Almost 3Yr Old - Hitting and Pushing..

L.,
My 2 1/2 year old does the same thing. He told me he did it to come home because he would rather be at home playing with his lawnmower than at he park. We now take a "manners" blanket (an old receiving blanket) everywhere we go. If I have to speak to him about pushing, hitting, screaming or any other rude behavior he has to go and sit on the "manners blanket". We have a manners song I make him sing with me. It is from "Signing Time" that airs on PBS or you can rent at most libraries. It is totally cheesy but it has worked like a champ. I have only used it once and once he realized he wasn't getting what he wants (to go home) he stopped. I will also in adult situations like while I am speaking with another adult, remind him that I say when we go home not him, and the worse he behaves the longer we will stay. Suddenly he is an angel.
Hope this helps.
S.

My almost-3-yr-old is the same way, and we too are struggling to correct this behavior in a meaningful way.

Not that this has been a fix at all, but I did notice the little lightbulb go on during one conversation, and hitting/pushing has been minimal since (may be a coincidence, though, as its only been a week) --- my son hit a friend last week at daycare. I asked him if the little boy cried, and my son said "No. He was happy." I was surprised and pursued this. Turns out, even when other kids DID cry, my son was not connecting that response with actual hurt. We talked about when things hurt him (which is very rare, he is made of steel! but he did recently bite through his lip climbing over some furniture, so we had some frame of reference) and how when he hit, that felt the same to the other kids. Even if they were brave enough not to cry. He had this lack of empathy regardless of response though - he used to like to make his brother and his (2-yrs-older!) friend cry a lot. Again, lack of empathy, it was just like pushing a button on a noisy toy to him.
I think not everyone is born with empathy, and that for many many people it is a learned skill. So perhaps really putting it in the context of pain for your little one would help cancel out the "really cool" reaction he is getting?
I wish you luck, and if you find some magic that does the trick all the time, please please share!

Take a deep breath! There now relax. Although you as the parent are mortified, and if the child he is hitting is an only or first born, that parent is mortified probably, this is a phase. He will outgrow it. Until then, continue what you are doing. Be firm, quick to respond, and if you see a situation arrising, devert his attention so it defuses.
We have a friend whose son hits, kicks, throws, etc. For a while, no one wanted them around, except his older sister who is wonderful. Our friend could never socialize with us because she had to constantly shadow him. But he is slowly moving out of this phase and the other week my son and this little boy played for an hour with no problems what so ever.
Just remember, only threaten what you will follow through with. Don't tell him "If you hit, we go home!" unless you plan to leave when he hits. It doesn't sound like you are idly making threats, but I though it was worth saying anyway.
And keep breathing! This is normal behavior, no matter how mortified you may be!
A.

I think being consistant is more important than punishment.

A natural consequence to violent behavior is that the other children won't want to play with him. I'd explain that very firmly, and make him understand that it HURTS. He will eventually understand that concept. I would encourage him to apologize, if he still has a problem with IMPULSE CONTROL after that, then I'd leave and explain that we'd return when he can control his hands.

Validate his feelings, tell him you understand that X made him angry but it is NOT OK to push/hit. Offer him other things he CAN do when he feels angry or sad.

Hi L.,

Parenting classes and a parenting support group will help you learn discipline techniques as your child gets older.

www.kidspriorityone.org is a good resource.

Each City has a parenting resource center. Check out the city in which you live.

Community Service Board where you live can be a resource.

Your local Children's Hospital can be a resource.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

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You state that you remove him from the situation by leaving the playground or your friend's house. I wouldn't leave the place. I would sit him somewhere nearby and make him "watch" the other children having fun. He won't like just sitting there and will want to go back and play. When you get somewhere where there will be other children playing let him know that if he pushes or hurts someone this is where he will sit for 3 minutes (and show him a bench, chair, spot under tree) You do not sit with him, he is there alone. He won't like it the first couple of times but he will get the message.