Activites with Goals

I agree with you that kids should have something to do. I'm having a hard time with all the conditions you put on it though - has to have a goal, has to be a lifelong skill, etc. Why can't she try new things until she find something that she likes, and then do it, without a bunch of conditions?

Everything you mentioned seems to be exercise oriented. Maybe something totally different. Take an acting class. Learn a musical instrument. Take voice lessons. Take an art class. Gardening class. Robotics class. She's 10. Learning about herself and what she enjoys and what she doesn't enjoy IS a good goal for a 10 year old.

She is young. Not everything has to be a skill learned. Having fun with her parents is important. Why not have a designated game night as a family? We've done that and invited the kid's friends. They all thought it was a lot of fun.

Volunteering is another avenue that exposes kids to different environments and let's them help others without the expectancy of earning money.

Relax. They have plenty of time to set goals and learn life skills.

Good lord, she's 10! Let her be A KID and do activities that are FUN. That's the point of activities when you're a kid. Anything else is icing on the cake.

Please let her continue to participate in dance or gymnastics classes that are geared towards recreation and not performance or competition. Let her ENJOY them. She'll be moving, out of the house, with other kids, taking instruction from a teacher, learning new things...those are all perfectly worthy benefits of a kids' activity.

Beyond that...back off and understand that you and your husband have ideas of kids' activities that really aren't age-appropriate - not everything needs to be goal-oriented, esp at this age. Look to see what's offered for after-school activities, if any, or what else is in your area that's just interesting and fun - art classes? Chess club? Intro to coding? Theater? Cheerleading? Does your school have a music program and if so, does she want to play an instrument or join the chorus?

Don't you see the inherent value in almost any extracurricular activity, organized or not? Do the ball players, theatre kids and girl scouts of today all grow up to become professional athletes, actors or world leaders? Do the nature lovers and readers all grow up to be great environmentalists or philosophers? A child gains maturity and life skills by pursuing their interests, no matter if they have talent or drive.

Surely you can see the value in varied life experiences just for the sake of learning, growing and having fun. Not everything has to be achievement and goal oriented to be of value.

Maybe she's staring at her screens so much because you've sucked the fun out of stuff that is supposed to be enjoyable. Beware the "you're not good enough" message. Let her set her own pace, she might just teach you something.

What do YOU do to set the example? Are you a runner, an artist, a writer, a business owner? How did you find your passion growing up? Were you setting personal goals and achieving them at the age of ten?
When I was that age I was playing, growing, going to school and using my imagination.
My friends and I especially liked to put on plays, build forts and go on treks through the woods.
We swam and rode bikes and read comic books and watched cartoons on TV.
I took dance classes and did Girl Scouts.
Why isn't that enough? Isn't there already enough pressure on our children with school, homework, peer pressure and family obligations?
Sorry I just think organized activities are WAY overrated.
Sure they can be healthy and fun but really they are so often more about what the parents want, not the kids :-(

I think you might want to re-define your definition of "goal" to take out the competitive aspect. It sounds like you and your husband are "score-keepers" in that you want your daughter to either beat her last time (in swimming), or perhaps go from belt to belt in karate, etc. You don't see value in dance, for example, if it's exercise and social interaction - but why aren't those worthy goals? Don't you see increased strength, flexibility and coordination as well as the ability to function well in a group of diverse kids (not all of her choosing) as life skills? If not, why not? Surely those are just as valuable as being a teen swim teacher, right?

Trying to get a 10 year old (or a 6 year old, for that matter) to choose something with a long-term, quantifiable payoff is asking more of her than she is developmentally ready to do. Let's look at another example: why does a high school junior have to search and and get ready to apply to colleges, knowing what his/her major will be? Why does an incoming college freshman have to declare a major? Many, many colleges want (and require) students to experiment, to take classes in different disciplines, and to declare a major only at the end of the sophomore year. Why shouldn't an engineering student take a class in film criticism or marketing or sculpture without there being a career goal at the end of it? Doesn't intellectual exploration have value? What about meeting different kids of people, expanding one's horizons? Don't we want more generalists in the world, to balance out the experts? Don't experts do a better job if they have a broader base of knowledge than one who was totally driven and focused on one career?

My son had no particular sport that intrigued him. He did a season of rec basketball, then one of rec soccer, then a season with nothing except running around with neighborhood kids and riding bikes and building forts. He never felt driven into the organized sports world. He shot baskets and roller bladed and built ant farms and dug for worms and salamanders. He was out of the house and off the screen time and moving his body - so that was fine with us. It wasn't until 9th grade that he meandered over to the track team sign-ups, and joined up. He had no idea what event he wanted to do, and the fantastic coach told all the first-timers to try more than one event. He required it. So kids that thought they might be hurdlers wound up being distance runners, those who weren't fast discovered that they could throw a shot or a discus - with coaching and mentoring and freedom to experiment. My son wound up specializing in distance running and being a record-setter for the school - but not because he determined this at age 10 or 12.

He spent endless hours using a big table in the basement to build elaborate arrays of Legos and K'nex and train tracks and model cars. Pointless? Not really - he learned critical thinking, creativity, untimed activities, and mixing different materials in new ways (vs. following the instructions for a particular Lego construction all the time). He learned patience. He learned persistence. He learned to make mistakes without feeling that he had fallen short of an outside goal. Over time, he added in some high school classes in CAD, and ultimately went to college, joined the engineering department, and became a civil engineer.

Now he is very goal-oriented, has phenomenal career potential, and is valued by his company not just for his engineering degree but for his overall smarts. He's being mentored by some terrific people because he's good at a lot of things and picks up new concepts quickly. Those are attributes he developed because we left him alone, encouraged him, and allowed him the freedom to jump around to different interests.

So I think you are absolutely on the right track with limiting your daughter's screen time, although I think you could allow her to earn more time by doing something physical and something that is a chore to help the family. Do not discuss careers or high school jobs with her.

Maybe she would love to volunteer in an animal shelter, join a chorus, take a cooking class, help out at the nursing home with senior activities, or clean up a nature area with the Open Space committee. Maybe she would like to help out neighbors by walking dogs or gathering their mail/packages when they are on vacation. Maybe she could be a mother's helper, entertaining a 4 year old while Mom gets some laundry done. She's too young to stay alone with a kid, but she's old enough to keep one from playing with matches or jumping off the top step of the stairway. Let her choose. If she changes her mind after a session or a semester, FINE! In fact, GREAT! It will all come together in the end. It doesn't all have to be measurable now. Of course, she can't do something one time and then switch to something else, quit, and try something else, all in the space of a week. But set reasonable time frames - like 3 months. (Note: my son turned his occasional dog walking and garbage can toting and litter box cleaning into a major teen job - he was used by over a dozen families, made money, learned to interact well with adults, learned to keep records and invoice people, and became a trustworthy neighborhood teen. Now, he does a lot of record keeping and invoicing and keeping track of multiple components of major construction jobs as an engineering project manager. So no one can convince me that keeping track of dogs and mail didn't turn out to be a life skill.)

So I would say to open your eyes and heart to the way kids learn, and open your mind to what skills are valuable. Look to the long term, not to a specific skill set that you can think of a use for. I think you'll be happier parents and have a more independent and happy child who will actually be more goal-oriented than if you force her into sticking with a specific activity right now. She's balking at you now - wait until she's a teenager! This is the time to broaden her horizons, not channel her energies. Just get her up and moving and interacting with someone, anyone.

geez, i dunno. i mean, it all sounds well and good, but that's an awful lot of parameters for an activity that should also be fun, shouldn't it?
i mean, ALL activities have components of goal setting and work to achieve them, right? if she's a swimmer, presumably she's becoming a better and more proficient swimmer simply by doing the activity frequently, whether or not she sets a goal to get a spot on the team or ends up with a job. being a good swimmer IS a decent life skill.
dancing is great exercise, a fantastic stress reliever, a marvelous way to get young 'uns in touch with their bodies, with self-expression, with the simple joy of physical activity. does performance in front of people HAVE to be a goal?
i get wanting to have her involved with something other than a screen, but surely it can just be 'pleasure' without all these strings attached. if she volunteers at the animal shelter, does she have to have a goal of becoming a vet? isn't it enough of a life skill to do something good for society? if she wants to ride a bike, does it mean she has to enter a race?
it's not that i have a problem with encouraging kids to develop goals and get excited about achieving them, nor about life skills being a part of their everyday activities, but if approach it the way you are, you risk turning what should titillating and creative and full of wonder into just another boring act of drudgery.
be her adventure enabler, not her goad.
khairete
S.

You say you want this to be a decision she makes for herself, yet, what if she doesn't want that pressure? She's already in school 6 hours of the day and likely has chores right? Yet you feel she should be doing more because of your vision for her. But it doesn't sound like *her* vision for her, from what you describe.

I understand the desire for our children to have what we would consider 'worthy' goals, but everything you mention seems generated from you. Some kids don't enjoy sports. So what? They have other things they do enjoy. I mean, a ten year old's goals should be doing good work in school and having fun. What she defines as fun isn't necessarily what you are choosing.

You are choosing a goal for the sake of achievement. What you write: likes to do things spontaneously, doesn't want to have to memorize routines or perform-- that sounds a lot like me at a younger age. What was more difficult than being put into a class that wasn't a good fit was the messages that I was 'less than/not trying' because I wasn't really fitting into that 'achiever' mold. I don't know your daughter, but I know myself and my son-- we are both introverts. My husband thrives on competition, was an athlete all through school and college; for Kiddo (presently)-- sports aren't our thing, competition is usually go be avoided. Why struggle to be able to do "x" if it doesn't mean anything you?

I also think the 'goal for the sake of a goal' can be lost on kids. At this age, a goal might be saving up money for a desired item. Or having a good friendship with a peer. The focus on *the goal*, to me, sort of puts too much weight on the activity. It's the difference between telling my kid "hey, grab a shovel, I've got some seeds we can plant!": vs "our goal is to plant these seeds so that they grow into lettuce" -- in the former, kids focus on the invitation, have fun, and look forward to seeing what comes up; in the latter, present joy is pushed aside with little room left because the focus is on the future goal. Instead of enjoying each step independently, in the moment, the process becomes more externally based. As an adult, I can appreciate a more thought-out, long term approach, but honestly, I still approach the garden as more of a 'lets see what happens!" adventure. That's what fills me up. Your job is to figure out what fills your daughter up.

Goals don't fill us up-- it's the process and journey, chances we take, ups and downs of failures and successes we learn from, which make us whole people.

What annoys me most of all is when parents get punitive in this regard. It simply doesn't make sense and you are working at it the wrong way. If it were me, I'd gently limit the device time to something which seems reasonable, and then quietly observe to see what she chooses to do with that extra time.

I'm also going to throw something out, something I have observed in our own home. While I was worried Kiddo was going to get 'sucked in' to Minecraft ( a video game), I have used this as a tool instead. Certain chores must be done before Minecraft time, sure, and it has to come after other things are finished. That said, I have seen my son using the Minecraft guidebooks as technical books (he's learning to use references for information), I have seen him choose goals (he would never describe it in this fashion, by the way) for building and he researches how to achieve those goals. Due to some of his own personal challenges, I've worked with the teacher to create an alternative homework using this game to show knowledge of the math skills, grammar/writing skills, planning skills, comparative thinking/reasoning skills-- I used this to make the prospect of homework appealing to my little learner. He has learned how to write a proposal for his idea, state his goals and sent it to his teacher via Google docs. He is planning and managing his work via journals and daily goal setting. He is rendering his work through drawings on graph paper, showing his math skills, and so much more.

Had I arbitrarily told him to 'find a goal or you lose your iPad', I don't think we would be where we are now. Had I not dug in a bit to really see what he loved, we would have missed an excellent opportunity to go a lot deeper in his academic skills than they do in school. All this to say, you really have to meet them where *they* are in a more relaxed way. One doesn't have to be an 'achiever' outwardly to grow into being a good person.

I'm wondering whether your daughter might be of a different temperament than you and your husband. You two value doing things towards a goal, she might be someone who just enjoys doing things without the pressure of achieving specific ends. She's also just 10, when she should be exploring a variety of activities and having fun. What if you two set aside any expectation for her to 'achieve' in dance, gymnastics, swimming, or other extra-curriculars and just let her do something because she enjoys doing it? So what if she doesn't practice outside of class or do performances? Our son has completed a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, however he never practiced at home and only went to class two times a week. Our daughter dances quite well, however she almost never practices routines at home. Perhaps the 'goal' in this case is for your daughter to enjoy the activities, get some exercise, learn to do something new, and have another circle of friends outside of school.

You also don't need to worry as much about whether she's getting trained in motivation and achievement. School involve achievement and working towards long-term goals, and that may be enough for her right now. It looks like your daughter IS making a decision for herself--she wants and needs some down time outside of school. Playing on devices is that no-pressure zone for her right now. I understand the concern about electronic games taking over their free time--we have that issue in my household. So, I encourage you to let her do gymnastics or dance or theatre or music or art or some non-screen activity on HER terms, so she has that other source of relaxation in her life. Good luck with it!

If she enjoys dance and gymnastics why make it into a chore where she will end up hating it? She can set goals with other stuff that will benefit her in the future.

I feel sorry for kids who's parents push so hard that the kids are miserable and feel they are not good enough at anything. At 10 years old she should be allowed to be a kid (somewhat carefree) without worrying about what job she will do for the rest of her life.

IMO, I think you should weigh "being in a sport" vs "being high achieving in that sport". My DD does dance, but deliberately does not do competitions. It's not in her nature. She is not a sporty kid, and I respect that. My goal is more to get her moving and active and to enjoy an activity vs being at a particular level. If you are making the goal FOR YOU, then it won't be her goal and she won't be invested in achieving it. I would ask her what kinds of goals she has for herself, what she'd like to do. What about reading x number of books? Or trying out for the school play? Or saving for x item? Please listen to your child and consider her personality vs just that you and DH are type A. Maybe she is not. Maybe she would like to do volunteer work.

My SD took a long time, but finally found her niche in theatre and ran with it. Maybe your DD just hasn't hit on what she really likes yet.

ETA: My stance on electronics is they are good tools within reason. I would reconsider taking them away FT because many schools now teach so much ON and WITH technology. What is she doing? Is it a clue as to her interests?

My DD can be on her iPad all day if I let her, but I don't. She has screen time limits and then go do something else. One of the reasons I decided to get her an iPad was for educational apps that they use in school, like Reflex Math. All the state testing is online now, so her teachers say they need the at-home practice with computers. Your DD will also need to learn to type, use PowerPoint and Word and understand how to create electronic projects.

I also think that as your DD gets older, it is more and more important to teach her why and why not and how to navigate the world vs just "no, don't do this." You need to teach her to use her own brain, even if it's not the easiest path for you or the way you would do it. I think it's even more important to listen (not just talk) to kids as they get older. Listen to the inane chatter...so that when they have something really important (like being bullied) they know you hear them.

It sounds like a lot of pressure being your kid. Wow. She's 10 not 16 - even at this age kids are still "learning through play". I hated ALL of those activities at that age. You know what I was doing? Reading. Playing with my friends. Writing plays and recording fun things on our tape recorder. Watching tv. Climbing trees. Creative stuff. No goals, just life. Now I'm a business owner AND I have a BA - in a field I will never work in, bt wanted to learn about. I'm not a follower, and it doesn't seem like your daughter is either. By all means, reduce her online time if you think it's affecting her mental health, but what is she doing online? The answer to that question might be your answer here.

It sounds like your daughter, to sum it up, doesn't like public performances, has some physical abilities but isn't interested in team sports and competitions, and doesn't enjoy independent practice on things like dance moves. And sure, sports are good, but often what the kids gain the most is the ability to be part of a team, to listen to a coach, etc. Those same abilities can be learned by being on a debate team, or by joining a church youth group, or by becoming a Girl Scout, or by taking an extracurricular class. Don't narrowly focus on the skill itself, but on the big picture.

Not every activity needs a goal. It can be daunting, overwhelming, and defeating to say, get on a bike to go for a ride and tell yourself "I have to do 6 miles today" or "I have to maintain 10 mph", instead of saying "I think I'll ride my bike today and go see if those flowers have bloomed yet, or ride past that beautiful field". Perhaps you are discouraging your daughter from becoming a lifeguard, for example because you want her to swim with the team and become a lifeguard, rather than swim for enjoyment, relaxation and good exercise.

I think if you play to her strengths, you'll all be happier. My daughter will probably never participate in sports of any kind, due to her illnesses. She spends 90% of her time on her computer, Xbox and iPad. However, we told her, when she mentioned that she needed a faster processor or a more powerful fan inside the computer to cool it so she needed a new computer, that she needed to learn to replace and upgrade these things herself. If she's interested in what's ON the computer, then she should learn what's IN the computer. That's a great skill to have.

So we bought some books, and one of the high school courses she took was basic programming. She can take her computer apart. (Our inside joke is that that's no big deal. I can take my computer apart, too. Oh, but there's one big difference. She can put hers back together, and its performance will be better. Mine would simply be a pile of parts). She has replaced graphics cards, memory, and has some specialty tools now (tiny screwdrivers, special gloves and a mat to stand on so there won't be static, etc.).

Youthdigital.com is for ages 8-14 and is an online learning program that teaches coding, and other computer-related things. There are several others. Perhaps you can tell your daughter that she can learn how the video games are designed, and design her own, and do modifications ("mods") and learn to fix a computer.

Observe your daughter. Learn about her interests. Don't think "life goals", think "how to deepen the strengths that she has now", and realize they might not be yours or your husband's aptitudes or goals.

I have to say, I've never thought about my kids' activities or sports like this.

My kids just play sports for fun. House league. They have learned sportsmanship and have improved their skills just by having fun. One was recruited to play competitively. We just encourage them to do their best and have fun. I don't put any pressure on them.

Their other activities are piano. They do a final exam at the end of the year, but honestly, if they chose to skip that, I'd be ok with it. I think music should be more about enjoyment than grades. They like taking the exams, so I support it.

Our other activities have been things like scouts and guiding. They do all kinds of badges and work on activities there - both independently and as a group. It's very social and fun. Not all my kids liked it, but for those who did - they loved it. That might be something for your daughter.

We do dance and we've done gymnastics. Dance I think they develop skills. You can go on to dance competitively if that's your thing. Mine dance for fun. But discipline, learning routines in a non-competitive environment is still teaching them to try, to work hard and do their best. They may not get a badge, but huge change every year from the fall to spring.

There's drama and choir. Mine have done that. That's a huge confidence builder.

I guess my kids have enough pressure on them in day to day lives that I don't worry too much about goals. They have school work, chores, now getting into shoveling for people and babysitting. My kids have their own goals - learning how to do a back flip, learning how to dive, etc. They usually come and tell me afterwards. I leave it to them and then just egg them on.

We are not super driven people. Pretty laid back. But my kids do well and I've been told they are natural leaders. They get asked to be captains etc. One of mine is into school parliament stuff. They looked into it themselves. I just support. Mine would not want to feel pressured. Some kids love that - others do not. Mine do not.

Summer time or even spring break camps are a great way for kids that age to try new things outs without a big commitment. Could you look into that? What about what her friends are doing? Mine often like trying something with friends. Golf was a good one in summer. They can beat their scores and good exercise. Good luck :)

Some good responses here already. If she must have a stated goal (our kids weren't required to have that, they just weren't allowed to sit and do nothing, they had to pick something to do) why can't it be something like "experimenting with different activities to see which ones are the most fun"? Trying new things is actually a skill that some people are not good at. They sit in their nice little comfort zone never testing other things. Encourage her to just try things. Maybe a goal of trying 3 new activities over the next year. Expectations to give each 3 months and then evaluate what she learned, what she wanted to learn but didn't, how she felt about the activity, how she felt about herself when doing the activity, what she would change if she did it again, what she didn't enjoy, the people she met, what characteristics of the people did she admire, etc.

Her goal doesn't have to be mastering any particular skill she is learning at the activity, but rather learning to evaluate things.

I think her goal should be to do something she enjoys. It's ok if she does not continue it all her life...some people try many things in life. Some kids are not into performing or competitive sports. I think dance is a great thing for her to do. And as she gets older it will get more demanding and more rewarding. If she gets serious about it when she is older it will keep her strong, flexible, and well coordinated. What about art classes (that was my thing as a kid)? What about music lessons? One of my kids hates sports but he loves music and art. I think tennis lessons are a great idea. Perhaps one of her best friends would like to try out lessons with her. My son is much more willing to try new things when a friend does it with him. How about rock climbing at a local gym? Our kids love doing this. Non competitive soccer - my kid's school has after school soccer. It is perfect for kids who don't want any pressure. There are no teams and games...you just practice and play together once a week. I was a kid who was very shy and did not enjoy sports because I thought I was bad at them. In college I found I love individual sports such as running, hiking, weight lifting, long distance biking, mountain climbing, kayaking. In my 20s I discovered a love of skiing, yoga and rock climbing. Perhaps your daughter would enjoy non-team sports. We take our kids biking, do bike races with them, hiking, skiing, and rock climbing.

Life skills can be learned in ANY activity she does--organized or not. For example, working as a team player, practicing, following directions, being a good winner AND loser, managing her time, being a good listener, playing fair, being healthy and on and on depending on the activity. A good work ethic can be learned just from following through on daily tasks and chores at home.

As far as goal setting, maybe you could ease up a bit and let her goal be to have fun. Now is her chance to try out anything and everything and find what she likes. And realize this will change from season to season and year to year. As she gets into high school maybe she may want to specialize, or not. It's great to want the best for our kids, but not at the expense of making everything into a kind of chore or something to please mom and dad. Kids have enough pressure these days without needing to be achievers in everything they do.

Sometimes the highest value is found simply in the enjoyment of doing.

Having a goal for the sake of having a goal doesn't have much worth. It is more likely to teach someone how to do busy work rather than foster the development of ethics.

Let her make activities decisions for real. That means not being punitive or manipulating her into doing what you want, in regards to 'all removal of devices'.

Life is about balance, so extreme measures are not generally healthy. Take a look at yourself and your husband as individuals. What does your daughter see when she looks at you? What lessons are you teaching by example? Do those align or conflict with your words and actions towards her? Kids tend to emulate their parents before they try to carve their own path. You are the foundation, but she is not your clone, so present opportunities with encouragement but without force.

Girl scouts
Every badge you earn is a goal.
Can you let her take something that interests her just to have fun?
Having fun is just as good a goal as anything else.
She's 10 (like 3rd or 4th grade?) - most kids are not ready to be committed to any one thing and there's nothing wrong with that.
Kids that pick up violin or piano at 3 yrs old, or learn to ski before they can walk - it's all good and well but it's really their parents that drive them at least at first and I think some of those parents are just a tad excessive and are living vicariously through their kids.

Let her do something that is fun that she enjoys. If she enjoys it, the personal goal setting will naturally follow. What does she have a passion for? Both my son and daughter do gymnastics. It started out being just something for fun. Next week both of them trying out for the team. I never thought we would reach that stage when we started gymnastics. But, the more they enjoyed it, the more they started setting small goals for themselves and working toward those goals. They have learned many life lessons, even when they were doing it just for fun.

Your daughter doesn't need to be involved in a sport. What about Girl Scouts (or an equivalent)? Art lessons? Music lessons? Volunteering at an animal shelter? Photography classes? Writing classes? Archery? Horseback riding? Drama classes? 4-H? Raising chickens in the backyard? Making fleece blankets for kids in the hospital? Collecting teddy bears for emergency response teams to give to kids at the scene? Putting together birthday packets for the local food shelf? Collecting books to hand out at a food shelter? Planning craft packs for kids in the hospital? Working to solve a problem she sees (like an 11 year old girl I recently read about who was tired of reading books about "white boys and their dogs" so she collected something like a 1000 books that had characters who weren't white)? What about a Lego club or chess club? Computer programming or coding classes? Give her $100 to spend with the stipulation that it has to be used to help someone that she doesn't know? An education goal?

Those are all things that my own kids or kids I know or kids in the media have done. The book that Chelsea Clinton just wrote is filled with examples of things that kids are doing to change the world. Maybe that would spark an idea. At 10, she is still just exploring the world and learning life lessons through everyday interactions. There is plenty of time for goal setting. Let her try different things. Eventually she will find her passion. Once she finds her passion, the goal setting will just happen naturally.

Could it be that she just needs something for fun? Activities don't all have to be about goals and learning. How sad she can't just do something she enjoys. Like going to dance so she can let go and feel the music and dance around in utter chaos just because it's fun and a release.

Don't you do anything just for fun? If you don't I just find that sad. Life isn't all about chasing goals. It's there for us to have fun and do stuff that means absolutely nothing. That's what makes all the hum-drum stuff like getting up and going to work every single day of the work week, even when we don't want to, all worth while.

Please google children and learning as they play. In child care we'd have parents come in and be upset because their kids were playing with dolls and blocks because they wanted them on the computer learning skills and stuff.

I tried to get them to understand that that wasn't a realistic goal, that the kids need to do things that were fun because they learn so many skills by simply playing.

They learn imagination through pretend play, they learn about roles and social interactions through pretending to be a M. or daddy or playing with the blocks and stacking them so very high, they learn about gravity and balance and stuff that is important.

She's older so those things might have been missed if she had to set a goal and wasn't allowed to just be a kid and do those things.

When I have parents come in for a tour of the dance studio I explain to the parents of the very young ones that they goal of the younger classes isn't to learn to dance, it's to learn how to listen, how to process what they're hearing and do that thing.

They might be tapping across the dance classroom with their hands on their hiney and quacking like a duck. That isn't a dance they're learning. It's teaching them to use one single part of their tap shoe, the heel. By making it fun, like a game, they're eager to do it and act goofy, having fun, and in that process they're learned...to listen to that teacher, to process the exact thing they were told to do, then they worked on it and did it. That's HUGE for a 2 year old.

If they were told to tap across the dance floor only on their heels only to learn heel sounds then that wouldn't be any fun at all, not at all. SO they might cry and hate dance. In our studio they all cry when it's over and they don't want to leave. Because they have fun while they're learning.

As to the screen time. How do you know she's not going to grow up and be the next big thing in Silicone Valley? What about just limiting her to an hour a day after her chores are done and she has her school work done?

I think Nervy Girl hit it just right

"choosing a goal for the sake of achievement"

" ten year old's goals should be doing good work in school and having fun"

"The focus on *the goal*, to me, sort of puts too much weight on the activity"

I truly hope she is allowed to play and have fun. So many things in life are about the feeling of doing them. For example. Skydiving. There is no career in that. It's simply for the joy of free falling in the air. But people love doing it and will save and save and save just to do it one more time. It's for fun and the feeling of it. Not for a goal.

Try thinking a bit about the experience of it. If she hates a class/activity have her finish that season/semester then let her talk to you about why she dislikes it so much. Maybe she's tired of competing all the time. Maybe she just wants down time. Maybe she'd like to go next door and play with the kids and finger paint for hours.

I am preaching to the choir here too. I do make my girl take some things that "I" know will be good for her. Like dance. She wants hip hop and tap. I make her take ballet too. Why? Because it strengthens her core body. It will cause her bones to grow differently. It will give her balance and skills that will influence her body for the rest of her life. She'll be a better dancer because of it. She gets in class and sees her friends and enjoys it for the social part. BUT she won't practice it at home, I'm okay with that. She gets up there every year for recital and does a class ballet dance and maybe she's not perfect. But her body got new skills and she grew differently.

We, as adults, to see things from a different perspective.

You want her to have a goal. I don't think it's a bad thing to teach critical thinking skills to our kids. I do think putting it in words and saying "I'm making you take ballet because the stretches you do for a half hour on the floor and bar are making the muscles in your core stronger and straighter and using your muscles to point your toes and standing up straight are things you'll need as an adult"...who wants to go do that? not me! But if it's worded like "Go to dance class, listen to the teacher, have fun" sounds more like something she'd like to do instead.

what about sewing or crochet or knitting? if she likes it and starts out smalll she will achieve a goal in as little as an hour. once she sees results with something small then she may be interested in working a bigger project. and knitting, crocheting and sewing are a dying art that needs revival. and a life skill that will take her far. i make blankets, clothing, and many other things. if i can't find what i want in a store i create it. my dh is similar but uses wood to build things instead of endlessly searching for the stores for what he wants he just gets the materials and builds it.
both my kids love to be involved in our building and creating projects.

An instrument very goal oriented..learn to read music play x song perform a solo