I'm a stay at home mom of a 17 month old son. I've noticed more and more lately that my son is very dependent on me to play with him. He loves for me to read to him, color with him, play balls with him, etc. But he rarely will get out his toys and play by himself. If I happen to leave him in the play area and run to get something at the other end of the house, he'll play just fine without me but as soon as he sees that I'm back in the room, he wants me to entertain him. He's also very content to play in his crib by himself after nap time or when he wakes up in the morning. I usually let him lay around for about 15 minutes in his crib after he has woken up just so that he has some time to himself before we get up and get going and he'll play and play with his blankie and his stuffed animal, marching back and forth in his crib having a great time, so I know that he can entertain himself. He isn't the least bit concerned about my whereabouts if there are other kids around to play with. He loves to watch and play with other little ones. He's never had separation anxiety either - has been content to be watched by anyone and everyone I've ever left him with. So, my question is how do I go about enforcing independent play for a least a portion of each day? It can be tiring for me to actively play with him all day but more importantly, I think it's really important that he learns how to play independently and how to occupy himself even when I'm present in the room. Any suggestions?
What he is doing is pretty normal. Mom is the best playmate ever.
Remember his attention span is only about 2 minutes.. and so every 2 minutes unless you are leading him, he is not always capable of finding or doing things on his own..
He will eventually be playing longer alone.. But again it is about 1 minute per year of his age.
I think Laurie A's answer was right on the money. He is normal. The fact that he can play independently when you leave the room shows he is able but why on earth wouldn't he want you as a playmate? Heck Mom, you rock! And as T.F. points out, this time will go by so quickly enjoy it while you have it!
Laurie, Lucia and TF are right. He has a tiny attention span. And he thinks you are the most fascinating and important thing in the world right now, so go with that.
Please talk to your pediatrician about what a child this age is capable of doing; he is still far too young to be expected to play solo for more than a minute or two. As soon as his attention shifts -- in a minute or two! -- he will wonder what interesting thing you're doing instead. This is normal.
Please get some child development books, maybe the "what to expect" book that covers the toddler years, to find out more about age-appropriate expectations for your child. You're expecting him to work on behaviors that he is not developmentally ready for yet. Interacting with you is how he is learning. He WILL learn to play independently, but if you "enforce" it too early, he will only be clingier for longer; let him interact with you all he needs to right now. Kids learn independence and confidence by feeliing secure first; playing with him adds to his sense of security and confidence.
If you want, instead of getting down and playing with toys with him all the time, engage him in what you're already doing: If you're working in the kitchen, give him pots and wooden spoons and let him sit on the floor and "stir," or give him dry pasta in a huge baking sheet to push around with his toy truck. If you're cleaning, make it into a game with him "dusting" something unbreakable. And so on. But he needs this time with you now or he will only take longer to learn independence. Don't push him into it too soon. And please don't "enforce" anything, but do encourage everything.
I went through the same thing w/my son.
I was his only playmate & entertainment.
At that exact same age, he wanted me to play w/him & his toys all day.
So I did when I could. I'd play w/him for awhile.
Then I'd run & throw some laundry in.
Then load the dishwasher.
Then I'd play w/him.
I'd clean a bathroom then take him outside.
At that age his attention span was just under 2 mins.
Fast forward to age 2 yrs.......he could play alone for a few mins.
I was still his friend to play with.
Fast forward to age 3 and he can play alone for a bit. His attention span
is still shorter but better!
Hang in there as he ages, he will be able to play alone!
He sounds very normal. Enjoy it while you can... they grow up WAY too fast.
He'll adapt to more and more time alone then you'll wish for more time with him.
Good luck
I can only speak based on my experience with my now 3.5 year old daughter... but she was the same way. Actually, she was worse. At that age she could play for maybe 5 minutes on her own. Even now it's hard for me to get 10-15 minutes where she doesn't call for me to come play with her. It is hard and tough to get stuff done for sure. Like the others said though, I try to enjoy it and look on the bright side that I won't have this time with her forever.
Have him continue to play with other toddlers his age, seeing them play and playing with them will entice him to play more on his own. Do as I believe another mom suggested, take him to the area you're in, give him things to play with and do your own thing. He will learn in time.
They grow up so fast.. just enjoy it! Read...read...read to him....they are like little sponges.....
I must respectfully disagree with the first poster. I think you are right. My daughter played for very long periods by herself when she was a baby with no problems. I think this is because I was a WAHM and she didn't have a choice.
It's great that your son is clearly capable of playing & exploring on his own. I think the first thing to remember is that if your son starts to cry bc you don't play with him that is ok. Kids cry when they don't get their way and you are not cruel. You clearly spend a lot of one on one time playing with him so saying no to him sometimes is NOT going to undo all that love you gave him. You're just putting up boundaries. It's OK to do something you want and let him play by himself. If you don't put up boundaries now it will only get harder. He will get it very quickly.
When you leave and he is playing just fine, stay away until he calls you or is about to hurt himelf, and if you really need to do something, bring his toys with and tell him, "Mommy is going to do ______, while you ______." He will understand, and if you can have him "help" you, that just makes it better and he is learning something new!!! My five month old "helps" me fold the laundry. I lay him on the bed between pillows with a toy while I fold and place the laundry all around him, and we talk. He plays with his toys in his highchair or rocker, while I cook, and he will play independently on the floor for 5 to 10 minutes while music plays in the background, and then I play with him for a few minutes and then he is OK for another 5 to 10 minutes on his own. They have a short attention span, but you can help them increase it little by little. My little guy now prefers to move around on his own, instead of being held all of the time. He still likes to cuddle, but he likes the freedom of moving/rolling about.
