All the Wrong Words

R.,
I agree with most of what everyone else has said but I think you should also try reading John Rosemond's books. He has great suggestions for parents. Below is his website. I've used several of his methods. You can also check out some of his books out in the library. Good luck.

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&Web...

MY son did the same thing. And he was the same way -- so sweet and then just totally changed after he started school. He was learning to be mean, and he hadn't been around that before. I cried for weeks because I thought I had lost him for good! That was two years ago, and he is back to himself. We talked to him (quite a few times) about the things we liked about him before, and any time we caught him being sweet, we would reinforce that. And also talked to him about the fact that, just because other kids do something doesn't make it ok. Some kids at school may think it's funny to (fill in the blank), but it's not nice, and when they get older, they will know that, too.

Also, my son is the oldest of six, but we kind of played on that, too, telling him that the other kids just haven't learned yet how to get along with other kids because they didn't all get a baby brother so quickly. They would probably be better at it after they had been in pre-K for awhile. That really seemed to help him.

Hang in there! I don't disagree with the woman who suggested homeschooling, btw! I am keeping that option in mind, as well.

M.

Oh, Honey, I feel your pain. My son went through this last year when he started Pre-School. He got better over Christmas Break and then slowly got worse again until the end of the year. He was back to normal about 2 weeks after school was over in the Spring. Even his art was different. He drew lots of angry faces and he didn't seem to be able to control himself. I spoke to his Pediatrician about it, and he said that if we could change his class, we should try, but we were unable to do that. He is MUCH better this year. His attitude is back to the caring, loving child I knew I had. I firm.y believ that his class last year was just not a good fit. He was one of the youngest kids in a class of mostly boys. More than half of his class went straight to Kindergarten this year rather than to Pre-K like him. The only advice I can give is to check out the makeup of the class, ask lots of questions of the teacher (but she can't name names of other children, so don't ask--your son can tell you) and if there is another class he can be in, you might want to try to pursue that. This is one of the dangers of letting our kids out with the greater public, but it is also a way for children to learn how to choose friends. Who should they emulate and so on? Keep consistant and try not to give up on your sweet boy coming back...he will. Oh, and if there is a child or children who are good examples, try to encourage your child to spend time with them. The bad behavior has rubbed off on him, so maybe good behavior and attitudes will too.

Dear R.,

I am no expert but have raised 2 children quite successfully. They are a joy to be around and very productive and positive members of society. Your son sounds (evidently) frusterated over something in his life. I noticed you said he was different "since starting school." He may be having trouble adjusting to the transition of a new school and a new neighborhood. I noticed when my children had something bothering them, a walk or during play was a good time to throw in a few questions here and there. Try to pick a relaxed time to ask a few questions when they feel free to share what's on their minds.

Are you and your husband on the same page when it comes to discipline? This can also be a source of confusion to children if you are not. Also, be very careful with pity. Pity is a mother's biggest emotion for our children. However, it is also the most crippling. When you only pity there is no progress to address and resolve the problem so that you may both move ahead. Instead try to empathize, listen and watch for cues that will help him overcome whatever is affecting him.

It is very important for you and your husband to be UNITED on your views of discipline and consistancy. This will give your son CLEAR boundaries and guidelines so that he will feel confident about what is expected of him. Children are notorious for the divide and conquer tactic. If they see one parent against the other they will not hesitate to use it to their advantage. It is alright to have different views but NEVER DISCUSS or argue your differences in front of the child. Instead do it in private and come to a mutual agreement on how discipline should be handled with a decision that makes you BOTH comfortable.

I hope this is of some help and comfort to you.

From what you are saying, it seems that your sons troubles started when he started school. Have you gone to school and talked to the teacher to find out what their take on this is? or Gone to school to observe him in the class room? You also stated that he knows the right decision to make but chooses not to. Have you asked him why he has choosen not to?
I have 3 children 19, 14 and 9. They all went thur this stage and they did grow out of it as well. The main thing that worked for us was to make them resposible for their actions. If they were mouthy we made them aware of it and they had to apologize for it. Even if it meant taking them to school to apoloize to whoever was hurt by it. I hope this passes soon for you.
Merry Christmas and God Bless!

Would it be possible for you to home school him even if it was for the rest of the year? He is having major overload.
At this point if that is not possible.
I would take everything away and spend some major one on one time with him. another thing I realize is every boy at different stages in their lives need a man to be rough and tough with they really get sick of us women and will fight us for independence if he has a women teacher and he is spending a lot of his time with you and little time with dad he is having women overload.
Boys are way different then us girls try making dad and him hang out and I would make dad the one to set up new rules your son has to learn from dad how to act and treat you I am guessing you are getting the major bad attitude so dad has to tell him what is expected of him and how he is to act or not act.

Hi R.,

I feel like I need a little more information before I can give any advice. If you would please elaborate a little more.
W.