Need Advice About Discipline in Day Care

I do let my daycare parents know what behaviors we are working on. If we have something very serious going on like hitting and pushing I'll expect them to talk to the kids. But mostly, I consider the behavior at my house to be my problem. Then again it totally depends on the situation. But most of all, I don't want my parents to hear me complaining about their children all the time.

Recently I have found that I'm having a problem with pushing, shoving and wrestling behaviors. We've even been dealing with headbutting that's gotten way out of hand. I kept talking about it to my parents until I just found out that the headbutting was actually being taught to one of the boys by his own mother! This gave me the chance to explain to her how out of hand that it's gotten and that I did know that her son had started it. Getting it stopped though falls mostly on me and the mother just needs to stop and think about what she's teaching her son.

My best advice to you would be to tell them that you are tired of hearing about every little thing she does. Tell them that discipline in the classroom is their problem and that you are not very happy with some of what you have seen and that you may be looking for other care if they can't settle things down significantly.

Suzi

I would love for them to use ACTION timeouts with the children that stimulate them while re-directing them towards good manners and academic learning. Some ideas are in my book www.twominutemom.com. It's only $9.95 and you can use some of the other ideas at home. Good luck!

Hi D.,
I've been reading your question and responses from people but did not comment myself because everyone pretty much had everything I had to say covered. But your question about what to look for in another childcare...have you ever thought about a Montessori School? I was a Montessori teacher for years and LOVE it. The kids get so much out of it. If you're not familiar with it, let me explain a little. Basically the children work independantly during their "work time". Everyone in the class is at their own level because they go at their own pace. The teacher will give lessons on the different materials (most of it is hands on) during a circle time and during work time, the children get to choose their own work and put it away when they feel they are finished with it. The teacher also keeps track of everyone's progress and will give individual lessons when it's needed. They are structured (as long as you pick the right one) but your little one will get to move around and make independant choices during her day.
If you have any questions, please shoot me a message. I check my messages daily.
Something else you should do when looking for a child care is to drop in at the right time. Don't make an appointment, just come by. They should be willing to take you for a tour of the building without worrying about an appointment. If there's nothing to hide, they will be happy to see you. Don't go by during lunch or nap time though. It's hard to see how the teachers are interacting with the kids during normal school time.
Good luck, I hope you can find something great for your daughter.
C.

My thought is that the "teacher" needs to handle the situation better. Your daughter is 3 and they are supposed to be the adults. I would talk to whoever is in charge and if that isn't successful I would find another day care. Hope this helps!

Hi
Your gut tell you these teachers have a grudge against your daughter and you want to contuinue sending her there? I think you need to find a new place for her. I think the problem is with the teachers, after all kids want to help and "be good" it is all how you approach them and talk to them. I hope you will look around and find a better place.
Good luck
C.

I didn't respond to your initial request, but would have also told you that this does not look like a good place for your child. I would recommend Little Hearts Preschool at 127th and Quivera. They have several programs. I don't think they are there five days a week, but it's just a really good program if you can incorporate it with another daycare. They have a school format and the kids are always learning and everyone gets a chance to be a helper. My girls have loved the experience and I think they start taking them at the age of 3. It's very structured and children at this age need lots of structure.... Good luck.........J.

From past experience it sounds like the kids are not given activities that are for their age group. As you know 3 years attention span is short and they like to do a lot of hands on things, so their activity plans need to reflect that. Listening skills can be made into a game for them, not just being told to listen.

And at age 3 by the time she's got home she doesn't remember that she wasn't listening or gave a dirty look.

The teachers need to have better "redirection" skills. They need to focus on the postive things she does and make sure they are giving more attention to that, then the other.

Well like others that have responded I was a child care worker for over 10 yrs and I would make the following suggestion. I'm seeing from what you've explained that your child is only behaving like what she's seeing as acceptable in her class. If she is seeing her teacher yell at the kids, she's going to see this as acceptable behavior no matter what the teacher says is acceptable for her. I would suggest not just speaking with the teacher but asking the director of the center to sit in on a meeting with you and the teacher. Its important to know the student/teacher ratio in that center and the director should be able to tell you exactly what that ratio is. Your state has guidelines to how many children one teacher can care for...I know when I was working in daycare with 3 yr olds it was 12 to 1. Thats alot of children for one teacher but if she's having to care for say 15 its even more difficult for her. The older the children get of course the more one teacher can care for, but at 3 yrs old they have not developed enough for one teacher to care for more than 12 in my opinion. I definitely wouldn't just ignore this, I would make sure that all parties involved are working for the same goal. Your child is your priority and she needs to be cared for by the best possible caregivers she can have.

I feel your pain! I've never had anyone at daycare comment about my daughter's behavior, but I have reached the point of aggravation when it seems to be one fifteen year old girl after another. It seems every week we have a new teenage teacher in the afternoons and my child attends a three star daycare, it doesn't get any better than that in the daycare world. How is child supposed to learn proper discipline at school when there is little consistency and very poor methods of behavior correction? A teenager yelling across the room at my child deserves a dirty look, so I wouldn't worry about it at all. If your daughter is even misbehaving at all, which she probably isn't, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Three year olds will be three year olds.

Hi D.,
My advice is to randomly observe what is happening in the day care. Pop in and watch without your daughter seeing you several times. It would be best if the teachers in the classroom didn't know you was there. Then you could see hoe the relationship is between your child, the teachers and the other children. Another bit of advice is talking to the teacher about appropriate, consistent discipline administered at the time of the misbehavior! I hate when daycare of schools send the children home with notes about stupid child appropriate misbehaviors that should of been dealt with when the action occured. I think you best plan of action is to see what is going on.... and don't be afraid of speaking up for your child...... worse case scenario you may have to look for another provider... which may be the answer to your problem.

Hi D.,
This may sound drastic-- but I think you probably just need to find another center. Why over something seemingly small like this?
Because it's a reflection on how the whole center is run over all.
I worked in daycare for years, corporately run (like La Petite, Kindercare, etc) and privately owned. I was also a Nanny for awhile. So I speak from experience. But the truth is, that most daycare employees, (not managers/owners)aren't they're because they "love and want to work with children" like they write on their applications.
Most are there because they lack the skills/education/experience to do much of anything else.
I imagine that quite a few people out there will be riled up over that statement-- but it's the truth. And unfortunately, many daycare managers hire young girls (and even some older women) who really don't know ANYTHING about teaching children, child psychology, etc. So they know nothing about classroom management, appropriate discipline, conflict resolution, etc. It takes alot of patience and skill to effectively take care of 10 to 20 or 30 kids, with a wide variety of personalities, from a wide variety of backgrounds, home environments, and try to have a learning/classroom environment. Unfortunately, about 75% of daycare employees are essentially just like teenagers "babysitting" a large group of kids, providing the activities that the center owner gives them to provide.
And it sounds to me like this is a center that is hiring that kind of employee.
Of course, there ARE daycare employees who really DO enjoy working with children and are there because it's what they truly like doing. But they're very hard to find. Let's be honest, for the most part, women who REALLY and TRULY are interested in "working with children", molding young minds and helping them to become responsible, compassionate and productive citizens are either committed stay-at-home moms OR they go to school to study child psychology, education, pediatric nursing, social work, or any of the fields associated with really "working with children." They don't go to a daycare center to work for $8.00 an hour. Sometimes, they work in daycare WHILE they're studying their field. Sometimes, stay-at-home moms who really do LIKE being at home, and don't WANT a job or career outside of the home, but who find themselves needing the extra income, will work in daycare (or start their own) because they can bring their kids, still be with them, still get to do what they enjoy (work with children) and at the same time, earn some money.
But FAR too many daycare employees are there just for the buck, don't really care about the job or the kids at all, and don't know a THING about working with/teaching children.
If if you think about it-- daycare is really just "glorified babysitting". They're there to babysit, so the parents can go to work. To provide a better service and be competitive in the "daycare market", they also incoporate preschool lessons and structured activities-- but they're NOT real preschools with certified teachers, nor do they usually require teachers who AT LEAST display skills and knowledge of how to really work with and teach groups of children. So that's why you have young girls yelling across the room, who don't know how to work with your 3 year old.
What you want to look for is a center where the manager will only hire those who truly display knowledge and/or experience in how to care for, teach and manage larger groups of children, or those who intend to STUDY child-related fields, or those who want to be, or have been stay-at-hom moms. Not someone who just needs a job and writes the 'nice sounding' things on their application. So you need to ASK them about that. You also want to ask about their turn-over rate-- how often they're having to replace teachers because they work awhile then quit.
okay-- sorry-- I rambled enough already!!

Hi D., I myself am a home child care provider and I agree with Suzi L. The problems or behaviors here I deal with here. I don't believe that what happened during the day should carry over to the evening or vice versa. I don't like to give parents a report of their child being bad that day because with some kids its an everyday situation. But I also have a conference of sorts to discuss the behavior if I can't get it resolved. If the teachers are being "lazy" and by that I mean you can't yell across the room and expect which ever child to know they are being spoken to. Although 3 year olds do have quite the memory when they want to, atleast my 3 year old does, so I would ask these questions did anything happen at daycare today ? Were all the teachers nice to you? Were all the kids nice to you? Instead of directly asking were you a good girl today ? (my husband will ask my daughter this same question and she always says yes even though the truth is i'm ready to tear my hair out because of her and what she has done or how she is being.) Also I would say when they do give you a bad report I would ask what was the problem, what happened, how was it resolved have them explain the exact situation. And if they say she wasn't listening I would say like that little boy/girl over there and the teacher is on the otherside of the room. I would ask the other parents in the same class as your daughter if they are having the same problems ? I would not tell them that you are leaving because they will do it more I believe, I would stand your ground. Hope this helps W. mom of 4 and home child care provider.

This is in response to what you newly posted.
If you go to www.daycarebear.com you can type in your zip code and they will give you a list of daycares of what you are looking for. I have a 3 yr old daughter who is very strong willed, independent, intimidating to other kids and can be very mean at times. Alot of people I know have a hard time handling her and keeping up with her so there are not very many people that I leave her with. She would not do good in daycare setting, she gets bored alot so we have started her on little preschool books to keep her occupied. I can't say what is best for you daughter but you may have to look at all aspects of daycare and see what is best for HER. If she is very helpful like you say she may be better off in a home child care setting for a couple reasons there is alot of age variances where she might be the oldest and can HELP more. (My daughter likes to get me the wipes, diapers, pick out the baby food the babies are gonna eat things like this.) In my opinion its not just learning about the ABC'S and 123's it's also about building on a childs individual strengths and I think that some children benefit more from being in a home child care setting then others. My daughter is very smart but she is also very strong willed and she wouldn't benefit from being in a daycare setting such as kinder care or somewhere else like this. Your daughter may be able to do more and be herself in a home child care setting. But bottom line you know your child best and better than anyone. Good luck and hope it works out for all

I agree with the other ladies regarding your situation. I, too was a preschool teacher,professional nanny and am a mom of 2 sons (21 and 5!). BUT, what really concerns me is the "yelling across the room" @ your daycare! If the staff were properly trained, they would know how ineffective yelling from any distance is! Not to mention it is not anyway to conduct a classroom or school. I'd check out the education/certification level of the staff and director. Just because you hang a shingle outside, doesn't mean you're providing quality care.
Good luck!
p.s. your daughter maybe bored and not getting enough real stimulation. not many 3's have a long attention span. sounds like the center is lacking in direction and plan...what do they do all day? is there any structure?!

D. - Set up a meeting with the director and have her address the situation with the teachers. Let her know your concerns and hopefully changes will take place. Hopefully the director is as great as the one at my daughter's school. I always feel like I can talk to her about any situation that comes up. I agree with the others that the problem lies with the teachers, not your daughter. I run into the same problem. My daughter has morning teachers and afternoon teachers. Her morning teachers are older, organized, and more teacher like. Her afternoon teachers (from 2:00 on)are younger and are working their way through college. When I pick Ava up things are much more chaotic, but I know they're doing the best they can with the skills they have. Good luck!

I don't know what part of town you live in but in Olathe off Kansas City Rd and College Blvd there is a center called ABC's 123's. I have done observation hours there for school and it seems very controlled and they have 2 way mirrors for parents to look through, which I think keeps staff on their best behavior and attentitive to kids at all times because they never know when they are being watched. There is another good center in Lenexa off 87th and Bourgade called Country Kids, the staff seemed well trained and very organized. Hope this helps.

You have received good advice. You do need to drop in without notice (every parent should do that often) and observe what is happening. I was a home childcare provider for 7 years and I was thrilled when parents took an active interest in their children's well-being.
Tracy K was RIGHT ON!! It is hard to find good help and MOST employees of large daycares don't care about the children. And most large daycares are usually understaffed because of the high turnover rate.
BE VIGILANT and trust your instincts! And trust your daughter's normal behavior. If a child is not being respected-they invariably will not give respect. Respect must be earned!!Yelling is usually the lazy way to feel like you are taking care of the situation but it doesn't often produce the desired results.
And if you would like to work at home and not have to take your child to daycare, I help women do that. you can e-mail me privately.
Let us know what you decide and God bless!
R.