Adult and Child Fighting over TV

you mean to say, "child and child" fighting over t.v.....

I think children should be taught to share.. on the other hand, Uncle can pick up a paper and read the same news as is on t.v. and or on the computer.. it really needn't come to an argument.. If my son was already in the midst of watching a program, I would have allowed him to continue, also keeping in mind that HE is also on holiday break from school and in my opinion, we old adults can watch t.v. some other time... kids deserve a little something special.. .they work so hard in school.. that's how I see it at least...

Unfortunately, this is something my hubby does also. If he walks into the room and the TV is on something he doesn't want to watch, he'll just grab the remote and change the channel - and not only on the kids, but me also. It is rude but GD and I have just learned to go watch in the other room.

If it was between husband and child, that would be one thing. But you're talking about company, and unless you had a string of alternate activities lined up for your company, I don't think it's fair to them to have to sit and watch hours of children's shows. Over the holidays in our family, a lot of down time is spent (unfortunately) watching television, especially if it's cold and yucky weather outside. My parents (because they host everyone) set up a main tv and have movies running on the computer for the kids. This way, everyone is satisfied who wants to watch tv. You could try something similar. Most computers these days run DVD's (or if you have a separate tv, set that up instead). Give people options.

Furthermore, (and I don't mean this harshly, so please don't read a tone into what I'm saying) this isn't about children's rights, and there's no need to get offended on your daughter's behalf. Your daughter was at home. She presumably had toys, books, and plenty of other things to entertain herself with. A five year old is more than capable of finding something to do besides watch television. A guest, however, is not at home, and if they are polite (which it sounds like your brother-in-law was), they aren't going to complain about the fact that there's nothing to do besides watch kid's shows because someone's going to throw a fit otherwise. In your shoes, I would have sent the child away and let the company watch the news, and the whining would not have been given into by me or anyone else.

The key to me is when you say that she was already -- before her show even came on -- "pretty much hogging" the TV. She had had her turn; she should have been told to give him his turn, even if her favorite show was about to start. That would have taught her: When your time is up, it's up, and if you chose to watch something other than the most desired show, that was your choice -- you don't get extra time because your choice is one you now wish was different.

Also: He was your guest. I think guests get privileges that trump kids' "rights," especially as she had already been "hogging" the TV. And I think TV for kids is never a right but a privilege, to be given or taken away depending on behavior. I would have told her, "I'm sorry your show's coming on, but you have been watching TV for (however long) already, and Uncle gets a turn now. He waited for you and now you have to give him his turn." Same rules as on the playground or at school.

So she watched it all morning, left the room and he changed it? He probably assumed (as would I) that even though it was a favorite show, she wasn't interested in it. Now, he may also not have understood if she was just leaving during a commercial and would be back. He probably took it that she was done.

Frankly, this is also an area where your child needs to learn to share and not hog the TV all morning with a guest, too. There are times I turn on the TV to my thing and remind DD that she had her shows and it's my turn. She can watch with me (usually cooking shows or something) or she can do something else.

Yes, kids have rights, but in this situation, your BIL trumps your daughter. She had already been watching TV all morning and like others have said, if it happened to be her favorite show, she's probably seen that particular episode a million times already. Your BIL is an adult, AND he is a guest, and as long as what he wanted to watch was not inappropriate, it was time for your daughter to give up the TV and find something else to do. Our DD likes her TV shows too, but when Dad gets home, and wants the news on, she's cut off - at that point she's watched enough of her own shows already and we tell her it's our turn to have our show on. At some point kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and they need to compromise too.

Kids have rights but not over adults. An adult should not have feel like an equal to a 5 year old. I never let my kids take over the TV for the day when we have a house guest. They may have a show once in a while but even if their favorite show comes on if any adult in the house wants to watch something that trumps a child's wish every time. If the child gets their way they're not looking at the adult with respect. They're thinking "ha ha, I win!" My answer to my children is "You get to watch your shows all the time. We have a guest so give them a chance to watch something" and I always throw in the adult factor. They whine, they go to their room where they have a ton of toys to play with. You don't want your guests to think a 5 year old runs the house, and it is her uncle after all, not her brother.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Well, Uncle Mike and the 5 year old both could have been more considerate. But I think your response was great. Next time before you have a guest staying, you could talk through TV rules of good manners with your DD so she knows what to expect and what to do.

I think you "forfeit" your right when you leave the room without saying, "Be right back," or something. Why is she watching tv all morning anyway? My kids watch some tv, but if they had been watching for over an hour at any time -no matter what show was on -and someone else wanted to watch something, I would make them turn it. It would be different if he had just walked in while she was watching and changed the channel without asking, but she did leave.

When she whined afterwards, I would have pointed out that when we have guests in our home, we should try to make them comfortable and give them the first options on things. You're never to young to learn how to be a gracious host.

Um... the kids run your household, which is probably not okay for everyone. IF your daughter had been watching t.v. all morning (hogging it in your words) AND she walked away from it (finally), then Uncle Mike wasn't out of line changing the channel.

Her favorite show is probably on every day. If there's one show she "has to watch", then limit what she watches at other times so that others can watch the television.

We have one t.v. in our household and it's not "anyone's". We share it. In this case, I would have told my child that he had been using the t.v. all morning and that it was time to do something else anyway. I think it's pretty telling that your brother realizes that your daughter is used to whining and getting her way. Just something to consider... maybe this is becoming a pattern?

If she truly had been watching all morning, then he had every right to change it and I wouldn't have a problem with it. In all honesty, if its her "favorite" show, she has probably seen it 1000 times already anyway. I would just say its Uncle Mikes turn and he's here visiting, you can have another turn later. Good luck!

You handled it fine, but why should a kid win out over an adult? What would have happened if this was you and your BIL? Would you have expected him to turn the channel back? Or would you have lost the right to pick the channel if you left the room?

Either way, a morning of TV is too much for a five year old. No wonder she doesn't know how to share and whines when she doesn't get her way.

I'm sure that sounds snarky, which is not my intent. How about limit your daughter's TV time and teach her that it's a privilege not a right... so if she whines, she loses that privilege?

I think everything was handled nicely but I would have told my daughter to let Mike watch TV. I probably would have said "You have been watching TV all morning. It is Mike's turn. Go play with your toys, please." Her favorite show will be on again a million times and if she was watching it all morning it is time for her to have a break anyway. My daughter would probably huff a little bit and then go play and forget about the fact that her favorite show was on.

I think you handled it just fine. Maybe next time remind your daughter that it is polite to let the company choose what is on the TV (as long as it is age appropriate).

My stepson used to do this to my daughter. She doesn't usually watch a lot of TV at once, but if she went to the bathroom or to get a snack he would change the channel. I think he mostly did it to get a rise out of her, but I would then remind him that he had his own TV in his room and he could watch it there. He would also put on scary zombie movies and stuff that was not appropriate for small children. The last Christmas we spend living in the same house with my stepson and his girlfriend I had my hubby get our daughter a TV for her room. This way she could watch what she wanted and no one was allowed to change the channel (except her dad and me).

It's HER home, not his. I would have told him to go listen to the news on the radio.

I think you handled it great!

Maybe I am an over indulgent parent, but if my child were watching a show and someone turned it off, I would think it rude. Now there are times this is necessary in life and my kids don't actually watch real TV, only dvds. So it has never come up. But I would think it rude to turn off anyone's show. If my kids were at someone's house, for example my parents and my Dad was watching a show and got up to do something and my kids wanted to watch something, i would tell them Pop was watching it, even if he was not currently present. This situation has come up. And he was watching it so they have to wait. Sounds like your BIL was the rude one here. And it sounds like he doesn't respect your daughter as a person. I would have been been upset with him. It sounds like you handled it well. Had he not turned her show back on, I would have explained to him that she was watching it, it was after all one of her favs, tho it didn't have to be. And that he would get his news when this was over. Sounds like he was acting like a bit of a child to me. JMO.

In my house the TV in the main part of the house is a grown up TV. Kids do not choose what is watched in my house. If you have company and they have to sit for hours and hours watching kids TV shows that is just cruel and unusual punishment...lol.

Kids are not the boss in my house. I would have let the child choose a couple of particular shows and that was all. Then they need to be of entertaining themselves in their room.

I would have turned it off or to something else many hours beforehand or left.

You handled it nicely, but it's HER/YOUR home so he had some nerve changing the channel on someone elses TV. He should have asked, even though it was "just" a child's show. He KNEW she was watching it.

When I visit my dad/sis, I ask to change the channel when they're in the other room.

You say, "I didn't want to spoil my child," but that's the take we are getting here. When does a 5 year old run the house? You are the momma and that child should be playing with toys and things in another room.

Usually when a child gets up and leaves the room they are bored or done with the show. You didn't mention if she went to the bathroom or got a snack.

Your BIL was gracious and let her watch but when she left, she left and the TV was fair game. I am with the uncle about "that's not working with me." She whines and you give in to her (hence your headache). The world is not going to give into her so teach her young.

It is best that you did not say anything to either and they worked it out. Your BIL did give the TV back to the daughter later.

Be careful of what you wish for.

The other S.

PS You mentioned "entitled" in your SWH and that is a red flag to me. You may have priveleges but no one is entitled to anything. You have to make your own way. Nothing is placed on a silver platter and that is probably why you felt this way with your daughter and the BIL. Perhaps you can all plan better for the family visit or let BIL stay at a hotel.

Does your BIL have kids? It might appear to him that she wasn't really watching TV, if the show was on and she was playing as well. Or he may have thought that she understood the adult rule of leave the room, lose the remote. Thinking back to before I had kids, it did bug me when my nephew would watch a lot of TV. Mainly because with their open floor plan I couldn't get away from it without going to my room and being anti-social. Another factor was that he would get so wound up from the inactivity. His regular routine was so messed up, he'd end up being awake late into the night and getting on everyone's last nerve. Now that I have kids, I realize that his parents were so busy/tired with hosting that they just weren't able to keep up his normal routine. When I have houseguests now, I try to almost "assign" activities to the aunts/uncles I know are comfortable with my kids. Like, "Guess what you and Aunt Allison are going to make while I'm working on dinner?" The only time we do TV when we have (overnight) guests is during nap time which I know isn't going to happen with a house full of company! Otherwise, I try to get the kids to understand that we have to make the most of our time with our guests, not watch TV.

Doesn't sound to me like you're overindulgent. Your daughter shouldn't be able to watch TV? Turning off someone's show in the middle is rude, your BIL knew it and that is why he switched it back when you came in the room. Your daughter has rights too, just because she's a kid doesn't mean she doesn't get to choose a show. I think if he didn't change it when you came back you, you could just say, "OK, you can finish watching your show, but then after that your uncle gets to choose." In my family, everyone has the same rights. Your BIL can go stay at a hotel and watch all the TV he wants.

It doesn't matter to me whether a child or adult is watching a show or their favorite show is on--let them watch it. When my grandchildren come over I end up surrending the TV to them. I am not a fan of cartoons but I have more than one TV and if necessary I can set the kids up in a room to wach their shows.
BIL could have watched the news in a different room--he is the adult, he can bend to the kids.

I see a few things here.

#1, you had an adult guest in the home & it seems that you didn't consider that he might be getting a bit sick of the kid TV.

#2, you admit your DD had been watching too much TV, to begin with.

#3, she left the room, which indicated she wasn't that interested in the show to begin with.

#4, you let her whine, get her way, and in the process, disrespected & disregarded an adult.

Why not remind her that it's nice to share, and that we don't act that way to get what we want? What rights does she have to the TV, exactly? Why does the TV hold so much importance to her, in the first place? It's just a TV, not something that benefits her at all. I guess I was raised differently. Kids didn't run the show, or the TV, the adults did, and we dealt with it.

It does sound like your daughter calls the shots. Your BIL is a guest in your home and an adult so his wishes trump the five year old's everytime IMHO. If she had already "been watching TV all morning" then that's even more of a reason to give the control to the adult.
TV is a priviledge and totally up to my husband and myself as to whether the kids get to watch at all. If any adult wants to watch something else then tough luck (we do have more than one TV so we can usually accomodate everyone).
I guess the way you say it it sounds like you are not firm enough with your daughter. She watched TV all morning, got to watch her favorite show and still whined when she had to give up control to a family member/house guest. In our house that's grounds for repercussions.

Huh...

...I don't know if you are too indulgent. We don't allow our kids to watch adult TV. This includes the news - reasoning below.

It sounds like your BIL realized he'd done what he wanted without regard to why you were letting your daughter watch so much TV. So...no need to handle it. But as to how we handle it - in our house, on the rare occasion we let the kids have a TV-fest, it's all kids programming. They are all in bed by 8 and the adults can watch the news then.

Our parents didn't do it this way - but we do - and one of the main reasons is that when we were kids, there weren't horror-movie and cop-show commercials on during prime viewing hours. And the visuals in general - and the adult day-time programming - were not as bloody as they are now.

I am sensitive to visuals, as is my oldest son. So...we do what we need to do. People who don't like it aren't the parents dealing with the nightmares, and are welcome to check into a motel where they can watch whatever they want.

Best of luck to you.

I am on the opposite end of this spectrum. This is the home where my kids reside. It is their safe haven and things should remain in a routine even with visitors. First, my kids will NEVER give up their rooms for a visitor. It is their space. End of discussion. If they choose to share their space, that is fine, but it will be their decision. As for the TV issue, I put a second one in the sitting area for this reason alone. They rarely watch TV anyway, but it avoids unnecessary arguments. They spend their days at school sharing and taking turns. They shouldn't have to do it at home if they choose not to. However, I will say this, my son is 7 and my daughter is 3 and they are great at sharing with each other at home.