This is the stuff of life the separates people into the can do category and never will category. I do believe that everything good that I do or accomplish or anything good that comes my way comes from the Lord. Even when I am fighting, working, and striving I know that it's God that gives me the strength.
I've gone through the hard times, sleeping in the car, leaving my child with in-laws so that we could strike out with 200 dollars in our pockets and move to a city to get jobs. I've walked 5 miles in high heeled shoes to get my first job in the city and got it in less than 5 minutes because the guy was so impressed with the bloody blisters on my feet. I even managed to change a water pump in our car once because we couldn't afford to pay someone else to do it. But even that was the grace of God because my landlord was working on the roof and describing exactly what to do one step at a time. I'll never know how he could remember what step I was on since I was so slow.
When life all around is just awful, people are stealing from us, and others are discouraging us in a myriad of ways, you need to dig in. Sit down with the Bible and look for the promises. Go to the Library and look for Christian books and biographies about others that have gone through difficult times.
Go to www.modestneeds.com to get help. That organization is all about keeping people from the cycle of poverty and helping people to move forward. It's truly the preverbial hand up and not a hand out.
Did you by chance pay $850 for a used car? If I understand what you are saying, then you need to understand that you get what you pay for. Now instead of being so mad that the car needs fixed, set about finding a way to get it done. Modest needs dot come might be able to help with that.
I noticed that when you wrote the word GOD...you used a small g. There is nothing small about our GOD. I could tell you stories all day long about situations that God has turned around for me. One time I had 1 dollar to my name, bought a scratch off and one 5000 dollars. Another time I borrowed 500 dollars to help a friend that was going through troubles of her own. I thought I'd have to make payments on the money I borrowed. God gave it back in a couple weeks and MORE THAN.
There are life principals in God's word. We need to be doing our part if we are going to reap what we sow and make sure what we sow is good seed.
In the last few years I've been making some serious financial blunders of my own. For instance, when my daycare parents have paid me at odd times, shown up late, passed a bad check, or lost a job, left without notice etc... I've made the mistake of saying I was broke. I believe the words that come out of our mouth are IMPORTANT. I wasn't really broke. I needed to wait to buy groceries or I needed to pay a late fee because I didn't have the money at the right time. But how often I over spent and didn't build up a cushion in my finances because I had been frivolous was my fault and I can find a LOT of things about the words I say and the things I do that I need to change.
How are you getting online? If it's at the library, do their computers have sound? Can you get headphones? Start listening to Joyce Meyer. She'll lift you up in a way that will point you the right way. Also, I love Joel Osteen when you need pointed in the right direction.
God is NOT and old MYTH. HE is real. If you ever want to talk, email me on here any time and we'll exchange email addresses. I've been down 90 miles of muddy road. I understand how you are feeling.