Advice on Preparing 4 Yo for New Sibling

At 4 1/2, he can count days on a calendar and if the baby is coming in a couple of weeks, I would tell him NOW, not a few days before - he's not a toddler. My daughter was 4 when my son was born. She always knew that the baby was coming in July, probably between dad's and mom's birthdays. If you have an exact date, mark that for him on the calendar the date you'll come home.
My daughter adjusted beautifully, no problems at all. She slept when the baby woke at night, her sleep was not disturbed. We kept her normal schedule by having her continue going to camp and daycare - I was a working mom and she would have had no interest in staying home with tired mommy and baby who did nothing, she was best off being with her friends and activities.
I would suggest making sure to continue to find time to spend alone with your son. Have hubby, grandparents or a sitter over for an hour as many days as possible, so you can have time to take your son out in the yard, read stories, bake, do a craft or play cars and legos.
Also, when the baby would start to fuss, I would say, "I'm sorry, you have to wait a minute, I'm busy with K-------" Of course, the baby had no clue what I was saying but my 4 year old heard the message loud and clear - her needs were coming first at that time and the baby was coming second;
Good luck!

You know the expression "less is more." Just be very matter of fact.
Today people worry so much. Kids adapt very well unless you make
too much of things. Remember newborns require very little so you
should have plenty of time with your 4 1/2 year old. Just enjoy!

Hi W.:

I believe it's important to communicate the date and the possible changes to him - as fun, exciting, different and that the family unit will be stronger with the new addition. When baby arrives, allow your 4 1/2 year old to be involved - getting newborn's diapers, bringing his/her onesie, applying baby's oil, etc. This affirms his role in this new change. There may be sensitive moments, just maintain the closeness and communicate as best as possible.

All the best,
N.
Holistic Maternity Practitioner
www.WholeCreations.com

Hi W.,
congratulations on your new little arrival! My son was 3 1/2 when my second arrived. I too had a gift at the hospital for him from the baby. I agree that it was a great idea. Also, even though my parents were here to help, I had my husband sleep at home with my first son. So daddy put him to bed and daddy was there when he woke up. That helped as well. One book "The New Baby" by mercer mayer was good at explaining the baby. "I told the baby my best joke. She didn't even pay any attention to me". Also, the one sentence we kept telling my soon over and over was "Babies cry to tell us something." We reinforced the fact that the baby wasn't crying to be annoying he was trying to tell us something. Was he hungry? Wet? sleepy? We found that it really helped to tell him that the baby couldn't talk so if he wanted something he had to cry because that's all he could do.
Also, we made my first son the helper. Could you get mommy a diaper? Could you put this bottle/toy in the sink? We included him as much as possible (even if things took longer when we did) and that helped tremendously! He never asked to send the baby back. He did ask me to put him down once :o) I too worried about the attention . . . even cried about it. But I did my best to give him all that I could when I could. Also (I should've started this earlier than I did) before the baby was born, I started making my first son wait for things he wanted. I knew when the baby came that I wouldn't be able to get him things he wanted (a drink, games) right away anymore.
While I should've started it earlier, doing it before the baby did help because he started getting use to waiting while I was doing something else.
When possible also try to give your first son some alone time with you. Have dad or grandma watch the baby and you and your first child do something alone so he'll have time with you without sharing you with the baby. Could be reading a book, playing a game, walk outside, trip to library, whatever he'd enjoy. Good luck and enjoy your new little bundle. Your first will be ok. Give him extra hugs and reassure him that you still love him so much. :o)

Mine was 3 when baby brother came along, but I too was concerned about how to prepare him and how he would end up handling it.
We tried to be very open with him and super-loving. We expected the worst (quit sleeping at night, quit being potty-trained, hating his brother, etc...) so we were pleasantly surprised when he really handled it all very well.
We had to make sure and be diligent in continuing to punish bad behavior in the midst of it all, even though we knew it was probably a hard thing for him to be going through.
I praise him ALL THE TIME for being such a good brother and I talk about how much his baby brother loves him and looks up to him. He's really a huge help and loves being my little helper.
One thing we did that I thought worked really well was to have a gift for him at the hospital from his baby brother and that gift was a Mickey Mouse Digital Camera for kids -- it was perfect!! He took his own pictures of everything, kept him occupied, and made him feel special.
One other thing that happened after we got home from the hospital (I too had a c-section, which actually makes it a bit easier to explain how baby gets here- ha) was that he wanted to sleep in the nursery with his baby brother. We kept the guest bed up in there, so I just let him sleep in there. I kind of think that he was really just wanting to make sure nothing fun was going on in there at night! They actually slept well in the same room and I thought it was super sweet!
So, now that I've written a novel, I guess I'll leave some space for more commenters!
Feel free to message me if you're feeling anxious and have some more questions about the transition!

There are some great books out there like, "I'm a Big Brother" that can help prepare him more.

My best advice is to be prepared for anything. Our son was good with things at first, but then the novelty wore off and he told me "I want you to take this baby back! She cries too much!" It's a huge transition for everyone, but especially for a young child.

We also did the gift from baby as mentioned below. That went over really well.

Other tips would be to use any opportunity you get to go out and do something one-on-one with your son, even if it's just a quick trip to the park or out for a special lunch. Life with two kids is extremely hectic and that individual time with your son can help him feel less lost in all of the chaos.

Also, cut yourself some slack when times get tough. You simply won't be able to give your son the same attention as you could before. There will be times one child will be unhappy with you because you don't have 10 arms to care for both kids simultaneously. Just do the best you can.

I would tell him the date so he's ready and explain everything about what will happen that day so nothing is scary or unknown. Best wishes with everything!

You have already told him a Tuesday in March..so I think unless he asks the day before is fine... you can show him that you are packing a bag so you will be ready.. Have him get some of his favorite things together for when his grandparents come and he can look forward to this time. I would not have the baby give him a gift...your new little bundle already has enough power..I would have your son bring a small gift to the baby when you bring him to the hospital to teach him to welcome and include. I think you and his grandparents can give him a new big boy toy that he can occupy himself with. If you can communicate to your son that you have more than enough love for both him and the new baby and make some special time for him as well he should adjust pretty well.

We brought home baby #2 16 weeks ago. My other child is 4.5. When I was in the hosp and my son was staying with family, I asked them not to talk about the baby so much. It was his last couple of days of being an only child and I didn't want him overwhelmed by questions of baby. I didn't want him anticipating the life change. When we got home, we threw the baby a "birthday" party. My son got to go to the party store with my husband and pick out cake supplies, party theme (was football), and decorations. He got to eat the babies piece of cake since the baby was too young. He got to open the baby presents since the baby was too young for that. He even got a "big brother" present! Since he was now going to have a lot of responsibility, mommy and daddy decided he had earned a "big boy" bicycle. He even got a bell for it from his new baby brother. We stressed a lot that the baby couldn't do the exciting things like eat cake and open presents. I feel it made him happy and proud to be the big brother that could do all the cool stuff. We have not had a sour moment and he LOVES being a big brother. We have had a small issue with sleep and my 4 yr old wants to sleep with us. I feel bad telling him he can't when he sees the baby with us at times, so we have allowed him to come to our room at night and make a pallet. I have a stack for him with blankets and a pillow. We were firm that we did not want him in the bed with us, but it is obvious he wants to be closer, so I think it is a compromise and I can't imagine he'll be happy on the floor forever. It's bound to end one day! :)

he will have learn to share mummy just keep trying to keep talking to him and getting him to help with new baby its funny how much we try they still feel they dont want to share but in time they do love to look after and help looking after there baby sis or bro it will be more every one else actions that make the diff they go straight to baby without thinking good luck and enjoy your new family

Dear W., Congratulations! There are nice books in the library about the "new Baby"..... can't give titles as it has been a long time for me. what I do remember is that when baby comes try to include your son in as much as possible. This is "his baby" as much as yours. Be aware of your words. Be positive "we are gentle with the baby" instead of "don't hurt or don't touch" the baby. I had 2 sons when my daughter was born and I got each of them a doll so that when Nursed baby they had a baby too. Some fathers object to this but it worked for me :-) Grandma Mary (mom of 5)