ADD Advice - Omaha,NE

Have you had her tested for dyslexia? It's not uncommon for people to have both learning differences.

Not that you need more to do/read, but I think it would be really helpful if you check out CHADD at www.chadd.org. It's the nationally recognized source for information on and help with attention deficit disorders. It has sections for patients, parents, and educators as well as resources and the latest information, research, etc.

In addition, please check out the books, "Smart but Scatterd" and "Coaching Students with Executive Skills Deficits" both by Dr. Peg Dawson and Dr. Richard Guare. The information in these books is both research and clinically based, but it is written in practical, easy to follow verbiage that provides useful guides for parents and teachers to use. The basic goal is to teach the children ways to shore up the areas where they have deficits (e.g. planning, organization, staying focused, resisting impulses, learning from mistakes, etc.).

For many children with attention deficits, reading can be very overwhelming, and they often avoid reading. This may be one of the situations where you see your daughter drifting off, forgetting what she read, getting frustrated, etc. This is miserable for these kids. Then, what happens is the child starts to avoid reading, writing, etc., and they fall further behind while school demands increase with new information, concepts, and requirements. Frustration increases with assignments that require reading, and the cycle of avoidance continues.

It doesn't sound like your child is taking any medication, but at some point, you may need to consider this. Depending on the child, the severity of symptoms, and the degree to which functioning is affected, some people are able to adapt without medications. However, after you have tried other interventions and help, and your daughter is still struggling, it is time to have that evaluation.

Plan for this ahead of time. Get some recommendations and start now to find out what and who your insurance covers, because by the time you might want to do this, there may be long waiting lists, and in some cases, you may need a referral from your pediatrician in order for insurance to cover (depends on your specific insurance requirements).

Even if you start the medication, be sure to check out the materials on executive skills deficits because medication alone can't help a child learn to solve problems independently, plan ahead, get work organized, etc. Medication helps the neurobiological part and gets her brain in a better place where she is more receptive to learning, but medication cannot teach skills she's missed. You can be an integral part of her success if you help her with this.

I'm saying this as a licensed clinical psychologist, AND as a parent with two boys who are diagnosed with inattentive ADD, one medicated and one who is managing (for the moment) without medication. When our older boy started on medication, it did make a big difference in his ability to concentrate in school, and he was better able to learn ways to organize his daily tasks and function more independently without constant reminders and assistance from us. We are at the beginning stages of interventions with the younger one right now.

When my son gets home from school, he needs a little time to decompress. He gets a snack, and if it's a particularly tough day for concentrating, we stop and do something different---even for a short time (15 minutes outside or play with friends for 15 minutes after school while parents talk). It's hard for these little ones to hold it all together all day long and then come right home and have to focus and concentrate for another long stretch of homework.

Hope this helps and wish you the best with this. I do know how overwhelming this feels and how it seems to take over your entire waking hours. Be sure to take care of yourself, too, and give yourself some breaks.

J. F.

ETA: Hell on Heels gives a great example of one of the strategies with the laminated checklists. She's right, for those who don't have kids with attention deficit disorders, it's hard to believe you have to spell out the steps, but it's SO true, and something seemingly that simple can have such a positive impact!

My 12 yo son is ADHD and my 15 yo daughter is ADD and Asperger's. She was diagnosed back in 1st grade and has an IEP in place. That has helped tremendously although back in her younger years it really was a CONSTANT fight with the school. And every year she got a new teacher, it was a new fight about the same old subject. Finally just the last few years I have been lucky to have supportive staff at her schools that "get it".

My daughter's IEP has NO homework for her. She is pretty much done after school since it was an effort to just deal with all that school involves. It was a constant fight when she was younger and she would cry and I would cry and it was horrible. I finally met with the teacher, principal and spec ed teacher and said no more. If she was getting C's or better, she did not need "practice" or extra work to do as homework. And surprisingly they all agreed. So the only homework she had thru elementary was to write her spelling words 3x and read. Since then she has gotten A's and B's and a C in math which is her hardest subject and I'm thrilled with that.

In Jr High she had 7 different teachers and classes. They had 4 min between classes, it was overwhelming for her. They had something called Bell Work. When the bell rang, they had a sheet they worked on. Well, she could not adjust fast enough to focus so she was getting a zero or F on all of it and it was bringing her grade down. So now her IEP says no Bell Work in any of her classes.

This year in HS they are making more adjustments for her. She has one class called "strategies". Its an elective and the kids work on classwork and homework so the teacher is there to help them so they hopefully don't bring any home. She RARELY has homework now. She also gets good grades on her tests so they have limited her classwork to where she only does odd numbers instead of all of them, or only writes one page assignments instead of 3 pages and gets extra time for tests and big projects. This way, she is still learning but not doing more than she needs to. She is way to stressed out if there is too much for her to do on her own.

So my point in all this is to get her on meds and to talk to the school. Tell them the struggle she has at home and she simply cannot do more than 10-15 min of homework each night and what adjustments can they make for her. They should be able to do this. I had to actually tell the school that I did not want her hating the teachers, school and most importantly, herself before they took me seriously. You sometimes have to fight for your kids and that is what's in front of you. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Gosh I'm going to try the laminated flash cards for myself -they sound awesome!

You've had lots of good advice but I wanted to chime in with the idea to drop any non-essential stuff right now. Her reading skills are critical at this age so I would continue whatever can further that along. Have you seen a developmental optometrist? I'd want to know if she has tracking and convergence issues. This is going to sound bad but I wouldn't worry about chores while school is in session. School is the main job. She has got plenty of challenge in her life right now.

We have worked with a reading specialist (for my younger son) for the past 7+ years. She is worth her weight in gold. If you can find a great tutor, who really gibes with your daughter - it will take some of the pressure off you. And it will comfort her to know that she has help she can count on. This has to be the right person though. I would be unwilling to pile more pressure on her.

Good luck - hang in there.

ETA: I agree 100% with Hell on Heels. We homeschool, too, but I know that's not an option for every family.

My goodness, this sounds like me. It's overwhelming isn't it!? We have the same issues here. I have to say, we don't worry too much about chores for the kids during the week. I make sure they do their regular routines (make bed, hang up towel, laundry in hamper, the basics) but I don't ask for much more on school nights.

We also have cut way down on extras. My husband and I used to volunteer and had meetings every couple of weeks, at night. With my kids needing plenty of help with homework daily, we decided to focus on that instead.

I try to keep life as simplified as possible so I can be available to help with studying each evening. Most of the household chores get done on the weekend.

Other than that, try to give yourself a break and skip the studying tonight if you are feeling overwhelmed. A happy, calm mommy is more important than one spelling test. My kids are much older than yours, and every now and then we skip an activity or don't worry so much about reviewing homework. Some nights you just need to be a happy family...with low stress.

Picture yourself in the future with 2 kids in activities 3-4 nights a week, 1-2 hours of homework each night that you will need to help with and the same amount of workload for the parents. That's where I am. Start simplifying now. :)

ETA: Just realized she's seeing a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. So, no medication? That there is the key solution.

What medication is she on? I would go back to the specialist and mention it isn't working quite right. When medication is right, you won't be dealing with these struggles, at least during the time when it's active. I would also ask about a booster medication dose to get her through homework in the afternoon. Don't even think of tackling homework in the evening, when the medication isn't active, because her brain simply won't be able to focus at all then. I would have her childcare provider work with her on homework immediately after school.

You are doing the right thing in focusing on routine. That definitely helps. But it won't matter much if the medication isn't right, because her brain is still misfiring.

A couple of other ideas: Join CHADD and subscribe to ADDitude magazine. Both offer ideas for how to manage daily life with a child with ADHD.

Good luck! And for what it's worth, our son has extreme ADHD-combined type, and with medication and therapy, he's doing amazing now at 11 in junior high. Straight As and glowing reports from his teachers.

My daughter was misdiagnosed...or rather diagnosed and then the diagnosis was removed when I figured out what was causing her symptoms. The symptoms were exactly the same as ADD.

I detoxed our home. I detoxed her body. Synthetic chemicals do a number on the brain whether they are inhaled, absorbed through the skin or eaten. They all end up in the blood stream which effects the neurological system. I have told sooooo many Moms this and some have listened and some not. All that listened have seen improvement. I was so afraid and through a number of circumstances I stumbled upon information that is not readily available. I will tell anyone all of it if they want to know. I hate for a worried Mom to go blindly down this road.....

If you're interested in going this route, let me know and I'll explain further.

Regards,
M.

Of course you're tired. Having a child with learning and/or behavioral challenges is exhausting. It's WONDERFUL that you know how to help her and that she received the diagnosis that will help qualify her for services. You are doing GREAT work for her by getting her the extra support at school. The reading program will pay off. It takes time. Try to take a few deep breaths right now. I know that all of this can feel very overwhelming. You want to fix it right now and you want the problems to go away. They will get better.

JUST REMEMBER, You are doing EVERYTHING you are supposed to be doing. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and every so often, take a deep breath.

Why are you working so much with her at home? Doesn't she go to school already for 7-8 hours per day?

In my experience kids need to come home and have home time at home, not more school time. We don't do homework until much later IF there is any homework at all. Our girl is in 5th grade and she hardly every has homework, every grade...seriously, hardly ever any homework. Nothing more than reading every day and the occasional spelling word list to do. Our 2nd grader usually only has spelling words too and every now and then he'll have a math worksheet.

She tests in the 98% for reading and in the 90's in all other areas. Not having homework doesn't hurt her at all. There is much research to show that kids who don't have homework actually test higher and I believe it.

I think your girl needs to work on her school work at school with her teacher and with the reading specialist through the school programs. They will teacher her specific ways and techniques that should help her with her reading.

Our boy is nearly 8, he's about 5 months younger than your girl, and still can't read. He works with a special reading program teacher and he works at it every day. He's just one of those kids who aren't going to be strong readers.

What time does your girl go to bed? Please stop working her so hard, it's so hard on her not getting to just be a kid. Get the school to help and get her some help in the classroom in the math too.

At age 7 she's where she is supposed to be. Some kids just don't excel in some areas and then they do okay in others. She'll be find but you need family time. She needs to run amok and play dolls and play doh and banging toys around. Kids need free time to explore and learn by playing.

Not that you're wasting your time, it's just that she's a kid and she needs to be a kid and have playtime at home instead of so much school work.

That's got to be very tough. I don't have experience with the ADD but I'm a FT working mom too. All I can say is can you cut out those other organizations for a while? And are the chores helping you or making more work as you supervise what you could do in 10 seconds? If so, skip the chores. She's in 2nd grade. She can do without them. Mine are older and have no chores bc I grew up without chores for the most part. I was told to focus on my schoolwork and sports. I did and now am not lazy with a disaster of a house. Quite the opposite. Otherwise, autopay for bills. I rarely write checks out anymore. Can you hire a cleaning person even short term? Can you find some after school help like a college girl? It's more difficult now bc of the extra work your daughter has but have to tell you it doesn't really get easier. She'll just have more homework and your younger will have stuff to do too as she gets older. Most working moms I know seem to need more help as their kids have gotten older. Ironic but true.

how i love our Hell on Heels!
homeschooling is not an option for most. but if you can find a waldorf school for her, it will probably be like sunshine after endless grey skies.
i disagree with all the advice to forego chores altogether. it's such a good thing for all family members to feel invested in the family, and that means more than schoolwork. it's not the one chore per night that's overwhelming you, it's the schoolwork. it's hard enough for kids without ADD type challenges to sit still all day at school, imagine how agonizing it is for your child to be pinned down for so long with drill drill drill.
keep looking for ways of accommodating her own learning style (she's probably brilliant in ways that can't be detected by conventional methods) and supporting her amazing attitude.
good luck, mama!
khairete
S.

yeeeegads-relax woman..the world wont end if everythings not perfect..prioritize..as a single parent of 2-and i worked full time..i understand..but you need to RELAX...

I would have her use a PLAIN book mark or a plain side of a ruler as a eye guide to help her focus on the sentences she is reading especially in chapter books.

Some children read better standing up.

My husband says he has to read a line over and over, unless he has the next sentence covered.

He also does a lot better with Audio Books.
Here in Texas if your child is diagnosed the "State library" will allow you to check out books on Tape/CD at not charge. They mail them to us. Check and see if your state or town has such a thing. Even text books are available.

So what you may need to do is have her read to herself, and then have her read them out loud to you or dad. After each chapter have her explain what she just read. Ask her questions about what she just read. "What was the name of the city?" "What did the grandmother do when she heard the crash?"

All of this will reinforce what reading is all about.

IF she is given an assignment to read and then answer questions, have her read the questions first, so that while she is reading, she can search for the answers.. This will come in handy on tests if she can get used to working like this. She could even stop reading and actually write down the answer.

She will need to be taught study skills, reading skills and organization. She will probably not realize what her best practices are, but the more you and dad work with her, you will notice her learning style. She may be a child that can sit and read for 25 min. then needs to stop for about 5 and stand up. Or g and get a glass of water. This i whee the 504 plan is great. It will allow her more time to finish class work and homework.

Have her look at the words then spell them out loud to you. The ones that she gets right, skip them the next night and just have her work on the ones giving her trouble.

She can write out spelling words, she can call out spelling words and she could use Scrabble letter tiles to spell with. These different ways of spelling will reinforce the words for her.

Mom, some things may just have to change to allow for the time it will take her to get used to this new routine. The chores may need to be done on the weekends if they take too much time on school nights.

A tutor would be excellent for her. Maybe once or twice a week. Have the tutor work on a specific skill. Maybe spelling words. Maybe the reading out loud.

Will you be setting up a 504 plan for her with the school? I think this would take a tremendous amount of pressure off of all of you.

As we always say at our house...."big breath in....big breath out....!

Hi, my advise is to just relax and don't panic. Everything will work out and know that nobody is perfect and it's ok <3

My daughter was diagnosed with ADD inattentive when she was in the 4th grade. She is now 23, living on her own, finishing up college and starting her own photography business within the next few months!!

When she was finally diagnosed we were sad, relieved, worried and panicked....and I was feeling sad for myself because my daughter was different from everyone else which was NOT expected or planned.... it did't help when my family didn't support us at first and my own mom tried to have me hide it from her school and teachers....(old school thought I have learned later) I instead, got a grip, figured that "it is what it is" and we will do whatever we have to do to help her thrive and have a great life....it was not always easy, but it's been an awesome and interesting journey! I always had the thought that I was actually blessed to have such a challenge, because I knew that we as a family, would figure it out and were trusted with such a diagnoses. (i also learned that it runs in families and I am sure I have ADD as well, which only helped in understanding what our daughter was going through)

My advise is to just start by "making friends" with ADD and learn what it is and what you can do about it...Two things that I have learned, that has helped through everything....One doctor said to us early on, that "people with ADD are often times very creative and when they find what they love and are passionate about, are almost considered gifted!" (explore this! my daughter is a wonderful artist and gifted photographer! I was an art major in college)

The second thing we have learned is to embrace this, don't hide it, explain to your daughter and family what is happening, what ADD is and that 's totally ok and respected That she is one lucky kid to be able to learn how to manage something so interesting and that you guys are there to help her. We talked about it openly, respected her when she needed space and used a lot of humor....(sometime that 's all there was to do)...we just tried to keep it light and worked through issues the best we could. (My husband used to tease us at the kitchen table saying...."My girls are so ADD,EFGHIJ."...and we would all laugh. But respect and knowledge was key.

As soon as it was respected and understood at home, we worked hard to find the best ways for our daughter to thrive in school. It truly was not always easy, but this is why we shared her ADD with the school and teachers and worked WITH them to make life possible....we did this throughout high school and into college....we attended every conference and made friends with the staff, so that they knew we were the kind of parents who were involved and willing to work with them. Oh yes, there were always some lost assignment, late days to class, etc, but we learned that it was just part of the plan and all we could do was do our best. If you try to be perfect, the only thing that will happen is more stress....and kids with ADD need calm, safe homes to come to to rest.

In the case of my daughter. stress made her unstable. The phone ringing, dogs barking, Tv blasting, utter chaos made her head spin. (mine too) We learned early on that ADD caused all of their sensed to be on overload. Imagine EVERYTHING being turned up and trying to concentrate....it's not possible for most people, much less a little girl...So we tried to keep things very chill at our house when we could...if it got overwhelming, I would just remind my daughter that she could excuse herself from the table (or situation) and get to a quiet place....We took and still take every day one day at a time. Some days it just doesnt work, others pretty awesome....forgive yourself for not having it all figured out yet....it's ok (I had to learn this)

We did put our daughter on a very low dose of Adderall to help manage her attention in school....I was so against drugs and had read so many horror stories, but we trusted that it could help and took a chance. It was such a positive thing for her. She still uses this medication today, but only in very stressful situations and she has never had a problem with it....my suggestion is not to be afraid to explore your options, learn from your doctor and trust him. This is not the first time they have helped kids with this.

My story can go on and on, but I will stop here. overall what helped, is patience, calmness, respect, medication and acceptance of her diagnoses from everyone. it's ok, it's a blessing, she will find her path and you will help! You will also have some great stories to share....we are truly blessed!

You didn't mention medication. The best treatment for ADD is a trifecta approach - home, school, medical.

Picture a stool with 3 legs. If you remove one of those legs, you might be able to get a shaky balance for awhile but eventually it falls over.

If you're avoiding medication for some reason, you've taken away one of her legs. Medication is not a cure, but is the thing that makes it possible for her to learn training and coping skills in the first place.

Your routines and therapies are great, but some of them will take time (years) to take root. The longer she goes unmediated, the harder it will be on all of you.