Classes and Not Wanting to Go

Have her finish out the session you paid for and then let her quit. She can revisit it later when she wants to do it again.

Finish out this session. She may just need a break or, now that she moved to a different level, she realized it just is not for her.

She's only 6. That's very young to be really dedicated to any one particular activity. I think you may have identified two key issues:
1) She has moved up to a level where they are working on skills rather than just "let's everyone play and jump around". Having a natural ability at something makes it very easy in the beginning, but having to focus on skills and drills may be more than she's ready for. Repetition builds excellence, but she's only 6. She has no great goal to make the Olympic team, and so repetition and "do it again" can be boring and can make a favorite teacher a lot less of a favorite.
2) She has some social anxiety. She may be with new kids, or she may see many of the same kids but in this new setting. If her routine has been interrupted, she may have difficulty adjusting.

A lot of us have to question and explore our motivations at various points in our children's development. I guess I would ask myself what my goals are as a parent. Is this to keep her active? Okay, are there other ways to get her up and moving and doing something physical? Sure, tons. Do I want her to have fun? Okay, free play and creative play are great learning experiences, and the mind is developing even if she's not in a structured program. She will have many years of structure in her life - she doesn't need to do this at her age. Do I feel inadequate as a parent and I feel I'm not doing enough if I don't pay for a program? Is there competition in my town to see how many programs we can all sign our kids up for, and is there a lot of hype that, if the kids don't start early, they won't be all-stars or get into good colleges or won't have self-discipline? All of these things can influence our thinking.

Sometimes we just need to slow down and let our kids be who they are, and not have something assigned to do at a certain time. I'd give her a break, not discuss it again, and see where her interests lie. Try some other activities, not in a class setting but on your own or with a friend of hers, and let things develop naturally and without her pressuring herself. I know that you feel she needs to finish something because it's paid for, and I understand that IF the kid demanded to go into the program to start with.

I guess I'd be very low key and probably not let her sign up again even if she says she misses it. Otherwise, you'll be having the "we paid for it, you're going" conversation again in the very near future. Let her do without it and see if she asks over and over. Meantime try redirecting her in other areas, not necessarily to find something else to be devoted to, but to explore her interests and abilities. You may find things she really adores even more. Or you may find she just needs a break from structure and achievement-oriented activities.

My niece was heavily into swimming, and her parents signed her up for every team you can imagine, with 12 hour days for meets (so many kids, only so many lanes in the pool). She hit high school and completely burned out, hasn't swum since. So there's no benefit to early immersion for many kids. A colleague of mine is a track & field coach and athletic director - the first year in high school, the kids just have an exploration year, even at their age. They try different things, and are even pushed out of the area they think they want, just to see. Sometimes it reinforces their original desire and skill area, and sometimes they find something completely new where they excel and can get excited. Competition is way down on the "to do" list - it's more about fitness, running a little faster or jumping a little higher or throwing something a little farther than the last time.

Just finish out the session.
Then stop.
Why make incentive charts?
I mean, she said she is tired of it.
She's just a young kid.
Do you want her to do gymnastics until she is in 12th grade and commit to it and be serious about it as though she were an adult?

Kids go through, lots of interests. Some will stick, some will not.
They don't know, everything about themselves yet or what they like or not or what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
All kids can be shy or socially anxious depending on the situation.

Ask her why it is boring, for her, now.
See what she says.
Have you just tried to chat with her about it. Or not?

Maybe she is just tired of it and just wants to chill. And maybe try other things. And there is nothing wrong with that.
A kid, does not have to be, enrolled in activities, as though they are making a resume for themselves. But I know, some families that are like that with their kids. Me, I am not. I want my kids to flourish, but not for "me." For themselves and what THEIR interest or talent, is.

Yes, I've dealt with this before. Turned out someone was picking on my child! Since my daughter was too young to deal with it herself, I had a talk with the teacher who spoke to the child and it stopped. No problems after that.

As for letting her quit - like you said, she has to finish out what's been paid for. After that, if she truly does not want to continue and there is really no other reason than she's bored with it or just done, then I'd let her quit.

Whenever my kids started something (and it was because THEY wanted to) they had to finish. Then after the initial committment, they didn't have to sign up again if they didn't want to. As they got older and signed up for stuff and then subsequently wanted to quit, they had to pay me back if they actually quit. That never happened; they finished and were happy they did.

Good luck!!

Diane B. has an excellent and very thoughtful answer. Please check it out again.

These days so many kids are in activities that demand the kids commit very early and commit for many, many hours or classes per week. To me, kids are being asked to make serious commitments far too young, for far too many hours. I see kids your daughter's age who are already being groomed for travel soccer in a few years; kids who are told that if they don't continue with their one chosen sport, they'll never make this or that team in a few years' time; and so on.

The kids themselves SEEM to be the ones driving it -- "Mom, I just love soccer/dance/gymnastics, and never want to stop!" but the reality is that the kids have never even tried any other activity. They identify themselves with that sport or activity because they've simply done it ever since they can remember--and that is not the same as having a real passion for it. The gymnast might really be a terrific and engaged fencer if she ever tried fencing. The soccer player might like an art class even more than soccer if he ever tried it. But they get locked in early by a combination of these factors:

"You've done it the last X sessions/years. Don't you want to keep doing it? You used to like it!" The worst of all the reasons to stay. Kids should be trying many new things, not being locked into one activity and never tasting new ones. Yes, some things do require some early commitment. But at age six? If she's not that into it now that it's harder and more skills-based? That's a sign she's done, at least for right now.

"We've paid for this!!" Not a reason to keep a kid in something that is making the kid miserable.

"You committed to the team/coach so you must keep the commitment." This one works for me but not if the commitment is months and months and the kid is miserable. Find a good "exit point" such as ending when summer ends, but not dragging it out for the rest of another school year.

Yes, you do need to talk and find out if something else is going on -- she might still love the sport but be bugged by someone there, or not gelling with the teacher or (I think this is most likely) burned out on something she's done since she was four -- very young to start. I'd let her take a break and try another activity, possibly a non-sports one to give her a real change. But meanwhile, please consider allowing her to quit for a time. If she is truly meant to do more gymnastics she will come back to it on her own. Meanwhile, give her a break from it so she can gain some perspective on whether she really wants to come back or is happier away from it.

I have found that my DD hit a plateau in her swim and dance lessons, found it challenging, and suddenly was "bored." Same with reading, actually. This happened when she was 5-7 as well. As we frequently vacation on the Great Lakes, we told her that swimming was required--a safety skill. We talked with the teacher and she got moved into another class to see how she would respond with the different teacher. She got over the hurdle. Dance was a bit more difficult. She loves to be on stage, but she finds it hard to learn new, specific steps. We told the teacher, arrived early, and she got some one-on-one time in a non-threatening way to get over those hurdles. We also danced at home for fun, and she loves that. So trying to do the activity as a family or with friends beyond the class may help.

With reading, I spent more time reading aloud to her which has helped her get over that hurdle. I just immersed her with books and reading around the house, and now it is second nature to her. That took two years.

Another problem we have confronted is that DD does not necessarily like having to leave home after getting home from school because she likes downtime (and who doesn't?). Getting her to go can be problematic when the weather says, "Let's stay in," which I know Milwaukee can have that same issue as Ann Arbor does. She's even pretended to be sick to stay home. The pretending is a symptom of downtime needs and "I've hit a wall" issues. I just talk with her to sneak out the information I need from her and then figure out my course of action.

At seven, if she says she wants to try a new sport next year, and she is toying with it, that will be fine with me because she is young enough to catch up to others her age in any activity she finds at this point, but I will know that when she hits that wall, and she will, she will likely shy away from the activity. I'll just watch carefully and then let the coach or teacher know.

I just let my son pick something new. He has to finish the season if he signed up for something. So, when he was 5/6 yrs old, yes I would drag him there putting up a huge battle about it. Every time. He'd finally go in and start doing it and then he'd love it each time. The next week we'd do this all over again. I'm SO glad he has matured out of that phase! Our rule is, he has to do one sport each season. So when he got bored of gymnastics he switched to swim lessons. When he got bored of those he switched to soccer. He has been doing soccer for 2 years now and enjoys it. He is 9 now. I don't care what sporty activity he picks but he has to do something. In the winter he has been doing ski team (we have a little ski hill in our town).

They finish what I pay for absolutely. From there, we re-evaluate.

Unless it's something like music where stopping or taking a break would rally hurt their progress. If they can go to school all day (and really, they are not thrilled), they can do 10 minutes of music practice a day and live to tell about it. They are getting good at it. As they get more advanced they enjoy it more. The beginner stuff is pretty tedious, kind of like reading. Once you get good, then it's fun!

And, I'm big on exercise. If the class is providing lots of that (in a long winter), then I do everything possible to keep them in it. Kicking and screaming maybe not. But I do encourage the classes.

I'd try to dig a little bit more to understand why she doesn't like it anymore, but generally speaking, no, I wouldn't make her continue if she's decided she is over it. There are so many things in this world and this life to try. Why waste her time, and your time and money, making her do something she doesn't really love? Help her find something else she might like more.

She's 6. Do you remember being 6? Do you remember changing interests? Gymnastics, I believe, is a commitment that really has to be a burning desire. If she enjoys the play level, but doesn't have the desire for it to be more, than that is the level she wants to be. She may just be moving on interest wise. She may need a break. She needs to finish what you paid for, but follow her lead re. going beyond that. It's great that you are able to support her interest, just continue to be responsive to that. She's just a kid exploring her world. If she likes the physical stuff, perhaps dance might be something she would enjoy. Just take your time and see.

Your daughter is 6 and has already been in the program for 2 years? I personally think starting at 4 is too young (but that's just me). Sounds like either she isn't really ready to move up or she has lost interest or possibly someone picking on or clashing with her. Talk to her, see what she says.

At the end of this session, tell her that you will sign her back up and pay for it again IF she wants to but otherwise you will not. But, let her know when you need a decision by. Do not sign her up again unless she gives you a clear "yes...sign me up". If she doesn't by the deadline, ask her "last chance for this session"....no answer means "no".

If she was already not wanting to go and you signed her back up anyway I wouldn't make her stick out the session. Otherwise, I agree with having her finish it.

I would have her finish off the session and talk to her about it. My SD did horse riding lessons for a year or so and then didn't want to go anymore. Those lessons are $ so we asked her why and she said she'd had fun, but now none of her friends were at her level (they went ahead when she was with her mom for the summer) and she didn't intend to get competitive. So we let her stop.

Your DD has done enough gymnastics in general to know if she wants to continue or not. If her heart is not in it, then she won't get much out of it. She may be like my SD who tries a lot of things for a while til she hits on something she likes. When she mentions doing something new, sign her up. Til then, I'd let her just be for a while. She may enjoy a low-key tumbling class instead of the competitive gymnastics course.

if she no longer likes it let her quit after this session. she may find as it goes on she likes it more. but if she doesn't there are so many other things she can try. my son was like that in baseball and again in soccer. he ended up staying with soccer though highschool but quit on baseball at 9

I would definitely make her finish out what's been paid for, but not push it on her in the future. You could ask the instructor if they've noticed anything different about her that may give some insight into the reason, but the last thing you want to have is a fight every time it's time to go to gymnastics. Life's too short and there's plenty of time for her to get into extra activities. Let her try some new things and maybe she'll go back, maybe she'll find something she loves even more.

Have her finish out the session you have paid for and then let her take a break. Maybe she wants to try something new for a change. It's not like every kid that takes gymnastics goes on to the Olympics, as much as we wish they could. If she quits and is away from it for a while, she might find herself eventually missing it and wanting to go back. Or not. And then maybe there will be time and money for something else. Or not. It's not the end of the world if she isn't enrolled in something or hasn't found her "thing" yet. At this age, it's all about them trying different things and maybe finding something they are passionate about.

My daughter will be 6 next month and will be going into first grade. She goes to a private Catholic school with a very rigorous academic program, so that's going to be our first challenge right there. She's taken gymnastics classes the past 3 years, starting when she was 3. She's always enjoyed them. This past year, (while starting kindergarten) she wanted to take dance for the first time - both ballet AND tap. And I let her, since she could take both classes on the same day. By the time we were half-way through the year, she decided she still liked ballet, but wanted to quit tap. At that point they were rehearsing for their recital and the costumes were already paid for, so I told her she needed to finish it out. They ended up inviting her to be on their performance team next year, which would have meant taking 3 dance classes a week and being available for 4 or 5 performances during the year, plus the recital - huge commitment. I admit, I was flattered she was selected, but when I asked her if she wanted to do it, she said no, not really. And that was fine - I might have been a tad disappointed, but it needed to be her choice, not mine. If her heart really isn't it, what is the point?

So now she's thinking she doesn't want to take any dance (not even just a ballet class) or gymnastics either - she wants to do soccer and swimming this year. She's done some preschooler soccer instruction before and liked it, she's done swimming lessons and liked it, and now she wants to be part of a soccer team playing actual games. She may decide she hates it, but it's only for 8 weeks, so getting her to finish it out shouldn't be a big deal.

Point being, they are only 6 - they don't need to be that committed to only one thing at this age and you shouldn't have to push them. I would rather have a child that enjoys sports in general and is fairly fit and athletic, plus can play a music instrument or enjoy something artistic, rather than one that is hyper-focused on one activity and has already become a "specialist". Well-rounded is more important to me. And no matter what, school comes first.

Yes. My daughter, 6y, was in 2 Sat. morning dance classes last year. She loved it while she was there, but getting her there got to be a hassle. She'd say she was sick, when we got there she would find reasons to come see me because her belly hurt, etc.

Then I noticed that she would do it mainly in the first class when the teacher would try to teach them something new. The class was fast paced and only a few of the kids like her were 1st year kids. So most of the others already knew their stuff. In April, a month before recital, she said I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. So we quit. I was sad, she was fine for about a month and then said she wanted to go back. I was out the cost of 2 recital costumes, but saved a month of tuition and new shoes for recital, so it sort of balanced out.

We are taking a summer class because it was already paid for and will decide on school-year classes in Aug. While I want her to continue, I am preparing myself for her to say she is done. Again. :(

All kids in all sports go through this. YOU know this is good for her. She is gaining bone strength, balance, agility, physical strength, flexibility, self confidence, focus, core muscle development that might not happen without gymnastics or dance, gymnastics is a full body workout. It does much much more for a child than just provide an hour of entertainment.

When my kiddos say they don't want to go anymore I think about it and I tell them that this is something that "I" get to decide about because gymnastics/dance/sports has a long term benefit that they can't even begin to understand.

So I tell them I decide they are going to continue. It's a good thing because each and every time, within a few weeks of classes starting, they always say they are so glad they're taking classes again.

I think it's a non issue for me because I just tell them they are taking this or that. I don't give them many options because "I" know they need something to keep their bodies active and this is one I can afford.