My two children are 20 months apart. When my daughter (E.) was in my belly, we did explain to my son (Stephen) that a baby was inside. Once we brought E. home, we made sure that Stephen did not feel that all the attention was on her. Actually we gave him more attention and put him in charge of getting the diapers or burp clothes or anything he could do to help. My daughter was born at 34 weeks (6 weeks early), so she was in the NICU for 10 days. During that time, I learned a lot from the nurses and staff. They told me to give more attention to the first child because they are cognizant of what is going on. The infant is just an infant, she will only need to be fed, change diaper, and sleep. When she is sleeping, then spend quality time with the first one. If you need more time with the second child for whatever reason, make sure that there is someone who is in charge of the first child and interacting with them. For the first month after I brought E. home, I had someone over everyday to occupy Stephen's time so that I could focus on breastfeeding E.. With her prematurity, she had some apnea and could not take a bottle. I was very nervous with her and wanted to give her all (I mean, most) of my attention in the beginning. She is thriving now and amazing! The main point is that Stephen never felt threatened by her. I always put him in charge of something. And when she would cry, I would explain to him why I thought she was crying and what we could do to soothe her i.e. feed her or change her diaper, etc. Stephen is a very caring boy, so it has been nice seeing him be the big brother. My daughter (who is 19 months now) simply adores him.
Oh, let me mention that I sent Stephen to a daycare that our neighbor was running out of her home. He didn't really love it there, but I needed to focus on E.. After about six weeks, I took him out and was okay with having the two of them at home with me. E. out grew her apnea by then. Shortly after that, when Stephen was 2 years and 4 months I sent him to a pre-school from 9am-11:30am three days a week. He needed the social interaction. This year, Stephen is 3 and we sent him to a great nearby Montessori school where he is thriving. E. is still with me at home and we have a great time.
I wish you a safe and healthy delivery for baby #2! Did you have a vaginal birth the first time around? Well, if so, the second time around is SO SO much quicker! My first delivery was textbook with the mucous plug coming out 2 days before the water breaking and etc. But with my daughter, the water never broke but I did have regular contractions. My husband didn't believe me when I said she is coming because it was so early. He even had a golf tournament scheduled in CA the week after she came. He was trying to get in as much golf as possible before baby #2. He went anyway (that's for a whole other story.)
Your transition to having two will be fun. Each of you can take care of one of them. Just make sure that your husband steps up to the plate.
Talk to you soon! Do you know what you are having? Both of ours were a surprise.