Advice/insight Needed with My 7-Year-old Son Still Having Accidents!

Hi M.,
Don't be hard on yourself because sometimes you sound angry. Dealing with this problem and all the aftermath can be very frustating, just take one day at a time.

In the link that I include below says to "let the child over six take responsibility for cleaning his/her soiled pants. This is not a punishment, but rather a way to help your child learn to take responsibility for his actions and motivate him to listen to his body signals."

One thing is bed wetting at night and the other soiling his pants during the day.

I'll address both separately:

People that wet their beds at night are sound sleepers so don't wake up on time when their brains tells them "toilet time". There might be other physical such as lazy muscle so they can't "hold it".

To avoid soiling at nights you can try:

1) Taking naps during the day.
2) Putting an alarm to wake him up in the middle of the night, always at the same time, to go to the toilet. This helps to train the brain.

Bed wetting is usually hereditary, if you or your spouse suffered from it you might want to explain your child how you grew out of the problem. It usually helps remove the guilt and speeds up the training process.

DO NOT curtail drinking before sleep. Dehydrating the body makes the child weaker and you force him to stay in the deep stage of sleep for a longer time which helps the act of bed-wetting.

For soiling pants during the day, check this link below, gives you lots of scenarios as well as ways to prevent it.

http://www.adhdnews.com/testforum/test2077.htm

Hope any of this helps and good luck.

M..

Hey M.,
I was a bed wetter intil a late age, although I didn't have accidents when I was awake.
I'm sure your son is "hiding" his accidents because he is embaresed that they are happening. If your destressed about doing so much laundry, teach your son how to do his own laundry. He's old enough to that skill and you can teach him to do it right. Also have you had him checked out by his Dr.? There could be a medical reason. Otherwise I would suggest finding ways to deal with the wetness when accidents happen. Absorbant pads, NOT DIAPERS, such as the kind for adults. Finding ways to deal with the inconvience of accidents and trying to remain calm when they happen may be your best bet. I did eventually stop as I grew older. The fear, shame, anxiety and embaresment I suffered over the problem never helped me. Good luck to you and your son.
A.

first, take him to a chiropractor to get his low back, pelvis checked. This is a one time adjustment. Works every time.
I had a twelve year old foster daughter that still had trouble. and I have made the recommendation many times. Other than that, teach the child to do his own bedding. "when you have an accident, you pull off the wet, put them in the washer, add soap...." and put on new sheets. no shame, nor ridicule, just this is what has to happen. 7 is old enough. He may not smell himself or it is not offensive to him, my son "leaked" through out the day, always stunk, when he hit middle school, he quit. some girl probably told him he was gross. funny how peers have more influence than the parents sometimes.

M.,
I only dealt with bed wetting with the youngest of my children. After a second seizure at 7 yrs, ( it was a fever seizure) I was told he would have to be put on phenabarbital the rest of his life. I didn't want to do that, because the first night he was on it he slept so deep that even my husband couldn't lift him out of bed. I happened to be seeing a chiropractor who told me he would be happy to look at my son. Turns out when he had taken a fall or hit earlier in life goofing off x-rays showed that the curve of his neck was the the wrong way. He had adjustments for a few months, and that changed his world, I don't think he peed the bed again. I love what my chiropractor did for my family, he was sent by God. Sadly, God has taken him from us at an early age, but I will never forget the love he gave to my family in helping all of us.
Put God on your side and pray he will help.
God bless

I second what Kristy said. I may be totally off (and I REALLY hate making ANY guesses) but I use to work with special needs kids that were younger than your son so I learned about many developmental issues. If your son was mine I might also ask about Tethered Cord Syndrome. This is not really as freaky as it might sound and there are many degrees of the issue, but I understand that symptoms can manifest themselves more strongly as there are growth spurts and having a 7 yr old too I know she is growing like a weed.

I truly hope I am being over-reactive, but I hate not to mention it since this is a newer diagnosis now that there are better MRI's (an active MRI is used for diagnosis...be sure if you go this route that a normal one is not the only one that is done).

Best wishes,
M.

Are these accidents only at night while he is asleep or during the day as well? Does it happen at school? There is a big difference there. Some boys have night time accidents until puberty. They make night time under ware for that. Andi t is quite common. That is what we had to do with my oldest. He stopped needing them all together at about 11. But if this is a new regression or if it is happening during the day you should take him to the doctor. Something is not right there and he may have a physical or emotional issue that will not go away if left alone. He may have an issue with low muscle tone or delayed signals to his brain telling him to go in time. Just make sure he understands that talking to the doctor about it is not a punishment. just getting help.

Good luck
L. redred

M.,
Have you checked with your pediatrician? There might be a problem with his muscles holding it in, or like with my son, his body doesn't recognize that it's time to go until the last second. My body is the same way, although I don't have accidents. I used to get angry with him and the issue got worse. I finally spoke with him and said that it was no big deal, he just needs to take care of it. What I mean by that is he puts the soiled clothes in the tub for rinsing, cleans up his bottom if it is poop and gets clean pants on.
Because I haven't made a big deal about it things have gotten so much better. He is now beginning to recognize the signs himself that it is time to go.
Check with the doctor to rule out any physical medical issues first.
Try to let it roll off your shoulder even though it causes so much laundry and anger. (It was difficult, but I did it.)
Good Luck.
-A.

Hi M.,
I am a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. I see kids with this problem all the time.
I (or someone) would need more information and to examine him to really figure it out... but I can give you a little insight. Is he having "skidmarks" in his underwear? So, little accidents frequently? No other health problems? If so, chances are this is encopresis. And, counterintuively, this is caused by constipation! (By the way, you can poop every day and still be constipated!) Let's talk more on regular email if you want this scoop...
Thanks
Jenny
____@____.com

My son is 10 and still has accidents. Everyone matures differently. I always make sure he has a change of clothes with him including socks and a shirt becuase sometimes they get wet too. He is trying to hide it from you because he is embarrassed. Not necessarily because of anything you have ever done but because he notices that most of the 7 years old don't have accidents. Be patient with him and supportive and he will outgrow it. My son is 10 now but when he was 7 we had an agreement with the teacher that he could go to the bathroom anytime. NO asking him to wait because by the time he gets the signal there is no time left. Now this year we just have a set schedule for him. Specific times during the day that he uses the facilities, every time even if he doesn't feel he needs to. (I assume that you have had him checked by his pediatrician?)
Good luck, J.

Hey M.,

Have you already taken him to a doctor?

It's possible it's a medical condition. I know of one boy who also kept having accidents and he "smelled," and his parents did eventually find out it was medical. Although I think his problem was with BM, not urine. I didn't know them very well, so I can't remember what the condition was, but it's worth looking into just in case.

I just wanted you to know that you're not a bad mother for feeling frustrated and angry at times!! Raising children - human beings - is incredibly tough. It stretches all of us. I wish you all the best.

Get a referral to a pediatric urologist. There might be a physical cause of these problems. Get him checked out.