Adult Daughter

Stop being jealous! She may be making a large and very real difference in the lives of less fortunate kids.

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I would be more worried and concerned than jealous. Does she just want to adopt or is she actually adopting them? I can't imagine any agency allowing a woman of her age to adopt such young children. Who will take care of them when she passes? You? If the adoption does happen, then welcome them into the family b/c there is nothing else you can do about it. Your mom may think that since you are gown with your own children and they are more or less grown, you don't need her. Is she type that needs to feel needed? I'm sorry I don't have more of an answer for you. I understand how you feel. I wish you all the best.

How about connecting with the little ones yourself? You might find a whole new dimension to life, and a new and meaningful way to connect with/assist your mother. Might be worth considering.

Do you mean actually adopting as in paperwork and going to an adoption agency for approval? If so, I doubt they'd allow her to adopt at her age. I assume you mean "taking in" rather than "adopting" some kids. Maybe their parents are out working all day and so she's going to be a babysitter to those kids until the parents come home and take over. My mother's in her mid-seventies and she does a pretty good job with my toddler whenever I need to run over for some emergency groceries or have a flat tire emergency. There's a big difference between allowing an elderly parent to be a temporary caretaker to needy kids and expecting an agency to allow her to raise them for the next eighteen years (something which probably won't happen unless she has incredibly good genes and lives that long). You should not feel jealous. You can all spend time together, and maybe your teens will enjoy playing with the toddlers. This could be a good hands-on "tough love" lesson for them if they are thinking about having kids or not practicing safe sex. I'm sure that if someone like teen mom Bristol Palin had known how hard it is to care for kids, she would have thought about using protection, so this could be a big eye-opener. Who knows, maybe your kids can learn how to care for toddlers so they can become teen babysitters in the neighborhood and earn their own money so they can save up for a car. Nothing bad can come out of this as long as the teens are being SUPERVISED when they are around the tots.

It a really hard thing... if she truly is adopting them, though (it does seem unusual that the agency would allow that), try to accept that and welcome them into your life, and hopefully your teenagers can develop a relationship with the children as well. It never is a bad thing to have more family IMO. Our son only has one grandparent left and she's in Montana. He never even met my parents, as they were both gone before he was born. I would love to even have the opportunity for him to have a relationship like that, even if it is not the ideal.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, because I don't mean it that way. I don't know about your mother's health, but if it were me I would be questioning whether adopting toddlers is a good idea. (and I wouldn't think childrens services would either) Not to be morbid, but none of the women in my family have lived much past 80. And none of them could have handled toddlers. Would it be responsible to have toddlers in the care of someone who is surely feeling the effects of age and might only live 10 more years? And even if she lives 20, how is her advanced age going to affect the children as they grow up. My husband's grandma (80 something) can handle my kids for short periods, but much longer and she gets mean with them. She's too set in her ways so to speak. My mother in law had a child at 41. I certainly don't judge anyone who decides to at that age. But she confided in me that, now 55, she wishes she didn't have the stress of a young teen at home. Her older sons are in their 30's and she has 7 grandkids. She told me she wishes she was just a grandma. She loves her son, and doesn't regret him, but the stress is different when you are in your 30's. Seems selfish on your mother's part, and perhaps she doesn't really understand the stress level. Maybe she is wanting to make up for something she feels she missed with your family? I would definitely talk to her about it in all seriousness. Find out what she is thinking and let her know that you would like her to be a bigger part of your family.

I agree with some of the previous people in that maybe you should try to see the brighter side to this. That these children will liven up all your lives not be the end of it. Also do teenagers really care much for you let alone their grandmother?

As to some of the post saying she is to old to adopt... seriously? My grandmother (my kids great grandma) is in her mid-seventies but takes care of a lot! She is getting another masters degree, does foster/adopt several children, daycare, cares for her pain of a husband and so much more! Just because people age does NOT mean life is over! How depressing would that be? One day we will all be that age and think back on is your life over???

I wish you all the best and hope that everyone turns out happy and fulfilled for the experience!

Is she fostering them, or adopting them? I find it unusual that any agency would allow an adoption to go through at your mother's age...

My husband and I have a similar situation. My mother passed away a few weeks before our first was born - we moved to be closer to his mom and now she is raising her daughters kids and the end result is our kids pretty much do not have a grandmother. Even at family events she pays attention to them and not much to ours. My husband was very hurt and upset - it has been 3 years and although I wish I could say it turned out OK - he barely has a relationship with his family anymore b/c of it. He let her know how he felt in the beginning hoping that talking about it would help the situation but she did not make any changes. I think it is important to voice your concerns and hope that she responds positively and makes an effort to spend equal time with your kids and her new kids. I am sure it is hard for you. I hope it turns positive for you.