Am I Being Overprotective???

My daughter who is 2 1/2 went to a preschool for 3 weeks last year. I thought she was going to love it and she did the first week. Then she started crying everytime I left her so I pulled her out. When I would make suprise visits they would be changings children's diapers on the floor. I never saw them having real fun with the kids. Almost all the kids were crying everyday. It was not fun for her or me so we stopped going. I think you can try it if he doesn't adjust then pull him out. We are trying again this fall. But this time we are going to a preschool that one of her friends goes to and they will be in the same class with the same teacher he has this year. Good luck!

He will change. Most children show you what you show them. They will adjust to new people and invironments. It will be good for him to adjust before going to school.

Actually preschool will help him with that. You just won't believe what preschool does to a child. I have 3 boys, 7, 6,and 4. All of the boys started preschool at the age of 3 and it has helped a lot. They will learn to share and get a long the kids. Just interacting with other children is great. They also act different with brothers and sisters then they do with other children there age.

Hope this helps

B.

Preschool is going to help him with a lot of things...you will love it. You will be suprised what he will do (or not do) for other people. He will really enjoy the friends, attention and structure. He will probably be upset when you drop him off for about 1-2 weeks, but then will ask to go to school. I put my daughter in almost a year ago when she was 1 1/2 and had been home with me. We use the Children's Courtyard and also Watch me Grow in class camera system. I can watch my daughter over the internet which makes me feel better. Good luck!

I don't have any advice, but I am in a similar situation. I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old. My older son is very quiet around others and doesn't adjust to new situations easily. He likes things a certain way and becomes upset if he is off schedule or out of his comfort zone. I am a stay at home mom and he hasn't been in any type of child care since he was a baby. I am definetly sending him to mom's day out in August and I'm sure we will have some very upsetting mornings, but I think it is for the best. I am concerned my son will let others run over him and not stand up for himself along with a million other concerns. So, I know how you feel. Good luck to both of us and our children.

If the option is there, try putting him in a Mother's Day Out program for awhile. This may help with the adjustment and separation. You may be surprised that he likes the social contact. Stop comparing him to things your first child does or did. He's not your middle child. He's your oldest son. Middle children are often left with the no identity. Try getting into the habit of "He's our oldest son, or if your 8 week old is another girl, than he's our only son" He'll adjust, it may not be right away, but it's not because he isn't like your daughter.

My son is four and we put him in preschool at age 3. He is an only child and was always home with either my husband or me. It has helped him tremendously since we put him in preschool. He's becoming a very independent, confident, little boy. He still has the occasional melt down, but what child doesn't? I would highly recommend putting him preschool. I think it will help your son grow. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Sometime he will have to learn to share, and that everyone gets to play with the toys, whether he cries or not. This is part of life. So if he should cry a little to learn to play with others, this isn't going to hurt him, just help him. And each child developes at a different stage, an that doesn't mean you have to compare. And You said it yourself, you do everything for him, so of course he isn't going to do it himself, but 2 1/2 is pretty young to expect a lot anyway, in my opinion, espically cleaning his room. Very few can do that at his age. With an 8 week old, don't know how easy this will be, but have a special time just for him to read a story or something, it won't have to be over 10 minutes, and he'll feel special, an not like a (middle child)

Preschool will probably do him some good. We all know our kids usually act better with other people. The teachers will know how to handle fits. Just make sure you thoroughly check the preschool out. My son was a major fit thrower when he was little and he actually did very well in preschool. It is easier to fight with sister then another child in class and he will learn in the process sharing etc.
Good luck

G.,

I think the pre-k environment will be great for him. He needs to learn not to have fits if he gets upset or something. He will learn how to interact with other children.

Don't give him pity for being a middle child. This will only create problems in the future! Believe me-I've got a friend who did this and she had all kinds of problems when her kids were teens. Also, I right now have 2 kids and feel the same about 'the baby'. I baby him just because I don't think he 'understands' the situation or something like that.I don't typically let him 'cry it out' like I know you need to sometimes.

Also, my daughter (5) is currently in pre-k and she has done wonderful. It's really helped her develope social and brain skills. I used to worry about them crying too. They're your babies and you hate the thought of not being there if they need something or be there if the world is mean to them. But you do have to let them live and learn :)

My First Born was very attached to me. He had stayed at home all his life with me and when he turned four I put him in a two day pre-k program (mornings only) and he adjusted just fine. However, when he turned 5 and had to kindergarten all day, the adjustment was not so easy. So I recommend starting out in just a couple days a week and mornings only. That will ease him into it.

Your son will definately benefit from preschool. I have 3 children and it was much harder on me than them the first time I took each one of them. Aslo my children have 2 behaviors-their school behavior which is wonderful (angelic even) and then the mommy (Im going to run all over you) behavior. Many preschools know the adjustments for both kids and parents. Preschool will definately help for the adjustment of kindergarten. K is the new 1st grade. You need to find a pre-k that you are comfortable with and that has a small attendence. My son is 3 now and there are 2 teachers for 10 kids, My middle daughter is in the Pre-K class with 20 students and 2 teachers. they break down into small groups each day and so small activites and work. I don't know where you are located, but there are several in the mid cities area that I am aware of. Most are 2 or 3 days and range from 235-350 a month.

Good luck

I guess I am in the minority in that I don't believe preschool is absolutely necessary. You can are more than capable of teaching your son numbers, letters, shapes, colors AND good social skills.

You can help him make friends and develop independence by taking him to play groups, park days, story times, etc. That is more than enough social interaction for a 3 year old.

An extra year at home may provide your son with the security he needs to feel more confident and develop independence. He has 2 years to go before Kindergarten so there is no need to rush.

Here is some information on teaching preschool at home:
http://www.successful-homeschooling.com/homeschooling-pre...

My oldest went to preschool and my middle child didn't. My middle child is way more confident and self-assured than her older brother, and she gets along just fine with other children.

I think it's a good thing when we as mothers are in tune with our children's needs and are evaluate all of our options to make sure we are acting in their best interest.

Of course, you know your son best and you know what is right for him. Good luck and trust your instincts!

I think it's understandable to be worried, but I think pre-school will be great for your son. My son also stays with my mother while I work, so he is the prince all day. He will start pre-school this fall, and I'm glad that he'll be around other kids a few days a week, learn to share, to play with others, to be respectful of others, etc. I like the idea of him learning these things earlier rather than having a harder time adjusting later. I would hope that the teachers are familiar with these challenges and will work with your son. Again, I totally know what you are feeling; no one will be as patient with our babies as we are. But they can't stay under our wings forever, so I feel like my son should start slowly, safely learning to be a kind, considerate, independent person. Take care & good luck!

I think preschool would be great for him. He will learn to play with the other kids and even cleaning up will become normal to him. I know the kids in my class (they're only 2) know the clean up song and every one of them pitches in to help. Yes, you can teach him everything that he will learn in preschool, but the social aspect of him being around other kids his age will do wonders for him. Yes, you can accomplish that in playdates, groups, etc.,but for some of us (me included) that gets exhausting and when you're working, almost impossible to fit in.

Starting daycare/school is always harder for the parent than the child, I think!! I am a 4 year old teacher at a daycare, and quite often the parents have a harder time than the kids. Just keep in mind that your son will greatly benefit from being a childcare! The main reason is the socialization skills he will learn. He will learn how to share, talk to and play with other kids, solve problems, independence, just to name a few. Look for centers with a good curriculum that teaches colors, shapes, numbers, ABC's, pre-math, and pre-literacy skills. This will also help him once he starts Kindergarten, since he will already have adjusted to being away from family for the day or a few hours.
Just keep in mind that it may take up to 2 months for him to fully adjust to the new environment, especially if he's used to staying only with family. It will help so much if you keep a positive attitude about him starting school!!!!!! I can't stress that enough! If you are nervous, then he will pick up on it and not want to go. If the teachers aren't patient enough to help him learn to share, then find a new school. A good teacher will show a child how to interact with other kids, not just tell them. Visit the school and meet with some of the teachers he will be with before signing him up. Make sure you are comfortable with the center. Ask about their discipline procedures, curriculum, operating hours, communication with the parents, naptime, sick policies, and anything else you feel necessary.
Remember, some changes take time for kids to adjust, so be patient. If he has one great day, then a sad day the next, that's normal. He will adjust and make friends, and you will have forgetten how nervous you are now!! Good luck!!

Hi G.,

I think preschool would be the best thing for your son. It may take a couple of weeks for him to adjust, and yes, you should expect some crying and fit throwing, but if you have him in the right preschool, the teachers will understand child development and separation anxiety. They will provide him with consistency, love and discipline to manage his acting out. They will teach him how to socialize with other children his age. They will teach him how to get his wants and needs met and how to use language to do this. Things you can do at home: make sure you give him a little of your time each day. Play with him for awhile, then clean up toys together. Make him a part of caring for your baby to an extent, like maybe helping with the bath. This will help him feel grown up and needed. And never make an example of his sister being such a grown up girl and why can't he be more like that? That will cause resentment and possibly damage his self esteem when you need to be building it up. I know how hard it is to manage work and family, I also work full time and have four children from 15 years down to a one year old. I also teach preschool for special education students and I'm a real believer in quality early education.

I was also like you - afraid to hand my son over to a stranger. Preschool was the VERY first time that someone other than my parents had EVER watched him - EVER! He was 2 1/2 when he started and he was VERY shy and timid. He is very much so a mommy magnet - always wants to be with me doing whatever I am doing. Sending him to pre-school was the VERY best decision I ever made. He adjusted pretty quickly and HE LOVES school. He loves being around his school friends and he loves learning. He gets so proud every day when he tells me about all of the new things he learned that day. The other amazing thing is that children who tend to throw fits (mine certainly has his moments) amazingly don't do it when they are at school. My son is like an angel at school - always listens and never gets into trouble! At home is definitley a different story altogether! Find a good program and start him going 2 or 3 days a week and then next year you can go 5. He has become so much more social and he has learned his numbers, alphabet, colors, shapes, days of the week, seasons, writing etc. I can't tell you what a blessing it has been. It was a great help with potty training and learning to go potty by himself and to dress himself - EVERYTHING. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Trust me...he will be fine in preschool! Most times kids are more ready than we are. Even if they cry initially, usually once WE are gone, they do fine. Kids love being around other kids.

If you are still worried, try signing him up at a drop in rate first and take him 2 or 3 days a week to see how he likes it. Then, once YOU are comfortable, let him go the full week.

Sounds like your son is being just a normal 2 1/2 year old! He is learning lessons about cooperation and sharing through play with his sister. These lessons about social behavior are important for his happiness throughout life. As you know loving patience is a must, but also it could help to have him in an environment where teachers are experienced in this socialization process.

If you are interested in a preschool for him, it is important to find a good fit for him by doing your research. You may want to start him out in a Mothers Day Out program first where he only goes a few hours a day, a few days a week.

YES! doing everything for hime is creating a problem.
In my opinion, letting him go to daycare would be the best thing for him. This will allow him time to develop the social skills to get along with other children (that are not his siblings). Being protective is one thing when it keeps your child safe. Being OVER protective is another. This can sometmes keep them from developing the social skills and independence needed to survive in this world when they get on their own or even earlier... high school.

D.

About me: Mother of three: 18(girl), 17(boy), and 4(girl). Married for to a wonderful husband and father for 12 yrs. WAHM who works as a virtual assistant for a local Valpak Salesmand and I am also a distributer of Maxgxl. http://www.maxgxl.com/D.

I have a 5 y/o who is graduating pre-school and an almost- 2 y/o who has been at the same facility in a Mom's Day Out program. I LOVE IT! My daughter is the social butterfly I knew would addapt immediately, but I was very nervous about my son. I ended up enrolling him anyways b/c it was only 2 days a week, I met the teacher and knew the facility VERY well (it was our church) and trusted them with him, and I felt that I'd give it a couple weeks and see how it went. If it came down to it, I could always pull him out. But I needed the alone time in the meantime. It took about 3 weeks, but he's now been in for a few months and is happy to be there, loves his teachers, etc.
I don't think you're being over protective! It is our natural instinct to protect our children and feel guilty when we do something for ourselves that seems unneccesary. ;)
I say go for it. Try it out. If he hates it after a few weeks, you can pull him out, no harm. He'll probably end up loving it! I would try a local church or a reallllly nice daycare center. I'd be more than happy to share what I've found about certain centers and the best ones in different areas. I'm kinda anal about that stuff after working in child care for 5 years before being a mom. ;)
Good luck!!

it used to be that kindergarten was the "get used to school" year. Not anymore. NOw kindergarten is the learn ABC's and basic reading, and number skills year. Most kids learn in preschool what WE learned in kindergarten and even 1st grade. The kids that don't have the year or more of preschool don't come in to grade school already knowing how to sit in a circle, walk in a line, raise your hand, ask permission, share with others, talk quietly, put up your belongings, etc. Let alone the basics of colors, shapes, letters, how to write their name, etc. They are at a distinct disadvantage. If they go into kindergarten not having tackled "how do I separate from mom and dad?" - that is really really tough on them, and they miss out on vital friend making opportunities during those first several weeks.

One more thing, if you are remotely considering private school, pre-school is a MUST.

My opinion....the preschool would probably be good for him. It will be a place for him to be his own person, not the middle child. Of course it will take him time to adjust, but kids need to learn to play with other kids, and be around other adults. Would it be possible for him to go part time--then when he eventually starts loving it, which I suspect he will, you could start increasing the time he spends there. Like I said, just my opinion. You know your child best, and will be the best judge of whether he is ready or not--but be honest with yourself--sometimes being a little overprotective can be a good thing, and sometimes it can be detrimental.

I am mother of two and a preschool teacher. I have twelve two year olds in my class.

I feel that preschool is such a benefit to children. It is a great social beginning for them.

There is usually some time of adjustment where there is some grief at drop-off, but it generally goes away. If you find a good school, they make you aware if they think the child is not benefitting. Give it time and see how it goes.

I love teaching preschool and the children I have in my class become "mine" during school time. I treat them like they're my own and celebrate each milestone and things that they learn along the way! I have open communication with the parents and let them know how their children are doing. If one has especially hard separation anxiety, I will recommend(along with the directors) things that can make it easier.

Good luck!

He will cry, and they will not be as accomodating as you are with his my way or the highway tantrums. You will be amazed at the change - he will become more independent, throw fewer fits, and get along better with other children.

S.