A Second Child on the Way and I Need Some Advice

You are not a mind reader so stop stressing on it. What they think isnt going to change reality anyway, right?
Congrats!

My hubby and I were having money issues and I got knocked up with our 3rd!! I was scared to death to tell my mom. It wasn’t like we tried we actually took great lengths to not get pregnant. I had one of the kids tell my mom and then I got on the phone. I could hear a bit of disappointment in her voice, but after a while it got better. Turned out after having two boys I had a girl. I figured it was Gods ways of saying that it was just meant to be. My mom loves all of her kids and it’s all good and we are as close as ever. Take a deep breathe and realize that when your parents see that cute little baby they will love it no matter what the situation it!! Good luck!

I suggest that needing to get approval from your parents is not healthy. I suggest that you get counseling so that you can feel more adult and independent.

Yes, just tell them. There is a saying, "don't borrow trouble." You don't know what they will say. And, in reality you are an adult, and how they feel can be disappointing but should not determine how you live your life.

You can start by saying this was not intended if that's the case. Even if you planned it, do not apologize. Be calm and confident. Tell them that you're pregnant. When you hem and haw you're giving them permission to be critical.

If your parents are hurt by this, I suggest that they and you do not have good boundaries. You seem co-dependent. They need you to be a certain way and you need to please them. Counseling will help you deal with that.

You are a grown woman with a husband and child and one on the way.
Don't let them treat you like a "child."
You are married now.
You cannot run your family/children, by how your parents treat you.
You are an adult.

Why are your parents disappointed? There are a lot of reasons why a pregnancy is not happy news.

- Risks mothers life
- Mother is terminally ill
- Mother has genetic disease
- Mother has acquired disease that will pass to baby
- Mother incarcerated
- Mother on drugs
- Mother anorexic
- Mother homeless
- Mother abusive
- Father abusive
- Father incarcerated
- Father has genetic disease
- Father is terminally ill
- Father is has severe medical issues
- Father is homeless
- Father is blocked from country entrance
- Father is married to another woman
- Father is a teenager
- Father is elderly

... The list goes on.

If they have a reason to be concerned... Then address it as best you can.

If there is no reason to be concerned... And this "certain situation" is not a real reason for concern, merely a preference (years between kids, its your sisters turn, belief in an overpopulated world) of your parents... Then one deals with their disappointment as best one can.

HOW to deal with / what Id do.... Depends entirely on the situation.

Ex) If I were terminally ill, Id do something completely different than if I were homeless, or married to a man who beats me. Ditto, if I wanted 5 kids and they believe more than 1 is hateful, or I was deploying and dad is a SAHD, and they think that's wrong. Or if kids "need" to be 1/2/3/4 whatever years apart. Etc.

You never know how they will react until they react so I vote, wait and see.

It's none of their business. If you and your husband are happy about this baby then taht is all that matters.

I second counseling for you. You should not not be so concerned about their opinion.

My mother was disappointed when i told her I was pregnant with three. A few months later, she was looking forward to her new granddaughter, and now that she is here? My mother is thrilled.

Without details, can't really help you. In my case, my parents are older, and my mom worried about being able to carry the baby, etc. especially since I have big babies. And she worried because I am older (almost 41).

I like Riley's list. In all actuality, it's no one's business but you and your hubbies. And at some point you have to get over disappointing your parents and just live your own life.

A child is a blessing indeed and although I too felt the pressure of fear of telling our family when we were pregnant with our 3rd, in the end it all turns out ok. Be in the moment. For this 2nd pregnancy should be as special as the 1st. If you & your husband are excited let them see that do they too can be excited. After all. As a mom you only want was best for your daughter/son so approach it as Great news & they will too no matter what situations have been in the past. Congrats! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

If you are really close, then they will understand sometimes you can't time things like babies. They will get over any disappointment. Be an adult and tell them.

I had a very similar experience a few weeks ago. I'm 13 weeks pregnant with my second child and I found out when I was 6 weeks that I was pregnant. Oh, my husband and I planned for a second child just when the first one was older (he is 14 months old).

So, I was freaking out even telling my parents because my husband just got a job (he was laid off for 10 months and then was on contract work) and money is already tight and now we have a second child on the way and I'm still stuck on "How are we going to afford childcare for 2 kids?" because neither one of us has any family near by. The closest family member is 2 hours away.

So, I understand all too well about freaking out. I finally told my parents because I needed help. There was a death on my husband's side of the family and he left to go to Missouri and I was bleeding and put on partial bedrest so my parents came down to help out for a few days. I was freaking out about telling them but oddly enough they were very supportive and I got the opposite reaction than what I was expecting.

I actually told my mom first and then asked her how my dad might handle the news. I told her that I was really scared and worried about his reaction and she told me that he would be okay with it. And he was.

I was expecting the "how can you afford a second baby" lecture (which I have yet to get) and everything else and my mom is ecstatic to have another grand baby.

So looking back if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't over think it. Prepare in your mind what you want to say and if your parents are disappointed then fine, but know that you and your husband are happy and will be able to handle it. But also don't expect the worse from your parents because they may surprise you.

Stay strong and even if they are disappointed-it won't last forever. That doesn't mean you have to cut all conversation with them, but know maybe the news might take a little longer to sink in then you would like.

In the end: Think Happy Thoughts. You have a child growing inside of you, think of that child and everything else will fall into place.

I would tell your parents (before you break the news) that you have something important to tell them but that you are afraid of a negative reaction. Then tell them the reaction you are wanting... "I want you to be happy/excited with me." I was afraid of the same thing from my family. And they acted happy. A little forced/in genuine the moment. But they gave me the response I asked for before I to them.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes. :)