All on My Own...

I undersand how you feel, but it WILL be ok. My boyfriend is a realtor who gets to stay home, while I work, and until a month ago we only had one car. He would always throw it up in my face that he had to pick me up and take me. Just try to get through the pregnancy, and don't let him live with you as a "roomate" if you are supporting him and he is not helping you. I will be thinking of you-good luck

I assume you're the one paying the bills since you said you're the main worker in the household, right? So kick your husband out. He doesn't get the option to mooch off you if he's going to treat you the way he is. He can get his own place, his own car, and support himself. This was terrible timing for his behavior, but that just shows how immature and inconsiderate he is. You definitely don't deserve or NEED this, especially right now. Kick him out and focus on yourself and your daughter. Surround yourself with people who DO love you and who DO treat you right.

Hi K.,
How are you today? I hope you are doing well. I know it's got to be difficult for you what you are going thru. Pray to God to give you strength to get thru your situations. I just got to say K. you are to good for that person. He doesn't realize what a wonderful woman you are and he does not know how to apreciate you. K. don't feel bad there are alot of ways us single moms can get some help financially and so you can afford to live out on your own. And you will find a way to manage with your daughter and your baby to come. I got seperated from my kids father when my baby was 6 months and my daughter was 2 yrs. I have a great sister that helped me out and let me live at her house for a while, while I was able to go and live on my own. You will manage believe me. If you have family or friends that are willing to help that would be good. But you will find a way. And you know what....since, I have been seperated I have seeked God more and you know, I think it was all for a reason. I know God is working on me and He is making me a better and strong person. I have changed alot /c of Him. Now, I don't see it in a wrong way that my ex and I seperated. We did go thru some crazy things when we seperated alot of hurting from each other telling each other things. And you know that all has changed within a couple years. He is a totally different person today and so am I. We have both forgiven each other and we are better friends then what we used to be. We are getting along with each other very well that he is actually my best friend. You know K. I think everything is for a reason even if the situation looks bad and makes us feel bad, but God knows what He is doing. Because look my ex and I were seperated but I was still living with him in the same apartment. I was just staying in the room and he and the living room. But it would hurt me to see him come home get ready and leave to go out with friends or female friends he had. I couldn't do nothing but just go to my room and cry and wait for him just to see if he got home okay. I couldn't take it anymore after a couple of days seeing him going out all the time. So that's when I decide to make the move. I didn't care about any of the material things I just got my kids and left him. He did call and tell us he missed us but didn't asked us to come back that he was willing to change nothing. So we just left it like it was. But I know God was doing his magic and working behind the scenes. All I am saying is that God is working on you. And He is going to help you I know that. Be strong and have faith that everything is going to be alright. Just pray to God to give you strength to help you be strong for you children and to be a good mother to them. And Thank Him for everything. I'm 26 and I am still single just to let you know and you know everything is okay with my kids and me. God has a plan for you K.. I know He does for me as well. I know have a more belive in Him and I like to talk about Him to friends and people when the feeling down and think that the world is coming down on them, but it's not like that. God is preparing you for something better. My friends always thank me for giving them some encouraging words when they most needed. I tell them nah, it ain't me is God. K. just talk to Him tell Him how you are feeling /c He is always with you all the time. He is listening and He is waiting for you to come to Him. I am going to paste you something from yesterday that I emailed to my friends. And I want you to read it as well.

“Keep on asking and it will be given to you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7 AMP).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

In Mark, chapter five, there was a woman who had been sick for twelve years. The doctors gave her no hope. But she heard that Jesus was coming through her town. Something deep on the inside said to her, “This is your season. This is your time to get well.” In the natural, when she saw all the people around Him, she thought, “I’ll never get to Him. It’s so crowded and I’m weak. I just don’t think I can do this.” She almost missed her season. But instead of dwelling on those negative thoughts, she started reminding herself, “If I can just get to Jesus, I will be whole.” She made the choice to turn her thoughts in the right direction. She kept pressing her way through the crowd until she got just close enough to Jesus to reach out and touch the edge of His robe. Instantly, she was made whole. Jesus said to her, in Mark 5:34, “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” Notice it’s our faith that activates God’s power. What have you been believing God for? Don’t give up! Press through! Keep praying! Keep asking! Keep seeking! God is faithful! As you press through, He’ll meet your faith with His miraculous power, and you’ll step forward in the victory He has planned for you!

A Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father, I come to You today with an open and humble heart. I ask You to fill me with Your strength, peace, and joy so that I can press through to victory today. Show me the good plan You have for me and fill me with Your spirit of faith. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

K. have a wonderful day and God Bless you,

L.

P.S.
if you ever want to chat go ahead and emial me.
____@____.com

take care
and congratulations on your new baby to come.

K., First I want to say that God will never take you somewhere that you do not have the strength to handle. He is an AWESOME God and I know he can and WILL get you through this. I agree with the other ladies here. If you are the one making the money, kick him out. If you need help with your children, I can help you when possible. Call me. ###-###-####. I work from home and have 3 children here. If you would like to go to church with me, come on. As I said before, you need God to get you through this. I will pray for you and your husband, b/c after all, God doesn't like divorce. Maybe, once he is out on his own, he will realize that he does love you and need you(not your $$$). This is a tough time for a guy that isn't doing his job--making the money. Is he trying to find work. If so, it is even harder on him. My husband went through the same with our first.
Let me say this, We found God and I mean to tell you that life is MUCH better. It isn't perfect, but our relationship is alot better now then it was. Call me.

E.

Dearest K.,
First of all, You are not alone! You have all of us here at Mamasource to listen to you and to encourage you! Second, I'm not sure if your a spiritual person, but with God you are never alone! Just pray for peace...I know other ladies might disagree with me, but your husband is the one who needs lots of prayer! But please pray for wisdom about how to handle this sitution.

You said you work...lots of companies provide assistance along the line of legal advice...Please look into this and if they do, consult with a lawyer on how to best protect you and your children. When my husband separated from his ex-wife, she deleated his savings account and proceeded to take out credit cards under his name without his consent...
just make sure all areas are covered just in case your husband does decide to leave.

Make sure you let your family and his family know what is going on...because of my husband's experience I know that there are two sides to every story, but I can't fathom this situation that you described. You need all the support you can get right now. And remember you have people praying for you!

God Bless,
J. R.

Hi, K.. First, keep your chin up. I am now a single mom to three young children, 5yrs, 2yrs, and 10 mos. My husband started feeling differently about me and instead of telling me and maybe being able to work on it, he left when I got pregnant with #3. He wasn't there for anything, for me or the baby, and was only there for the birth because he's the strongest person I know to keep me in line. Beyond that, I have pretty much been alone for over 18 months. I learned that I didn't and don't need him, and my children are better off without him around all the time anyways. We struggle, he does pay what he can, but ultimately I am a single mom struggling to make it on my own. I am a stronger person thanks to his deception, and you will be, too. I know mine wasn't cheating but that doesn't make it any easier. I know how you feel, I still want to work on things, but I am happier since he left and my household is more content and runs smoother with him gone.
I guess what I'm saying is just stick in there. If he leaves, let him. If he really feels "sick" of watching your daughter, find some other alternative for her. I'd be scared he would hurt her if he is that frustrated. You could also try a separation but he needs to leave and you need to put all of your effort into your children right now, not him. His actions are beyond selfish and you need to keep that in the back of your mind. Prepare yourself for the worst and then litlle things that work out will make you all the more thankful.
I can sympathize with you with all of my heart. If you ever need to talk just email me and I will be there for you.
____@____.com

Good luck and cograts on Sierra.
Juli

Hi K....first off, I am sorry you have to go through this especially at such a critical time. I would tell your husband to move out. If he's not supporting you and doesn't want to be in this marriage, you don't need that negativity around you or your daughter. Of course easier said than done. It will be very difficult at first, but you and your daughter will adjust...it'll just take some time and lots of patience and prayers! Just remember to put God first, then your daughter and new baby and then you. You deserve so much better than what you are getting so far! I will be praying for you and your children...stay strong and remember, God never gives you more than you can handle!

God Bless you!
T.

Hi K.,
My heart goes out to you.. but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you will be fine. Always remind yourself that you can handle this!

My suggestion is talk to a lawyer. Then see about getting him out of the house. If he wants out of the marriage and of being a father, you should not be supporting him financially. Also - do you have any family or friends that can help you out when you have the baby? Don't be ashamed to ask.. its not your fault that your husband is acting irresponsible. But please talk to a lawyer!!!

Good luck and stay strong!!!
Adla

K.,

I'm am so heartbroken for you. What an awful time you're having right now when it should be one of the best. I believe first and foremost find a church home. They can be there for you in this struggle and will be such a welcoming hug at this time. The other would be to tell your husband that if he is so tired of everything-then to quit BUMMING off you! Tell him the same way he's tired of 'driving Miss Daisy' you're tired of supporting the whole family while he sits at home doing nothing. I wouldn't leave the car at home for him anymore-why should he need it right!

This is such a hard situation and I hope and pray that things calm down soon so that you can enjoy the blessing coming your way. And be sure and give your current child all the extra love you can give her. Even though she's young she can pick up on problems with her parents and it could affect her.

If the marriage does come to an end-let your husband know up front it needs to be cival. Even if you can't stand eachother-you've made two kids together and you need to be friendly for they're sake.

If you need anything-talk, be there, whatever-please feel free to email me ____@____.com

Take care and God Bless!
K.

PS-be sure to update

K.,
I will be praying for you. If you need to talk please give me a call....###-###-####. I am a single mommy and I can listen while you vent.
L.

I am very sorry to hear that you are dealing with this while pregnant.....men can be really mean....I hope you will find the strenght and support to make it on your own....you don't need a person like that next to you and your precious little girls.....I pray for you and if you need to talk, e-mail me, I am a good listener!

good luck
O.

This is what I would say to your husband:

1. IF you are tired of driving me around, get a job and get your own car.

2. IF you don't have a job, you WILL work at home doing dishes, laundry, babysitting, and cleaning or you WILL pack up your clothes and leave.

You, K., are doing it all by yourself anyway and it seems that you're doing it quite well. Sometimes there comes a point where it would be easier to let the grown up kid leave, he can take his messes and complaints with him.

If he's not working, and you are supporting the family then you need to kick him to the curb!!!! How dare he tell you that he is sick of being a husband and a father and then not leave the house that you are paying for. I know that it is scary, my fiance left me when I was 4 months pregnant and believe me it's not easy doing everything all alone. With that being said, you deserve better than that. If he wants a roommate tell him to go out and find someone who's willing to let him live with them rent free. I am a single mother to an 8 1/2 month old daughter, and as hard as it was to do it alone, I know I'm better off and so is my daughter. Best of wishes.

I am so sorry to hear all of this. This is suppose to be a time of pampering, love and great expectation. We as women have to remember that we are the one chosen by God to have these miracles, what a blessing!...I know that it seems too daunting a task now, but if you believe in your heart that you can do this, and do it alone...you can! We never know how, that is not up to us...what is up to us, is telling ourselves, everyday, that we are able and deserving of all that life has to offer. You DO NOT need his negative attitude and comments..that will only bring more of that into your life..i.e., you will start to believe him and unknowingly bring more of it into you and your childrens life. Wake up every morning and begin your day by simply thinking about the things you are greatful for..things you have in your life, never dwelling on the things you don't have. This, believe me, will begin to change your life and bring more of the same. What we think about, we bring about.
This husband sounds as though he has you stopped in time...he is not working full time and does not want to be there..then grant his wish. You and your children will be much better for it. You are young, strong and more than capable of providing for your children. I hope this helps you... I believe we all have the power to change our situation, with a little persistence, you can have everything you dream about. Take care and lean on your family and friends for support!

K.,
Let me first off saying that my heart does out to you. I understand how absolutely hard this is. I belive in marriage and I believe in working at it everyday with all your might never giving up if at all possible. BUT you have to have a partner that wants to be with you, someone who cares about the union. I hope there is still a chnace for you and your husband but it sounds like it might not be a workable situation, ESPEC with him not working...that's just ridiculous.

I am a sinlge mother of two small children, 4 and 18mo and it was never my plan. I was engaged to both fathers and they both left WHILE I was pregnant. It is sooo hard being a single working mother with two young kids. BUT, I wouldn't change a thing. Because my children see me happy which I'm not sure I would have ever been with their fathers and they see my strength everyday which I think will serve them well as role models one day.

So have faith in yourself first and foremost.
Start being a network of support, family, friends, church whatever it takes. Find a church if you don't belong to one, this was an invaluable source of support and comfort for me and the children can meet other kids while you grow your social and spiritual network.
Open up a separate bank account and start saving money as much money as you can.
Don't let him pay bills, etc and allow him to possible mess up your finances.
Do something nice for yourself at least once a week, if you can find someone to watch your daughter for a few hours...workout, go see a movie, get your nails done, whatever.

You need to build your mind, body and spirit up to the best place possible so that after you have your child when and/if you are ready or need to you. You will be able to leave in as good of a place as possible. Break-ups can be so hard on our souls as women espec when we haven't been treated well. But for your children, try to find a way to take care of your spirit and your finances. If you decide to leave, just know it will be hard but life does go on and the best thing you can give your children is a happy you and a home where they see love and respect.

My very to go, good luck.

Looks like you have gotten lots of great advice. I just wanted to offer my support. I feel emphathy with you. In may case I went to church and started my healing and eventually everything worked out. The one thing I learned is that I can't fix someone else only myself and lean on God. He will take care of you and your daughters!

Dear K.:
Your gut instinct is probably right, but who cares whether there's another woman? Involved or not, that 'wart on your butt' has to be removed, and I apologize to all real warts for the insult. Save the money for counseling or investigating and kick him out. You don't even need a great lawyer, the standard parenting order will be sufficient for you. I would keep my money together and focus on an immediate legal split, then take care of child arrangements and the delivery. Do you have parents to help you with the next few months?

You'll find happiness sooner than you think, because many men will top what you currently have.

Regards,
W.

I never like to speculate on other's behvior but a gut instinct is pretty hard to ignore.
I admire your determination considering you're 8 months pregnant. You will be an awesome catch for some wonderful man someday if things do not work out with your husband.
My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our second child and finally cheated for the last time when she was 4 (meaning I left him).
I wish I could say it's easy or that it's not going to hurt but that would be insulting your intellegence. I think you have a very positive attitude and I hope you persevere.

Hi K.,
My name is S.. I live in Rhome also. I want to tell you that the Lord is with you. this is only a temparary situation.
I don't know what you believe, but I know going through my own trauma that the Lord carried me through. I am 43 and I look back and am in awe of how the Lord helped me get through. His grace is sufficient.
I leave my trouble with the Lord, and He will defend me;
He never lets honest people be defeated. Psalm 55:22

The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in my day of trouble' He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands)those who take refuge and trust iin Him Nahum 1:7

Please know that i don't tell you this to preach at you. I know from experience what the Lord will do. i am a product of trauma and the Lord bringing me through it.
God Bless you and if you need anything feel free to contact me.
S. Rucker

I am sorry he is doing this.
Number 1...you can not be a roommate with the man you
lived with as husband and wife. Why? He will be in control
of what you do, how you live, who you see. And will mooch
the car off you if it is your car. He will continue to use any excuse to get out of paying his fair share of the household bills and setting up a payment time for an amount
every 2 weeks to go to household bills will get him more angered as he is not in control of finances. Regardless of having food on the table and power to keep it cold and warm it by will not have any bearing in is sand sized brain. He will try to talk you into a joint account for household bills and yet will not let you know he spent any of it before things you pay get bounced back. *get all things took
care of asap...or sooner..* No common bank account...get
your own and your money in it. Car in your name, insurance
in your name, all bills for residence in your name *power,
gas, phone* before he runs them up and screws your credit.
If he is not covered in your insurance...after you get that in
to your name *car too*, he can not drive it...for 2 reasons...he is not insured, and you need it since you work
full time and will deal with babysitting too.
Babysitting..he will throw that in your face...since I pick
her up and watch her till you get here *add baby number 2
into that tone of his now*, the value of that should come
out of my share for *rent, food*. Can you imagine his voice
saying that? Call your family, call his family *if they
are in the dark, light the bulbs for them about what
he is doing* *if they know what he is doing and support
you, then you may have a sitter for 1 or 2 days of work
that will lovingly take care of their *grandchildren*
and not hold it over you* *if they know what he is doing
and he has told them lies to hate you, then you know you
can not rely on them for anything. Period. Includes
having the children in their care. Ask co workers
if they know a good childcare they use that is close
to work and costs decent price.

Because he will get no sex and think since you 2 had that
he can make you feel good about it and get it from you
for free. *free to him, not to you...you will feel
betrayed worse when it gets back to the not wanting
to be with you* *he will lie to get sex*. Then he will
hold that over you as well.

If he has a date and brings her there. Do you think
he will abide by house rules or throw them in your face
and make you feel like trash in front of the kids and his
new lady friend. Will he allow you to have a date over?

Number 2. He is already not paying his way, and in that
aspect he is stressing you out. You do not need to worry
about paying for things when he does not. He is already
treating you badly. You don't need that to get worse. He
will hold it over you when you go into labor and he has
to watch his daughter while your in the hospital for
2 days.

It is time to sit and tell him the facts. If he feels there
is nothing to work out with seeing a counselor to make
the relationship work, then he needs to move out. There is no
reason for him to stay there. He is to be gone bye *set a
date..and if he has very few things...guess what...very
few days needed.* I would be ready to be off on that day
because you will get the locks changed. Don't rely on the
key him giving you is it...he will have made a copy.
He will try to talk you into the roommate deal. Bring up
that even to think that, you need to know he will be able
to pay *half rent, half food, half of all bills plus a bit
to cover the change in bills due to his being there and your
not, and half of babysitting* 2 times a month. And you want
that in writing. If you rent, get his name off the lease,
one less avenue he will throw at you for control.
Be frank and strongly so. No, you are moving out. You
don't want to work things out, you feel no love for
me, and don't feel love enough to care for your daughter
as a father would do when his wife is at work, running
errands and such. I am staying here as I pay the bills,
and will continue to do so. You have until *before your due
I would hope* to move out.

Call legal aide *get the whitesettlement bomber, there is a
phone number in there in regards to free legal advice
phone times* and get the ball rolling...if married, file
separation, file for child support, get all in order.
You don't need him getting mad one day and coming home
to everything in his name, no money in the bank account
and your locked out. You pay the bills, that is yours to do.
Because you will be the one taking care of the children.
You will be the one keeping them fed, clothed, housed
and cared for. And you will not complain about it. *just the
financial aspect*. *not like him*.

Just thought of this, ask around work and your family for
leads of a new place to live...you might find one better
and closer to work. Leave him in the lurch when you move out
and have your new place in your name and in the clear, which
means what is in your joint names will be closed/shut off because when you call and get new one turned on, old one will be also requested for turn off. *if you rent*

K.,
Please go to counseling... even if it's only you. You need the support. There are tons out there that will see you cheap or free, if you don't have insurance that will pay for it.

Please go see someone. I'll pray for you and pray for your husband that he will see that he's being selfish to you and his child and child to be and that his heart will change.

You are a very strong woman and I am sure you can do this all on your own, though it is best if you do not have to do so.

Counseling and maybe a visit to a family law attorney would be very helpful.

Oh...How horrible I feel for you. I saw a sign just recently that said, "If you're in Hell, keep on walking." One day at a time is a great motto to follow.
From you message, you appear 1000% stronger than your husband. You can and will get through this relying onyour own strength if necessary - it's in you. I'm guessing your "gutt" is correct. It might not be a bad thing to check his phone, come home from work early one day, change your schedule a bit. I know it might sting to see what you might already know but if your Gutt is correct, good riddance to that negativity lurking in your house.
This too shall pass. #1 - do what's best for YOU because you will not be any use to your daughter(s) if you don't.
My wish for your today is a happy and healthy baby.
Hang on...it gets better, I swear.

You can do it if you have to...!!!! Keep your chin up!!!

I am sure he's frustrated and tired too... and since he's the father it's in his job description to "watch" the child he helped produce. My husband tried that term with me and I told him.. "well... I get to worry about everything when I am watching her and when you are watching her... get over yourself and be a responsible parent..."

Please don't make any rash decisions now!!!

As far as the exams... do you have any friends or relatives (like your mom or his mom) that you could ask to be with you during the exam times???? or even a nurse... shouldn't mind being there for support.. you have time to find someone else to help. I had my mother there and when she was gone.. I asked the nurse to be there and she didn't mind at all.

YOU WILL BE GREAT!!!!

Feel free to email me if you want to ... ____@____.com

J.

I honestly dont have anything that I could say to help you other than Keep Your Chin Up...
Most of the time we as mommies have to make it on our own anyway. You can do this and whatever else that you need to do to make your life easier. Take one day at a time. Make a list of things that you need to get done in the next month to prepare. Then if you have any good friends or mom ask them for help.
I will be praying for you.

K.,
I am not a single mom but I do understand your heartbreak. I am 4 weeks away from having our 2nd child. I know the stress & anxiety that alone causes. What I would suggest to you is that you kick him out now. You MUST keep the car & immediatley remove his name from all banking & important documents like that. He apparently is very "comfortable" & by the tone of your words, thinks you cannot do without him. Well show him you can. If you have family in town, take total advantage. I know this has to be extremly difficult, but instead of pretending to be a family during the holidays just send him on his way & prove to him you are a family without him. I would also document all the things he has done or not done since divulging this to you & if possible, tape record him. Anyman that can just throw away a child, let alone another shortly on the way is not worth shedding a tear over (at least not yet). I would consult an attorney as well just in case your husband would sue for custody of your girls just becasue you work full time & he does not.
I hope this helps & again I am terribly sorry you have to go through this.
Best Regards,
A.

Somethings up with him. Been there done that. Whatever happens you keep your chin up you'll see everything will be fine. The bible even says "this to shall pass". It seems hard but in my own experience after I got rid of the spoiled brat who wouldn't help with the kids, help me get them anywhere, wouldnt work OT, actually he'd complain there was no OT then when there was OT he'd cry like a baby anyway without him I have more money because you and the kids can't make up a pinch of what it cost to feed him. You have a ton less laundry and trust me the emotional roller coaster you'll get to get off of is priceless. You'll know what you will have to deal with. Do you know what I mean for example. I have one kid who is having a bad day, I have one that needs to get to dance, I burned dinner............alot easier to deal with when you know what your dealing with but when you have all of that and then a unhappy, unhelpful husband to deal with......you work OT in your mind trying to figure out how to get things right with him and then deal with the above scenerio....girl trust me I'm so much happier knowing that I'm in a house with my kids who love me and us working out our problems in love than all the riff raff my unhappy husband brought, which was overwhelming to me and the kids who were also trying to find away to please him. Trust me your'll be alright. I live near Houston I see you live near Dallas. I can't be much help to you down here. I hope you have someone nearby to be there for you. Goodluck, you'll see getting rid of him will be a wonderful new beginning. God never intended for you to be a door mat.

Hi K.. I have read some of your other posts and remember you also saying that your husband finds you unattractive and does not want to be intimate with you. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but here is my advice. Something is going on with him. Maybe he's cheating, or maybe it's something else, but you need to do something to make things better for yourself and for your children.

What I would do is tell him that I am leaving (or that he needs to leave) unless he intends to change. He needs to be supportive of you. He should love you and he should doing all he can to meet your needs. It's not right for him to treat you this way!

I'd kick him out. If you're married, contact legal aid to see if they'll do a divorce. With him (and his income) out of your house, you're eligible for all kinds of help - enough women do it alone that you're not going to miss this xy albatross - IMO

S.

Change the locks and file a restaining order on him if he gives you a hard time. Why should YOU have to support him? Come on now Girl pick yourself up. You can do this for yourself and your children. Don't let this MAN win. Go apply for public assists and SS. My friend did this she got money from SS for her living expensive while she was home with the baby.
I was single Mommy for 5 five years and it was hard but I had my mom and family to help. Also i had friends to lend on. You have to learn that things don't go the way you plan and you have to figure it out as you go along.
Good Luck and God Bless

Call me, K.!

###-###-####

~J.~

K.....my heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Not sure sure if you have family or friends in town to lean on, but please feel free to contact me if you need a friend. T.

I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this at once. I know you don't want to have to make tough decisions now either. I wouldn't. However, it looks like you have to. Who owns the car and apt.or house? If these are yours and you are the main breadwinner, then tell your husband to leave. Do you have family that live close? Friends that can help you? Why have someone like your husband there adding stress to your life, when they refuse to help out? You don't need him around watching you do everything alone. He is not providing for his family and doesn't want to be the caretaker either. This is the absolute worst time that this could happen, but you've go to be pro-active now. Find some legal help to see what your options are. You can go to your local Legal Aid Office if money is an issue. Don't be afraid or ashamed to get the help you need. Your children will need all of your attention pretty soon and you don't need this hanging over your head when the baby gets here.

Oh Darlin. I wish I lived closer to you, I would help you out. But since I'm not, you need to find help in your area. Call local churches and tell them your situation, just like you said it on mamasource and get the help you need. Do you have dependable family around? Call on them if you do. You will need help once you get home from the hospital with meals, playing with your older daughter, holding the baby while you take naps etc. GET HELP QUICK. Make these arrangements NOW...before having baby number 2. Since your husband is not supportive of you, you do not need his consent to get this help, since he will be at work while you are recovering. Do this for your security and peace of mind. You and your babies are #1. I must say this.....Take care of yourself well so you have energy to take care of your kiddos. Eat right and get plenty of rest. Ask God for help and he will send His Angels. Bless you!

K., This is not fair to you or your daughter, If I was you I will sit down with my husband and ask him is he cheating or whats the problem . You are about to have another baby and he treat you like this, know one should be treated like that. K. this sounds like another women is involve, I know been there done that. I pray that you get some help soon.....

V.

Well you can certainly see you are not alone! I have lost all respect for men, and I have learned to live without them. You can too. I have included a link to help you with daycare cost, http://www.twc.state.tx.us/svcs/childcare/ccinfo.html.
I agree with others to start separating account information, and hord your money. Let him know his behavior is really unacceptable and be kind of glad he brought it to your attention. Woman tend to live comfortably and forget who they are and where their going just to keep the peace. You should thank him for reminding you how miserable you really were. It's time to bring back smiles, laughter and happiness. YOURSELF. You will be surprised by what ever decision you make your friends and family will be behind you and support you all the way. Things and new routines will naturally fall into place. Don't be afraid to change things up. You can't possibly be happy living like this. Someone in here mentioned a church family. I just moved to TX in AUG, and was never a church goer until I came here. My family here attends Generations in Leander and as I loved that there, i wanted to search things out.. I found Gateway on McNeil in Austin. What a wonderful church is all I can say at this time, but I HIGHLY recommend it... or even seeking it out. The support groups there offer a tremendous wealth of support. Which is exactly what you need.
Good luck to you and your new endeavors, I'll say a prayer for ya!

Hey K.
I'm sorry to hear for you hardships. Unlike all the other moms, I'm not sure if you need to give up just yet. So many people are just ready to get up and walk away when things don't go their way. It sounds like you guys had a HORRIBLE fight, and it's hard to imagine that this just started out of thin air. I am not at all implying that you are wrong here, he definately needs to straighten up his act and be a real man by providing for your family. I do find it hard to believe that you don't love him any more. If you do care at all for him, you guys need to see a specialist/priest whatever that can help you work out your problems. I do have one question however, and that is why does he not work? does he work from home or is he just lazy? there are programs out there that can help him find employment, esp. if you have your daughter in a mdo program. If he doesn't work, pull her out of the program. he can be the caregiver, period. make him useful if he can't do it himself. As for giving up on the marriage, I would re think that, try to figure out what you can both contribute and back off on in the marriage. This sounds like a very trying and high stress time for both of you. Tell him you need security, and if nothing else, he needs to figure out a way to do that for your family. I struggled with these problems when my daughter was about to come, but things got better when he realized what he was doing to us. I am praying for you and hope all goes well. God only gives us what we can handle....
C.

I am sooo sorry! I agree with everything that the ladies said. But first, I would go see a lawer. You want to make sure everything is in order legally.

Hi K..

I just wanted to write and give you a big hug. It sounds like you are going through a very hard time in your life and need a friend. Do you have family, friends or a church with people to support you? You are a very strong mom and I think if you keep your head high you will get through this. I do not really want to give you advise, this is your family and your heart, you will have to do what is right for you. Just remember that you are a special person and you do not deserve to be treated this way. Sometimes being alone is hard, but sometimes it is better than living in misery everyday.

HUGS! If you ever want to chat, I would love to be a friend. ____@____.com I was in a similar situation with my second child and remember the heartache you are going through.

C.

Hire a detective and let him do the search for you. I recommend Jack Crosby of Crosby Investigations. His number is: ###-###-####. You need to know as soon as possible to protect yourself and your children both physically and finanacially.

I will be praying for you and your daughters.

Dr. Cindy L. Russell
Nutritionist
Doctor of Naturopathy
Doctor of Chiropractic
###-###-####
###-###-####
____@____.com

I have to add my voice to the chorus, here, and say get rid of him.

How dare he complain about looking after his own daughter? That's a pretty basic responsibility! That's his CHILD. If you divorce him, he will at least be forced to pay child support...for both your children. It's probably more of a help than you are currently getting from him.

There may or may not be another woman in the picture, but does it really matter? Here you have a man who is taking no responsibility for his children and refusing to be there when his wife needs him. His PREGNANT wife! He's not acting like a daddy, he's not being a good husband. And that's not the sort of man you or your babies need in your lives.

If you just can't stomache getting rid of him, then you HAVE to go to some sort of counseling. But honestly, he sounds like a lost cause. I'm one of those people who believe that there is someone for everyone. Your perfect man is out there, and you're still young. Don't settle for someone who's going to spend the rest of his life pulling you down.

Having someone help you (the Mommy's Helper) idea mentioned earlier is great. I did it with my last baby. BUT I didn't have them watch the baby while I did housework. They couldn't breastfeed, and they didn't need bonding time with my daughter. I paid THEM to do the housework while I spent time with the baby. Makes much more sense, don't ya think? :) And you usually don't have to pay a whole lot. 2-3 hours of housework is plenty to keep things running smoothly; you're looking at 15-20 bucks.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I wish you the best with your new baby!

I am not a single mom and i have a great husband but he has had to work 2 jobs right now so he is not able to help much at all. So I know what that part is like. If any thing i would love to be an ear to hear or just an encourager for you during this time. Let me know to when you have your baby and i would love to set up some meals or something for you. I am so sorry for what he has done to you i can not imagine being in your shoes. Both your girls need you right now, so don't give up! You are dong the best job you can just take it one day at a time. Today just make it to your due date and love on on your girls.

Hi K.,

Sorry to hear about you are going through. Yes it is hard being a single mom ( I am a single mom of an adorable 4 year old son) but at the same time I don't think you would want to stay with some one who doesn't respect you. The only advice I can offer is hang in there and do what is best for your children.

S.

Please remember that you are a wonderful woman taking care a beautiful girl and financially supporting both of you and this man. You are going to great and from the sounds of it you are a lot stronger (!) than you realize. You are going to be ok. Sounds like it might be a good thing if he does leave, you don't need a roommate. Do you have family here? Lean on them if you can, or your girlfriends, let them know what's going on. Your daughter is looking up to you and it sounds like she has a pretty good role model. Don't let him use you, you're way to valuable for that! And don't give him the car. If he's not out looking for a job then he doesn't need it!

OMG!!! He's a loser, move on!!! Your 8 months pregnant and he's not working full time? I love these men who think that once they're a parent, they can chose to help or not. Kick him out! I'm a single mother to two kids - it can be done! He's using you and you deserve better!! He's using you for your paycheck and is emotionally abusing you! It will do more damage to your daughter for her to feel like she's just an annoyance to her father than if you just kick him out and do it on your own. I will pray for you. I know this is hard, especially with the impending birth of your second child, but woman are WAY stronger than men. Weaker sex, my A$$!! Pull yourself up and move on!

I really feel for you. You are probably right about another woman. It is never easy. I gave my whole heart to my ex almost 20 years ago and these last 6 years in and out of depression. I am raising a granddaughter but because I have to work and do it all I just cannot nurture friendships. My life is children. I had a 2 and 3 and half when my first husband left me. I did get to keep the home and I had my own car. I could not afford Day Cares so I had them very little. New babies are really expensive. I learned years later that someone on welfare made about what I made working and paying all on my own. I did get support but it was here an there. Some rotten men will not hold a decent job until after a divorce so they pay less support. You need your family around you to deal with this. My mom babysat and a sister-in-law so it helped me a lot. Hopefully you will get the car. I can not imagine why you would not. I hate women that take up with married men. They always believe what that man is saying and it is always the wife's fault. Not HIS. She will think she maybe just a listener at first then it leads into more. Men have no morals and a lot of women don't today. Get prepared for the worse. Pray daily and go to someone for understanding and help. Neal Curran at Cross Roads Bible Church was my source. He was someone to lean on when I had no one else. I was so afraid to do all he told me to do. One thing, make sure you open your own savings account. Get creditcards in only your name, put away money for an attorney. I was told to get all the cash I could get my hands on. But our bank account was in both our names and I did not want overdrafts to go against me. He said who cares. Let him find the money to make it up. I walked on egg shells. I did not even know for a couple of months he had filed and was going to have the utlities turned off. His kids were living with me and I was using my alimony to support them. He moved out. Divorces are expensive. Do not go to Dale Burrows as he is a jerk. He lost me $100K plus half my ex's retirement. I also was put a gag order not to tell anyone about this. But none of you know who I am. Just seek out a bible study or a support group. Those people will try and help you. God Bless you. Every one of my friends 30 years ago got divorced when we had two little children. I think we focus on our children and the men are selfish. If they can just wait and care about the children we would admire them so much and after a few years when children get busy with their friends we do it together. Not to many men are really into children. I am praying for you and your little ones. The only way I got through the pain was a met a woman who was well versed in the Bible and we prayed every day. Then we laughed and laughing is a cure. It took a good year to get to function but I still miss my husband. It was the kind of marriage I wanted and would never do it again because I do not believe it exists. G. W

GET A LAWYER AND FIND OUT YOUR RIGHTS! Do you have any support system? Do you belong to a church? What area are you from?
What a heartbreaking story - know that you can get through this.

My heart goes out to you girl. I wish I had some good advice for you. I went thru the same thing pretty much with my husband when I was pregnant with our daughter. I didn't have anywhere to turn, so I have remained in the relationship. It's gotten even worse (my child will soon turn 4 yrs). I gave up on the dream to have a second child (can't exactly make a baby when your "husband" lives and sleeps upstairs). I had to make the tough decision to stop at one since I obviously could not guarantee a somewhat normal future for my children. If you would like to talk privately, let me know. Good luck to you. I don't know why some men just wig out on us like this. It's not fair to us and especially to our children. To think that I trusted my husband, gave him the best years of my life and for him to give up on the marriage like he did, I will never be able to forgive him. I know that you and I and our children have bright and happy futures ahead of us, it's just getting to that point that's the pits.

Wow, K., I really feel for you! I hate to say this, because I know the pain that you are going through- but it seems like this is probably the best thing for you and your children. Did you guys actually get married within the last year or are you just calling him "husband" now? I went through and read most of your previous requests. I would suggest that you do that as well, if you haven't. It would probably be great if you keep a journal or diary too. So, this is the situation, right.... he hasn't had a job in like 3 years, he's been arrested for being irresponsible (not taking care of warrants), he's never there for you- esp. during the birth of Mali Elizabeth, and now he's leaving you right before Sierra's birth, he doesn't want to drive you to work or care for your daughter at all, you don't sleep together, etc. I just don't understand what good he is at all? You deserve so much better than him. I'm sure that people have been telling you that for a long time. I'm just glad he finally broke it off- you will be so much better off. Please get him out of the house. Change the locks, whatever you need to do. Maybe move in with friends or parents temporarily, but get away from him. He's just bringing you down into the pit with him and it's time to get out of the pit and focus on being a great mom to your girls- they need you!!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now, it sounds like it is incredibly difficult, but you also sound like you have the strength to get through it. From what you wrote, it sounds to me like your husband is probably jealous and resents the fact that you are the main breadwinner, and is tired of staying home and taking care of your daughter. And he probably also resents having to drive you around, like you said he mentioned 'driving Miss Daisy', he probably feels like he's less than you. Has he been looking for a job? Maybe that would help the situation if he was working, too, or if he worked and you quit, especially since you're about to have baby #2! Best of luck to you, and I hope your labor and delivery go well and that you and your new little girl do great!

P.S. I just read Alli K.'s response, and I change my mind! If everything she said is true about your husband's past, kick him to the curb. If I were you, I would pool all my resources and rally the troops--contact all your friends and family, co-workers, whoever you can for support. Don't let him use the car anymore unless it is to go apartment hunting! Give him a deadline to move out by. If he isn't happy staying home and taking care of your precious daughter while you bring home the bacon, then he is going to miss out. He had it made and didn't even know it. Shame on him for not appreciating you for all the hard work you do for your family. Don't give him any money either--you need to save it for you and your girls. Besides, you earned it! Depending on how tight money is, I would suggest cutting back on all the bills/expenses that you can, too, so that you have emergency money or something. Hopefully you get paid maternity leave, too. Take advantage of every type of assistance you can--community services, government assistance, Medicaid, whatever. I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this difficult time and to show your daughters all the love you have. Stay strong!

K., I'm so sorry to hear that. I second Amy's response and hope there are some moms out there who have suggestions on how to get him out if he refuses to leave.
You can make it on your own and you will but he can't be in the house draining your time, money and resources while you try. Surround yourselves with family, friends and anyone who can help and show him the door. The roommate idea is in his best interest not yours or your childrens.

K.,

First of all, I am SO SORRY for all you are dealing with. But you have a lot of Mommys you don't even know that will be praying for you! I know this must be so very difficult for you, with the baby coming a toddler and a spouse that is not there for you, but you have your priorities right.

Take care of Mali and Sierra, and yourself. Perhaps it is another woman, perhaps not. He could be feeling scared about the second baby coming and him not being the breadwinner, he could be stressed (as I am sure you are). Even if there is someone else, you can decide what to do about that at a later time.

Do you have family or co-workers nearby that can be your support? Or even someone at church? You really need to let someone that knows you in on all you are going thru, you can't - and shouldn't do it alone. Remember you, Mali and Sierra MUST come first. Take care of the three of you and things will eventually work out, not always as we have planned but God does have a plan for us - he WILL see you thru. I pray for your strength during this trying time.

Your Sister in Christ!

Yes, please seek some counseling, even if he won't go, it will help you and your children immensely. I definately think you are right to take the car to work.

I am so sorry for this. HUG!

K.,
If he is tired of Driving Miss Daisy and sick of watching his own daughter all day and doesn't have a full time job then it sounds like it would be beneficial for all if he was not there. You basically are doing it by yourself, anyway. If he wasn't there it might be better because he wouldn't be such a distraction. As if you need that type of distraction. Focus on you and your daughter and pray. I will be praying for you, too. You sound like a remarkable woman...don't let him bring you down.
Love,
M.

K....
You've given us a toughie.
However, I've been in your shoes. I won't say what happened b/c I don't want to influence your decision.
First of all, gather your wits, you are in for a ride.
You are right, concentrate on celebrating your new daughter AND keeping your job (The JOB is a MUST). While you are off on maternity leave (it's going to be a struggle) get all of your personal things done. If Mr. Driving Ms Daisy wants out, so be it. You need your strength to find a baby sitter/daycare and transportation, if necessary. Again, do this while you are on maternity leave so that it will not be a distraction once you go back to work. Enlist some assistance from family and/or friends (One idea is high-schoolers/middle schoolers who could be Mommy Helpers. They could watch the kids once you get home while you cook, clean, grocery shop (I used to do this while in middle/high school)).Yeah, this will require some money, but it gives you a little time to yourself and some space.
Now some tough talk:
K. - at this point, I know first hand that it is so easy to just breakdown and cry. But you can't. Too bad, so sad. Straighten your back, face the music and make a plan.
You have two babies to take care of - so get to it.
Yes, I did cry - at night after the kids were sleep. When the sun was shining, I was the pillar of strength. When I got mad - I made mountains move. After the sun went down and the house was quiet, I broke down so low that I almost hyperventilated!
You have a long road, but choose wisely, have faith and strength to stick to your plan. Also, get into church if you are not. I don't know where you live, but Spring Baptist Church has a great support group for Single/Divorced moms.
If you do that, then once the clouds clear, you will feel empowered. Trust Me.. ;)

Hang in there! You have already proven your a amazing mother, one day at a time (or maybe an hour!!).