All of a Sudden, She Hates Her Daycare!

When my son was 4 he was at preschool, and he was doing fine. Just like your daughter, loved school and couldn't wait to go. I noticed a change in his desire to go, crying, saying he didn't want to go etc. I spoke to the teacher. She said she had noticed the same but we couldn't come up with a reason. It wasn't until she mentioned that one of his "buddies" had moved that we both had our revelation. She told me that he and this other boy were very close and played together pretty exclusively. Once he left my son was at a loss and started to not like school. The teacher and I both worked at it. She made sure that he was playing with other groups of kids and I worked at it from home making play-dates and park trips. She may not understand why she doesn't like school that is why you get all the different answers. My son never told us that his friend had moved and that is why he didn't like school. We got all the different answers just like you. Check with her teachers and see if they have noticed anything. Also, I read one of the other answers about the class structure and that may be a part of the problem too. My 3 year old just started not liking the daycare/preschool he is at because they go to more of a "camp" schedule in the summer vs. the more structured "school" schedule. He was fine all year, but now doesn't like "camp" and wants to go to school again. Thankfully that starts again in a couple weeks. Hope you find out why she isn't have a good time, take care!

Why don't you go observe her at school one day. Does the school have a one way mirror? Maybe you'd get a better idea of what's going on.

My daughter HATED her school when we had her in kindercare. I observed and it was complete CHAOS! No structure, no academics, no challenge. We moved her to an acutal "school", a Montessori and she was so much happier.

I don't know what they do at her daycare/"school" but if it's not a real preschool, you should consider that anyway. At 4, she should really be in a structured preschool setting getting her ready for kindergarten.

Best of luck!

Something must have happened that un-nerved her.

At this age, yes the can "tell" you "why"... but certainly their emotions are not as "delineated" as us adults, so the answer you get will naturally be scattered and not in one neat coherent "explanation."

Also, she may be trying to sort out her own feelings about it as well...but knows that she generally feels "uncomfortable" about something there. So, believe her. Give her validation for her feelings and support... a child needs to "know" that their Parent believes them and they can trust them.

That being said.. you need to investigate this and question the school/her teachers if anything is wrong... did anything happen... are the other children treating her nicely.... any teasing/bullying....any occasion your girl was left out of something....or scolded/disciplined....spoken to in a mean way...change in routine....change in teacher....changes in anything? .... did she get 'embarrassed' about anything....have any bathroom accidents....left alone and scared by something.... taken away from the group by any adult?....any 'strangers' there that scared her.....anyone new?.... any difficulty with the school work?.... any problems with friends?.... is she being mis-treated in ANY way by anyone??? And, HOW are the "teachers" responding to this??

You need to find out. Your daughter is saying this for a reason. I REALLY do not think she is doing this on purpose. A child would not "cry hysterically" at drop off time unless they were INDEED 'afraid' of something or unhappy. You need to look into it.

My girl too, is also very smart and precocious from very young... and at times she said she didn't like preschool...there WAS always a "real" reason for it... for a child a 'reason' can be nothing to us, but a big deal to them. One time it was because a girl was bullying her (I spoke to the teacher about it and it got taken care of). Another time it was because she did not like "P.E." (the teacher has a very loud voice and this intimidated her). So, luckily, it was not 'abnormal' reasons for safety/scary reasons. But we dealt with it, was proactive, spoke to the teacher for support... and all the while, it 'taught' my girl that her Parents are there for her and WILL see to any problem.... it also teaches kids "how" to problem solve on their own as well. It's a good 'lesson' for them to 'see' how we go about this.

Anyway, really figure this out. Because this is an "anomaly" in her behavior, it is an anomaly in her basic routine because she has been attending that school since 18 months old... so this is NOT the usual. But yes, perhaps she has outgrown her "daycare/school" as well. Perhaps she needs a more "big girl" school setting. At 4 years old, they do make a real developmental/maturity leap anyways.

Really talk with her... let her express herself without judgment or "correction." Let her free talk and ramble about it. Then maybe you can figure out what it is.

Good luck,
Susan

Hi J., at 4 years old she may not know how to tell you what the problem is if any, if you was playing you, I can see her getting a little stuburn, or whiny, but you said she gets hystrircal A new child could have started, that maybe picks on her, honestly if can be a half of dozen different things, and the teachers don't see everything, my daughter at was punched in the nose by another child a boy, cause he wanted the trycicle she was on and out of 3 teaches, none of them saw anything, and the playground was very small. Have you asked the teachers how she does once you leave, cause if she is perfectly fine once you leave, then you know there isn't really anything wrong, the next time you take her listen at the door, and see if she continues to be upset, and if so talke to the teachers, and see what'soing on. J.

I saw in another answer that your daughter attends La Petite in Riverside. I worked for a La Petite and think that the way the school is set up is very stressful for children and the Riverside location is no exception. They are very noisy and overwhelming without individual classrooms. It's hard to get kids to focus on what your group is doing with other groups nearby.

After being there so long it is a red flag that she is upset now. Did she change teachers when she turned four? Perhaps a friend left the school or a new child is bothering her. Is the routine different in the summer? Any management changes?

The set up of la Petite makes it hard to observe without her seeing you but do your best. Ask for a chance to talk with the teachers about anything they've noticed-get an appointment so they can focus on your conference and not have to worry about kids in their group.

Something isn't right and you'll have to dig around for the answer. There is the chance that she is just fed up with being at daycare (we all get sick of our work everyday, right?) all the time but this sounds like soemthing bigger.

You did not mention if there was any changes at daycare, new teacher, new student, any kind of change at all? This might be what is now troubling her. If she has enjoyed it this far then I would guess at there being a small change that has disrupted what has been her schedule for the last 2+ years. Ask the teachers who are with her the most, they may know exactly what she has started having issues with that she has mention them at the time or they have noticed a change in your daughter at a specific time of day. I have two boys in daycare right now, my oldest is 9 and she goes to school and daycamp, but when my two boys started having troubles with daycare it turned out to be many changes (teachers, schedule, ect) all at once. My boys never got use to the changes after several months so I had to switch their daycare and are now very happy to go to "school" everyday :) Good Luck