can find more info......it may be something beyond his control (and yours)

best wishes!

Dear M.,

Oooh, I feel your pain. I held my son (now 3 and sleeps REALLY well) for all his naps for his first 4 months. Crying it out didn't work for us, he just got hysterical. As I was struggling to figure out how to get him to nap, a line from the Ferber book struck me. He said that in the "crying it out" the crying wasn't important, it was that your baby needs to figure out how to relax and go to sleep on his own, so you are right on track!

So here's what worked for our "no crying" learning: we got a Glow-worm toy (Target has them). You push a button on his belly, he plays a song and his face glows. After some initial rocking, etc., we'd put the baby in bed, and play the glowworm until he fell deeply asleep.

Gradually, I pushed the button fewer times, and waited until my son fussed, then played it enough for him to settle down and relax. Eventually (I forget, (thankfully!) but I think it took a couple of weeks or so) I was able to put a sleepy baby in the crib, and he would drift of on his own with no crying. Talk about a miracle! :-)

This does take time -- at first we'd have to play the glowworm non-stop for maybe 45 minutes or so, but the results are so worth it, I'm glad we took the time!

Good luck to you!
C.

Our son was the same way. Hardly napped when he was a baby and at night nursed every 1 1/2 -2 hrs. I was exhausted. He did like to sleep in the swing. And I would get maybe 30-45 min's from him. There's also the Sleep Lady book. I wish I would have found out about her sooner. Here's her website. Her book is great and she also does consultation's.

www.sleeplady.com

hi very briefly: you need an automatic swing, the kind that swings side to side is best and open a window, usually it is to hot indoors during the col;d months and babies sleep and breathe better with more ozygen and fresh air...have five kids this is really valuable advice :)

M.,

I can only relate too well! My son was the same way, although fortunately someone told us about this a little sooner. He does need the 4th trimester, as suggested below. Get the book, The Happiest Baby On The Block. The sleep solutions work wonders, even if you do not have a colic baby, and will help your baby not only nap but sleep well through the night. We employed them and now our little guy sleeps 8-9 hours solid at night, takes three 1 hour naps, and is all around a much happier baby to be around. And don't worry about getting him "dependent" on those sleep aids. Our little guy is 4.5 months old now, and he can pretty much sleep without any of those aids (the swaddling still works good because he has a strong startle reflex).

Once you have shown him that sleep is a positive, healthy and not fearful thing, then you can worry about Ferberizing or other methods of sleep training. I would suggest waiting until 6 months, though, so he really gets used to sleeping and knows that it is okay to drift into that state. That is one of the main reasons babies have difficulty sleeping - it's a scary new sensation!

Good luck! =)

A.