Aggressive Behavior in a Toddler

I actually recommend talking to your ECFE teachers. Tell them you are concerned that your child's level of aggression is not normal and ask them to observe and see if they agree with you. If they do, they are a great resource for asking what to do next. The great thing about Minnesota and ECFE is that we can get any type of help and services out to the families early. If ECFE also sees concerns, they will work with the family to see what, if any kind of help can be provided. If they don't see major concerns, they can also still be a resource for ways to deal with the problem.

Hi, It's hard when you see your child act so aggressive. Could you be giving him too much attention for that behavior? I've had pretty good luck with taking a child by the arms and saying firmly face to face- "No Hitting (biting, scratching, etc...)-That hurts!" I'll then sit them down and give all the attention to the one that was hurt instead of the one that did the hurting; saying things like, "That wasn't nice to do to you, was it? I bet that really hurt. Could I give you a hug? Would that make you feel better?" Role play with stuffed toys, dolls, even action figures can help also; when you can give attention to the appropriate behavior, the not so good behavior fades.

Your son going wrong does not mean that you are going wrong. In fact, it sounds like the things you're doing are excellent. Each child has his/her own personality--and isn't it interesting to watch them develop and wonder where they came from! I wouldn't even say that he is going wrong. He's just doing the best he knows to do at this point. I wouldn't hit him back--because what you do is what you teach, and I would want him to see that his parents don't hit, bite, etc.

Studies have proven that artificial flavors, colorings, perservatives, etc., contribute to aggressive behavior. My advice would be to put your son on a strictly organic diet, totally cutting out all artificial flavors, colorings, preservatices, etc., and see what his attitude does.

It commonly takes about 4-8 weeks for all of the chemicals to leave the body. This much aggression at his age is not normal. You might also want to have him tested for heavy metals; some heavy metals will also cause aggressive behavior. An Integration Doctor or a naturopathic doctor can help you with the testing, because conventional doctors do not have any experience in this area. A naturopathic doctor can also help you with nutrition.

Hi K.. I doubt you are "going wrong." It sounds like it's just part of your son's temperament. Didn't you post a few weeks ago about his spirited nature? It's great that you want to get a handle on this now. Your son sounds just like my 10-year-old at that age. If you haven't already done so please check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Raising Your Spirited Child." Toddlers that age need firm but gentle, continual reminders that hitting, biting, etc. are not o.k. Please don't hit him or bite him back like one poster suggested. That will just teach him that hitting and biting are o.k. and may not be good for your relationship with him. There are some great toddler books available that you can read to him such as "Hands are not for Hitting." There is one about biting too and they come in board book editions. I have to tell you it's not easy and it doesn't go away overnight. I always kept a close eye on my son when we were at public playgrounds, etc. and would remove him from the situation and firmly tell him "No hitting" or "Hitting isn't o.k." if he got too aggressive. Sometimes I firmly held his hands. Sometimes we just had to leave. As he got older we had a rule, "If you hit, you sit." My son started as a biter, but grew out of that phase and became a hitter. He hasn't bit or hit anyone other than his older brother for years (thank goodness--he's 10 after all!), but we still have to work with him on yelling and screaming and he is prone to meltdowns. I think it's a great idea to talk to your ECFE teachers too and they should have some resources for you. Oh, both my boys ended up receiving occupational therapy for sensory integration issues. Sensory issues can cause kids to act out. It might be something you want to keep in mind or look into. Good luck!

This reminds me of my first born! My boys are both really physical--meaning anything, positive or negative, comes out physically. They both need lots and lots and lots of touch; a hug means the world to them, and when they are happy, they want to wrestle, roughhouse, or snuggle. When they are angry, they hit, bite, kick, push, etc. My older is 5 and in kindergarten and my younger turned two yesterday. After preschool last year, my oldest encountered some kids hitting him; I asked the teacher what my child's role in this was. She said he was not the type of kid to hit or hurt other kids...and on the second day of school this year, he bit his friend out of frustration! Anyway--something we learned was to be very careful in our own play with our child. We often mimicked "biting" him ("I'm gonna eat your belly...nomnomnom!" kind of stuff) and so he often bit out of misplaced affection...which very quickly turned to him biting out of frustration. If you have him in an in-home daycare, maybe they could implement timeouts as per your request? If you truly think your child is learning this at daycare, perhaps a chat with the director is in order? But...for what it's worth, I DO think some kids are just built to be more physical. My kids both are good at physical things and have great body awareness--which is great for sports and agility and active play--but lousy for dealing with anger and frustration. To me, your son does not sound extraordinarily awful. Does he have words? Maybe teach him to express his feelings? We're working on that with our two year old now too...he doesn't HAVE the words, but we're encouraging them,a nd it seems to calm him down. He understands what we're saying, even if he can't do it himself. Also, I would keep being consistent. And ask your doc at your two year well child; maybe he/she has some good suggestions.

Hi-
This is normal and your boy will grow out of this, but here's how you might help him. Believe it or not, this works, and is not cruel: fight back--gently, but forcefully.

If he bites, bite him back. If he kicks, kick him back. Etc. (of course, gently, but forcefully enough to get his attention). After you "fight back," don't lecture. Drop it and re-direct. Lecture and reason do not work at this age. Day care providers are probably afraid to try this technique, but you are the parent and can do what is needed!

Time outs are too abstract. How will he know what he's doing to others unless someone does it back to him? He has no siblings to react to his behavior. You'll have to do it. At age two, he needs concrete (rather than abstract) instruction.