Age 4 Fears, Dark, Closets, Separation

hm, interesting because my 4 year olds have seen ET and they love it. then again, about everything we say that doesn't exist it's just pretend. there were times they wanted to discuss monsters and witches and such but we'd not make a debate about any of it, we would just say oh sweets they don't exist. they're just in our imagination. BUT, we also have been using these for years. they don't use batteries, you teach the kids to wind it themselves and they carry it with them to their room, and let it by their side of the bed. it goes off on it's own. you just wind it. or your child winds it for a minute and the light is dim (you choose the setting beforehand) and after 30-40 min the light goes away and the kids are already asleep. if it makes her feel better let her carry it with her whenever she's scared. i wouldn't make a huge conversation about 'the scary stuff;' because it just makes them think about those even more. sorry here's the link for the lantern. like I said, my kids love these and we have been using them for years (no batteries needed)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000HDJ6AK

Oh I remember those fearful days. Once they hit around 4 their imaginations take off. My son was fearful of monsters so I bought some air freshner, covered the label with construction paper and made it into a monster be gone stray. Before he went to bed we'd figure out where the monsters might try to get in and sprayed. The scent stayed around long enough for him to fall asleep.

As far as separation issues when your child is at school, my grandson Nate had the same thing. He'd cry hysterically because he didn't want to leave his mommy. Poor mommy had 2 other kids waiting patiently while she tried to pry Nate off. So I came up with a plan.

4 yr olds are pretty sneaky and love to trick people and know things that no one else knows. So I told my daughter to give Nate a treasure to put in his pocket. The treasure could be anything from a shiney stone to a mini eraser to a little plastic bug. So she started giving him a secret treasure that only the two of them knew about. He'd go into school with a 'I know something you don't know' grin on his face and it seemed to solve the problem.

You might want to try to engage her in some problem-solving about how to deal with these fears. "What do you think would help keep the skeletons away? or make the shadows not seem as scary?" Also, "let's think of some things that you can do when you get to school to help you say good-bye... three hugs and 2 kisses? a special good-bye song?" It's best to have these conversations when it's not time to go to school or to bed at night (and not all at once!). She may very well come up with some good ideas herself, but just in case you probably want to have a few ideas in mind. The "monster spray" already mentioned is a good idea... you could go to Target, buy a special spray bottle, maybe some special markers or stickers for her to decorate it... maybe make a big poster to hang on the closet door "No skeleton zone!" You could make a cape for her that gives her special powers to ward off anything scary, and when she's clinging to you, you could say, "I think you need to go get your cape, b/c it seems like something is making you nervous or scared." Or a magic wand, or magic dust, whatever you think she will respond to that will make her feel like she has a little more ability and control to deal with these situations. It usually doesn't help to tell her there's nothing to be afraid of, because the fears are real to her and that may make her feel that you don't understand what she's experiencing. But if you validate her feelings by accepting them and giving her some tools to deal with them, that will be more likely to make her feel understood and even empowered. You might also want to ask your local librarian for age-appropriate books that deal with fears ("Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak is one that comes to mind.) Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi!
I am going through the SAME thing myself! My daughter, who had NO fears before, is now refusing to sleep in her room because of monsters and aliens in her closet! All because Grandma let her watch ET! :(
I don't want to force her to sleep in her room. So, I kind of play it by ear. She can sleep on the fold out Elmo couch that we have next to our bed. But once she falls asleep, we carry her back to bed. If she awakes in the middle of the night, she can go back to the Elmo couch.
She also has an 18-month old sister who plays in the closet and sleeps by herself and I try to encourage her to see that her younger sister is fine...
We've also used "monster spray" (water bottle) to repel the scary stuff. I also have a night light - but I definitely think it's a phase and she'll get through it eventually. As long as she doesn't disturb anyone's sleep, I'm good with this arrangement.

My only advice is to accept it as best you can. My daughter went through a very long phase and expressed it like this: You ssay there are no monsters, and I think you are probably right. But you cannot prove to me that something does not exist, only that something exists. Maybe monsters don't show themselves to adults. Since there is a small chance that there are monsters, I am still scared.

As she got older, we tried to take little steps towards conquering her fears: have her take two steps toward the living room, then join her. The next day she can try three, then four. It will pass, though I know how irritating it can be. We also tried magic, with fairy dust, golden threads that are a monster cage. It all helped, but it nothing worked all the way.

Hi,
I am wondering what type of shows she watches on TV? I know that these types of fears are pretty common at this age, however, I also believe that a lot of kids' fears are also a result of watching stuff on TV that is not really age appropriate. Does your child watch movies that are rated PG or even shows that are rated TV7? Many of the shows that are rated TV7 have some pretty scary things in them (monsters, ghosts,...) If she is watching things that are not really for 4-5 year olds, maybe try sticking with the programs that are not scary and see if that helps!

Hi there.

I was a very "scared" kid. I was afraid of the dark, my room, I had VIVID nightmares that I still remember to this day. And my mom tried all kinds of things to soothe me. I read some things below that made me remember and laugh. But honestly, the only thing in my childhood that comforted me was Santa. It was a comfort that he "knew when I was sleeping, when I was awake" etc. You know the song. :) Now as an adult, I became a Christian. I have faith and hope in God. My family was not religious AT ALL...and I really had no concept of God. I am so thankful that now when my son comes to me with a fear or is afraid at night I can tell him that God is with him, and never leaves him. We can pray that God would protect him, send angels to watch over him as he sleeps, and i can see that at that young age, they have such a simple faith in God and he really is comforted by Him! It's amazing.

I don't know if you're familiar with Veggie Tales (cartoon), but there's one called "Where's God when I'm scared" and it has a song in there called "God is bigger than the boogie man" which is SO CUTE and hysterical. Maybe you could get that DVD and watch it with her. Just an idea.

Also, of course I have no idea what your beliefs are, but there are 2 verses from the Bible, that comfort my kids (and me!!!)...they are:

Joshua 1:9 (from the Old Testament - regarding the seperation anxiety): "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Psalm 4:8: "I will lie down in peace, and sleep, for You alone O Lord make me dwell in safety"

Hope that helped. :)

It may sound a bit bizarre but it worked for my 4 year old. What they see is real to them so I didn't want to go in there and tell her that there were no monsters. So one day when she woke me up crying, I went in her room, sat on her bed, looked up into the air and said, "BOB, MIKE, NICK, I TOLD you guys that you could hang out in her room but you COULDN"T scare her!!!". I then looked at my daughter and said, "That's bob, mike and Nick...They love to protect you but they also like to play and I know that scared you." Then I told her they wanted to stay but if she wanted them to leave, I would make them leave. After a full blown conversation with the pretend ghosts, and me telling her they PROMISED not to scare her again, I tucked everyone in (she wanted the ghosts to sleep in the bed with her too) and she hasn't woken up screaming since. My husband thought I was nuts when I went back into our room but at 4am, you will resort to almost anything. Let me know how it goes.