Advice How to Get Son to Sleep in His Bed All Night

Updated on December 04, 2007
T.A. asks from Washington, IL
11 answers

My 19 mo old won't sleep without me either sleeping in his bed with him or he gets in bed with me after my husband goes to work. we have a nightly schedule we follow. he won't go to sleep in his bed by hisself he has to be held and has to play with my hair to go to sleep. it doens't bother me bout this but it does my husband. any suggestions on how to get him to sleep in his bed by hisself. i've tried stuff animals, my pillow, blanket. he has his own big boy bed so he's no longer in a crib and hasn't been for a few months now. he'll have a good night like once every two weeks where he'll sleep in his bed all night. thanks :)

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L.W.

answers from Kansas City on

You could try putting a children's cd in for him to listen to while he lays in his bed - sometimes listening to quiet music may help him fall asleep on his own. You could also try putting him back in his bed after he falls asleep, then give him lots of praise in the morning for sleeping in his own big boy bed by himself all night. And let him choose a special "buddy" (stuffed animal) that "needs" him to sleep with it - make him feel that he is being important to his buddy by keeping it with him at night. The main thing is to get him to be able to fall asleep on his own. You could also try telling him that you will lay in his bed with him for just a few minutes, but then he has to stay in bed and go to sleep; remind him of any big plans you may have for the next day and tell him he needs to go to sleep so he'll be ready for the next day.

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A.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I think at this age you will just have to put him in his room, in his bed and just stick to it. If he cries, just let him cry it out, and keep putting him back in his bed if he gets out. Don't talk to him, or make eye contact, just put him back to bed. If he cries in bed, you can pat his back or his tummy to reassure him. He's old enough now that this nightly ritual has become a habit... if it keeps up you might end up with a 7 year old who still wants to sleep with you and isn't capable of falling asleep on his own. I think you should nip this in the bud while he's still young. It shouldn't take him long to learn how to sleep in his own bed by himself, you just need to be firm and stick to your guns.

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C.H.

answers from Tulsa on

I know how you feel. I had this problem with my son who is now 4. It started when we transitioned him from his crib to his "big boy" bed. I would sit on his bed and rub his back for about 5-10 mins then leave his room. If he cried or got out of bed, then I would pick him up and put him back in bed without saying a word to him. It was hard at first because he cried ALOT. If he stayed in his bed all night I would praise him on being such a big boy now! I would also tell him that if he sleeps in his bed all night, then he could pick out his own "big boy" sheets. After about a week or so he started sleeping in his bed all night. Does daddy help you with this? Some boys respond better to Daddy telling them what a big boy they are for sleeping in their bed all night. Good luck to you!! I know it can be hard!

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

It sounds as if you've tried everything and things still aren't falling into place. I was having similar issues with my daughter (now 21 months old). We were consistent and very specific with the suggestions from our doctor. After no success (and little sleep) 6 weeks later, our physician referred us to the sleep clinic at St. Luke's Hospital. THEY ARE WONDERFUL!! Since our doctor referred us and he felt this was affecting her health, this was mostly covered by insurance. They are very specific and thorough with their suggestions for you. Don't get me wrong, it was not a breeze to implement their suggestions, but all of our hard work and sacrifices paid off, and we are thankful that we did it! It took 2 weeks of consistently following their plan, but it was definitely worth it. Best of luck in this challenging area of parenting!

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J.W.

answers from Tulsa on

I think Lauren and Crystal had pretty good ideas. Since he likes playing with your hair so much, you may add to the buddy idea by sewing a lock of your hair onto the buddy. That way he gets to maintain his connection with you while forging his independence.

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M.W.

answers from Kansas City on

Well, with my 18 month old twin boys we have a bed time routine. At a certain time I change there diapers and rub them down with bedtime lotion. I give them the opportunity to relax a little bit and then at a certain time I give them hugs and kiss tell them goodnight, lay them in their beds, turn out the light, close the door and walk out of the room. They soon drift off to sleep. The bed time lotion helps them relax, so they can sleep. Now I do not have to use it every night. He will get used to this and eventually stay in his own bed. The object is to let him go to sleep on his own without having to cuddle him until he falls asleep.

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K.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I would read my daughter to sleep in her bed. Sometimes I'd fall asleep too, but I always made sure not to get too comfortable so I would wake up in a little while.

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R.E.

answers from Washington DC on

Kids are very much about routine and it takes awhile for them to adjust to a new routine. Even when they get older. I don't know if you have tried it yet or not. But I would read a story to him before bed. But I would not do it in his bed. I would sit in a chair and have him sit on my lap so he could cuddle and play with my hair while I read him the story. This way you help establish cuddling is for when we are awake not sleeping. If he has a special blanket he sleeps with I would put in the dryer on low heat while we are reading. If he's used to sleeping with someone, his body may be missing the extra warmth your body provides. Then after the story I would put him in his bed with his warmed blanket and say good night. Since he's in a big boy bed I would baby gate the door. That way if he gets up, he can't get out of room. It's a lot harder to say no once their in bed with you and you don't want to get up. If he gets out of bed only go put in back in bed once. After that let him that let him cry it out. It will be hard on both of you. But it's worth it in the long run. Your husband may not be on nights forever, and it will get old really fast if he's climbing in bed with both of you. Also is he anywhere near tired at bed time. If he's still taking two naps you may consider cutting one out or shortening his nap time. If he's not tired enough your battle will last a longer and take longer for his to make the change. Some times it also helps to put soft soothing music on, it helps block out some of the noises that may intrude on his sleep. But not anything that's upbeat or fast because that will help keep him awake.

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A.T.

answers from Springfield on

If you absolutely want him out of your bed, put him in his own big boy bed when its time for bed and everytime he gets out of it just keep walking him back to his bed quietly. If you do this continually he will soon understand that mommy and daddy are just going to take me back to my bed if I go to their room. If you would rather have him in your room but not in your bed, then put a toddler bed right next to your bed and tell him he is allowed to sleep in mommy and daddy's room but only if he stays in the toddler bed and is quiet. Good luck.

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D.M.

answers from St. Louis on

I have a similar problem with my boys. I have to sit in their room with them until they fall asleep and then creep off to my own bed for nighty-night.

Does he have the same trouble with nap-time? If not, what is the difference?

Does he wake up when you try to leave and go to your own bed?

It can be heart-wrenching, but the only thing I can think of is to let him cry it out.

I think there is another option. You could maybe sleep with him in his bed for the first night, then for the next couple of nights, just sit with him until he falls asleep. If he tries to get up, just put him back down on the pillow and tell him, "It's time to go to sleep now, shhh!" (This could take a while) Make sure to keep the lights off and whisper, even if he gets loud.

The following night, try sitting on his bedroom floor next to his bed. If he gets up, just put him back on his pillow again and tell him it's time for sleep, but this time, if he persists, just touch him BEFORE he gets up to reassure him that you're there.

Eventually, you'll work your way out of his bedroom! LOL

Good luck

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A.B.

answers from St. Louis on

He is young to be in his own bed, so it will not be easy. We started our son in his big boy bed at around 15 month, but he had a little sister on the way and I was trying to get him adjusted before she came. He is 20 months now and does quite well for the most part although we still have battles every once in a while. I gated him in his room so that he could only get out of bed, not his room. Everytime he would get out of bed we were stern with him, told him it was night, night time and to stay in his big boy bed. I still had the crib available and he did not want to be in the crib, so if he would not stay in the bed he would get put in the crib. After several nights, it started to improve and now he usually goes down without a problem. It's not easy but is can be done. Good Luck!

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