Sleeping with Me

I would just put the child back in her bed EVERY time she came to my bed.
That was the only thing that worked for me.

Hi N.,
Try putting her in a sleeping bag on the floor next to you for a couple days and then slowly move her towards her own room. For the first couple nights when she is in her own bed you can sleep on the floor beside her. She'll eventually get over the attachment issues. I think I heard this on Dr. Phil or someother show like that.
Hope it helps.
W. Q.

Hello, I am 28 and have a 7 year old daughter, and yes they do love to sleep with you. I got my daughter to sleep in her own bed by telling her that she has angels that watch over her at nite to keep her safe and that I will let her sleep with me some, but its when I say its ok but that she is a big girl and needs to sleep in her own room. Even if she fights me I get up and make her go to her bed, it can be hard work, but I promise being consistant with making her, will pay off. Now my daughter is proud of herself even though it was such a struggle

Consistency is probably going to be your best move on this one. My son slept with me for his first few years, but then actually was excited to have his own bed. His sister on the other hand wasn't quite so easy to coax into her own space. But consistency and constant encouragement won out. At the time I was a single mom and rewards were a bit of a luxury. Your greatest challenge will be not giving in to the crying or temper tantrums. But if you don't stand your ground, you may find yourself giving in to other things over the next several years. As I recall, it was very tiring for a while, but we made it and now she wont even give up her bed for visitors, unless its her brother visiting from the Army. Best of luck making the transition.

Greetings, My name is C.. I am also a single mom. I had your problem about a few years ago. My daugher who is 8 now would not sleep in her own bed. I tried everything i could of, finally, I went to the extreme. I moved her bed in my room. It was kinda like dorm mates. Eventually, once I got her use to her bed. I moved her back into her room. She would go to sleep in her bed and sometimes in the night she would crawl back in bed with me. BUT NOW, she sleeps in her room and rarely every WANTS to sleep with me. This probably is an extreme resolution but I was getting desperate and worked for me. Good luck!

unfortunatly if you have done everything everyone has suggested ....like I have.... You may realize that 1. don't make the same misteak with your next one and 2. I think it is just like potty training. no matter what you do if the are not ready they are gonna pee in their pants. I slept with my mom till I was about 10 and she did not want me to leave but I had to. so you can keep trying , I am but still no luck with my 6 yr old boy. I lay with him till he goes to sleep and them go to my bed. but my 3 yr old daughter can go to bed alone. so if you find a miracle cure let me know. Good luck.

Hi N., my name is T. and I have an 8 yr old daughter that I recently went through the same exact thing with. Of course I only suggest this because after all else failed this did work for us. I have tried all the tricks in the last 8 yrs, rewards etc. and in the end it took me loosing a few nights sleep while insisting that she sleep in her own bed.

I placed my daughter in her bed, turned her television on but kept the sound muted and I insisted that she remain in her bed while I stayed awake in the living room until she finally feel asleep. She was occupied by the familair faces on the television plus it gave off just the right amount of light. I reassured her that I was going to stay awake in our living room until she was well asleep. Once she was asleep I would retire to bed, only to discover her slipping into my bed before morning. I would then once again return her to her bed, reasure her that she would be fine and that she was a big girl now but insist that she remain in her bed and then I would exit and return to my bed. This happend every night and some nights more than once a night, for about a week and then she just finally understood that regardless of what she said or did, I was not going to allow her to enter my bed. I comforted her while she was in her bed but would not allow her into mine. It requires giving up sleep (something us Mom's are used to anyway)and being consistant in your authority role. This worked for me after all else failed, good ole school parenting I guess, a rounded and constant mix of comfort and disipline.
All My Understanding For Your Situation
T.

I have a six year old who slept with me for years. (I was a single Mom for 5 years of her life and recently remarried) At that age, you should be able to take away privelages the following day after a night with Mommy. Whatever is the MOST important to her. TV, making her take a nap (if she's going to skip naps, she has to act like a 6 yr old should) or maybe dessert is her thing. Whatever it is, take it away and stick with it. It will be hard and you will feel like you are breaking her heart. In the end, she will be a happier, healthier child with more self confidence. Eventually, she may be able to occasionally sleep with you at your discretion but it will be a while before you can try that. The rule in my house now is that you can hop in bed with me when the sun comes up.

I have been right where you are. When I got divorced my only time to my self was at night and I really wanted my daughter to sleep in her own room. We'll of course she wanted to be right up under me, which she was all day long, every day. She was about three yrs old at the time. I started lying in bed with her until she fell asleep each night. Yes, before you ask, she did wake up in the night and try to get in bed with me, but I would just quietly pick her up and put her back in her room. And of course I had to lie down until she fell back asleep. She is 7 yrs old now and I still lie down with her at night until she falls asleep. It is our special time. Honestly, she still wakes up at times and gets me and I lie with her until she fall asleep again. She loves he room though, she just needs her mommy some times. Hope this helps! Good luck!! :) S.

Hi N.,

Your six year old sounds like a lover!! Sleeping with you has provided alot of security for her. If you haven't established a bedtime routine I would start one now. An hour before bed getting a bath, (that calms them down), brush her teeth, fix her hair (this is all wonderful time together), read a book and of course cuddle, Alot. I would start with making a special bed next to your bed for the first couple of weeks. If she climbs in bed with you I would put her back in her bed. Then move her bed to the end of your bed for a week, then move her bed to the hallway between your room and hers, then the next week to her room, then eventually in her own bed. Making sure that she stays in her bed. Don't go back to letting her sleep in your bed once you have gotten her in HER bed. Otherwise you have lost control and much ground. That is the key. She is still close to you but is a "big girl" now and can sleep in her own bed. Stay consistent, mark your calendar when its time to move the bed. It sounds like too, with out a daddy in the house there maybe some unlying security issues and things you may want to talk about. Having you close means YOU won't leave HER! Keep loving and assuring your daughter. You can do this! I'm proud of you for taking the steps to a good nights sleep! :D Blessings, A.

Be consistent.
First, make sure you let her know why you need her to sleep in her bed. She gets better rest and you get better rest. Second, you have to be the strong one. It is hard to get up in the middle of the night and take her back to bed, but you must (over and over again if necessary). Maybe try it on an evening that you don't have to work the next day. It is nice to snuggle up but if you want her to get the message you have to be consistent. If you give in once, she'll fight you until you do it again. Good luck.

Have you ever awarded her with getting to sleep with you? This worked with my daughter, I would tell her that if she slept in her own bed for 3 nights in a row then she could sleep with me for a night. When she would try to get in bed with us before her 3 nights in her own bed were accomplished we would only allow her to sleep in the floor in our room. She had to complete the 3 nights in a row in order to earn the priviledge of sleeping in our bed with us. As she accomplished 3 nights a couple of times then we would up the nights required in her own bed before allowing her to sleep in ours. We would also give her a larger reward when she had accomplished the 3 nights in a row several times before moving the required nights up.

Hope this helps!

There is a technique that Supernanny has successfully demonstrated on almost every episode of her show.
1. Put your child in bed with hugs and kisses and good night wishes.
2. The first time the child gets out of their bed you say it's night night time and lead the child back to bed.
3. If the child gets up again..from then on do not say a word just lead the child back to their bed.
4. Repeat until the child successfully sleeps in their bed.
Note: I have seen this take hours, but never fail.
Supernanny, Jo Frost, also has a book out if you're interested.
Basically, you have to "win" the battle of wills, so the child understands it is a fruitless battle..it doesn't pay off for them..they end up in their own bed. You may have some sleepless nights, but it is well worth it in the long run.
Good Luck!

N.,

Make it uncomfortable for her. Instead of letting her sleep in your bed. Put a sleeping bag or pallet beside your bed and that is her only choice. You have to be loving but firm, not angry. Keep it under your bed and if she comes to your bed tell her she can sleep beside your bed on the floor. THis may give her the comfort she needs or she may realize that her bed is better. It is very hard to suddenly decide we are tired of something we allowed or possibly encouraged earlier. Good luck. SHe can't help it she loves you and wants to be in charge lol.

Lock your door
let her cry
it wont hurt her
it will teach her to rely on herself thats important.
Make sure she cant get outside of course.

A granny

Both of my girls went through this same phase. I told them (after lots of nights in the bed with my husband and I) that they could not sleep in the bed with us anymore, but if they were scared they could sleep beside the bed. I had a blanket and pillow on the floor by the bed and for a while they would come in and sleep there, but after a couple of weeks they stopped. It was hard becuase it was really kind of nice having them in the bed, but I knew they had to learn to sleep in their own beds. When I made it not quite so comfortable they decide to stay in their own bed. Good luck!

My husband travels a good deal for work and our 8 yr. old daughter LOVES when we sleep together and I do too, however, I also LOVE the nights when I'm in my bed. I have one night a week that we sleep together each week for our special time when we can just lay there and chat in the dark. We count down for that and she knows it will happen. Sometimes I pull a SURPRISE night in addition. The other nights when I tuck her in, she always asks if I can sleep with her and I tell her I have a few more things to do on that night so it won't mess me up from sleeping with her on our "regular" night. She accepts that we've got our schedule to keep. My parents divorced when I was about 4 and I always slept with my mom for several years after that. I LOVED it and never liked sleeping in my room alone. Of course it was the most wonderful place to sleep each night ... right by mommy! Try the "regular" night and get excited about counting down to it. Hope it helps!

Mine started sleeping with me at age 6 - we moved and I thought she needed that extra security....just got her moved into her own room (age 11). I just got her real involved in remaking her room. Old iron bed, new mattress, I let her pick the paint colors, dyed her curtains, new bedding with lots of big pillows (snuggling), just a total redo. Now all she wants to do is stay in her room!!! So I have no advice.... 6 of one half a dozen of the other. But it seems there is a lot of good advice hear and I could have used some of that 3 or 4 years ago.
B.

I hope you get some great answers and pass them along to me. My daughter will be 9 years old this year and STILL sleeps with me. I hope you can get your daughter in her own room now because if you keep putting it off then you will be like me.....I have tried paying her money for every night she stays in her own room. She has a great room full of everything she could want. I have cable in there also so she can watch disney channel. I even bought her a new HANNAH MONTANA comforter set, curtain valance & panels, extra pillows, clock and lamp for her room. All of it is matching Hannah Montana....still she will no go to sleep unless she is latched on to me. I've tried to lay in her bed until she went asleep but every night she wakes up and comes to my bed. My husband and I told her last ngiht that she had to start sleeping in her own room...Please let me know if you get any great advice. I feel like I've tried everything.

A friend of mine is working on this with her four year old. She told her that she'd grow faster if she slept in her own bed and since then Kennedy has been really excited about sleeping on her own, most of the time...

Try going to bed with her in her bed. Once she falls asleep you can sneak out. I had to do this for a couple of weeks with my daughter but it did eventually break her.

You might try gomig to sleep with her in her own bed for a little while and reading her to sleep. Once she goes to sleep you can go andd get in your own bed. This may help her get used to sleeping in her own bed in her room.

Hi N., its time to reverse the rolls so that you can slowly wean her to sleep on her own. Instead of her getting in bed with you tonight, you go and get in her bed. When she falls asleep go back to your own. After a few nights, instead of laying in her bed. Set in her room until she falls asleep. After a few nights stand in the doorway.

This is a security issue and is so important to the child. This will let her know...she is secure no matter where you are..she is loved and safe.

how about moving her to the bottom of your bed, on a cot? make the transition easier.

I can't really speak from personal experience (thank goodness) but I have seen my cousin and a best friend go through this. One was left single by divorce the other was widowed both their daughters were around six and seven and both started letting their daughters sleep with them. Well of course it didn't take long to become habit. My friend cured it by giving her daughter a sleeping bag by her bed and telling her that she needed to sleep in her own bed but if she had an exceptionally hard night she could sneak in and sleep in the sleeping bag- that way she didn't get woke up. Didn't take too long before her little one decided it was easier to just stay in her own bed. Now my cousin tried a different approach- she made a deal with her daughter that they could sleep together on Friday nights and if she came into her room or argued on any other night of the week then she lost her Friday for that week.

Hi N.,

I am a 31 yr old single mother of a daughter, myself. I've been where you are, so here's what I did.

Forcing my daughter to sleep in her own bed was a nightmare, so I decided since she loves to sleep with me...that could be her reward for sleeping in her own bed.

One night a week I allow my daughter to sleep with me...AS LONG AS she has gone to bed on time without fussing the rest of the week. If she fusses than I take away minutes from her bedtime the following night and she does not get to sleep with me AT ALL.

For example: I put her to bed at her regular bedtime. If she goes to sleep without fussing than she receives one day toward the 6 she must earn each week to sleep with me one night. If she fusses any night during the week she forfeits the nights she has already earned and has NO chance of sleeping with me on her special night. I also take 5 minutes off her bedtime for the next night. Since her bedtime is 8:30 she has to go to bed at 8:25 the next night. Unless of course she keeps fussing...and believe me she did in the beginning. So I fixed that by taking 5 minutes off her bedtime every time she fussed. Believe it or not...Kids don't like the idea of having to go to bed early and miss their favorite TV program or their video games...etc. However, if you take so much time away that she has to go to bed at a crazy hour...you have to follow through. It may be difficult with schedules and such...but it won't take more than once or twice...I promise.

It took a little time for my daughter to realize I wasn't going to give in, but the key is BE CONSISTENT. She will eventually realize you’re not giving in. I know how hard it is...and how much easier it is to say go get in my bed and be done with the argument. You just have to show her she can have what she wants...but she has to earn it.

Eventually...she will grow out of the one night a week...especially if you remarry and your bed becomes crowded.

Good luck...I understand! You can do this; just be strong.

F. S.

Dear N.,
I feel for you. Our daughter slept until she was 13. I even had a bed for her beside ours trying to "wean' her away for several years. When girls from her school were allowed to spend the night she stopped sleeping with us. I believe the embarrassment of their knowing where she slept worked. good luck